One less Marauder

Walking down the steps, avoiding the one that was a trap hastily, almost steeping on it, he walked down the stone steps, footsteps echoing off the walls. His hands, trembling as he brought them up to his face. Why had he done that? Why did he feel this way? Sirius was his friend! Friends weren't meant to fight... only three words form his mouth had set him off... Just those three "Its okay Moony..." But it wasn't... and besides, he didn't want to be Moony any more. Moony was the wolf inside his head. Moony was the monster awaiting his release on the full moons. He wasn't moony... he was Remus.

Remus Lupin...

He sighed as he saw another flash of lightning, followed by a large rumble of thunder... but no, that wasn't thunder. A Pain in his stomach told him that it was his stomach craving food. Curse the moon. He could go all day with out breakfast, lunch, and some times with out dinner... but the moon was making him hungry at 4 in the morning. He supposed there would be food for the early birds. He sighed, making his way to the Great hall slowly, hoping the Sirius James or Peter just would leave him be and forget about him. Sure enough only a few people were in the Great hall. It was amazing it seemed like at least ten were there! It seemed three Gryffindors were at the table, perfect. He wanted to be alone...

Sitting down in a seat, he grabbed a plate and helped him self to just a plain simple piece of toast, his stomach too upset to be eating too much then, and his wolf, so hungry, it was making him feel like he just wanted to eat the Gryffindor not sitting to far away from him, which was making him rather nauseous every time he looked over to the student. He just nibbled on the toast and tried to block that feeling out. Finally, realizing the Gryffindore that he had the feeling to snack on just momentarily, he felt bad for his wolf ever feeling that way when he realized who it was.

It was Lily, his fellow Gryffindore Friend that he chatted with occasionally, and of course, James love, unfortunately for James... she didn't seem to love him back. They were good friends. Lily was defiantly a smart girl, yet always making sure the marauders weren't pranking or doing something stupid. Usually it was James and Sirius that really got it. Remus never got scolded that much, especially from Lily.. He gave a weak smile at her but then looked back down at his empty plate, littered with breadcrumbs. Lily gave Remus a puzzled look. Her Dark deep red hair neatly combed and her deep emerald eyes looking at Remus questioningly.

"Remus... You seem sad... Something wrong?" she asked sitting in a seat closer to him. Remus didn't give a straight answer. For some reason he felt calmer talking to a female... couldn't tell why, but it felt nice to talk to a girl instead of a shouting rivalry with Snape or Sirius who were boys of course... he spoke calmly yet sadly

"Yes... Every-- Every things wrong, Lily" he sighed looking down at his empty plate. He did not know why, but he felt as thought she had suffered in her past as he had... and he was thankful, for she did not ask any more questions at this, seeing he was depressed, but patted his back gently.

"Remus... I heard what happened up in the common room... I won't bother you with your problems... seeing that you were that depressed-- that angry that you had yelled at Sirius-- your best mate" she said kindly, but Remus just snapped back.

"He's not my best mate!" he snarled, but thought twice "Or...ugh... You know? I don't know any more... really I don't" he sighed in frustration. Lily didn't seem affected by his harsh words at first, but just acted calm. Yet, there was sadness in her eyes, as if she wanted to help, but she didn't do anything, And Remus realized why. He was blocking his mind to her... he was so angry, that the look in his eyes were beyond reason, and some how Lily must of seen that, and had not even tried with him. He slowly relaxed, but was still frightened... scared of his dream... scared of himself... of the monster living inside him. He slowly said

"I—I'm sorry Lily ... But I feel like-- I have to be alone right now..." he sighed. Lily nodding in understanding took her empty plate and left... leaving him alone. He was glad she hadn't taken anything the wrong way. But it was nice talking to a female friend once in depression and sadness... he didn't know why, but it calmed him, maybe because it wasn't like having boy to boy talks and you felt like cutting each others throat open like fighting for ranks... Girls weren't like that way, they just... seemed to take was was given most of the times. Now, don't take his theory the wrong way, girls were very competitive and full of energy and had much rivalry... but in this sense... it was nice to talk to some one opposite of him...

