Disclaimer: Please refer to Chapter 1.
A/N: sighs I've just realized how insanely stupid I've turned such a promising story into after thinking over all the various plots I put in it. bangs head on table It's (WHAM) so (WHAM) friggin' (WHAM) stupid (WHAM). But if you're bored enough to read through it, you may get some laughs. SO, I've decided just to post this whole thing up let you all read through it so you know what's going on, then read my second story (which hasn't been started yet), which will HOPEFULLY be less crappy than this one. If I'm bothered enough, I may come back to this and re-do it. By the way, I'm gonna have the second story written in first person through Phoenix, so maybe that'll make it have more "thought processes" shrugs
Chapter 3: Of Train and Boat Rides, Castles, and Feasts
Peck and Phoenix walked stoutly onto the train and headed towards the back. Upon reaching the last compartment, the two dropped their bags and settled down into their seats. Phoenix took the bag that contained his guns and started to take them out and lay them on a table.
"Let's see here. I've got my Colts, Louie, Frags, Uzi, and of course, my Sniper Rifle. Ah, I'll take out Thor's Shield for good measure."
Phoenix took out a blank, loaded it into his S.R., and cocked it. Peck just goggled.
"Jeez Phoenix! I know I suggested you bring your guns, but I was thinking along the lines of your Colts and Louie. Don't you think your overdoing it?"
"Nonsense! When I bring my guns, I bring the whole family!"
Peck sighed, "Whatever Phoenix. Here, toss me a Colt and a blank."
Phoenix did what Peck asked and handed him the requested items. Peck loaded the blank into the pistol and grinned at Phoenix.
"You never know when it might come in handy."
At that moment, the compartment door slid open and in walked four of the kids who were with the woman that helped the boys. They paused in the doorframe for a moment, just staring at the guns. Peck broke the silence.
"Well? What are you staring at?"
The bushy brown-haired girl spoke up.
"You have... GUNS!"
"Yeah, so?"
"Why?"
Phoenix looked annoyed, "Because I like 'em. Now are you coming in or not?"
They seemed to have regained their composure and walked in, sitting down on different seats. Phoenix continued to load his guns with blanks and cock them. The boy with jet-black hair spoke.
"Why are you loading your guns? Isn't there a possibility that you might hurt someone?"
"Ah, good point. I'll give you two reasons why you are safe with me handling these loaded guns: one, I've worked with guns for three years now, so I'm pretty careful. Two, they are loaded with blanks, so there is no possibility of an injury."
The redheaded girl spoke up.
"Is your name really Phoenix?"
"Can't say it is, though it's what I go by. My real name is Josh."
"And my real name is Max, though I go by Peck. Who are you people?"
The redhead girl started, "My name is Ginny Weasley."
Next was the redhead boy, "My name is Ron Weasley."
"Aha! I knew you were related!"
The brown-haired girl spoke up, "My name is Hermione Granger."
And last was the boy with jet-black hair, "My name is Harry Potter."
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Harry." Said Phoenix nodding at each one in turn.
The boy named Harry seemed confused. Peck noticed.
"What's up Harry?"
"I'm kind of surprised you aren't trying to get a good look at my scar..."
Phoenix laughed, "Now why would we want to look at the remnants of a cut?"
The four friends looked at each other.
"You've never heard of Harry Potter?"
"No, I haven't. Hold on, I remember getting a chocolate frog card on someone named James Potter..."
"That would be my dad."
"Really? That's cool that your dad is on a card."
"Well, he's dead. So is my mum."
"Oh. How'd they die?"
Ron was looking at Phoenix like he was mad.
"What planet are you from?"
"Earth, how 'bout you?"
"You mean to tell me you've never heard of You-Know-Who?"
"Funny you should mention that, because I saw that exact same phrase on James' C.F. card. Said this guy killed him. Who IS You-Know-Who?"
Harry spoke, "Voldemort."
The other three visibly cringed, Hermione less so than the other two.
"What's wrong with saying his name?"
"Seriously mate, where are you from?"
"California."
"Huh?"
"America."
"Oh, that place. Right. What are you doing here if you live in America?"
"We're transfer students."
"Oh. That's cool."
Hermione and Ron stood up, "We have to get going. Prefect duties."
"What's a prefect?"
"Never mind."
"Okay, whatever."
A few minutes after they left, the door opened again. Harry, without looking, spoke to the person in the doorway.
