DISCLAIMER: (The following is a service announcement from the original creator concerning a character appearing in this story:) The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.

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Snips and Spirals Fanfic:

"Adventures in Marauder-Sitting"

Text by Lady Tesser

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PART ONE

Britomartis Vox turned fourteen today.

Normally (on Crete) she would be considered a Citizen and granted full rights as an adult. This was now her period to establish herself worthy of being a full-member of society.

But as a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she was merely half-way through her 'establishment' and not at all an adult Citizen of the Wizarding world.

That Saturday evening, she and her best friend Severus Snape were holed up in the Conversation Room again. After Martis' roommates offered to 'baby-sit' Medusa while she went on her 'date' with Sev, she had finally calmed down enough from her muttering about girly roommates for Sev to hand her a vial.

"And what is this?" she asked as she peered at it in the lantern light.

Sev leaned forward, his braid slipping over his shoulder, his beautiful black eyes glittering in the light. "Martis ... I'm going to give you a baby."

Her sunglasses practically popped off as she stared back at him. "I beg your pardon?" she squeaked.

----------

The Slytherin common room was always rather lively on Saturday nights. It was a night off from studying, so students read, played wizard's chess, or spun records on the victrola. Conversation came from all corners of the room while Evan Ryper (Head Boy) and Thomas St. Claire (Slytherin Seeker) organized and took bets on various other students or teachers. Medusa the Unofficial House Snake - stuffed full of quail eggs and mice bits - lazily hung from the central wrought iron chandelier while watching the teenagers being silly.

Martis and Sev entered the common room; Martis held a bundle in her arms and loudly announced: "Look, everyone! Snips gave me a baby!"

Silence fell, everyone looked up, and Medusa fell out of the chandelier. Medusa rolled over and raised her head, swung it around, and flickered her tongue out. She was certain that she would have been present if her human mistress finally decided to breed with that dark boy.

"See?" Martis said proudly, lifting up the bundle and pulling the blanket away. "Isn't it an adorable baby doll?"

In her hands she held a porcelain doll that was exactly the same size as a six-month-old baby, dressed in a green and silver layette and with a pacifier in its mouth. It had dark hair and green eyes and was obviously supposed to look like the both of them.

Medusa made an unladylike sound and slithered off.

The entire common room broke into much cursing and shouts of not to give people heart attacks. Sev smirked while Martis giggled and turned the 'baby' around, nuzzling her nose to its nose. Softly she said, "I think I'll name her Persephone."

Sev's smarmy smirk was turned to Evan. "Check the listings for today, Ryper."

Evan angrily flipped through his 'bookie' notebook and read: "One bet for a false alarm pregnancy on October 5 - 'S.S.'"He looked up. "S.S. ... SNAPE! You goit!"

"Pay up, Ryper," Sev stated, holding his hand out.

"It doesn't count."

"Then make St. Claire give me my money back."

"THOMAS!"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "It was a legit bet and you know it, Evan. Pay the man."

Evan grumbled as he fished out four galleons. "You bastard, Snape. You complete and utter bastard."

"If only it were true," Sev said, pocketing the money. "But considering where your mind went when we pulled the prank, you have no room to talk, pervert." Sev turned back to Martis. "Now, Spirals, shall we go to Hogsmeade and celebrate your birthday with style with our winnings from the betting pool?"

"Sounds good to me, Snips," Martis replied. She tossed the porcelain baby toward him and he transfigured it back to a vial in mid-air before catching it.

He flicked the vial toward Evan, who caught it with both hands. "Has amber-colored water in it, Ryper. Thought you might like it."

The duo turned to leave and Peony Danderfluff said, "They pranked Slytherin. All of Slytherin."

"The sheer audacity," Akiko Mori added.

Evan and the rest of the Quidditch team saluted the smugly grinning duo as they left the common room.

When the door closed Evan yelled, "All right - new bets on Mr. and Mrs. Snape!"

"No way," someone called. "He'll take her last name!"

"They'll combine it!"

This sparked off a long debate and eventual bet on who would take whose last name when Sev and Martis would finally marry, as well as WHEN they would marry.

----------

Potions class for Fifth-Years had them working on regeneration potions.

Things were going very well for Sev and his lab partner Greta Bulstrode - their silky potion was thickening as scheduled. The kelly-green liquid overlaying shimmering gold was acting exactly as Professor Sartoris had said it should.

On the other hand, Adonia Vox's lab partner had already been sent to the hospital wing due to the cauldron trying to escape when Adonia put potion ingredients in it. So, Adonia spent the class period dodging sparks and tentacles as her regeneration potion tried to attack her to stop the madness. At one point it was screaming something in a language only Professor Sartoris seemed to understand, and he blushed.

