Author: taiyoukai-kai
Comments: I have been working on this one-fic for awhile. I first started on the day I almost commited suicide. In a way it was therapy for me. The words came remarkabley easy for me, and the story flowed from there. I wanted to create a better one-shot than I have been producing, so I kept at it until now. I think I can suffinciently say, that I am satisfied with the result and can only hope you agree. Thank you all for reading this. Oh..and also..there is a central theme that you might find in an Iris Johansen book. I love her as an author, and i loved this book and I thought it was just perfect for this. Thank you again.
EDIT: Eheh...it seems I disspeared from the fanfiction world for awhile. Consider this fic my apology. It seems I wrote it awhile ago..and its incomplete. TTTT Sooo...haha..I'm blackmailing all of you already. If I get TEN reviews.. (it'll make me feel spiffy) Then you get the last installment of this..which means..i have to write it. TTTT So read and review!!
Disclaimer: Fear his claws…because I don't own him. Characters © Rumiko Takahashi.
RAINING
It was raining…pouring actually. The sun seemed to have gone into permanent exile. Kagome could only stare sadly out the window. The weather matched her mood exactly. She stared down at the just barely healed scars on her wrist, and watched as a drop of water landed on it.
But it couldn't be tears. No. She had forgotten how to cry. There had been days where she curled up into a ball and sobbed, but no tears came. It was as if her tears were left behind in the Feudal Era. With Inuyasha, the gang, the demons, Kikyo and Kaede.
And with Sesshoumaru.
She wouldn't think about him. She promised herself. She would forget that that particular demon existed. Because it was him who killed her. Inside.
She couldn't feel anymore. It was as if all happiness and joy had been sucked out of her. Leaving her a dry, useless husk. To live out the remainder of her life a pale shadow of what she had been.
"Onee-san…" Sota stood uncertainly at her door. She turned, and he forced a smile. "Dinner is ready."
She nodded and got up slowly and padded out of the room. No one could look at her anymore. She was damaged. Her mom avoided her eyes, and set the table.
"How was your day, Kagome?"
"…good." She looked at the woman who had raised her, and again, she felt broken inside. Shattered into a million pieces. Like the Shikon no Tama…except she couldn't be put together. She was the ugly duckling in a world of swans.
"Mom…" She looked up and looked questioningly in the general direction of Kagome.
"Hm?"
"I'm…I'm not hungry."
"Well, try to eat something, dear."
"…" Kagome sat back down. "Yes, mom." She picked up her chopsticks and began to eat. Five minutes later she pushed back and asked to be excused.
"Yes, dear. Try to get some sleep, alright?"
"…yes." Kagome stood up and looked around. No one would meet her eyes. Yes…an ugly duckling in a world of swans.
She went to room, but not to sleep. She picked up her jacket and umbrella and left to take a walk. She didn't bother to tell anybody where she was going. It was probably better that they not know.
She stepped out into the torrent of rain, and lifted her head into the spray, relishing the way the rain seemed to cleanse her. But the pleasure was fleeting. She remembered she was too dirty to be cleansed. Too soiled. And so, she opened her umbrella and stepped forward.
She knew from experience that she wouldn't be able to sleep. In the last two months since the accident, her appetite had dwindled to almost nothing, and she slept as little as an hour a day.
In a way, it was torture for her. But she couldn't bring herself to sleep. She was scared that she might dream about him. The man she loved. The man who destroyed her. The man who threw her away.
The man who hated her.
And so instead she spent every waking minute agonizing over him. Wishing that she could see him again. And hoping that she wouldn't.
Unconsciously, she rubbed the scars and wondered, like she had the last few times, if she tried again, maybe they wouldn't save her. Maybe they would finally realize she was hopeless.
The streets in the city was oddly still, an occasional car zooming through. The sidewalks were for the most part empty, everybody inside. She trudged forward slowly.
"Kagome. It's for your own good." Her mom said, sounding desperate. "A trip to the beach will make you feel better." She shut her eyes, and a tear dripped down her cheek. "Kagome, you weigh 85 pounds. You hardly sleep. You try to kill yourself every month. You can't keep on going like this."
Kagome looked up at her with hauntingly hurt eyes. "Yes, mother." She disagreed though. Nothing could make her feel better. In every shadow she saw him. In every leaf she smelled him. In every whisper of the wind, she could hear him. He was like a web, tightening ever so slowly around her. Strangling her. Killing her.
It was fitting. She deserved to die. She wanted to. She had nothing to look forward to. She could only pray for the icy embrace of Death to take her away. To someplace else. Anywhere else.
And he would be laughing right now. How befitting that however far she was from him, he was still the one to kill her.
The beach resort her mom sent her to was expensive. A homey and classy resort sitting on a cliff, overlooking the sea. The beach was a five minute walk downhill, and the brochure had said the beach was one of the nicest in the area.
