Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I hope I make it to 300 soon!
Twobit's POV
I played cards with Soda for about an hour, and then we all settled down and watched TV.
"Where's Pony?" I asked.
"He went to his room. He said he needed to read to clear his head." Steve said.
"Clear his head?"
Darry sighed.
"Pony's been feeling guilty about being sick. He feels like everything that happened is his fault." He said.
"That's ridiculous. He didn't cause it." I said.
"We told him that, but he has to figure that out for himself."
"We just have to be there for him and listen to him. That's all we can do." Soda said.
I couldn't imagine or even begin to understand what Pony must be feeling. I had said it was ridiculous, but maybe it wasn't.
"Is this normal?" I asked.
"It could be. It makes sense for someone with a life threatening illness to feel guilty because of all the worrying and suffering it causes. Of course it isn't really the person's fault, but it's still their disease." Darry said.
"He doesn't only feel bad about the worrying and suffering. He feels bad about the hospital bills and us missing work too." Soda said.
"Well, Pony said he would do his best to put the guilt behind him, but I think it might take some time."
"What did you guys say to him?" Steve asked.
"We said we would help him and to talk to us if he needs to." Soda said.
Pony had to stop feeling guilty. It wouldn't get him anywhere. He had come way too far and been through too much to let this get him down.
"I just don't get it. The cancer came to him. He didn't do anything wrong. Why can't he let it go?" Soda said.
"It's a lot to cope with, Soda. None of us can understand exactly how Pony feels." Darry said.
I agreed with Darry. This had been hard on all of us, but Pony had the worst part. We couldn't know what having cancer was like or how difficult it was to cope with the effects of it.
Pony's POV
I sat in my room reading Gone With the Wind. It usually took my mind off things, but not this time. I just couldn't get into the story. I closed the book and went back into the living room. Talking to the gang should help. I thought.
"Hey, Pony! Did you clear your head?" Twobit asked, smiling.
I shook my head as I sat down on the couch.
"Reading didn't help?" Soda asked.
"No." I answered.
I wanted to talk, but I didn't know what to say. I had too much bothering me. It wasn't just guilt. I was worried about my health, going back to school, and everything else that cancer affected. That pretty much covered my whole life. I was trying so hard to be normal, but that didn't seem like it was ever going to be possible. Right after I got home from the hospital, I just blocked out all my feelings and concentrated on being normal. Now, those pent up feelings were starting to bother me.
"What's wrong, little buddy?" Soda asked as he sat down next to me.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's more than what you said before. Isn't it?" He said.
"Pony, you know you can talk to us." Darry said.
I sighed. "I know. Yeah, it is more than I said before."
"What else is bothering you?"
"It's hard to explain. I'm worried going back to school and what people might say, and I'm scared the cancer will come back. I've been trying so hard to be normal and live life like I should, but when it looked like I had relapsed, reality hit me hard." I said, trying to hold back tears.
It had gotten really quiet in the house. Nobody was moving or saying a word. Someone had even turned off the TV.
"Reality has a way of doing that." Soda broke the silence.
"When I got released from the hospital, I blocked out all the feelings I had. I pretended I was normal and not scared at all, but that won't work anymore. It's all getting to me."
"You never had to pretend anything, Pony. We sure didn't. We've been worried and scared since you were diagnosed, and that has always shown itself." Darry said.
"I was just trying to put it all behind me, but when I started feeling guilty..."
"It's just too much. Right?"
"Yeah. I thought I was fine, but I'm not. Cancer has affected my entire life. It's affected you guys. It's not over yet either. It will never be over."
Soda's POV
Pony was finally talking about how the cancer had affected him and how he felt. At first, he only talked about guilt. Now, he was talking about being worried and scared. He had the same things on his mind as Darry and me did. He just didn't show it. Unfortunately, I was sure keeping all his feelings in like that and pretending nothing was wrong hadn't helped. The only emotion Pony had talked about since he came home was how he wanted to be normal. He acted like all that was bothering him was how we were worrying about him getting sick. Then, the reality of relapse showed itself, and everything Pony had been trying to keep inside came crashing down.
"Listen, Pony. You have to talk to us about these things because you're not helping yourself if you don't. It's okay that you're scared, but you can't pretend you're not. That won't make it go away." I said.
"I know, but it's hard to talk about. When I came home, I just wanted to forget about all of it. Now, I know that won't happen." Pony said.
Well, I don't think you'll ever really forget about it, but you can learn to deal with it without being upset or feeling guilty all the time. The way to do that is to talk to us." I said.
I looked over at Steve and Twobit. They had moved to the kitchen table, but they were still listening to what was being said.
"I don't feel like I did before about the guilt, so talking about that did help." Pony said.
"I bet talking about everything else did too." Darry said.
"It did help, but I think it will be a while before I really feel better. I keep thinking about school too."
"What about it?"
"What will everyone say or will they make fun of me? Will they want me around anymore?"
"I'm sure your classmates miss you, so don't worry about anyone else. Besides, you got Steve and Twobit here to back you up." I said.
"It's good that you're talking about all this, little buddy. Keep doing that. Everything on your mind is just another battle that you have to fight. You'll win too." Darry said.
"I'm trying to win, but it's hard not to let it get me down." Pony said.
"What do you think Mom and Dad would say if they were here right now?" I asked.
"They would tell me to keep my spirits up."
I agreed with him about that. Our parents would want all of us to keep our spirits up while fighting a battle, no matter what kind it was.
A/N Review please!