Professor Sartoris had already decided to ignore Adonia's attempts at potion-making. He was going to make sure she would drop out from his classes after her OWLs, especially when he changes his policy to accept only O-Levels to continue to the next year. He was getting too old to deal with mismanaged potions rebelling in his classroom every week.

When Adonia cried "Whoops!" everyone in the lab ducked. Sonia Stellamaris fainted.

Sartoris felt his fingers curl. "'Whoops' WHAT, Miss Vox?"

"I put morning dew in it rather than starfish extract." She paused, flicking her long blonde ponytail back as she gazed down into the potion. "But it's a lovely shade of aqua-blue."

"Dispose of it, Miss Vox," Sartoris sighed, turning from the class at large and rubbing his temples.

Sev shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, Adonia, but even I can't save that batch."

Adonia slipped gloves on and picked up the cauldron. "I know. I'm a warrior, not a scholar."

"Then how did you get into Ravenclaw?" Lily Evans asked from across the aisle.

"Haven't you ever heard of Athena?"

"Isn't she the Hufflepuff Prefect?"

"No, not Athena Goldstein, Athena the Greek Goddess. One of those pantheon ladies - Goddess of War AND Wisdom - I can kick anyone's butt at Wizard's Chess due to strategy - "

"Just not too good at book learning," Lily finished.

"Not exactly, it's just chemistry and potions I reek at." Adonia turned and found a Marauder - James Potter - had grabbed her cauldron from her hands and was running around the room with it. "Potty-brains, what the Avernus are you doing?"

"Catch it, Voxy!" he called back. "Betcha can't get it!"

Lily rolled her green eyes. "And he wonders why I won't give him the time of day."

Sirius Black barked a laugh and held his arms out. "Hey, Prongs, throw it here!"

"Mr. Potter!" Sartoris yelled. "Put that down - it's hazardous!"

Adonia stood perfectly still, analyzed the situation, and unceremoniously kicked Potter in the cods.

Potter's grip on the cauldron let loose and the cauldron full of Adonia's failed potion banged onto the lab desk shared by Black and Peter Pettigrew and splashed both boys, plus washed over the hunched over Potter as well as Remus Lupin trying to shield himself.

With an almost-comic POUF! the room filled with clouds of a lovely aqua-blue mist. In seconds, it unnaturally faded away ... along with the Marauders.

Students carefully crawled out from under their desks. "What happened?"

Sev peered around the room. "Whatever-it-was has apparently taken the Maraudiots away - quick, let's leave before it brings them back."

A sharp cry followed by three more filled the dungeon room and everyone crowded around the Marauders' desks to see the Marauders' robes and under-uniforms scrambling and wriggling around. Cries were coming from inside the robes.

Sartoris drew his wand out and used it to carefully lift away the material -

To reveal an infant.

The girls drew a sharp intake of breath, and then several began opening uniforms up to find three other infants.

"What happened to them?" Lily asked.

Sartoris wrinkled his nose as he carefully picked up a squalling infant - Potter, since the glasses were still hanging off one little ear - and studied him. "It appears when Miss Vox had substituted -"

"Accidentally!" Adonia added defensively.

" - morning dew for starfish extract, it turned a regeneration potion into a regenerative potion."

"English!" Jonas Kennebunk yelled.

Sev explained, "It turned their biological clocks back to infanthood. The potion we were supposed to make was merely to regenerate skin and limbs and such. This - " He turned to Adonia and widened his eyes."Has never been done before! It's been attempted for centuries, of course, but without success. Usually, the subjects end up dead or worse."

Adonia burst into tears and Artemisia got up to comfort her.

"What's she crying about?" someone asked. "The Gryffies did it to themselves."

Sartoris cleared his throat and handed the baby to a nearby girl. "Miss Vox, stop that blubbering and help take these ... things to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey should be able to figure out what to do with them."

Sev picked up the infant Remus Lupin and smirked. In a low voice, he said, "Like to see you try to torment me now, yard-ape."

The baby replied by burping up on his robe.

----------

Sirius Black was furious. Mostly at James Potter. He was also upset with Adonia Vox - who probably planned to do this to them, anyway - but mostly with Potter for being a puddinghead.

There was little he could do at the moment - he was being carried to the hospital wing by Artemisia Vox, and he rather enjoyed being held against a girl's chest. Especially one as well-endowed as one of the Vox sisters.

Of course, the irony that the only way he could get close to something of that caliber was to be reduced to an entity that could not fully take advantage of it did not escape him.

He was quite certain Pomfrey would change them back. She was rough, but she did her job well.

----------

"Do with them?" Pomfrey commented snidely. "Can we just stick them in a box in the corner of my office until the thing wears off?"

"So they'll be back to normal?" Minerva McGonagall asked.

"Whatever passes for normal around here; of course they will be. It'll take about forty-eight hours for the effects to wear off." She glanced down at the four still-naked babies squirming around the bed; only the infant Sirius Black seemed alarmed. "They're healthy, active six-month-old babies, perfectly normal in every respect for that age. I even venture to guess Mr. Lupin doesn't have his ... problem."