Sighing, he continued to chew the toast slowly and boredly in depression, to find that he realized eating the toast seemed to be like trying to swallow cardboard. He dropped it on his plate with a loud 'clink' as the stale bread hit the glass plate and he rested his elbow on the table and supported his head with his fist in thought... That damn dream coming back in his head... But that wasn't the worst part... the dream kept going. It got worse. It got more horrid when he actually saw—

His Father...

He was dead... but only, in the worst way that he couldn't even think. That he purposely had to block his mind from. The marauders asked if they could erase that memory... but he refused. Why? Well... he wanted to solve his problems himself. Find his own way to ignore the things he didn't like... and he wouldn't even think or deleting anything of his father in his brain. Not even that... yet he never tried to remember that horrible image... never. He didn't want to, and he would never want to. There for, he wasn't going to start thinking about it now.

Sighing, and his golden eyes with no life in them what so ever, stared at his plate bored. He had gotten mad at Sirius, and woke the whole Common room up at his yelling, all because Sirius was jus trying to make him feel better... It was Remus' fault, he shouldn't of lost his temper at Sirius, yet he wished Sirius could of known how it felt, or how he lived with his 'condition' maybe he would understand.

He sighed, staring at the toast that had suddenly tasted like cardboard to him and laid on the plate, just sitting there motionless. Remus' eyes closed in weariness of waking up so early, and with his face resting on his palm, dosed off in tiredness, yet woke up in fear once in a while, afraid to drift off to sleep, to dream again, until his brain won, and his eyes shut, and stayed shut...

((Er... now It's the Marauders PoV... mostly Sirius lol))

Meanwhile, back in the common room, many groggy voices sounded form the ruckus that just happened, and then, hearing the silence once more, most shuffled back into bed, seeing it was the weekend and there were no classes, so they could go back to sleep for hours. Or some woke up for an early breakfast and to stay outside a bit, doing homework or studying.

Although, three in the common room were sitting there, a bit petrified of what had just happened. A tall dark chocolate brown haired boy, sat in a chair by the fire as he had done before, dumbstruck, and a plump, blond haired boy standing by the portrait hole, rubbing his reddened face form getting it slammed into it, and a black messy haired boy standing by Sirius, silent and grim, his hazel eyes sad. They just stood there for a few minuets as they had done before, when there friend Remus had left them a bit stunned on his behavior.

Sirius, the dark chocolate haired boy gave a snort and said, as if trying to change the subject,

"Moony's a bit Moody eh?" He said shrugging, as if acting too cool for Remus, even though, the glint in his deep blue eyes showed concern all over it, he was defiantly caring for Remus. James gave a sigh,

"He's just... I don't know, he gets like that some times... I don't blame him, and you shouldn't either Padfoot." He said a bit grimly and soberly. Sirius looked offended,

"I'm not 'blaming' him! He just got a bit short with me! I was only trying to help!" he said desperately.

Peter recovering from the portrait slammed into his face by Remus' powerful slam in his face with anger, recovered a bit and said

"Well Sirius, haven't you learned by now that 'helping' just isn't your thing?"

Both James and Sirius scowled at Peter, who shrunk, even though surprisingly small already, but seemed to even more and said in a squeaky voice changing the subject,

"But James is right... Remus acts like that some times... once in a while."

"And once in a while isn't a coincidence... We all know what's wrong. It's today, isn't it?" James said looking to Sirius, who gave him a blank stare

"How should I know? I haven't checked... and Moony hasn't talked about it... lately" he said difficultly his eyes sparkled with concern. James sighed and gave him a stupid look.

"Could you maybe 'check' dear Padfoot?" he said as if Sirius was but a tiny child. Sirius, with a grumble, left the two marauders in the common room, as he trudged up sleepily to the boy's dorm to check a calendar.

