Falling to the Darkness
Chapter 2

I woke up sweating and screaming. Sirius shook me awake. I'd been having the same dream for a month. It always ended the same with me holding onto her hand.

Lily's-no-Evans's face was haunting me. I could see her face so clearly, sobbing as she found her parents dead and when we realized the truth about her. I still can't believe that Evans would ever do that to us. We were the best of friends before we found out that Evans was never who we thought she truly was.

Then Sar Athens told us the truth about who she really was. She wasn't the kind person we thought we knew. She was the lying slut that just wanted to use our good looks to be popular. I remember how I hated her so much that I wanted to strike her.

Then I saw her crying about it in the Astronomy Tower. She was howling that she never used us. That she was innocent. I wanted to believe her, but I knew that this was just one of her lies to us.

A few months later, she was crying at the fireplace without anybody to hold her. She was staring at a note hopelessly. Suddenly, she threw the note into the coals. Sirius went down to take the note, as "blackmail" as he called it. When I saw the note, I knew that it was so wrong. We were going too far, even if they betrayed us. I tried to convince the guys that this wasn't just pranking. But they all ignored me.

The next day, everyone had seen the note. She looked at us in disbelief. I looked away.

With everyone jeering at her for the next week, she seemed to always look as if she was about to cry. Guilt started gripping my heart at her pain. I knew that she would never forgive me, even if I appoligized for showing the world the note that brought her such agony.

My friends started noticing that I was distant to the world. They blamed it on my horrible summer.

Within the first week, I'd lost my dad. There was a battle between the Death Eaters and the Aurors. Dad was there. The Aurors fought bravely, but Voldemort won in the end. My dad was captured and tortured him for information. I remember how Mom would stare out the window all day, hoping to see him walk up to the house after we got the letter. Mom was sobbing as she read the letter, and by the time I got it, I could hardly read it.

Dear Mrs. Potter,

The Ministry of Magic tragically regrets informing you of the position of your lost husband. Mr. James Potter the first was caputured in the Battle of Gladrings on June 29. We are working our hardest to find your husband as soon as possible.

-The Ministry of Magic

Mom and I couldn't believe it. Neither did Elizabeth, my older sister. It was widely known in the Wizarding world that these types of letters usually resulted in find the person when he/she's dead. We were all holding each other, praying that Dad would come home safely. In those weeks of constant waiting, I couldn't eat or sleep without finding out if he was alright. We were all waiting for more news.

Then a second letter came, which destroyed all our hopes. We were all crying, with Elizabeth and my mother falling to the floor in sadness. I couldn't believe it for months.

Dear Mrs. Potter and her family,

The Ministry of Magic regrets the death of First-Class Auror, Mr. James Potter the first. He was found on August 12 in a dungeon of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. We give our many regrets for losing both husband and father. A funeral will be held for him on August 26.

-The Ministry of Magic

Then, my sister gets killed right in front of our eyes. We were frozen as a Death Eater muttered the worst words of my life. It seemed as if he wanted us to live, to see one of our family being killed. After we were released from the spell, I wanted to go hunt down Voldemort and torture him. I wanted him to know what it felt to lose your life in the most horrible manner.

I became something of a depressant for the rest of the summer. Mom and I didn't even try to cheer each other up. It felt as if our whole family had been torn apart and it really happened.

Then we retured to Hogwarts, with me faking smiles so they wouldn't think I was some depressant or something. I couldn't have my friends abandon me. They were now my life.

Evans started haunting me. Whenever I saw her, in classrooms and hallways, I heard her angry voice in my head, denying that she ever used us. I thought I was going insane.

"Prongs? Can you fetch me food? I'm hungry!" Padfoot whined.

Knowing that he would get his way by bugging me til the end of time, I nodded as he wrote down a foot long list of things to get. I raised my eyebrow at it.

"Sirius, even you can't eat all this food." I pointed out. He began to tell me a long-winded explanation about his new prank that included whipped cream and most of the things on the list.

"-so Malfoy and Snape are going to come through the Great Hall and nothing's going to happen. And all of a sudden-"

"Sirius, shut up. We've done this prank before."

"No! I was getting to the good part! We've never used peach pie before!"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters because it's a new idea!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!" I called over my shoulder as I ran away from the dorm. Using a few of my secret passages, I got there in no time. I was coming back with arms full of food, when I heard footsteps behind me. I shrank the food into my bag and swept the Invisibilty Cloak over me. When I turned around, I rolled my eyes.

I was my girlfriend, Sar Athens, with her best friend, Mandy Sneed. They were giggling, as I pushed my body into the wall and let them pass. I followed them.

Sar was saying, "Oh my God! Did you hear about who Sirius is dating?" I rolled my eyes again.

Mandy giggled, "I know! He's dating Diane. She is so lucky. But they do look perfect together. Isn't Sirius sooooo cute?"

Sar laughed saying, "But James Potter is so much more cute. Remember when he hung out with that loser Evans? She was just using him." I clenched my hand.

Mandy asked, "Wasn't that just a lie to get James?"

Sar whispered, "Well, he won't ever know that, will he?"

They ran off laughing, and I stood stock-still in the same spot. Did I hear correctly? They were the ones using us. I was furious at myself for listening to them, when I knew that Sar had a huge crush on me. Why didn't I realize that they just wanted to get rid of Evans-no-Lily so that she could finally become my girlfriend?

I woke up with tear tracks all over my face and my hand clutched on the bedpost. My clothes were soaked in sweat. The dream was so real, that I almost believed it. No matter what he did to me, I couldn't let my ex-best friend fall to his death.