Albus Dumbledore stroked his beard. "Do you think, Poppy, perhaps you could cure Remus Lupin's 'problem' while he's -"

"Afraid not, Albus," the nurse answered. "I'm hesitant to do anything to them while they're under the influence of unstable magic, since we don't know the effects the potion had on them. The only thing I can really suggest is to have them looked after as normally as possible."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "But where are we going to find spur-of-the-moment caretakers -"

A voice 'ahem-ed' behind them. The teachers turned to see Cleopatra with her arms folded and her brown eyes staring intensely at them. "May I suggest - since Adonia Vox feels quite guilty for her part in this - to have her look after them?"

"But Miss Cleopatra - !" Dumbledore began.

"What an excellent idea!" Pomfrey concluded. The Baby Marauders were now perfectly still, listening to what was going on. "I'm quite sure she would feel better if she did something useful!"

The babies whimpered.

Cleopatra turned and called, "Okay, Vox's - get in here!"

The twins and Phaedra entered the room, immediately zeroing in on the infants and picking them up to cuddle them.

Artemisia said, "Thanks, Miss Cleopatra. We knew they wouldn't take us seriously if we suggested it." She nuzzled James Potter's nose with her own and he visibly relaxed.

Adonia held the distressed Peter Pettigrew at arm's length. "I told you, I don't like babies."

Phaedra had picked up Sirius Black and lay him right on her chest, causing him to quiet down immediately. "You're female; it has a high probability of happening. Get used to having a baby in your arms."

"No, thank-you." She narrowed her eyes at Pettigrew. "Quit squirming or I'm going to feed you to one of Hagrid's pets."

The youngest Vox sister entered with Severus Snape. "I want to hold a baby!" Martis cried.

"You can have Lupin," Artemisia said.

Phaedra stroked Black's headful of spiky black hair. "How adorable. Hard to believe they're the same goons who attempted to murder Baby Sister."

Martis picked up Lupin and held him close so their noses touched. "Baby Remie, all helpless and drooling."

"Not any more than usual," Sev commented.

"Minor difference, this one's naked."

Marauder Remus stared at his reflection in her sunglasses. My God - I really am an infant! I'm drooling and everything! I look like a naked, bloated pumpkin! Oh, Miss Britomartis! My apologies for appearing before you this way - !

She opened her robe and laid him against her shirt, now devoid of sweater and tie. "Aww! It's so cute!"

Well, perhaps this isn't so bad ...

Sev glanced at Artemisia who was also making cooing sounds at 'Baby Jimmy'; he turned to Phaedra who was lost in pre-motherhood meditation with 'Baby Sirie'. Lastly, he caught the eye of the uncomfortable Adonia. "What's going on?" he whispered.

"Baby Petey just peed on me," she admitted.

"No, I mean with your sisters."

Adonia looked around as well. "Maternal instincts brought to the fore - ever seen those Muggle paintings of the subject called 'Madonna and Child'?"

"A few."

"That's what's going on. I think the baby pheromones are turning them into mindless mommy-monsters." She put Baby Petey back on the bed and turned to the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress. "I know this is my fault, but I can't handle looking after them; I'd rather have detention."

"It is not your fault, Vox," McGonagall stated. "They were told not to horse-play in class with dangerous potions."

"It was still my potion that did it." Adonia took her robe off. "Besides, I can't stand having baby fluids of any type all over me, so just give me a detention and be done with it."

Cleopatra grabbed the scruff of Adonia's sweater. "Fine, I'll take this one to help me do security tests around the school. If you don't have your own earplugs you're sod-out-of-luck - the explosions can ruin your hearing after a few hours. Forget about Bubble-Head Charms, they just resonate with the shock-waves and make your head explode."

Adonia began sweating. "Uh, Headmaster?"

"That's your detention, then," he agreed.

Cleopatra smirked. "You're mine now, sweetcheeks."

Adonia rolled her eyes. "I am straight this week."

"I don't mean that, you perverted child."

Cleopatra and Adonia left the hospital wing and Dumbledore gazed at the rest of the sisters and Sev. "Well, I suppose the four of you could look after the infants for the next few days. Considering your family's track record at the school - plus Mrs. Vox-Patil here expecting her own - I am quite sure you are capable of handling four rambunctious boy-children."

"You said four," Sev reminded. "I see three Vox's."

"And you, of course, Severus."

"No."

Martis held Baby Remie against her chest with one arm and touched his shoulder with the other hand. "Snips, it'll be fun. Besides, think of it - the Marauders are babies. All they do is mess their nappies, smear food in their hair, and drool."

"This is different HOW?"

Baby Remie turned around so that his cheek lay on her chest and he stuck his thumb in his mouth. His index and middle fingers flexed upward in a babyish Two-Finger Salute.

