Falling to the Darkness
Chapter 5
Disclaimer: Yes, it's me again. Cry for your eyes, reading this horrible story. Do I look like J.K. Rowling? Urh. You would think that it's obvious that I don't own this. If I could even write like J.K. Rowling, maybe I wouldn't be half-failing my humanities class right now.
I'm glad this is the last chapter. And please note, that Muffin actually does write fast. She wrote the last chapter in what? 3 hours? I'm the slowpoke. But I'm going for a cheesy ending. :grins:
I found myself in the hospital wing. How I had gotten there was a mystery. But all that mattered was that James and Remus were fighting, and it was because of me.
How did I even get into this horrible mess? I thought. Why did I have to break the bond of the Marauders, the one that kept them all sane? If James or Remus gets hurt, I'll never forgive myself. When I snuck out to the window, I flinched. It was already noon. Perhaps it was too late to save them.
Laying still, I fell into a restless sleep, hearing a horrible voice pound into my very skull. It was really all my fault.
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Remus and I made it up, underneath the Invisibility Cloak. It was amazing, that he forgave us all. But in my heart, I really knew that our friendship would never have that firey edge it had before. It seemed as if we had both dulled, incredibly.
After Remus fell to sleep, I looked at myself in the mirror. My body was aching, and the effects of last night showed in my tired face.
Heavy bags seemed to make my eyes droop lower, if that were even possible. Shadows filled my eyes. I was tired and I hadn't eaten a good meal since our friendship had broken up. I looked like a ghost, with fresh-cuts scraped all along my body.
It seemed as if Remus had purposely marked the places where it hurt the most. My neck had cuts lined around it, a showing that Remus had attempted to kill me. Swipes had seemed to aim at the worst spots, so I couldn't even move without extreme pain. And not only that, my muscles were screaming from the hours of battling I had just done.
Sighing, I began cleaning my cuts, as Padfoot looked on solemnly for once. Gingerly, I touched the cuts on my neck. I thought I'd never see the day, when Remus, the kindest person I knew, tried to break my neck. At least I made it out without dying.
If anyone, Lily probably would be most hit by this. She would automatically think that it was all her fault. A snappy part of my mind hissed, Well, it really is her fault. If she didn't even start the feud, then none of it really was to happen.
I ignored it, even though I knew it was true. My friendship with Remus or maybe even Sirius would never be the same after today. We would never be the unbreakable Marauders again. Would we all split up into different groups? What would happen to my life after the closest people in my life disappeared? And what would happen to us all?
Perhaps I stood there doing nothing for hours except for thinking, but whatever it did, it made Padfoot join me. Eventually, he left, clapping a hand to my shoulder.
"Don't think too much about it."
It took James and me a few days to get out of the Hospital Wing. No one visited me, which really did hurt. James got visitors every break, after class, and before class. But no one really knew what happened. Had all his fans known that he saved my life, they would have either come in larger hordes or come to go announce their love for his brave Gryffindor attitude, even when it meant saving a social reject.
Sometimes, I would turn away from the coos and callings of the girls and guys who came constantly. Jealously pumped in my veins constantly, at seeing everyone give him presents. What about me? Did I even do the right thing?
A chill filled my heart. Something I'd felt for so long.
A small smirk filled my face as I walked down to the Great Hall later that night, seeing faces look at me surprisingly. Oh, so they thought I was too chicken to come back here after what happened.
Remus and Sirius were sitting at the front of the table, while James was somewhere. I ignored their stares, and began eating. And for the first time in years, nothing happened to me. My hair didn't turn purple, nor did I grow claws. That shook me. You would think that I would get a prankfest for what happened.
And then James came in.
The whole hall seemed to run up to greet him, except for the Slytherins that sat firmly and sneered. Girls started cooing near him, asking if he was already or even what happened. And the guys walked up to him and just grinned. But it really was normal for James Potter and his life. Every time he was hurt, probably a million girls would come to "make him feel so much better from Mommie".
As everyone calmed down, he sat with Remus and Sirius, just burning holes in my face. I ignored it all, as I was used to it. He didn't touch his food, I noticed when I occasionally peeked in his direction. His friends were trying to get him to eat, but he just kept on staring until I finally looked in his direction. Our eyes met.