"Go away Malfoy. You're not wanted here."
"I'm not quite Malfoy."
That surprised Harry, causing him to turn around.
"However, I AM a friend of Draco. The name's Phillip Anderson." The boy drawled.
"Any friend of Malfoy is not wanted here."
"Oh, but I don't wish to leave. I think I'll stay right here."
At that moment, a clicking sound was heard. All heads turned to Phoenix, who had his assault rifle in his hands.
"You leave, or you face the wrath of Louie."
Phillip started to laugh.
"What's that? No don't tell me, I don't want to know what sort of pathetic crap you want to use on me."
BLAM!
One shot rang clearly from the assault rifle.
"You are lucky that was a blank in there. Now scat before I play tee ball with your head!"
Phillip growled.
"You asked for it."
He took out his wand and shouted "TARANTALLEGRA!" However, Phoenix was ready for him. He grabbed his shield and blocked the curse with it. The barrier glowed for a moment, and then went back to normal.
"Hmm. Seems to be holding up quite nicely."
Phillip growled again.
"That stunt is gonna cost ya!"
He raised his wand again, but found three others pointed directly at him. Phoenix grinned.
"Am I really worth it? I hope so, for I really wish to see what you would look like once these three are through with you."
"You haven't seen the last of me!"
"Hey! Finish the cliché! Here, I'll help you. My last name is Blazen. Go on, say it. 'You haven't seen the last of me, Blazen!'."
Phillip hissed and stalked off. At that moment, Ron and Hermione can rushing in.
"We heard a loud noise. What happened?"
Harry spoke up, "Let's just stay Malfoy has a new friend who wants nothing more than to piss us off."
"Ah. That still doesn't explain the noise."
Phoenix patted his gun, "That would be Louie."
"How come we didn't hear any screaming afterwards? Didn't the bullet hit something?"
"I have blanks, remember?"
"Oh, right. Well, we have to get back now. See you later!"
After they left, the compartment was quite once again. Peck looked at the Colt in his hand for a moment, then grinned.
"Hey Phoenix. How does a game of robbers sound to you?"
"You're on Peck!"
Ginny looked at the two, "Can I join?"
"Hmm, maybe we can duplicate one of your Colts Phoenix. Hang on."
After muttering a quick charm, a third Colt appeared. Peck turned to Harry.
"You in?"
"No thanks. Have fun."
"Okay, first, we need hats and bandanas."
Peck and Phoenix started to transfigure various objects into the specified pieces of clothing. Once they had their hats on and bandanas tied, the three took their guns and walked out of the compartment. The walked down to the nearest compartment and opened the door, their guns trained on the shocked occupants, who happened to be a bunch of girls.
"Okay gals, this here is a train robbery. I want you to give up any and all valuables you may have. That is, unless you want to face my good friend here." Phoenix patted his Colt for emphasis.
One of them started to slowly reach for their wand, but Ginny pointed her gun at the culprit.
"Don't even think about it Miss!"
"C'mon, hand 'em over! I want all of you money!"
Once they started to dig into their pockets, the trio started to laugh.
"GOTCHA! Ha, ha! That was good. Scared ya, didn't we? Well, enjoy the rest of your train ride."
Peck then closed the compartment door. They continued on like this scaring kids in each compartment they "attacked". In one compartment, they saw a couple snogging like there was no tomorrow. They immediately shut the door and started to laugh.
When they finished "robbing" their 10th compartment however, they turned to find several prefects staring at them with hard expressions.
"What IS the meaning of this? I want answers, NOW!"
"Hey, you don't need to prompt me for answers. We are just having a little bit of fun. You know, making the train ride interesting. No money or valuables were stolen from any compartments. All we do is give the occupants a scare."
"That is a sick and wrong form of entertainment!"
"Hey buddy! You ever been to Knott's Berry Farm?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. What I'm trying to say is that at some muggle amusement parks, they have train rides. On several of these train rides, they have 'robbers' who pretend to rob the riders. We are doing the exact same thing. There is nothing wrong with what we are doing."
"Go back to your compartment."
"Why?"
"'Cause I said so."
"I want a valid reason for your order for us to return to our compartment."
"This is a stupid form of activity."
"And that is a stupid excuse."
"Are you contradicting a prefect?"
"Why, I have to say I am. And it's me mind you, not Peck OR Ginny. Just me."