Sev's mouth flew open. "Why you little - !"

Baby Remie broke into wails, which was quickly followed by the rest of the babies.

Dumbledore bowed his head, smiled, and said, "I'll leave the rest to Madame Pomfrey."

He and McGonagall left. Madame Pomfrey set down a stack of cloth nappies and pins on the bed. "I must admit," the nurse said, ignoring the crying. "It's been years since I had to diaper anything -"

"Don't worry, we know how to do this stuff in the dark," Artemisia said. She placed Baby Jimmy on the bed, cleaned him, and then quickly diapered him in less than thirty seconds. The infant silenced immediately as she cuddled him against her chest.

Sev raised an eyebrow. "Did you grow two more arms during that?"

Phaedra did the exact same thing with Baby Sirie who quieted down. Martis followed with Baby Remie, who relaxed enough to sigh and fall asleep.

"You try," Martis told Sev. "Diaper Pettigrew."

"I beg your pardon, but hell no."

"He can't bug you, Severus," Artemisia pointed out.

"Speaking as an authority figure," Pomfrey added. "You're in the superior position now."

Sev gritted his teeth then glanced at Martis; Baby Remie looked way too pleased with himself as he lay on her overdeveloped chest. Little perv was enjoying it, Sev wagered.

Martis lifted her sunglasses up on her head, her moss green eyes wide. "Pleeeease, Snips?"

Oh, Gods, she was using the Big Eye Routine - which, frankly, was completely inappropriate for someone her age and cup-size. Nevertheless, it was wholly successful. Damn her.

Phaedra mistook a snort of contempt from Baby Sirie as a sneeze. She automatically wiped his nose.

Sev held up the rectangular cloth and asked, "All right, which end do I use? Can't we just use swaddling clothes or something less laborious? Perhaps a burlap sack?"

"Quit griping, Snape," Phaedra said.

The attempt of Sev to diaper Baby Petey gently was cut short as Baby Petey let loose a stream at him.

Pomfrey handed him a wet towel and he wiped his face. "All right, you ball of fluids, no more Mr. Nice Snake!" He drew his wand. "NAUSEUM LEVIOSA!"

Sev's no-hands diapering technique was brutal but effective, leaving Baby Petey wondering why he was hanging upside-down by his feet after the procedure was over.

The Vox sisters stared at Sev with horror on their faces.

"What?" he asked.

"Well," Martis finally said. "It'll just be one more trauma he has to deal with." She pressed close to him and whispered against his ear, "We do NOT use magic to take care of babies!"

"They're still Marauders!" Sev hissed back. "And they know EXACTLY what's going on!"

"No they don't," Martis argued as she pulled back. "They're just babies! They aren't fully conscious!"

Sev flicked his wand and Baby Petey fell; Sev caught him in one arm as he continued to stare at Martis. "What's wrong with you, Spirals? They're still the enemy!"

"They're defenseless babies right now!" She paused, and then her mouth flew open. "You're jealous!"

"I am not," Sev answered with dignity. "But I'm not flushed with silly instincts -"

Phaedra and Adonia sighed and left the room with Baby Sirie and Baby Jimmy.

"You know," Phaedra said. "I hope they work this out before they start having kids."

Artemisia chuckled. "Well, I think Baby Sister is the only person who doesn't know Remus Lupin has a huge crush on her - don't blame Severus for being jealous, even if Lupin is a baby right now."

Phaedra kissed Baby Sirie's forehead and both sisters went back to their dorm.

Marauder Sirius won that bet with Marauder James - Phaedra Vox DID kiss him!

----------

Outside the Gryffindor Tower, Cleopatra and Adonia were pointing wands at the outer wall; Cleopatra with assurance, Adonia with nervousness and trepidation.

Cleopatra explained, "The thoughts we're sending at the wall are incompatible with Dark Magic energies. When they contact Dark Magic residue, they flare up." A burst of black fire made Adonia squeal and jump back while Cleopatra continued, "That was an old residue, perhaps several years. A fresh residue would be a huge flame, while an actual spell would cause an explosion."

"I saw Snape set a dragon on Gryffindor Tower our First-Year," Adonia commented. "I think that's what the fire came from."

"Dark Arts?"

"It's well-known that Snape knows more Dark Arts and curses than he has any business knowing. After having seen his father once, I can understand - his father reeks of magical decay."

Cleopatra did a bit more cleansing of the tower's energies, sending the residue of Dark Energy screaming on the winds.

Argus Filch came up behind them. "Lovely work there, Miss."

Cleopatra looked down at the groundskeeper. "Your layman's opinion means so much to me. It does a professional so much good to know an uninformed man-on-the-street cares about her work."

Filch tried to shrug off the dig. "Well, I may not be Keeper of the Keys, but I do the bulk of security work here. Perhaps I can show you the main secret passages - AAA!!"