God. His eyes. If any of those Hufflepuff girls could say what was hottest about him, it would be his gorgeous hazel eyes. No one could resist that warm melt of chocolate that enchanted everyone. Unfortunately, that included me for that instant.
He pointed to the courtyard outside of the Great Hall. So he wanted to talk to me in private. For some odd reason, I followed his instructions and left the Great Hall without a word.
It was a cold night. I breathed on my freezing body trying to warm up. Damn James. When was he going to come out? After what felt like hours, I decided that I didn't care what he wanted. I was going back in, or at least to get a cloak.
When I came back, James was there, with a fancy cloak covering him. We stood in silence, trying to beat each other out. Neither of us wanted to say anything, but we had to.
An awkward silence fell over the courtyard. Even the crickets stopped chirping.
Finally, I gave up and said, "If you aren't going to say anything, I'm going back in." He immediately broke out of his thoughts.
"Lily! Don't go! I need to tell you something." My eyebrows rose. What was so important that James, the famous Marauder would skip dinner? Nodding, I made a motion for him to continue.
"Er, what I'm trying to say is that Remus and I've made up. You don't have to worry about us." He said.
"What makes you think I was worried about you and Remus?" I replied coldly. I wasn't in the greatest of moods that day, partly because I was feeling horrible and it happened to be one of those days when you're just pissed at everyone. Somehow, I knew I would regret what I said.
He looked shocked for a second and in a second, replaced his kind face with a cold mask. Turning around, he swept out of the courtyard, just leaving me all alone in the night. I felt like my heart would break.
My heart pumped furiously. What the hell was she thinking? I was so worried about her, thinking that she would feel so horrible, she would try to kill herself, and now she's telling me that she never cared? What's the use of being a kind person these days?
I didn't know what to do.
I cared for her. That thought blasted all my thoughts away. I followed it in shock, realizing that my caring for her led to saving her life a few days ago. That's why I felt so horrible when I saw her cuts on her soft skin. Maybe that's why I even dared to challenge Remus that night.
Was life always like this? Was it always so turbulent that it churns all your love and happiness away? Or maybe it was just me, like it always was. I was always different from the crowd around me.
Later that night, I sat on my window ledge by my bed, listening to Remus's soft breathing and Sirius's snores. I couldn't sleep. All these horrible thoughts were buzzing around my head and there was really nothing I could do about it.
The sun rose slowly over Hogwarts. But nearly everyone was out of bed before dawn. It was the last Quidditch match of the year. Also known as the finals.
I was never really a Quidditch fan, as I always was somehow humiliated at the match for my poor knowledge of the sport. But this time, I tried to make a difference by for the first time in my life, went into the last frontier of the library for me.
Otherwise known as the sports section.
But nevertheless, I found it fascinating. Though I had many questions, I was determined not be the idiotic person at the match for once. I would know all the moves and what the hell Kara Jordan was yelling.
"Ladies and Gents, welcome to the last and hopefully the most violent-"
"JORDAN!"
"Hello Professor. As I was saying, hopefully the best match of the Quidditch season! Let's bring out the...GRYFFINDOR TEAM! POTTER (screams filled the stadium), BLACK, ANDERSON, WESTING, YELNATS (A/N: I couldn't resist...), and....WALLACE." Booings from the Slytherin and cheers from the other three houses filled the bright day.
"On the Slytherin team, BLACK, MALFOY, LESTRANGE, GOYLE, ZAMBINI, MACNAIR, AND....BLACK!" Mixed responses as usual came. So much for school unity.
The players faced each other, with the new flying supervisor, Madam Hooch, glaring at the captains, Lucius and James, as they clutched each others hands, almost as if they wanted to murder each other. The whistle rang, as the game began.
"POTTER PASSES TO ANDERSON, AS BLACK STRUGGLES TO CHASE THOSE BLUDGERS! WAIT, THE SLYTHERINS ARE DOING SOMETHING!" My hands twitched, as if they wanted to plug my ears. Why Jordan had to be so loud was beyond me. But the Slytherins were lining up, to block James and Tina Anderson.
Suddenly, James dropped under, as the whole line of people dropped down. He passed the Quaffle to Tina, and she got the point.
My ears began to buzz and by the time Gryffindor had a lead of 150-50, I felt like I was going deaf. Probably I was.
