Your Last Love

Summary: Harry is tired of his life. He loves Hermione, yet Hermione is dating Ron. He has had an almost 180º change since Sirius' death.

Disclaimer: Disclaimer?! HA! I OWN Harry Potter! HA! HA!...looks at JK- Rambo! Uh... JK Rowling OWNS HARRY POTTER! It's HERS not MINE! HERS! Mercy... PLEASE! Beging

Author's Note: Well, ok, this is NOT my first fic, it IS though, my first Harry Potter fic. I think it's kinda... between weird and random... but HEY, if u like it REVIEW... and if you don't, REVIEW TOO... just be CONstructive and not DEstructive... hope you guys enjoy! I'll wait 'til I have 8 reviews before posting the next chapter... as long as the reviews don't arrive before I have DONE the second chapter... but I'll work on it RIGHT away! Well... drum roll HERE IT IS! READ ON!

Chapter 1: Tired

Hermione sat there, in her usual spot in Potions class. Last row, middle seat, she was staring intently as Professor Snape walked around the class as he explained some difficult potion to brew. Hermione felt somebody's eyes bore into her and she quickly turned her head. None other than Harry smiled at her.

"Isn't it funny?" She whispered at Harry. "Snape is teaching us in our sixth year a potion we have already created (A/N: I do not know how to spell the past tense of brew) and tried on our selves during our second year."

"I don't know... all I've been hearing is blah, blah, blah," Harry whispered back leaning in just a little.

"Miss Granger, will you kindly share your conversation with Potter with the rest of the class?" Some Slytherins sniggered at this. (A/N: Damn Slytherins)

"I... er..." She looked at Harry for help.

"We were just..."

"I believe the question was for Miss Granger, do you not, Potter?" Snape sounded... well, there's no other better word than Snape-like... after he saw that both students refused to answer he announced. "Ten points from Gryffindor, each." He turned and kept on lecturing.

Ron looked at Hermione apologetically (A/N: wow, that's a mouthful...). Harry leaned back in his chair, he wasn't even sure WHY he bothered. Then he looked at Ron... who nodded at him in acknowledgement...(A/N: and I thought 'apologetically' was a mouthful) he then decided to turn around and pay attention to Snape so that Ron could not see the blush in his face.

"Now, Polyjuice is a very dangerous potion... who can tell me why?" Harry saw Hermione's hand shoot up into the air eagerly, and after that, double Potions ended quicker than you can say Quidditch...

He walked out of Potions next to Ron and Hermione. Ron held Hermione's hand, as he had done since the second week of term, yet, Hermione just looked at Harry in concern.

"Anything wrong, Harry? You've been acting a little weird since the beginning of the year." 'Second week, to be precise.' Harry thought to him self. Second week had been a very eventful week for the three of them. But mostly, for Harry.

Harry lay awake in his four poster bed, contemplating the ceiling. Surely what he had been feeling lately was not normal. He had not felt like this for anyone, not even for Cho. He closed his eyes and analyzed his thoughts and feelings, there was no doubt, he had fallen in love, after five years (A/N: five years not counting sixth because it just started) of hanging out, being together, and... so many stuff he could not begin to describe, he had never realized... that he was in love. He shifted uncomfortably in his bed, trying to fall asleep, but... he found himself thinking over and over again 'I'm in love.'

The next morning was not very different, well, without counting Harry blushing continuously, and spilling his drink every time their hands rushed together... He just wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

After class, he sat in front of the chimney in the same chair he always did, next to him Ron and Hermione.

"Harry..." She began... "We've got something to tell you, Ron and I... I mean." She looked at Ron, and Harry frowned.

"Yeah..." He looked up from his Potions essay, it was rather easy taking into consideration that he had already seen the potion in action.

"Well, mate, er... Hermione and I have decided to date." Ron said, trying to suppress his blush.

"If you don't mind, of course?"

"Are you kidding? Why would I mind, Hermione? You two belong together!" Harry felt a surge of pain flow through his whole body as the thought ran through his mind... he forced a fake smile as he said the last words, yet, deep inside he knew they were true. "Congratulations!" He stood up and gave Ron a huge hug, and then hugged Hermione, who kissed him on the cheek. He looked down at the table and pretended to become entranced in his Potions essay again...