The resort manager was worried about this new girl. The girl with the eyes that could rip a person's heart out. He saw the wristbands she kept on her wrists. There were shadows underneath her eyes, and she was so painfully thin that he worried she might fly away with the wind. But his help was never welcome. Always, she would just look up at him with those soul wrenching eyes, and smile sadly. Days would go by, when she never left her room. Then there were those nights where she never came back until noon the next day. It wasn't his job to make watch her. But one couldn't help himself.
One day, he stopped her on her way out. "Where is it you go?"
She replied. "To seek penance."
"Why?"
"I'm not a swan yet."
And she would walk out, never to come back until noon the next day.
She kept on losing weight and her mother took her to the doctors. They gave her pills and told her to start eating or else she'll die, and no matter how many doctors told her that, her reply was always. "I must seek my penance."
The doctors told Kagome's mother that she needed to see a psychiatrist, and so she brought her to one, but it was a waste of time and money. No one could help her because she didn't want it. And slowly…she wasted away.
Until she was barely there.
Her mother had all but given up. Her daughter had been lost long ago when she returned from that damned well. She could only board it up, and pray that her daughter came back. She bought a little cottage next to the sea, and hired a caretaker. She kept Kagome there, hoping that the sea will make all the pain go away.
And for awhile it seemed Kagome would be all right. She still didn't eat enough, but she didn't refuse to eat. Every day, her mother would come and visit for about an hour and then return home. Kagome would spend the rest of the time taking walks and resting on her porch. She loved the feel of the sun on her face as if it could burn away all the darkness that surrounded her heart.
But it no more banished the darkness than the rain washed away all her secrets. They were still there, haunting her, hurting her. And she began to deteriorate again.
Kagome's mother was at her wit's end. Her daughter wouldn't talk to her, wouldn't confide in her. Every time she saw her, she could only stare at the emancipated stranger that had took her daughter's place. She wanted to rail at all the people back in the well. How could they let her become this way? What had they done?
Bastards
She was preparing for another dinner without her precious daughter when the door exploded open, and she whirled around, her cutting knife up to protect herself.
In the door way stood a tall majestic figure. The crescent moon on his forehead and the red markings on his cheeks and hands stood out as strange. As did the long furry thing wrapped around its shoulder.
The man, as she assumed it was, strode in until he stood inches away from the knife.
"Where is Kagome, woman?"
She gasped and dropped her knife, and it hit the floor with a sickening thud. Who was this man?
"You cannot hide her from me." He bent down to sniff at her. "You. You are related to her. Show her to me. Now." She could only tremble at the awesome presence of this being.
"She isn't here." She pressed back until she could not go back anymore and the cutting board cut savagely at her back. "Who are you?" she breathed.
"Show me Kagome, woman. Or else you will regret your disobedience."
Kagome's mom's eyes flashed. Who was this man who demanded obedience? "Leave, sir, or else I will call the police!"
"Police? As if they could hurt me. You begin to bore me. I ask you for the last time, tell me where Kagome is, and I will spare your life." He slid his hand across her throat and his thin lips rose slightly.
"Sesshoumaru…" The man in question whirled around to stare at the girl who was barely there. Her hair hung limp to her waist, its slight curls limp and lackluster. Her eyes were half-closed in exhaustion and her skin was pasty. Her figure swayed with the currents, and her clothes hung so loosely around her that her mother wanted to just crumple on the floor and cry.
But to Sesshoumaru, she was beautiful. "Kagome…"
"Please, Sesshoumaru. Go. I…" She paused. "I cannot see you right now."
"You will see me if I wish it."
She shook her head, and the effort to do even that seemed to exhaust whatever energy she had left. "No. Please, Sesshoumaru. Leave." And with that out, she crumpled to the floor in a dead faint.
Kagome lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She hadn't been prepared to see him again. Not now. Not ever. She didn't know why he had come back, but it was bad news. She had just started to heal, and he had to come back to tear the wound open again. Smearing salt into it.
Even now, her body was wracked with dry sobs, and tears alluded her. Her mother had told her that he had left soon after she fainted and Kagome was glad. Seeing his face again had brought up feelings that were best left buried under the grime and dirt of her existence.
Ugly duckling.
"Why do you weep?"
Kagome stiffened but didn't look. "I'm not."
Sesshoumaru leaned against the windowsill and tapped a finger on the wood. "Then what are you doing?"
She rounded on him and was about to tell him to go away, but she caught her breath in silent agony. She stared at the way Sesshoumaru leaned against the wall. With complete arrogance. As if he owned the world. For a moment, she saw Inuyasha in that same position, yelling at her to hurry up and leave. A slow tear coursed down her cheek.
"Why…? Why did you come back?"
Sesshoumaru looked away, uncomfortable. "I couldn't stay away. Kami knows I tried." He smashed a fist into the wall with uncharacteristic frustration. "I told myself it wasn't right for a taiyoukai to care in any way for a lowly human."
Kagome slowly shook her head, and she pushed herself up, brushing her hair from her face. "It isn't. You should go back."
Sesshoumaru ignored her. "I told myself that I would not repeat my damned father's mistake. I told myself that Inuyasha inherited the foolish blood, not I."
