Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.
Thanks for all the reviews! Here's chapter 11!
Pony's POV
I started the new chemo the next morning. That stuff was stronger all right. If there had been even a single strand of hair left anywhere on me, it was gone. I couldn't imagine what every night was going to be like. I was going to get even less sleep than before. I also had another test that day. They said it was to check for cancer cells in my spinal fluid, and it was called a spinal tap. I had one when I was first diagnosed too, and this one was just as painful as the first. I did not want needles in my back! How would they like it if someone stuck a needle in their back? I knew everyone at the hospital was just trying to help me, but I was sick and tired of the place. I knew the rest of the gang had to be too. I was in the bathroom throwing up and coughing when I heard Darry and Soda come into my room.
"Darry, do you think this chemo is going to work." Soda asked.
"I don't know, Soda. I'm hoping it does. That's all we can do."
"It's hard to believe it will with what the doctors and the statistics say. Sometimes I just want to tell the doctors to let us take him home and forget the medicine. Forget trying."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean take him home and let him go without suffering..."
"Sodapop! How can you say that or even think that? We could never let Pony die without putting up a fight!"
"From what the doctors say..."
"I don't care what the doctors say."
I could not believe what I was hearing. Was Soda saying we should just give up? No, he wouldn't just let the cancer win. I sat up against the wall and listened some more.
"We're just letting him suffer...." Soda trailed off.
"We're trying to save his life. Did you forget about that part?"
"What if it doesn't work? Then all this would have been pointless."
"Soda, less than a week ago, you were saying Pony would beat this disease. You got upset with me because of what I said about his birthday. Now, listen to yourself."
I couldn't listen to this anymore. I got up and walked out of the bathroom to let them know I had been listening the whole time.
Soda's POV
I saw Pony come out of the bathroom and quickly realized he had heard us. We thought he was still getting chemo.
"Soda, is that how you really feel? Do you just want to let me die?" He asked me.
"No, Pony. I don't want to watch you suffer anymore when we don't even know if this will work."
"So you're saying it's pointless to try even if it gives me the smallest chance; the only one I have?
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to die wondering 'what if'?"
I hadn't meant to upset him, but that was how I felt. I didn't want to give up, but I didn't want him to suffer anymore.
"Pony, calm down. Please." Darry said.
"I'm sorry, little buddy. I just don't know what to say. I didn't mean for you to hear that. I don't want to let you die. You know that. Don't you? I hate seeing you suffer like this."
"What you're saying is that you don't want me to suffer and then die. Right?"
Hearing him say that made shivers run up and down my spine.
"Yeah. It wouldn't be right if you had to take all this chemo and have it not work."
"Soda, don't you have any hope at all? Why are you talking like this?" Darry said.
I felt bad about all this. Why did I have to open my mouth about how I felt?
"I'm just scared it won't work and we'll lose him anyway." I said.
"Don't let fear make you give up." Darry spoke again.
"Yeah. Do you think I'm not scared? I'm tired of this too, but I'm not giving up on myself. I'm going to keep fighting for my life." Pony said with tears streaming down his face. "Don't you give up on me either, Soda! I need you to believe I'm going to make it no matter what the doctors say."
"I promise, Pony. I never really wanted to give up. You're my baby brother, and I just don't want to see you hurting anymore. I said what I did about the doctors letting us take you home because of that." I was crying as I said this. Reality was really hitting all of us hard. Darry was crying too.
"I don't want to let you die, Pony. Please believe me!" I said.
"I know, but it hurt hearing you talking about giving up. If this chemo is my only chance, I want to take it. I understand what you were saying now. It's just hard to talk about dying."
I got up off the bed and hugged him.
"I love you, Pony, and I'm so sorry I upset you." I said.
Darry came over and hugged both of us. We all stood together in Pony's hospital room wishing for him to be cancer free soon, so he could go home well and happy.
Thanks for all the reviews! Here's chapter 11!
Pony's POV
I started the new chemo the next morning. That stuff was stronger all right. If there had been even a single strand of hair left anywhere on me, it was gone. I couldn't imagine what every night was going to be like. I was going to get even less sleep than before. I also had another test that day. They said it was to check for cancer cells in my spinal fluid, and it was called a spinal tap. I had one when I was first diagnosed too, and this one was just as painful as the first. I did not want needles in my back! How would they like it if someone stuck a needle in their back? I knew everyone at the hospital was just trying to help me, but I was sick and tired of the place. I knew the rest of the gang had to be too. I was in the bathroom throwing up and coughing when I heard Darry and Soda come into my room.
"Darry, do you think this chemo is going to work." Soda asked.
"I don't know, Soda. I'm hoping it does. That's all we can do."
"It's hard to believe it will with what the doctors and the statistics say. Sometimes I just want to tell the doctors to let us take him home and forget the medicine. Forget trying."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean take him home and let him go without suffering..."
"Sodapop! How can you say that or even think that? We could never let Pony die without putting up a fight!"
"From what the doctors say..."
"I don't care what the doctors say."
I could not believe what I was hearing. Was Soda saying we should just give up? No, he wouldn't just let the cancer win. I sat up against the wall and listened some more.
"We're just letting him suffer...." Soda trailed off.
"We're trying to save his life. Did you forget about that part?"
"What if it doesn't work? Then all this would have been pointless."
"Soda, less than a week ago, you were saying Pony would beat this disease. You got upset with me because of what I said about his birthday. Now, listen to yourself."
I couldn't listen to this anymore. I got up and walked out of the bathroom to let them know I had been listening the whole time.
Soda's POV
I saw Pony come out of the bathroom and quickly realized he had heard us. We thought he was still getting chemo.
"Soda, is that how you really feel? Do you just want to let me die?" He asked me.
"No, Pony. I don't want to watch you suffer anymore when we don't even know if this will work."
"So you're saying it's pointless to try even if it gives me the smallest chance; the only one I have?
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to die wondering 'what if'?"
I hadn't meant to upset him, but that was how I felt. I didn't want to give up, but I didn't want him to suffer anymore.
"Pony, calm down. Please." Darry said.
"I'm sorry, little buddy. I just don't know what to say. I didn't mean for you to hear that. I don't want to let you die. You know that. Don't you? I hate seeing you suffer like this."
"What you're saying is that you don't want me to suffer and then die. Right?"
Hearing him say that made shivers run up and down my spine.
"Yeah. It wouldn't be right if you had to take all this chemo and have it not work."
"Soda, don't you have any hope at all? Why are you talking like this?" Darry said.
I felt bad about all this. Why did I have to open my mouth about how I felt?
"I'm just scared it won't work and we'll lose him anyway." I said.
"Don't let fear make you give up." Darry spoke again.
"Yeah. Do you think I'm not scared? I'm tired of this too, but I'm not giving up on myself. I'm going to keep fighting for my life." Pony said with tears streaming down his face. "Don't you give up on me either, Soda! I need you to believe I'm going to make it no matter what the doctors say."
"I promise, Pony. I never really wanted to give up. You're my baby brother, and I just don't want to see you hurting anymore. I said what I did about the doctors letting us take you home because of that." I was crying as I said this. Reality was really hitting all of us hard. Darry was crying too.
"I don't want to let you die, Pony. Please believe me!" I said.
"I know, but it hurt hearing you talking about giving up. If this chemo is my only chance, I want to take it. I understand what you were saying now. It's just hard to talk about dying."
I got up off the bed and hugged him.
"I love you, Pony, and I'm so sorry I upset you." I said.
Darry came over and hugged both of us. We all stood together in Pony's hospital room wishing for him to be cancer free soon, so he could go home well and happy.