Filch decided that he had to leave quickly, seeing as he had a yowling Mrs. Norris attached to his backside by her claws.

"ROWR!"

"IT WAS PURELY PROFESSIONAL, I SWEAR!"

Cleopatra shook her head in disgust. "Now, Miss Vox, we can look for sleeping demons hiding in the bushes -"

----------

Dinner in the Great Hall was quite an interesting affair, as all the girls had surrounded the Vox sisters at one point or another to play with the Baby Marauders, and all the boys were scooted to the ends of the tables and as far away from the babies as possible.

And the Marauders learned what everyone actually thought of them.

"Sirius Black was definitely hot, but he's such an ass."

"True, he really is full of himself."

"His hair is so soft now! I wonder why it got all coarse as he got older?"

"Hey, Lily, what do you think of Potter as a baby now?"

"More bearable. His ways of getting my attention were embarrassing."

"Too bad Lupin won't remember where he spent the duration of this spell."

"At least he's not as obvious about his crush on her in this state."

"You know, Pettigrew looks exactly the same - !"

"Yeah, he's always been cross-eyed and had a blank expression, didn't he?"

"If they stay as babies, do you think they'll grow up nicer this time?"

"If the Vox's are raising them they'll finally learn some respect, I bet."

"Babies smell. I can't believe it, but the guys smell worse as babies."

Dinner was interrupted only once by Artemisia chasing her boyfriend Gryffindor Fred Holden with Baby Jimmy in her arms. "Come on! Don't I look even sexier with a baby??"

Holden squeaked, "NO!" and ran out of the Great Hall.

"I don't get it!" Artemisia cried as she sat at Slytherin's table next to Martis. She shifted Baby Jimmy to her other arm. "I thought this gave the appearance of looking quite fertile!"

"Different cultural standards," Martis answered. She shoved a spoonful of boiled rutabaga in her mouth, chewed, then swallowed. "Back home we worship a fertility Goddess; here they worship young girlhood. Rather disgusting, actually."

"Agreed. Proven fertility is sexier than being a virgin."

"I think they want virgins so the girl doesn't know how lousy they are."

Artemisia sighed and laughed. "That would explain Sirius' sloppy kissing technique."

Martis screwed her face up in disgust. "Ewwww! You like to kiss dogs!"

"We were First-Years! I was eleven and had an excuse! Besides, Doni dared me and threw in a block of chocolate as an incentive."

"Hope it was good chocolate."

The Slytherin boys surrounding them grinned and both girls looked up. Artemisia shifted Baby Jimmy around to burp him and Martis spooned some mashed turnip into Baby Remie's mouth, who spit up half of it down his improvised tunic. The Slytherin males quickly pulled back, save for Sev who held a bottle to Baby Petey's mouth.

"You're supposed to hold them upright when you feed them, Snips," Martis informed him.

"I'm not touching him more than I have to."

"Proper British Fatherhood," Artemisia confirmed.

"I wish this was all my father had to do with me," Sev grumbled.

Martis handed Baby Remie to Sev and took Baby Petey into her arms. The infant wiggled in panic until Martis held him upright and stuck the bottle in his mouth. "Quiet down, little one; you'll feel sick if you struggle. You were probably a colicky baby the first time, weren't you? Can just imagine what sort of parents raised you - the type that left you in your crib all the time and didn't bother to hold or touch or care for you."

Sev watched as Baby Petey relaxed in her arms, listening to her and sucking on the liquid. Gods, how could she not know he knew what she was saying? Sev knew those little grubs understood everything perfectly.

But how to prove it to her? Martis was convinced they were dumb babies. And this 'maternal instinct' made her completely deaf and blind to what was going on under the surface.

Baby Remie finally burped them cried. Sev held him before his face. "Shush or I'm going to feed you to the giant squid."

Baby Remie's fist punched out and entered Sev's mouth, and then the infant released an ear-splitting scream much to Sev's surprise.

"SEVERUS!" Martis shrieked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

Sev spat the fist out of his mouth. "I swear to the local Gods, I was NOT trying to eat him! He put his fist there! He's framing me!"

"Severus, this is inexcusable, even as a joke!" She handed Baby Petey to Artemisia who held him and Baby Jimmy in her arms as she crossed back to the Ravenclaw table, and Martis turned back to Sev and the squalling Baby Remie. "Give him to me!" She snatched the baby from his arms and rested the infant against her chest. Baby Remie immediately quieted and sighed, resting his head on her breast.

"Did you see that??" Sev exclaimed. "The pervert sighed! He's ENJOYING it!"

"Severus, you're being ridiculous!"

He leaned close to her, moving her hair aside and whispered against her ear, "Martis, I am being perfectly serious."

She inhaled sharply. "Don't get that close unless you're planning on licking my ear."