He had no right in feeling this jealous, he had always been more... successful, if you will, than Ron. Getting into Quidditch in his first year, escaping Voldemort four times, winning the Tri-wizarding contest... well, you get the point. He had no right in being jealous, Ron deserved it. Ron deserved to be happy, even if it WAS with the only girl Harry wanted or could be happy with.

'Not like common belief Veritaserum is not painful... ' Hold on a moment, Snape had not said anything about it being painful, nor did it say so in their Potions book... Harry quickly crossed this line off and kept on writing until he heard Hermione stand up.

"Well, then, good night." She said kissing Ron quickly on the lips. "Good night, Harry." She kissed him on the cheek; his eyes darted up as soon as he felt her lips. He looked straight into her dark brown eyes, and felt lost for a second.

"Yeah, I'll go to bed too. Coming. Harry?" Ron asked as Hermione started climbing the stairs and disappeared to the girl's rooms.

Harry shook his head. "Got to finish this essay for Snape." Ron nodded and walked out of the room. As soon as he was out of Ron's view Harry raised a hand to his cheek. "Just my luck." He muttered. "Right when I decide I'm in love with her, she decides to date the closet person to me..."

"Harry?" Ron asked waving a hand frantically in front of Harry's face.

"Er... sorry, I dozed off." Harry said stopping and looking at the couple across him. They did make a good couple. Harry had... ... ... never suspected it really. Now it all made sense, all those arguments...

"I know, you seem to be dozing off very often since like three months ago." Hermione said, frowning, as if trying to read Harry's mind. 'Three months? Has it been that little?' He could have sworn that every second he spent with out Hermione was a wave of pain, he missed to see her smile and her smell, their conversations most of all... yet, being with her, it was torture, as if someone was dangling the very object of his dreams in front of him... millimeters out of reach...

"I'm fine..." Harry said absently...

"Have you been having dreams...? About Voldemort?" Hermione whispered, and felt Ron flinch... she rolled her eyes and ignored it.

"No, not Voldemort..." Harry said in a low whisper.

"Sirius?" She asked putting a hand on his arm as consolation... Harry felt warmth all through his body, yet pulled away from her grasped, looked up and shook his head. "Then?" He shrugged and went into the Great Hall for dinner, he looked up at the Head Table and saw Dumbledore smiling at him, with a twinkle in his eyes, Harry would've smiled back, if he hadn't been so out of himself, so he just sat down, put some food on his plate and stared down at it. After half an hour of staring down at his plate, playing with his food and listening to Ron and Hermione's conversation about how dangerous... something... was, Harry hadn't really been listening, he just stood up.

"I'm tired, and not very hungry, I'll just go up to bed." He answered the quizzical looks shot at him from Ron and Hermione, and walked out of the Great Hall, they both shook the concern away and kept talking. Within the first three months and a half of term they had grown used to Harry walking away, leaving them alone. Hermione had to admit, she was worried for him, but it had eventually rubbed off.

'It's obvious, ' She had thought once while lying awake in bed, she was upset after Harry stormed up to his room, not without having yelled at Ron and Hermione a little; Ron had just found an article on Sirius on the news paper.. 'he just lost the closest thing to a parent he has ever had, he was just told that he either had to be the murder or the victim... It's just plain obvious'

She looked into Ron's eyes across the table and his hand found hers on the table. She smiled and dismissed the thought. They had stopped worrying and became used to the fact that this was the new Harry...

Harry walked out of the Great Hall, not daring to look back. He took in a deep breath, the pain he felt at seeing Hermione with Ron was not familiar to him yet.

"I'm happy..." He told himself as he leaned against a wall, trying to convince himself. "I'm happy because they are happy. My best friends... if they are happy together I'm happy... even if... well... I am not happy... This has to be some kind of record... the most time 'happy' has been used in a sentence that made no sense at all." He laughed at him self, 'yes, that was something Ron would have said'. "I should be glad, I mean, last time I tried to have something remotely romantic... it was so complicated and confusing, yet... Ron and Hermione seem so... natural..." He closed his eyes, hoping that it would all go away.