There was no more sleeping for the night, not after that dream. I stared out the window, just thinking. Would I ever be able to tell them the truth about the "betrayal"? Why didn't they believe Sar Athens, a notorious lier, over their best friend? Even though our friendship was long over, I still felt this tumble of thoughts all the time. I couldn't get over losing them all.

The whole Gryffindor common room was empty, except for the Marauders. Odd, considering that I'm 20 minites early for breakfast, I thought. I automatically walked toward the exit, with their eyes on me, when Sirius shouted the spell, "Legilimens!"

Suddenly, I was on the floor, seeing all my worst memories. Petunia was laughing with her friends, while I sat on the bench sobbing because I had none. The Quidditch game when I dropped the ball and everyone was booing. Endless pranks crossed my eyes, in which I was humilated beyond belief. He released me.

My eyes were wet with tears. He grinned, knowing that he saw all the things that he could use at weapons against me. They walked away from the room, smirking. James was avoiding their eyes and mine as well.

I was scared, knowing that they could easily make the worst prank of my life because of this. Everyday was met with fear. And then came the day when it all hit.

I grumbled down the stairs, my stomach growling in anticipation of dinner. When I entered the Great Hall, I saw everybody reading a piece of paper stapled together. All eyes turned to me. Every empty plate had this flyer on it. I grabbed the nearest copy and sat down.

There, printed in paper, was every bad memory that I had. People were laughing around me, pointing at certain lines of the flyer and discussing them with their neighbors. Gryfindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs came to jeer at me, making fun of every memory that they could see. And most of all, the Marauders seemed to be laughing, knowing that I was being humilated and I had no more secrets to hold.

I turned and ran. I must have ran as fast as if death was chasing me, because I soon lost them all. My dorm was the place where I escaped to. I locked the bathroom door with all the (many) charms I knew, and started crying. The girls of my room came to laugh at me outside the door. I stayed in there for hours, knowing that if I came out, I would be mobbed.

Finally, everything quieted down and I slipped the blade out of my robe pocket. I had grabbed it as I ran into the stall. My eyes were watering over again, now that I knew what I was going to do.

I lifted my sleeve. There seemed to be the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Pink and white scars wound up my arm. I lifted the other sleeve. It was a new arm, a new beginning of a time in which I would never be able to escape.

I pushed lightly, then harder until blood started rushing out. The pressure ended. Cuts started appearing up and down my pale arm, with it, ending my anger and embarassment. I was immersed in my own blood, somehow feeling better.

The cutting started when the pranks began. I discovered the beauty of the blade, as my life came gushing out. It seemed to be the only way to let out my terrible emotions, with no family or friends to help me through those times.

I sat there for what seemed like days, ignoring everyone. People often came, making fun of everything I tried so hard to hide. And then James came.

I was half-asleep, when I heard footsteps. Here comes another person telling me about how Petunia always had more friends than me, I thought. And then a voice came, choked with emotion.

"Lily? Please come out. I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me. You were right after all. Sar was just lying so she could be my girlfriend. I know the truth." He whispered.

My curiousity peaked. How did he manage to get into the girl's dorm? And why didn't he stop those horrible papers, if he knew that I wasn't lying?

He seemed to read my thoughs, saying, "I tried to stop those papers from getting out Lils. They wouldn't listen to me, because they don't know what I know. And I bet you're wondering why I didn't tell them. You've got to understand me. If I don't them that we pranked you for years, for no reason, they wouldn't believe me. They would think I was starting to believe all those 'lies' that you told us. And if I kept on insisting that Sar was lying, they might even cast me out of the Marauders. Besides, it's easier to tell everybody that I'm nuts, then believe you and apoligize. It would be hard to say sorry after all that we've done to you." A forced chuckle escaped his lips.

I wanted to ask him how he knew that Athens was lying, when all the other Marauders still believed I was a nasty betraying bitch. And also, why would they kick him out when they were once so close?

Questions ran through my head as he continued, "I know you've heard about my great summer. Hasn't the world? About my sister and father being killed by that bastard, Voldemort. I don't have any family left, except my mother, who's always crying and is completely depressed. If I lost Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail, I would die. They're the only things worth living for in my world. If I even acted as depressed as I truly am, they would abandon me. After all, who wants to have a friends who's always mourning and crying?"

James said, "God Lily. If you never forgive me for all that humiliation, I wouldn't be suprised. But I just need you to know that that I'm sorry. I need you in my life, but you're not there. You understood me more than Padfoot, even more than Moony. Please come back Lils."

I was shocked beyond words. James finally apoligized. Would these pranks finally come to a close? Would Sirius, Remus, and Peter finally believe me?

I heard footsteps, going away. I opened the door.

There, I finally poured out my heart someone that's probably asleep. I slowly walked to the tapastry that held a secret passage back to the common room, when I heard the door creak open.

Turning hastily, I saw a tired Lily, with mused hair and clothes, but Lily. She seemed so shocked that she could hardly speak. And I was scared that Lily heard what I said after all.

I croaked out, "You heard everything that I said back there?" She nodded slowly. Oh God. She heard everything. Why did this have to happen to me? I thought she was asleep.

The only words she seemed to get out was a very soft thank you. I knew that Lily would definately think this over. Or at least the Lily I knew. That's when I saw blood on her arm and robes.

Her sleeves were rolled up, showing multiple cuts. My stomach started feeling queasy. More guilt started raining down on me. Did our pranks cause her such sadness that she started cutting?

I wanted to run away from this guilt. Abuptly, I turned around to go into the passage. But there were people inside of it. People that I knew very well.

This is one hell of a day.

Authors Note

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for your reviews.

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