"The Headmaster will hear about this. Now, for one last time, GO BACK TO YOUR COMPARTMENT!"
The prefects turned around and walked back to the front of the train. Phoenix gave them the finger.
"They can't see you, you know."
"I know Peck, that is exactly the reason why I'm doing it. Let's go."
The three walked back to the car where Harry was sitting, talking about how much fun the train robbing was, despite the annoying prefects. When they walked in, Harry looked up.
"So, how'd it go?"
"We had fun until some prefects broke it up."
"Bummer."
"Yeah."
The rest of the train ride was uneventful. Phoenix was firing stunning spells at his shield, filling up cells with the energy, Peck was sleeping, so was Harry, and Ginny was reading. When they neared the school, Ron and Hermione dropped by to remind them to get into their robes. Once everyone was in their proper clothing, all luggage (the guns) was put back, and Peck and Harry were woken up, the four awaited arrival. Phoenix leaned over and whispered to Peck.
"I've heard rumors that the first years ride across a lake in boats."
"Yeah, so?"
"We could stage a fight with the Colts and blanks. Make sure you have only blanks mind you, even though I'm pretty sure I didn't accidentally mix any actual bullets in there. You in?"
"Sounds like fun. I'm in."
"Good. Here, take a Colt and half of the blanks."
Peck did so and began to load his Colt with the blanks, Phoenix doing the same. A few minutes later, the train stopped and everyone started to get off. Tucking their guns in their belts, the two boys left their bags where they were and started to walk outside with their new friends.
"Firs' years! Firs' years over here! Firs' years!"
Harry leaned over and spoke to the boys, "That would be you. Go on, I'll see you inside the castle, at Gryffindor table I hope."
"Later."
Peck and Phoenix made their way over to a massive man who looked to huge to be a normal human being. He turned and looked at the two.
"'Ello you two. This is your first year at Hogwarts? You seem to be a bit old. Wait, you're the transfer students, aren't yeh?"
"Yup."
"Well, I hope you like Hogwarts as much as you like your old school." The man then looked around.
"Right, do we have everyone here? Okay, follow me."
Everyone followed the man down a narrow path towards the lake.
"Yeh'll get yer firs' look at Hogwarts in a sec..."
Just then, a huge castle appeared from around the corner. With its proud turrets and many windows, the school was a sight to behold. While the other first years were oohing and ahhing, Peck leaned over and spoke to Phoenix.
"One heck of a school, eh?"
"It's a whole lot grander than White's, I'll tell you that. Okay, here're the boats. Separate boats, got it?"
"Right."
The two boys climbed into two separate boats while Hagrid was saying only four people to a boat. In Phoenix's boat, three other eleven-year olds climbed in and looked at Phoenix curiously.
"You seem to old to be a first year. Why are you here?"
"I'm a transfer student from America. I'm actually a sixth year."
"Wow."
"Hey, the boats are starting to move. See that boat over there?" Phoenix pointed to Peck's boat.
"Yeah."
"My friend is in that boat. We are going to stage a gunfight, so you might want to watch."
Phoenix withdrew his Colt and signaled Peck to do the same. He then stood up in his boat and yelled across at Peck, who had also stood up.
"You little punk! How could you abandon me and take a different boat?"
"How could I? You're so insufferable that I can't stand being next to you."
Phoenix pointed his pistol at Peck.
"Well then, I guess I'm going to have to kill you, ya murderin' traitor!"
"Hey you two! There'll be no killin' if I can help it!"
Phoenix turned to the man.
"Don't worry. You might want to watch, it should get interesting."
"Kill me, eh? Well, not if I kill you first!"
BLAM! BLAM! Two shots rang out, one from each pistol. The two boys ducked to the safety of their boats and continued to trade shots with each other, yelling now and then too. BLAM! Phoenix pretended to get hit.
"Ooh! That does it you dirty, rotten, scum-sucking person!"
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Phoenix fired four successive shots at Peck, who pretended to get hit as well.
"Aaaah! I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding! Medic! Take me out!"
"Sorry Peck. No one can save you now."
"Nooooooooo!"
BLAM! Peck fell to the bottom of his boat, out of view. Several people started to clap, and Peck and Phoenix stood up in their boats and started to bow.
"Yeh know, if I get in ter trouble for this-"
"We'll stick up for you and say it was our fault."
"Whatever, we're here at the end of the lake now anyway. Watch yer step."