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I hope I make it to 300 soon!
Twobit's POV
I played cards with Soda for about an hour, and then we all settled down and watched TV.
"Where's Pony?" I asked.
"He went to his room. He said he needed to read to clear his head." Steve said.
"Clear his head?"
Darry sighed.
"Pony's been feeling guilty about being sick. He feels like everything that happened is his fault." He said.
"That's ridiculous. He didn't cause it." I said.
"We told him that, but he has to figure that out for himself."
"We just have to be there for him and listen to him. That's all we can do." Soda said.
I couldn't imagine or even begin to understand what Pony must be feeling. I had said it was ridiculous, but maybe it wasn't.
"Is this normal?" I asked.
"It could be. It makes sense for someone with a life threatening illness to feel guilty because of all the worrying and suffering it causes. Of course it isn't really the person's fault, but it's still their disease." Darry said.
"He doesn't only feel bad about the worrying and suffering. He feels bad about the hospital bills and us missing work too." Soda said.
"Well, Pony said he would do his best to put the guilt behind him, but I think it might take some time."
"What did you guys say to him?" Steve asked.
"We said we would help him and to talk to us if he needs to." Soda said.
Pony had to stop feeling guilty. It wouldn't get him anywhere. He had come way too far and been through too much to let this get him down.
"I just don't get it. The cancer came to him. He didn't do anything wrong. Why can't he let it go?" Soda said.
"It's a lot to cope with, Soda. None of us can understand exactly how Pony feels." Darry said.
I agreed with Darry. This had been hard on all of us, but Pony had the worst part. We couldn't know what having cancer was like or how difficult it was to cope with the effects of it.
Pony's POV
I sat in my room reading Gone With the Wind. It usually took my mind off things, but not this time. I just couldn't get into the story. I closed the book and went back into the living room. Talking to the gang should help. I thought.
"Hey, Pony! Did you clear your head?" Twobit asked, smiling.
I shook my head as I sat down on the couch.
"Reading didn't help?" Soda asked.
"No." I answered.
I wanted to talk, but I didn't know what to say. I had too much bothering me. It wasn't just guilt. I was worried about my health, going back to school, and everything else that cancer affected. That pretty much covered my whole life. I was trying so hard to be normal, but that didn't seem like it was ever going to be possible. Right after I got home from the hospital, I just blocked out all my feelings and concentrated on being normal. Now, those pent up feelings were starting to bother me.
"What's wrong, little buddy?" Soda asked as he sat down next to me.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"It's more than what you said before. Isn't it?" He said.
"Pony, you know you can talk to us." Darry said.
I sighed. "I know. Yeah, it is more than I said before."
"What else is bothering you?"
"It's hard to explain. I'm worried going back to school and what people might say, and I'm scared the cancer will come back. I've been trying so hard to be normal and live life like I should, but when it looked like I had relapsed, reality hit me hard." I said, trying to hold back tears.
It had gotten really quiet in the house. Nobody was moving or saying a word. Someone had even turned off the TV.
"Reality has a way of doing that." Soda broke the silence.
"When I got released from the hospital, I blocked out all the feelings I had. I pretended I was normal and not scared at all, but that won't work anymore. It's all getting to me."
"You never had to pretend anything, Pony. We sure didn't. We've been worried and scared since you were diagnosed, and that has always shown itself." Darry said.
"I was just trying to put it all behind me, but when I started feeling guilty..."
"It's just too much. Right?"
"Yeah. I thought I was fine, but I'm not. Cancer has affected my entire life. It's affected you guys. It's not over yet either. It will never be over."
Soda's POV
Pony was finally talking about how the cancer had affected him and how he felt. At first, he only talked about guilt. Now, he was talking about being worried and scared. He had the same things on his mind as Darry and me did. He just didn't show it. Unfortunately, I was sure keeping all his feelings in like that and pretending nothing was wrong hadn't helped. The only emotion Pony had talked about since he came home was how he wanted to be normal. He acted like all that was bothering him was how we were worrying about him getting sick. Then, the reality of relapse showed itself, and everything Pony had been trying to keep inside came crashing down.
"Listen, Pony. You have to talk to us about these things because you're not helping yourself if you don't. It's okay that you're scared, but you can't pretend you're not. That won't make it go away." I said.
"I know, but it's hard to talk about. When I came home, I just wanted to forget about all of it. Now, I know that won't happen." Pony said.
Well, I don't think you'll ever really forget about it, but you can learn to deal with it without being upset or feeling guilty all the time. The way to do that is to talk to us." I said.
I looked over at Steve and Twobit. They had moved to the kitchen table, but they were still listening to what was being said.
"I don't feel like I did before about the guilt, so talking about that did help." Pony said.
"I bet talking about everything else did too." Darry said.
"It did help, but I think it will be a while before I really feel better. I keep thinking about school too."
"What about it?"
"What will everyone say or will they make fun of me? Will they want me around anymore?"
"I'm sure your classmates miss you, so don't worry about anyone else. Besides, you got Steve and Twobit here to back you up." I said.
"It's good that you're talking about all this, little buddy. Keep doing that. Everything on your mind is just another battle that you have to fight. You'll win too." Darry said.
"I'm trying to win, but it's hard not to let it get me down." Pony said.
"What do you think Mom and Dad would say if they were here right now?" I asked.
"They would tell me to keep my spirits up."
I agreed with him about that. Our parents would want all of us to keep our spirits up while fighting a battle, no matter what kind it was.
A/N Review please!