"The dream starts off with me in Galadriel's house. You know I have this thing for her, so you can imagine how excited I am to be there. Well, she isn't quite as excited as I am, but neither is she telling me to go away. In fact, she insists that I sit down on her sofa - I guess so we can chat or something.

"I remember my parents being there. That was weird. My dad in particular was unimpressed with my thing for Galadriel, what with my plans for world domination and all, the two wouldn't go well together. That was a bummer. Anyway, I just ignored him, hoping to spend some time with Galadriel alone.

"Then the weirdest thing happens! Suddenly Galadriel is flying us home... to England. I know, I know, I don't live in England! Never even heard of it, in fact. But the dream was quite clear: Galadriel was at the controls of her bi-plane - don't ask what that is; some sort of impossible flying machine - and, get this, I'm lying on the fuselage, holding onto the struts for dear life! And strangely enough, both my parents are also on the plane. They're on the wings, I think, both clinging desperately!

"Then I woke up," finished Sauron. "I can still see the English Channel rushing beneath me." He shivered.

Gandalf, sitting opposite Sauron at a table outside the Cafe Lurgz, gave Sauron a long, deep look. Finally, after several minutes of staring, he said, "Get therapy. Now. Don't walk. Run."

Sauron laughed, waving his hand in dismissal. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I just need to let go, I guess." And Sauron sighed.

"Alright, don't take my advice. See what I care. But let's get back to business, shall we? It was a long walk to Mordor, and I'm just about out of leaf."

Sauron looked up at Gandalf. "Hang on, I thought you quit smoking that stuff?"

Gandalf half smiled in return, "Yeah, well, I found this cool little valley over in the north-west. It has the best weed I've ever smoked! Actually," and with this he lowered his voice to a whisper, "I'm going to get these little furry halfling guys to move there so I can get them to cultivate it for me. Shhhh, don't tell anyone!" he giggled.

Sauron rolled his eyes, saying, "That stuff'll eat your brain, you know. You'll start forgetting things; forget your friends; your enemies..."

"Don't lecture me, you're worse than Saruman," protested Gandalf, who pulled out a pipe and was patting down his cloak, looking for a light.

"Some wizards..." said Sauron. "Here, allow me." And Sauron slipped his Ring on, flicked his finger and a small flame started flickering from his thumb.

Gandalf lit up, saying, "Thanks. Nice trick, by the way. How'd you do it?"

"That's my new Ring!" and Sauron showed him proudly. "Isn't it precious?!"

"Ooooo, pretty! Can I have one?"

Sauron put the Ring away, suddenly becoming secretive and protective. He said, "No, sorry. I'm all out."

Gandalf looked at the Dark Lord and the guilty expression on his face. "I heard about that party you had. Why didn't you invite me?"

"Oh, didn't you get your invitation?" asked Sauron unconvincingly.

"You know damn well I didn't! Just a bunch of men, dwarves and elves went. No semi-immortal wizards!"

"Well, um..."

"AND, I heard there were gifts!" fumed the grey wizard. "Rings!!"

Sauron held up his hand again, and said, "Chill, dude. I tell you what, if one of the rings should get 'lost', I'll let you keep it. In fact," and this time it was Sauron's turn to whisper, "I can tell you where an elf ring can be 'found'..."

"Cool," replied Gandalf. "I don't mind sending one of those arrogant elves back to Valar a little early..." And they both laughed evilly.

"Oh, if they only knew your true nature," said Sauron.

"I won't tell them if you won't!" laughed Gandalf.

With that, they both clinked their glasses together and drank a salute to ignorance. After a few more drinks, they eventually got back to business. They fleshed out some minor details - who got what land, that kind of thing - and settled on a plan of action.

"So, we're agreed," said Sauron, "I'll raise an army here in Mordor and go marching out to battle mankind. You just sit tight and let whatever happens, happen. Then it can be your turn next time. You can raise an army to attack Mordor and try and 'conquer' me. How does that sound?"

"Splendid," replied Gandalf.

"Excellent," agreed Sauron. He paused a moment before asking, "This business about my finger being cut off. That's just for show, right? You won't let anyone take my Ring, will you?"

"Oh no, no. Of course not..." But Gandalf's evil smile belied his intentions. He puffed on his pipe, his eyes glazing a little.

I just can't trust my friends anymore, thought Sauron.