I remember everything. God, I don't think its possible to forget something like that. At least, not humanly possible. They sent me to the shrink to try and erase it from my memory. To extinguish the white-hot flame tormenting my mind. I don't want them to. I don't want to ever stop remembering.
They took me out because I was there. Psychologically troubled, someone said. I can't recall whom. Bull shit. They criticize because they didn't feel it. They didn't hear him cry. I think I am the only one who really has.
I heard the gun crack. I heard the night echo with that horrible sound as the bullet sped towards me. I heard him bellow my name, but I felt my body freeze. In fact, as he collided with my side, I felt the bullet whistle by me...and into him.
(Smirk.)
I disobeyed policy. I should have started shooting at the murderer. I should have wrestled him to the ground, slapped handcuffs on his wrists. I'm an outlaw. I chose to hold him as warm blood oozed from his chest. I chose to stop the bleeding with my hands. I chose to let the man escape.
But I refused to listen.
I refused to listen as he whispered he was sorry. I refused to listen as he tried to speak my name. I closed my ears as he asked me to take care of his nephew and niece. I shook my head until my mind throbbed as he told me that I was the best there was. But he made me hear him.
He made me hear him as he whispered he loved me.
The life was seeping from him like sand through a sieve. I held him through the end. I kissed his cheek. I gripped his hands and they clenched back. I held him as the life slowly melted from his powerful blue eyes, still open and staring. I held him as the breath escaped from his body. I screamed as his fingers grew cold in my hands. I took his sweat-drenched face in my two hands and I kissed his icy lips. I screamed and the night answered me, outlaw and psychologically troubled CSI, with silence.
I can still see him. I can still see his eyes, watching me as I race against time, as I hurry towards where he is now. I can still feel his gaze. Goddamn, I won't ever forget. He won't let me.