"Shouldn't you be in the Great Hall? Enjoying your self with your friends." Professor Dumbledore approached Harry, he had obviously seen Harry walk out of the Great Hall and decided to do something about it... how typical.

"I was just..." Harry felt a hand on his shoulder, and Dumbledore was smiling at him, with that same twinkle in his eyes.

"Why don't we go to my office and discuss this with some tea?" Before Harry could lie that he was too tired he was being dragged to Dumbledore's office. "Sugar Quill." He said and the gargoyle moved to let them into the stair case.

"Professor Dumbledore, I... I'm sorry, I think I'll go back to dinner now..." Harry mumbled.

"Don't be silly, Harry. Sit down, tell me, is anything wrong?" Dumbledore was looking at him more like a father would look at his son than a headmaster to his student.

"No." Harry responded quickly.

"Maybe I asked the wrong question." Dumbledore grinned. "WHAT is wrong?" He asked soothingly.

"Nothing, sir..." Harry shook his head vigorously.

"Ok, then." Dumbledore said opening the door that lead out. "But, if you ever need to talk, about anything, and I stress on anything, Harry, you know were to find me." He moved out of the way to let Harry know he could leave.

"It's Hermione and Ron, sir." Said Harry after looking at the door for almost ten minutes, if he couldn't talk to a friend, then the Headmaster was the closest thing. Dumbledore smiled and closed the door shut.

"Indeed? What have they done to you?"

"It's not so much what they have done to me... well, they didn't know, I didn't know... it's just..." Harry sighed, it was too complicated so he decided to start with the first thing. "They are dating." Harry said in a low whisper.

"Well, that's wonderful, don't you think? Your two best friends..."

"It should be wonderful... It would be..." Harry corrected himself. "If I did not have feelings for Hermione."

"Ah, Miss Granger, indeed. She is quite a wonderful lady."

"Wonderful doesn't begin to describe her... she's beautiful, and smart, and funny." Harry stopped as he saw Dumbledore's eyes shining. "She's... perfect."

"Now, now, nobody's perfect, no matter how much we choose to believe they are. If we do, at the end, we will just be disappointed."

"But, that's the thing, I'm never disappointed when I'm around Hermione, I mean..."

"I quite know the feeling Harry, I may be old, but I had my days." Harry nodded and sat there, thinking about Hermione and Ron.

"It's different, you know..." Harry said not quite aware that he was speaking out loud. "I feel happy, because I see her happy, and I feel angry because I know she would never be that happy with me. I also feel sad because she will never be with me... filthy, because I feel as if I'm betraying my friends... confused because I just have so many feelings inside right now.

"I feel an impulse to just tell her what I feel, but I can't because that would ruin all our relationship, my relationship with both. I'm scared because I know that if Ron knew, he wouldn't forgive me. And I have found my self wondering alone, in the halls, ignoring them in class, in the common room, because I cannot bear seeing them together. They have gone from being the only people who made my life worth it, to being the people I most want to avoid. I'd rather spend the whole year in the Dursley's house than see Ron with her, and think 'What if it was me?'" Harry sighed...

"I don't think you fancy her..." Harry looked up puzzled. "I think you are in love with her."

"I know... but, I can't have her... I'll never have her..."

"Never is too long..."

"Maybe, but... I wouldn't dare do that to Ron," Harry said standing up... "He would... I would never forgive myself, I'd rather have her as a friend, and see her happy every day, even if it means my agony, than push her away from me..." Harry leaned against a book shelf... Harry thought for a moment as tears started to cloud his eyes...

"Sometimes, things just happen..." Harry looked up at Dumbledore who was looking at him, not calmly, but SMILING... the nerve.