The group started to make their way towards the castle, the first years whispering to each other. They eventually made it to the front door and Hagrid knock clearly. They opened for the first years to find the face of a tall black-haired witch.
"Thank you Hagrid, I'll take them from here."
The woman ushered them into the doors and into a small chamber. Once everyone was inside, she spoke up.
"Welcome to Hogwarts. The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of you house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room. The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours. The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting." (A/N: In case anyone was wondering, yes, I did take that right out of the book.)
Everyone promptly attempted to fix himself or herself up, be it by smoothing their hair or readjusting their robes. After several minutes passed, the woman ushered them into the Great Hall. All of the first years (minus Peck and Phoenix) promptly gasped at their surroundings. Thousands of candles floated above four tables in midair. And above the candles, the ceiling looked like it wasn't there. Phoenix heard someone whisper something about it being bewitched so it looks like the outside sky. The woman, probably a professor, led them to the front of the room. A stool with an old hat was put down in front of them. It started to sing (A/N: Did you honestly think I would write a song for the Sorting Hat to sing?). After it had finished, the woman took a scroll of parchment and began to read off names.
"Anders, Bill!"
A timid young boy walked up to the hat and put it on. After a few short seconds, the hat shouted.
"RAVENCLAW!"
The hall began to clap, the Ravenclaws louder than the rest, as Bill walked over to the correct table and sat down.
"Bean, Alan!"
Several seconds later, "GRYFFINDOR!"
Once the clapping died down (and in Gryffindor's case, the whooping), the woman read the next name.
"Blazen, Joshua!"
Phoenix walked up to the hat, sat down, and put it on. He immediately started to hear a strange voice in his head.
'My, my, my. You seem to be a bit old for a first year, don't you think?"
'I'm a transfer student. So, what house do you think I should be in? I REALLY don't want to be in Slytherin.'
'Heavens no, not Slytherin. You are far to chivalrous to be there.'
'Chivalrous, eh? That sounds like I should be in Gryffindor.'
'True, true. I guess you do belong in GRYFFINDOR!"
The hall cheered again as Phoenix walked over to the Gryffindor table, Harry had saved him a seat.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
After a "Borman, Frank" was sorted into Slytherin, and a "Conrad, Pete" was sorted into Hufflepuff, a "Lovell, Jim" became the third new Gryffindor. It went on like that for a while. Finally, after a "Shepard, Alan" (A/N: If you can figure out what theme I picked for the names, BROWNIE POINTS FOR YOU!) was sorted into Ravenclaw, the woman called out, "Smith, Maxwell!"
As he was walking towards the hat, he shouted back at the woman.
"It's Peck, yo! Peck. Not Maxwell, Peck."
The hall erupted in laughter at that, even the staff table had to stifle a few snorts. Peck put on the hat, and after a few short seconds...
"GRYFFINDOR!"
Phoenix got up and started to shout.
"Woohoo! Alright Peck! Welcome aboard! EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!"
Ginny, who was across from him, started to glow red.
"Phoenix, I think you are over reacting."
But the boy wasn't listening. He took his wand and started to shoot fireworks into the air. He topped it off with gold lettering that said "THREE CHEERS FOR PECK!"
At the staff table, a man Phoenix recognized as Dumbledore began to laugh and clap his hands.
"Thank you for that wonderful display Mr. Blazen. Now if you would kindly take your seat so the sorting can continue..."
"Aye, aye SIR!" Phoenix saluted Dumbledore and sat down again, earning laughter from the rest of the school.
Peck was the last student to be sorted, so next up was the feast. Once everyone was settled in his or her seats, Dumbledore stood up.
"Welcome everyone to another year at Hogwarts. It's time for you to fill your head with knowledge so you can empty it when summer comes around. Before we begin, I'd like to welcome two transfer students, both of who have been sorted into Gryffindor. Please make sure Mr. Blazen and Mr. Smith feel at home. Dig in!"
The plates in front of them filled with food and Peck's mouth dropped at the sheer sight of everything. He immediately started to pile his plate with steak, potatoes, chicken, etc. Once he was satisfied with how much food he had on his plate, he began to stuff his face with it. Phoenix looked at his watch.
"Fifteen seconds. You aren't up to your usual standard my friend."
Peck tried to say, "Oh, put a cork in it," but ended up saying "Oh, uh a or I I!"