"DOES WALLACE SEE THE SNITCH? BLACK'S FOLLOWING HIM CLOSELY! THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER-DID YOU SEE THAT? WALLACE DOES A FEINT, BUT BLACK WASN'T TOO LUCKY!" I winced at Sirius's thrusted hand into air at seeing his brother's blooded nose.
I squinted around the stadium, hoping to see a flash of gold, when Wallace dropped. All eyes followed him. He was dropping faster and faster, and all the breaths in the stadium were taken away by him. My eyes strained to see the gold ball, until Wallace flew up and held something flickering in his hand. My breath was taken away, by the excitement that filled the stadium.
It only seemed like a few seconds until James stood there, with tears of joy coursing down his eyes, did I realize that Gryffindor won the cup. A smile burst on my face. It was James's last chance to try to win the Quidditch cup after being captain for two years. And he finally made it.
We won the cup. The words rang in my head. A party was held in the Gryffindor tower and no one could stop Padfoot from dragging in Butterbeer and FireWhiskey from Hogsmeade. Everyone was dead drunk by a few hours and the room was almost empty except for Lily and I.
I heard her quill scratching words on parchment. She folded it and left it on the couch as she ran up the stairs.
Dear James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius,
I know you guys will probably never forgive me for what I've done to your lives. You probably won't realize it now, but someday, you'll look back and realize that I ruined your seventh year. But please, do realize that I didn't want to hurt you.
Remus, I've probably hurt you the most out of anyone in my life. In fact, I should have told you sooner about everything. Nothing would have happened if I managed to gather up my wits and prove to you all that Athens never was telling the truth. I know I'm now the person that you wanted me never to be. A person who has no bravery or strength. I'm sorry for it all.
Peter, I don't know what to say to you. I've ruined your life, because I tore apart the Marauders forever. But please know that I didn't want to do it
Sirius, you've always been the most understanding person in my life. You always cared for me when no other would. Thank you for helping me that day.
And last of all, James.
Our lives have been so changed from the instant you heard the conversation from Athens. I didn't want to hurt you in any way. I know about your family, and how your life depends on Remus, Peter, and Sirius. I didn't mean to do it. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the time when you never knew that Athens was lying. Maybe you would be happier then.
Your happiness does count to me James. What I said that night didn't matter. I've realized something, and it isn't easy to say. In fact, this is probably going to be the hardest thing to say in my life James.
I like you, James Potter. I might even love you for all I know. This is extremely abrupt, but I can't say these words to your face.
Thank you for listening, and if the pranks are to resume, let them.
-Lily
I froze in shock. An odd feeling came over me. Did I like Lily? Sure I was used to getting things like "I love you" and "I like you" but never from a friend like Lily. I shuddered at the image of Sirius telling me that he was gay and he was professing his love for me.
But could it be possible?
OH MY GOSH. I'M ENDING IT HERE.
:grins: Just for Muffin's wonderful advertisement for me, I would like to advertise for her as well. Please read her story, "Works of Me" which actually is a collection of really good poems. I guess that's not really a story. But also "Blind Dating" is cool.
And...reviewer responses for the LAST TIME.
ZombieGurl98: I swear that you're my (and Muffin's) most faithful reader...OTHER THAN RANDOMFRIZZHEAD. But that's beside the point. I'm going to try to force Muffin to start another story. Wanna help me?
RandomFrizzHead: Okay, I can say that you're our strongest supporter. You've reviewed EVERY FRIGGEN CHAPTER. My shock is sudden. We may start a new chapter soon, and maybe you can do the same that you did with Falling into the Darkness. Maybe I'm just too ambitious...
The Quidditch match was all for fun. I'm horrible at action, now that I look at it. Please don't judge this chapter on that horrible match.
The ending was cool, in my opinion. Going now. Here's Muffin's stuff:
Thank you for that Lyra. I must say this story ended pretty well. I'm happy with it, as it's Lyra's and my first story we ever did (can you tell?). And I think I gave up on Blind Dating. So don't read it. KK? K. Lyra's one-shots are cool so read them, review them (or die. :D) Hehe. Just kidding. But read them anyways because she spent a lotsa time on them and if you don't she'll be sad.
Thank you reviewers. Don't steal my pencils. Have a SUPER day!
THE END.