Marauder Remus shifted uncomfortably.

Sev pulled away. "Why would I lie to you?"

"I don't think you're lying, I think you're just being paranoid." She smirked. "Or jealous."

"I am NOT jealous, least of all of a drooling potato that screams at one end and wets at the other."

Martis giggled and shook her head. She gently caressed Baby Remie's lightly-layered ginger-colored hair. "Sev, have you ever thought about having babies?"

"Not me, myself. They would stretch out my clothes."

She laughed again. "No, I mean having kids around."

It was too good a set up.

He knew Remus Lupin had a wild crush on her. And with the way the little creep was copping free feels off his Martis, the bugger was going to hear some 'private thoughts' that NO ONE had ever been privy to; including Sev himself.

Sev leaned close again, making sure Baby Remie heard him. "Of course I thought about having babies around - especially the making of them ... doing perverted things to your sweaty, naked body has its appeal -"

Martis turned red. "SNIPS!" Then looked around and whispered, "Not in front of everyone!"

Baby Remie's eyes were REALLY wide and Sev was pleased how the grub looked like his mind was blowing.

----------

Pomfrey insisted that the Baby Marauders stay in the hospital wing during the night.

"What about us since we're the caretakers?" Phaedra asked.

"You three will stay here, of course," the nurse answered. "I already asked permission from your Heads of Houses."

"Oh, look, a playpen's already been set up," Artemisia said. She placed Baby Petey and Baby Jimmy in it and knelt down next to it to keep an eye on them.

Martis was changing Baby Remie. "I need a shower after all this."

"Same here," Artemisia agreed. "These guys produce more body fluids than our nieces and nephews did all together."

"They need baths as well," Phaedra added as she placed Baby Sirie in the pen as well.

Pomfrey placed a stack of fresh towels on the beds. "I'm afraid we don't have showers here in the infirmary - just a large claw-foot tub with plenty of hot water." She leaned down and looked at the babies. "I'll need to do another exam tomorrow morning - I finally found those thermometers."

"Thermometers?" Martis asked.

Artemisia leaned close and whispered, "The British have this thing about sticking things up -"

The Baby Marauders went completely silent.

"Will you cut that out?" Martis snapped.

"I'm being serious - never met a nation so obsessed with reversing the course of nature in that orifice."

"You're an ill creature, Arti." Martis finished diapering Baby Remie.

"Yes, I am." She plopped down on a bed and wriggled out of her robe. "How shall we do it, sisters? Wash them first and take turns ourselves or everyone bathe together?"

Phaedra picked Baby Sirie up again. "Oh, no, he's not breathing right." She turned him over and tapped his back gently. He coughed and began breathing again. "Odd. Wonder what made him choke like that?"

"Blockage," Artemisia replied as Phaedra put him back. "The usual."

A knock came from the main door and a braided head of black hair appeared. "It's me. May I come in?"

"Sure Severus," Artemisia said as she sat up.

Sev entered the hospital wing with Medusa coiled around his arms. "I figured you'd want Medusa to see the babies."

"Absolutely!" Martis agreed, accepting her snake from him.

"Is that safe? Or wise?" Madame Pomfrey asked.

"It's custom on Crete for family snakes to look after babies," Martis explained. "Female snakes are very maternal and attach themselves to the infants of the family to act as nurturers and guardians."

"We all slept with snakes in our infant beds," Phaedra added. "We never had anything like 'cribs'; the snakes acted as a bumper to keep us on the bed. They also knew to keep breathing passages cleared and such, so no chance of infant suffocation. My child will have his or her own snake for this."

Pomfrey nodded. "Makes complete sense to me. Well, I must bid you good night; Mr. Snape, I request you to be out by nine o'clock. I'll be up early tomorrow. Good night."

"Good night, Madame Pomfrey," the sisters and Sev answered.

A crackle of thunder outside the infirmary was quickly followed by a shower of rain pattering against the windows.

"Sleepy weather," Martis murmured.

Sev sat on the floor next to the pen and commented, "The Marauders behind bars. Looks especially natural."

Martis sat Baby Remie inside the pen, then she sat next to Sev, cuddling close to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "Oh, stop it. They're easier to get along with this way."

Sev drew an arm around her shoulder, watching Baby Remie staring coldly at him. He could barely hide the smirk as he kissed her hair.

Phaedra and Artemisia were smirking as well, but said nothing. All they knew was that their Baby Sister's Dark Prince was finally showing how he felt.

"Snips," Martis whispered.

"Hmm?" he breathed into her hair.

"A baby needs changing."

Sev pulled back a bit and sniffed the air, immediately regretting it. "Either that or someone let a skunk loose."

Phaedra forced herself up and said, "Well, they need baths anyway. Martis - why don't you and Severus bathe them while Arti and I get our showers back at the dorm?"