"Things don't just happen!" Harry yelled at him. "Not to other people! No one has had to go through what I have gone through! Not one of the students in this place has to go to sleep every night knowing that they either have to kill or be killed... literally. None of them have faced Voldemort 4 times! My family was taken away by him, and the closest thing I had to a family was taken by him!" Now tears were streaming down his cheeks slowly. "I am being forced to be in a place because Voldemort can't get me there. No matter how miserable I am, I have to hear my uncle and my aunt talk crap about my parents! I have to sit there and watch the rest of the world rejoice because of Sirius' death." Tears were now fluently flowing from Harry's eyes and he wasn't yelling anymore, but standing still in front of Dumbledore with his head low and his eyes shut. "I've got to nod as they talk about him, as they say he deserved it, that he had it coming. I've got to agree, when I know all this is not true, when I know he did NOT betray my parents, he was a good person, he did NOT deserve to die because of Voldemort." His voice was shaking madly and he couldn't stop the tears, not that he wanted to, he hadn't let all these feelings out in who knows how long. "I did not ask for any of this, yet I would not wish my life on my worst enemy. I still do not think I deserve this. Everybody says that you get what you deserve... but, what did I do to deserve this, Professor? If I ever hurt anybody badly... I apologize, I never meant it, if I ever was cruel, ignorant, stupid or insulting to any one, I was not aware I was doing it. I cannot hold on anymore. I try so hard to be strong, to try to cope with everything, but I can't, I can't do it! I'm nothing but a kid, I am not supposed to be having these problems! I have felt every kind of pain I can imagine... but out of all of those, not being able to look Hermione in the eye and tell her what is wrong with me, having to walk away from her... having to watch her holding hands with Ron is the most painful yet. She is the person I love the most, and she will never love me." At some point of the conversation Harry had leaned against the wall and slid to the floor.

"Harry," Dumbledore said as he leaned down next to Harry. "Just because a person doesn't love you the way you want them to love you, it still does not mean they don't love you with all their soul."

"I know that, and I'm glad she's my friend, I really am... Professor, but I just wished she would see me differently. I have never been too picky, I have never complained, I have taken the good with the bad, and I have sucked it up! I just don't see why I can't have this one thing." Harry started bawling and all Dumbledore could do was sit next to him and watch, for he knew anything said would make Harry feel worse.

Dumbledore picked a sleeping Harry up and carried him over to his chair which was transfigured into a bed, lay him there and tucked him in carefully. He then looked down at him with a pained expression as he heard a soft 'Meow' and soon enough Professor McGonagall was standing over Harry, sliding her hand through his hair gently.

"Poor Harry." She sighed as she looked up at Dumbledore. "It is true, you know, Albus. No other children here has probably suffered, nor will suffer, as much as him." There was compassion in her voice as she saw him lying there.

"I know, but there is nothing I can do." Dumbledore sighed. "I cannot control young Miss Granger's heart, nor can I take that prophecy back, Minerva. I cannot bring them back from the dead, as much as I wished I could. I cannot protect Harry, I tried, for the first five years and that only caused him more pain." Dumbledore looked at McGonagall as she lay a hand on his shoulder. "I guess it's the mistakes we people who love make."

"At least you know you love him."

"Can I be honest, Minerva?" Dumbledore said sittingon the other side of the bed.

"Always." She smiled at him.

"I'm scared, you heard him. He can't anymore. He's losing hope.·

"Mr. Potter is very much like his father, he will face all the problems head on."

"James never had to worry about all this, and I dare say Harry has a lot of Lily in him as well."

"He will not do anything drastic, Dumbledore."

"I hope not."

Author's Note: Okie dokie! That was my first chapter... kinda depressing though... well, I slipped some jokes in there... I think, well, review PLS PLS PLS! PRETY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP! Or CHOCOALTE if you don't like cherries. Well, the next chapter will be up soon.

Next Chapter: Harry wakes up in a strange room... (yeah, ok, I know you guys know WHOSE room...) An Explosion in Potions! (Literally or NOT LITERALLY?) Malfoy and Harry in a FIST fight! Ron sent to the Hospital wing! And Hermione... pam pam paaam

Well, goo' by!!! REVIEW! CONstructive, not DEstructive... See ya in the next chapter.

All POTTER! All MAGIC! All the time!!!!aherm...(Ok, I'll stop rambling as you obviously want to go read other fics:P)