Kagome stayed silent this time.
"But that didn't make the emptiness go away."
"When you threw me away…I was broken. I felt that…nothing would ever be right again." Kagome wiped away a tear. "But even if that feeling never went away, I realized I had to go on. Maybe…maybe it was our fate to suffer like this."
Sesshoumaru snarled savagely. "Fate!" he scoffed. "The day I believe that is the day that I throw myself…" his voice trailed ominously off as he realized what he was about to say.
Kagome walked up to him. "It's alright. I understand." She wrapped her hands around him, and hugged him tight. He looked down at her in surprise before wrapping her in his embrace and he burrowed his face into her hair. He inhaled her heavenly scent and gently kissed her head. She sighed, and her arms loosed. She looked up, and smiled sadly.
She raised herself onto her toes and gently brushed a kiss on his lips before pushing away. She turned and left the room. At the door, she stopped and turned to face him. "Please, Sesshoumaru. Don't be here when I come back."
And she gently drew the door closed behind her with a quiet but definite click. To Sesshoumaru it signaled the end of everything, and it was a blade thrust into his heart. He narrowed his eyes at the offending door and slowly, as if he was resisting it, raised his hand to it. He cracked his fingers and a spray of deadly poison acid melted it to the floor.
He stood there, staring at the ungodly mess. It was her. Kagome. She was doing this to him. Making him lose control. She cast a spell over him. He growled. No one demeaned him like this. She would pay.
He would make sure of it.
Kagome sensed it when he went back to his time. It was like a light in her went out, and cast her into the darkness of her soul. She fought the urge to look back, already aware that he destroyed her door by the stench of burning wood.
Her mother watched as her daughter eased into the room.
"Kagome?"
She looked up.
"Is everything alright?"
Kagome lowered her eyes and smiled. "Yes. Perfect."
"Well. That's a relief. That man was certainly very…Where are you going?!"
"Out. I need…to get out." Kagome slid out the door just as quietly as she had come through it.
"Don't forget to put on a jacket, dear. It's a bit chilly outside." But she was talking to air.
Kagome raised her head to the sun again, in the hopes that maybe something would happen. But its rejection of her was familiar. Suddenly, she heard the beginning of a siren wail through the hazy air. It grew louder as it approached and she watched as it raced past the shrine, the lights swirling in crazy patterns.
Curious, she walked in the direction from whence it came and five minutes later was watching as a family of four wailed on the doorsteps of their house. They were huddled together, crying together, giving each other support as each expressed their grief.
Kagome stood on the outskirts of the crowd that had gathered and snippets of conversations drifted her way.
"…a tragedy."
"Poor soul…why did she do it?"
"Heard there was man involved." "Really?"
"Slit her wrists and bled all over the bathroom. Stupid girl. At least have the decency to die gracefully."
"Damn waste."
Kagome watched impassively as the crowd shifted and for a split second the crowd parted in front of her. There standing there on the opposite side was a feathery figure dressed in a white nightgown. The frills were in odds with the blood that soaked it. Her hair fell listlessly by her face and sad frozen eyes stared out at Kagome. Kagome saw that her fists were clenched, but it didn't hide the rivulets of blood that dripped down.
Even as she watched, a tear of bright red dropped down one pale transparent cheek, then the crowd shifted again and blocked her vision. Suddenly desperate to see the girl again, she fought her way through, even though it drained her of what precious energy she had left.
But there was no figure draped in blood soaked cloth. Just the four weeping on the doorstep. She stood there for what seemed hours staring at their tears. When she couldn't bear their grief any more she made to turn around, but red caught her eye and she stared at the splatters of blood on the floor where the girl has stood.
Slowly, as if time has stopped for her, she fell to her knees and crawled to the blood. Gently she touched the droplets of blood with her fingers as she stared at the shock of red there resting on her pale fingertips.
Then Kagome watched as it dripped down her finger. She stared fascinated at the droplet of blood and she knew what she had to do.
Mrs. Higurashi was certainly relieved that Kagome had regained some of her vitality, but she certainly was concerned that just as soon, Kagome decided to go back through the well.
And she wouldn't even tell her own mother why! All she would say was that she needed to do something, and that she loved her. Kagome's mom sighed. At least she was coming back…she didn't know what to do with a Kagome that was dead inside.
She watched as Kagome waved one last time before she tossed her bicycle through the well, and jumped in after it. She sighed. Hopefully, this would be the last time.
Well, there you have it. My first Fanfic in a while. >> And I'm depressed to say..I haven't improved an iota. If anything..i got worse. That's really depressing. This is really the fic that decides whether I continue writing fanfics..or stop once and for all. So have a field day guys!!
And no stealing my stories. I've been lucky so far and only had two people steal my stories..that I found. Please please please peoples. I work hard at writing. If you want a good story, write one yourself. God forbid, all those terrific authors out there like cough profiler120 cough Who probably have to deal with a lot more shiitake than that.
Author: Kai