"No problem. Take your time. I suspect washing four babies is going to be time-consuming and messy."

Sev grunted. "Marauders being filthy and disgusting - what a shock."

As the older sisters left, Sev leaned close and suggested (smirking madly the whole while), "I wonder how you'd look in a wet shirt as it clings to your - ?"

Her hand pressed over his mouth while she blushed furiously. "Don't say anything - it's not the state I want to be in while bathing babies."

It was strange getting a look that could kill from a six-month-old baby, much less the looks of nausea from the other three.

----------

After the bath had been drained and cleaned of baby essence and her sisters returned, Martis herself soaked in the large bath tub and reviewed the day.

The babies triggered something; she knew her own maternal instinct had wakened. There was little else that could have happened, considering her own history. She had to take care of babies, just to make sure they were loved. She herself had spent hours upon hours staring at the bull and snake and dolphin frescoes in the rooms of her parents' villa, and not seeing her parents at all. It was only by the loving natures of her own siblings that she survived to an age in which she could take care of herself.

Babies should never be left alone. They should be loved and held and touched and assured.

Even if they were Marauders.

But Baby Remie had attached himself to her. The sisters had discovered early in the afternoon that she was the only person he allowed to hold him. And truthfully, the only way to keep him quiet was to hold him to her chest. Very likely the combination of her heartbeat and warmth was comforting to him. Plus ... as Sev had pointed out ... her chest was very soft to lie on.

And Severus Snape himself! What to make of such comments! '... doing perverted things to your sweaty, naked body has its appeal ...'

It sent shivers up and down her body. It was scary but wonderful.

And when the babies did splash her (it was as if they were intentionally making her wet while Sev remained mostly dry) and made her shirt cling to her skin, he had such a leer on his face!

No. It does not mean anything. Really, he would not change his mind! So why was he acting like this? Or was she misinterpreting the whole thing???

No, she was not. Maybe it was because the babies made her seem more womanly, and that made him react more manly ...

Sev was a man after her own culture. While these British boys ran away from babies and did not want anything to do with girls who had babies around, Sev helped her and stuck around and even made appropriately inappropriate comments!

Funny. When she held her nephew Dorian and carried him around, Dion made similar comments, yet it did not produce the same reaction in her. With Sev saying them ... it felt like her heart skipped a beat and her stomach knotted and her blood screamed through her veins.

How would the babies of a dark-haired, dark-eyed pale fellow and a blonde-haired, green-eyed olive-skinned girl look...?

Martis pulled the plug from the tub and allowed the water to drain.

----------

Medusa was placed inside the pen on top of the bedding with the freshly washed, changed, and clothed Baby Marauders.

Baby Petey fell right to sleep. Or passed out as Marauder Peter realized how much BIGGER the snake looked at this angle.

"See?" Martis told Sev. "Having a snake in the infant bed relaxes the baby quickly."

"I think he fainted," Sev observed.

"Don't be silly."

Phaedra snickered. "Yes. Look at how the others are crawling to the other side as Medusa is cuddling Baby Petey."

Martis snorted. "They're just too old to appreciate the mother snake; Doni should have fixed the potion to hit them at First Breath rather than six months of age."

"She didn't have much of a choice," Artemisia reminded her. "As is, she's been too much under Miss Cleopatra's thumb this evening to worry about anything but doing security checks."

"How cute!" Martis cooed. "Medusa likes Baby Petey so much she's hugging him! Probably the only person that ever did!"

"Probably likes him with mushroom sauce," Sev stated in a low voice. Artemisia and Phaedra made faces at him, although they could not hide the smirks.

Martis poked his shoulder before turning back to see Baby Remie making motions of wanting to be picked up. "Oh, Remie-demie-snookie-baby-kins ... " she sighed as she picked him up. "Can't sleep without being cuddled?"

Marauder Remus was slightly insulted by the baby-talk, but feeling her warm breasts against his body through the thin material of her nightgown washed away the discomfort. He had to find a way to get rid of Snape long enough for him to enjoy laying on her. Snape hanging around and being a 'gentleman pervert' to Miss Britomartis was very upsetting.

Thunder boomed outside again. Still, it was nice to lie on her chest and feel safe...

Meanwhile, Baby Petey regained consciousness only to feel a snake wrapped around his little body and Medusa yawning wide enough for him to look down her snakey gullet - which resulted in him losing consciousness again.

----------

Night time at Hogwarts School is safer than most places, but it does not feel like it. It is a castle thing.

Cleopatra trotted down the halls, still feeling smug after spending most of the day scaring Adonia Vox. Her battle-trained senses were alert for potential danger - especially from that weirdo Filch; she could swear he had the hots for her.

Pausing before a tapestry depicting a wizard being savagely pummeled by trolls in ballet costumes, she paced back and forth, willing herself to need one particular thing.

On the third pass, a door appeared, and Cleopatra entered the Room of Requirement.

