The Secret Life of Kardis Aka Evil Lesbian Demon Goddess of Madness and Destruction

Disclaimer: I don't own Lodoss or Marmo or Kardis or Narse, but I love pie!

Day 439,804

Today we had to leave Lyla at the llama day-care so me and Karla could spend some ...er... quality time together. Lyla had a blast. She met another llama named Delgabaux. And wouldn't you know it, Delgabaux says oink instead of ----. (Lyla doesn't say anything)

Day 439,805

3.36 186000mi ( 1 m ) 299,275,945.3m/s

x m (.0006215mi)

Day 439,808

Yesterday was not the best of days. When I awoke, it was raining, then it was hailing and I had left my highly breakable expensive glass rock outside so it broke. Then I tried to cook breakfast. I made eggs and biscuits. I was reciting Spanish pickup lines and forgot to pay attention so the eggs started burning, and I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. I used a towel to fan the air so it'd turn off, then I sat and reminisced about all the times as a child I did that. Then the biscuits caught fire in the oven, the smoke alarm went off again and there were flames coming out of my oven. I used my fire extinguisher and that just ruined the biscuits. So I had to go out for breakfast. That cost me $6.57 plus $56.88 for a new fire extinguisher. Actually, the fire extinguisher only cost 16.88, but when I was at Falmart buying it there was a wet spot on the floor and I slipped on that and knocked over some glasses. Apparently that was all my fault so I had to pay for them. The extinguisher itself was only $16.88, but the glasses were $5 each! Then I figured that after such a hectic morning, I would relax a little and read a book. I was deep in the mystery book Murder on the Styx, by Gulgatha Christie. The reading went well for a grand total of 17 minutes, the best 17 minutes in my entire day. What stopped me was a funny little man who came to the door selling pencils. Now that doesn't seem to be a huge problem but it is if the funny little man is carrying a bazooka. Now I was going to blow him up with my Magical Purple Bubbles of Doom (Dun! Dun! Dun!) but he said if I attempted to blow him up he was wearing explosive peanut oil so I would either die or be hit with scalding oil marring my beautiful face. It was a nice compliment! So I listened to him talk about pencils for 4 hours. Mechanical pencils, shiny pencils, bendy pencils, red pencils, blue pencils, number 2 pencils, number 8 pencils, pencils with erasers, pencils with stickers, pencils that make noise when you hit them on the table, pencils that glow in the dark, fuzzy pencils, pencils with grips, pencils without grips, recycled pencils, and run of the mill plain old pencils. And he refused to leave until I had spent at least 47 dollars on pencils. Do you know how many pencils you can get for $47? Waaaay too many. Then I went out to lunch at Painchos Mexican Buffet. I thought Mexican food would be a good choice but noooo. The mariachis, who played live music for the restaurant, were walking around, and one tripped and fell on me, forcing my face into my food. I had enchiladas in my hair and that is just plain not fun. When I finally got back home a cute little stray dog was sitting on my porch. It was a black dog with the most adorable face. I went to pet her and she bit me. The bloody dog bit my hand! XD Promptly I blew her up with my Magical Purple Bubbles of Doom (Dun! Dun! Dun!). So with my hand torn up I had to go to the Xclinic. I waited at the Xclinic for well over an hour before it was my turn. Then the doctor stitched up my hand and checked me for rabies. Luckily I am not rabid! But, I have a useless left hand. (The doctor went really really really overboard with bandages). I went home. At this time it was about 3:00 and Jeopardy was coming on. I went to watch it, but about 2 minutes in, the cable went out. I tried to fix it, and proceeded to completely ruin my television. Here's what happened, I stood on a chair to fiddle with the TV and I lost my balance. I fell back and got tangled in cords. As I tried to walk away the TV cord was wrapped around my ankle and the TV came crashing to the ground. That was not a happy experience. There was smoke, broken glass, and wires everywhere. I would have cleaned it up then but due to the fact I had one arm it wasn't going to happen, so its still there on the floor. I went into my bedroom for a nap. I knows I needed one. I was just drifting off to sleep when the phone rang. It was Karla. Her car had died. It died 3 hours away. All I wanted was a nice peaceful day, but nooo Karla needed help. So I headed out. I went to turn on the A/C but it didn't work. I had to roll down the window, ruining my perfectly styled hair. I am rather bad at directions so I kept getting more and more lost. Five hours later I finally got to where Karla was stranded. I picked her up, by then it was 9 o'clock. Well, we started home and after a short while decided to stop for dinner. We went inside and sat down. After a short while these two human dudes, who were obviously drunk, started hitting on us. It was rather revolting. They wouldn't go away til we finally convinced them we were a lesbian couple. At first they wouldn't believe us, and the first guy thought it was 'cause he was brunette and he started bawling. Apparently he had some issues as a child. What am I saying, he still has them. We were so disturbed, we left before dessert, and I really wanted a piece of pie too :( We got back on the road and drove for what seemed like forever. We finally got back at one in the morning. I dropped Karla off at her house and went home. I took a shower, then my head hit the pillow before I fell asleep. Now doesn't that sound like a fun day? I did get a lime green ice tea though. And that made lots of things better!

Day 439,810

Do yooouuu like fractions?

Day 439,811

Today Karla and I had to take Lyla to day care again because we went to an Irish/Scottish drinking song festival. They had lots of ale and beer and ways to get drunk.

Day 439,811

Hangover.

Day 439,813

I rule all of the world, just in case you were wondering.

Day 439,816

R-ed

A-nd

I-ndigo

N-ow

B-elong to

O-ther

W-orlds

Day 439,817

OYGBV

Day 439,818

Weekly waffle party! We made decorations this week. We cut out little figures from the waffles and placed them around the room. Timothy made some llamas to give to Lyla. Lyla gave them one look, then ate them.

Day 439,820

PTTOW 8 (Plan to take over world)

Enlist the floppy disks!

Day 439,823

Karla and I went out to lunch today. The cute waitress was totally checking me out, but don't tell Karla.

Day 439,825

I was lighting a candle today, when suddenly my carpet caught on fire. I didn't mean to drop the flaming paper...

Day 439,826

.thgin eht rof dna ni dtsixe cigam eht wenk I tub ,cigam saw thgin eht taht em dlot yob A

Day 439,827

I saw a little girl with a lemonade stand today. I was feeling generous so I went and asked her how much a cup was. She said A DOLLAR. I told her for that there better be alcohol in it, but she just shook her head and said something about the cost of nonliving increase.

Day 439,829

12:06AM

Day 439,832

I have a headache.

Day 439,846

Apparently I had more that just a headache. About 10 minutes after writing that I blacked out. Karla found me and freaked out and called 119. I've been in the hospital for the past 14 days. The doctors told me some medical mumbo jumbo that basically added up to something is wrong with you, we aren't quite sure what, but we'll keep you here and charge you outrageously.

Day 439,847

Why Pie?
Because:

A- it tastes good especially apple pie !yum!

B- it is the infinitely cooler spelling of the Greek letter which looks like a house and is the coolest number ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

C- it's part of the title of an uber-cool song

D- it's foot in Spanish and feet are rather useful

E- is a fun site

F- is also a happy website with private eyes like Mary Kate and Ashley, but not...

G- there is a song/poem about it

H- it has more vowels that consonants

I- now have a strong like for the word pie