"'Go check dear Padfoot?'" he mocked sleepily as he walked up the stairs, now entering the shared dorm with Remus, James, Peter and himself.

"Sure, I'll go check. Jeez, this can get annoying have a friend who's a w—"but stopped, realizing what he was saying, and especially when he laid eyes on the shared dorm. All the beds were made. Sirius wasn't usually so neat, neither Peter nor James, but they were all sloppily made. Remus was the neat one, but he was very surprised at the condition of Remus' usually clean bed and neatness in his corner.

The blankets were thrown all around, and the pillows, on the floor, everything messed up and twisted. It looked as if he had tossed and turned for quite a time in the bed, having a nightmare, or a fit. That was concerning, but what mostly surprised Sirius was that it wasn't even made! Remus, the neat one, usually took the liberty of making his bed as neat as possible, and some times doing the other marauders beds as well if they got so messy Remus couldn't stand it. But his bed was a mess! The pillows on the floor and scattered on his rumpled up bed sheets and blanket, twisted up and wrinkled, and a few feathers form his large fluffy pillows scattered the floor as well. Sirius gawked and muttered

"Jeez Remus... what's going on with you?" he said concerned and picked up a few duck feathers that littered the floor form his big fluffy pillows. Shaking his head in sadness and pain for his beloved friend, he wondered what 'was' wrong with Remus. He had been so mad at him, so mad at just trying to help... But then it hit him. He had tried to help because Remus was a bit gloomy on his 'situation' and yelled at him on how it felt not to understand. He was right though... he may know what does happen to Remus, or what he is, but he never really feels Remus' pain, or sees things his way, or thinks about things his way, for Remus always has a danger to deal with, n mater what, he has to take action. Sirius began to scare himself on how he imagined Remus could feel. Like he would have to live a nightmare, being a wolf every month and shudder, like a terribly dream, but only a dream come true... a dream come true that you wished hadn't.

Sirius' now had a slightly different opinion on how Remus felt, but he would never know how Remus felt or what he thought. What things haunted his past that they didn't know about? He had kept his Lycanthrope condition as a secret for ages, and finally let it out when they had only guessed, and hated himself for letting them find out! What other kinds of secrets did he have that he was hiding? What else dwelled in this boy's mind and feelings that none of them knew about? He wanted to know, to help... But Remus was so secretive, and defensive of his feelings... it seemed impossible to break the barrier that guarded others from Remus' personal thoughts or secrets, impossible. He was so secretive, so secure with what was his to deal with and what others should know, it was scary...

He wondered what happened to Remus to make him so upset, to toss and turn and make his bed a mess and leave it like that at 2 or 3 AM in the morning, and return just to snap at him? Sighing in wonder and so much concern for his friend, his eyes darkened with worry as he ran his hand through his thick chocolate brown hair, and heaved a sigh of difficulty, yet remembered why he was here.

Checking a calendar hanging on the wall, the marauders secretly used to plan pranks or special things to take notice of, he quickly scanned it, searching for today's date.

Pointer finger lightly touching the smooth cool paper as he slid it across the numbered pages, searching for the date, he muttered the things marked on some of them as he searched. Doing this naming numerous events, pranks, in other words as he searched

"Wednesday, make Snivelly trip onto Alyn in front of boyfriend... no." he muttered

"Thursday, Release Fire Crabs in magical creatures class...nope," he murmured.

"Saturday..."he said sighing stopping his finger on the date. Skipping Friday, for the prank was too priceless, he couldn't bare to read it. Unlike the sloppy handwriting of his own before stating the pranks, the handwriting was neat, and miniscule as if ashamed of being there. This was Remus' handwriting, and it read—

", Full moon" finished Sirius with a sigh and shook his head, eyes closed. He usually loved full moons to get out and run free, but he was feeling bad for Remus today.