The sound hit first - a cheery, cute techno beat with a squeaky, cute female voice doing a rap song in Japanese. She even recognized the tune: 'Mahou Shoujo Pixy Misa'. The music was coming from a glassy-looking cylinder whose internal workings would have won any scientist or engineer in this era several Nobel Prizes.

In the middle of the room was a bed with a young woman on it, relaxed with her eyes closed, grooving and lip-syncing to the tune. The girl's face showed Oriental ancestry, and she wore a midriff-bearing top and baggy hip-hugger jeans of the fashion of the early twenty-first century, as well as flight-goggles identical to the ones Cleopatra wore. A yellow scarf was wrapped around one bedpost.

Cleopatra raised the arm her wand was strapped to and invoked, "Stupefy!"

The girl reached up and caught the scarlet energy bolt in one hand. She opened her eyes and glanced up at Cleopatra, giving a playful smile as she tossed the energy bolt from hand to hand like a child's toy. "Not bad, Grasshopper. You almost got me that time." She looked around, tossing the bolt over her shoulder and blowing up the glassy cylinder, making the music come to an abrupt stop. "Where are we, anyway?"

Cleopatra answered: "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, central Scotland, Earth, Sol System, Sagittarius Arm, Milky Way Galaxy." After a pause, she added, "A.D. 1974," as if it were an afterthought.

The young woman looked around the Room, barren save for the bed and the shattered music device. "How the heck did you get me here, anyway?"

"This is the Room of Requirement, which gives a person what they need. I needed you."

The girl sat up on the bed Indian-style. "Oh my. My apprentice needs her teacher." Her eyes twinkled in amusement. "How Freudian. Whatever shall I do? Well, it does explain the bed. Shall I put on some romantic music?" She looked at the shattered glass on the floor. "Oops. Darn. That means another shopping trip to the Galactic Imperium."

"JENNY! I'm serious!"

"So am I! You know how bad inflation is in the Seventy-First Century?! That thing's going to set me back a kilo of iridium at least!" The girl's face became serious. "Okay, young apprentice. Jenny Everywhere's School for Dimension Shifters is in session. Lay it on me."

Cleopatra sat on the bed. "I'm stumped. I've been here almost a month and I can't find the anomaly."

"Uh-huh."

She ran a hand through her short-cropped green hair, then drew her knee up and rested her arm on it. "There's been not a twitch in the continuum, no mysterious events - by the standards of a wizard's academy, anyway - it's perfectly bland and ordinary."

Jenny nodded. "And what anomaly is this exactly?"

Cleopatra swatted Jenny's head. "The one you sent me to find!"

Jenny scowled at Cleopatra. "Ass-kicking you are seeking, young Jedi. Haven't you learned about Relative Causality Sequencing yet?"

"Relative Causality Sequencing?" Cleopatra's face was blank for a moment, then comprehension settled in. "Oh. You haven't sent me to find it yet. And it probably hasn't arrived yet, either."

Jenny gave a sarcastic little clap. "Give the thick-headed lout a see-gar!"

"So what do I do now?"

Jenny huffed in annoyance. "I despair of you ever learning to use that lump of pobbly porridge in your head for anything but soaking up hair dye. THINK! What are you?!"

"Leftenant Third-Class Cleopatra -"

"Not 'who' - WHAT are you?!"

"A witch. A shifter. An officer in the Royal Wizard Marines. A Knight Companion of the Order of the Phoenix. A - "

Jenny pulled a rolled-up newspaper from nowhere and hit her student over the head. "Try again. What are you - HERE?!"

"My cover is a security consultant ... " She paused as a notion hit her."I'm an anomaly."

Jenny threw up her hands. "Light dawns on Marblehead!"

Cleopatra took the thought. "Anomalies are always attracted to other anomalies. So all I have to do is sit still ... and it will come to me."

Jenny fell backwards, making the mattress bounce. "About bloody time! How have you lived this long with loose and muddy thinking like that?" She pulled a notepad and pencil out of nowhere. "That reminds me - next time I see you, I'll have to tell you to go here to find an anomaly. It's good training." After scribbling a note, Jenny sat up again. "So - meet any blokes?!"

Cleopatra snickered. "For a wise old teacher of the Mysteries of Space, Time, and the Dimensions, you certainly have shallow priorities."

"That's how I survive being Jenny Everywhere," she said. "I focus on trivia. If a shifter allows herself to think about what she actually is and what she can do, she goes squirrelly-coo-coo. When you finish becoming Cleopatra Everywhere, you'll have your duty to the Wizard King and the Weasley Dynasty to keep you anchored." She planted her chin in her hands. "So what about the blokes?"

With a smile, Cleopatra replied, "Well, I met this sweet guy. Big hands."

"Ooo! Got a name?"

"Rubeus Hagrid. And he's got amazing control ... "

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