Interview with a Miserable - Jehan
Kent sits on the pouffy sofa in the studio, drumming his fingers on the coffee table impatiently
Kent; You can come on set now Argentine - there's no Marius here
Argentine (offset, in a very timid voice); Do you promise?
Kent; I promise that there is no Marius Pontmercy in this building.
Kent; No Cosette therefore no Marius.
Argentine comes on set, looking around nervously'
Kent; Don't worry - we've got someone nice for you today
Argentine; Today I'd like you all to welcome, straight from the Café Musain, Jean Prouvaire! Which one is he again?
Jehan enters, blushing slightly, and sits down
Argentine; Oh my God - you're gorgeous!
Jehan; (Blushes more) why, er, thank you -
Argentine; Oh God, for shame" A heart full of love, A night full of you - Sorry M Prouvaire, I'll be with you in a minute (to herself) Deep breaths, deep calming breaths.
Jehan; Please, call me Jehan.
Argentine; Certainly, Jehan (sigh) What is you idea of perfect happiness? Pick me! Pick me!
Jehan; for all the world to live in a state of truth, beauty, freedom and love.
Argentine; What is your greatest fear?
Jehan; Spiders, urgh!
Argentine; With what historical figure do you most identify?
Jehan: Andre Chenier - he is my idol
Argentine; What living person do you most admire and why?
Jehan; Enjolras
Argentine; What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Jehan; My inability to write a decent villanelle.
Argentine; What is the trait you most deplore in others;
Jehan; Unkindness and a lack of poetic sensibility.
Argentine; What has been your most embarrassing moment?
Jehan; When Grantaire found my notebook and read all my poems out to the entire café.
Argentine; What vehicles do you own?
Jehan; At home I have three horses and a Tilbury
Argentine; What is your greatest extravagance?
Jehan; Dreaming - but it is necessary to my soul.
Argentine; What objects do you always carry with you?
Jehan; A copy of the complete works of Dante
Argentine; Where would you like to live?
Jehan; In an ancients grove near Mount Olympus
Argentine; What makes you depressed?
Jehan; Man's inhumanity to man.
Argentine; What do you most dislike about you appearance?
Jehan; I think there's a food stain on my coat - I was reading whilst eating last night
Argentine; What is your most unappealing habit?
Jehan; Being a messy eater.
Argentine; What is your favourite smell?
Jehan; wildflowers.
Argentine; What is your favourite word?
Jehan; far too many to chose from - they're all wonderful.
Argentine; What is your favourite building?
Jehan; The Café Musain, for there I meet with my beloved friends.
Argentine; What is your favourite journey?
Jehan; Sometimes I walk alone at night - under the stars.
Argentine; What is your favourite book?
Jehan; Dante, Aeschylus, Juvenal and Isaiah - anything by those four.
Argentine; What is your favourite fantasy?
Jehan; Truth, beauty, freedom and love.
Argentine; How did you vote in the last election?
Jehan; I was too young
Argentine; And how will you be voting in the next election?
Jehan; for whoever will do more for the people.
Argentine; Should the royal family be scrapped?
Jehan; Yes!
Argentine; Do you believe in corporal punishment?
Jehan; No
Argentine; For what cause would you die?
Jehan; Truth, beauty, freedom or love
Argentine; Do you believe in monogamy?
Jehan; Yes
Argentine; Who or what is the greatest love of your life?
Jehan; Poetry
Argentine; (sob) What living person do you most despise and why?
Jehan; The old religious lunatic that knocked on my door this morning. Told me I should be in church instead of reciting Dante and annoying the neighbours.
Argentine; What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Jehan; All virtues, in moderation, are good. Must be why they're virtues.
Argentine; Have you ever said 'I love you' without meaning it?
Jehan; Of course not. It was an artistic truth if nothing else
Argentine; Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Jehan: Dad, can I borrow fifty francs - I need new books?
Argentine; What is your greatest regret?
Jehan; That the Revolution cut off Andre Chenier's head
Argentine; When were you happiest?
Jehan; Looking at the moon last night - I wrote a sonnet sequence about it.
Argentine; How do you relax?
Jehan; I write limericks.
Argentine; How often do you have sex
Jehan; I'd rather not answer that on national TV - it's a bit crass.
Argentine; What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Jehan; Being able to write a decent villanelle.
Argentine; What would your motto be?
Jehan; The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
Argentine; What keeps you up at night?
Jehan; Contemplating the infinite
Argentine; How would you like to die?
Jehan; Poetically
Argentine; How would you like to be remembered?
Jehan; As a poet and friend of the people
Argentine; What's the most important lesson life has taught you?
Jehan; Don't have a drinking contest with Grantaire. It's a big mistake.
Argentine; I'm in love
She lunges at him
Jehan; Mademoiselle, please! I hardly know you!
He runs, Argentine follows making kissy noises
Kent; What is wrong with her? I thought he was a bit of a dope
Shaznay; Yeah, I thought he was a right muppet. And waz his creepy obsession with André Chenier? Bet he's gay!
Kent nods
Shaznay; Argentine sure does have some issues tho'
Kent; Yeah, and we need to straighten her out. Much though I hate to ask Mr Manhattens for advice (pulls out his mobile phone and dials) Hello! Is this Javert? Bit of a problem with Argentine - she needs someone to straighten her out . . . Yup . . . absolutely the last resort . . .. Yup . . .yup . .Rue Plumet was that? . . .Perfect (put down phone) I think we're cooking with gas.