Taking one look at the messy dorm, he realized how unorganized it looked when Remus' bed wasn't neat to at least make the room look a bit clean. As he turned his head and began to walk down the stairs, he saw James talking with Peter lightly, and James' head turned abruptly at his appearance and said with a smile

"Bloody hell Sirius what took you so long?" He said irritably, yet with a smile. Peter nodded in agreement. Sirius just shrugged

"Sorry... guess I got distracted" he sighed and stat down staring at the fire. He noticed two pairs of eyes staring at him as he stared, and felt awkward at this and turned looking puzzled.

"What?" he asked irritated.

"James laughed, "Don't 'What' us! Is it? Is it today?" he asked. Peter just chuckled at Sirius' forgetfulness as Sirius slapped his hand to his face

"Sorry, I've just been... thinking is all."

"You can think???" the two said in unison jokingly.

"Very funny" Sirius said sarcastically. "And yes."

"Yes to what?" he said wasting time indeed.

"Yes to both James you Literal!" he laughed. He was feeling better now, and he loved these times, joking and laughing together, yet he had the feeling something was missing...

Oh yeah... Remus.

Suddenly the room became quiet, and James sighed, Sirius knew why. James had always had pity for Remus and the time of the month, and Sirius was getting tired of his sighs of sadness. They had just been able to take the form of an animal the beginning of the year, and the routine of transforming with their werewolf companion when the full moon rose was working quite nicely, and they noticed Remus was defiantly showing signs of being much happier about his condition when his friends walked along the full moon nights as animals along with his beast.

The fire crackled innocently and the room was very silent except for the golden red and yellow orange blazing flames dancing innocently on the burning crisp that was once a strong thick healthy log. Outside, some flecks of snow began to fall. It was almost Christmas and in December, it was snowing and as cold as ever. Good thing they all had fur coats as their animals... poor peter though, they'd probably lose the rat in the large amounts of snow.' He'd just have to perch upon Prong's Antlers' Sirius thought boredly.

Suddenly, breaking the awkward silence, a large growl like rumble emitted loudly through the room. James head turned to Sirius who threw his hands up in surrender

"It wasn't me I swear!" he chuckled. They expected him to make the strange growling like noises, he loved to imitate a large dog and growl behind their backs, scaring them to jump to the ceiling... of course, this joke was getting old, yet James was still on to him. But it wasn't him this time.

An embarrassed Peter raised his hand slightly in the air.

"Sorry... it was my stomach, getting a bit hungry," he said clutching his stomach.

Sirius and James gave a chuckle, and James spoke up,

"It is getting near breakfast time... I think we could head down there, and maybe meet up with Remus, where is he anyways?" he asked. Sirius shrugged,

"Don't ask me." He sighed. James raised an eyebrow like last time he'd as Sirius to check the calendar. "Then why don't 'we' check?" he smiled and pulled out the Marauders map. A Yellowing Dog eared folded piece of paper, crinkly paper making an old unique sound. He unfolds it, took out his elegant want and recited clearly

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."

The map revealed lines and the building of Hogwarts passageways and corridors, classrooms and more. Tiny black blotched of what seemed footprints walked along the dog-eared map of Hogwarts structure. Searching for the one they seeked, Pete raised his hand as if in a class saying

"Oh! Oh! Oooh!"

"What is it? You see him?" Sirius asked flatly. Peter pointed to the Great hall, and to a label, named

"Remus J. Lupin" Which wasn't moving... and by the looks of things—wasn't going anywhere soon.

"There's old Moony!" Sirius said cheerfully. "Looks like we can get a meal, and find our old pal! All right, marauders, back to mischief!" he said smiling that mischievous smile and they all headed off to the Great hall.

((Okay, and here is where you'll have to wait. Im currently working on this Chapter. So, no more chapters for a while! Hope you like it! Oh, and if all these paragraphs seem a bit fustrating to read, Tell me, and I'll try and break it up. (I know it can be hard ot read long paragraphs. Just losses interest) Well, thanks! Bye for now!))