Phoenix, on the other hand, started to load his plate with chicken and steak. After he had a sufficient amount, he started to cut into his steak and eat it with a fork.
"See Peck? This is how you eat food. This way, I can talk without sounding like a caveman."
Peck took a spoonful of his mashed potatoes and flung it at Phoenix, hitting him square on the forehead. Ginny giggled.
"You find that funny do you?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Interesting."
Phoenix transfigured his goblet into a syringe, sucked some pumpkin juice into his weapon, and squirted Ginny with it. She gasped in shock.
"Squirt a lady? How could you?"
"I have a saying for all females who question me: I ain't no lady's man."
Ginny took a handful of peas and threw them at Phoenix. However, the boy ducked and the green projectiles ended up hitting a Hufflepuff over at the next table. The boy turned around.
"Hey! What was that for?"
"Sorry! I didn't mean to hit you!"
"Oh yeah? Say it to the chicken!"
Without further ado, the boy threw a chicken leg at Ginny, however, his aim was off and he ended up hitting Ron instead. That got him real mad.
"Alright buddy, THIS MEANS WAR!"
He started to scoop mashed potatoes with a spoon and fling them at the neighboring table, aiming for the boy but failing miserably. A stray shot hit a Ravenclaw two tables down, causing her to throw some carrots at a Hufflepuff. Phoenix turned to Peck.
"C'mon Peck. FOOD FIGHT!"
Thus, World War III erupted in the hall, students firing various foods at each other with their forks and spoons. Dumbledore seemed to be watching with interest. Peck, following Phoenix's lead, transfigured his goblet into a syringe and joined him in spraying the neighboring table in pumpkin juice. Phoenix stood up and faced the Gryffindors on the opposite side of the table, who were facing the Hufflepuffs.
"Archers! Load your spoons!"
Quite a few of the students took their spoons and filled them with either mashed potatoes or vegetables. Once they were loaded, they looked at Phoenix.
"Ready? Aim! FIRE!"
A volley of food was launched at the Hufflepuffs, causing mayhem to ensue in the already crazy hall. Phoenix grabbed a pair of chicken legs and stood up on the bench, looking around.
"Who wants some of this?" A splat of mashed potatoes on the arm gave him his answer. He threw the legs like knives in the direction of the attack.
"Reload archers! Take aim! FIRE!"
Another volley of food hit the Hufflepuffs, and several Ravenclaws too.
Peck, being the creative and mischievous boy his is, took a handful of mashed potatoes and packed it like a snowball. Muttering a spell at his weapon, he fired the ball at the Slytherin table, or more specifically, Phillip. It just so happens to be that the spell he cast upon his projectile was a homing spell, thus making sure the food would hit its target. And hit its target it did, causing Phillip to look around in confusion, for the Slytherins hadn't joined in the fight and were calmly eating like nothing was going on.
Phoenix, always one to integrate muggle technology into the wizarding world, transfigured his syringe into a "Super Soaker" and filled it with pumpkin juice. Once it was pumped and ready for action, he leapt off of the bench and started to run around the tables squirting the students, then retreating back to the safety of Gryffindor table.
It was becoming an interesting battle. However, it all went downhill when a stray shot hit the woman who read the names off at the sorting ceremony...
Peck and Phoenix walked out of the hall laughing to each other. The woman, named Professor McGonagall, ordered them to see the headmaster in his office as a punishment for starting the "disgraceful and horrendous food fight".
"Did you see her face? Ha, ha! It was so purple, I swear some of her veins exploded."
"Too bad the fight didn't last longer."
"But it was sure funny when the fight became a battle between the students and teachers."
"Yeah! Did you see how quickly Dumbledore sent mashed potatoes and carrots pelting at us? I swear, his firing rate was almost as fast as Louie!"
"Man, I never had that much fun at White's. Pity McGonagall is so strict. She should be more like Dumbledore..."
"You're telling me. I say she should- wait, did you hear that?"
"What?"
"Listen."
They were able to hear the faint sounds of a struggle and muffled yells. They looked at each other.
"Wonder what it is. In any case, wands and Colts out!"
"I'm one step ahead of you Phoenix."
As the two boys ran down the corridor, the noises of a struggle were getting steadily louder. They continued to bolt down the hallway, confused as to what was going on. They were about to round the corner when they heard a distinct yell.
"Get OFF of me, Malfoy!"