Scene VII
Still outside the castle
Note: This scene contains dialogue taken from Finding Nemo which you will recognize when you read, unless of course you have not seen the movie, in which case you should go out immediately and buy it, as it is the best children's movie ever made! The scene also contains the phrase, "What a fox!" which is conveniently taken from SpongeBob SquarePants.
Saruman's voice- Open the gates! Open the gates! Open the (coughing fit) GATES!
Orc's voice- Cough drop my lord?
Saruman's voice- No, you fool!
Different Orc's voice- Bring down the gates!
(Cheering, yelling, obscenity screaming Orcs heard)
(Gates opened; note that they were not 'brought down')
(They see that there are only 3 Orcs accompanying Saruman, one of whom is hastily shoving a tape recorder marked 'Battle of Helm's Deep' into his pocket)
Éomer- Boo.
Orcs- Aah!!!!!!!
(They flee terrified)
Saruman- People of Gondor! Hark the words that I speak with my mouth! I have defeated you! Finally!
(Evil laughter, interrupted by coughing fit)
(Orcs comes up behind him)
Orcs- cough drop, my lord?
Saruman- No, you fool!
Éomer- but Saruman, Faramir-I mean, we killed all your Orcs!
(Long pause)
Saruman- oops.
(Freakish Taco Bell Chihuahua comes up)
Saruman (gasps)- Puppies! I will call you Squishy, and you will be mine! You will be my Squishy!
People- Charge!
Saruman- girly scream!
(Throws Squishy into the crowd, where he is caught by Arwen)
(People push Saruman to edge of cliff where he hangs dexterously by one hand)
Arwen- Aragorn! You're filthy! Go wash your face in that well over there.
Aragorn- A well! How convenient!
(Runs off to his conveniently located well, again!)
(Aragorn, with water in his eyes, staggers blindly about)
Aragorn- Aah! I can't see!
(Walks into tree)
Aragorn- Sorry miss, didn't see you. (As he walks away) What a fox!
(Aragorn is now crawling blindly about)
(Grabs Saruman's hair)
Aragorn- Ah! A towel! Bit hairy, isn't it?
Saruman- No, you fool! That's my toupee!
(Pushes the 'towel' away, taking Saruman with it)
(Saruman falls off cliff)
Saruman (as he falls)- You shall (coughing fit) PERISH!!!!!
(Orc jumps off after him)
Orc (calling as he falls)- Cough drop my lord?!?!
Saruman- No, you fool!!! I'm trying to be dignify-
(Large 'splat')
(Aragorn, who is still staggering blindly, walks into a tree again)
Aragorn- Sorry again miss. (As he walks away) Still a fox!
Scene VIII
In battle with Orcs that have come after Saruman fell off the cliff
Éomer (As he battles several Orcs)- Aragorn! We must evacuate Gondor! Take Arwen and make for Edoras!
Arwen- No! Anything but that!
(Aragorn grabs Arwen by her arm)
Aragorn- Get on that horse right now!
(Arwen fights by tooth and nail)
Arwen- fight by tooth and nail!
(Aragorn attempts to toss Arwen onto the saddle, but misses by a couple of feet)
(Finally they begin to ride, when Aragorn accidentally bumps Arwen with his elbow)
Arwen- Nyeh!
(Bumps him back)
Aragorn- Nyeh!
(Bump)
Arwen- Nyeh!
(Crash into tree)
Aragorn- What a fox!
(Arwen smacks him)
Tree- hacking cough!
Aragorn- cough drop my lord?
Arwen- No! Wrong person...and wrong role!
Aragorn- Oh! I mean...Ack! Who are you?!?!
Tree- We be chillin' in da hood wit our homies dawg!
Aragorn- wtf?
Tree- Word!
Arwen- What up ma peepz?
Tree- Yo, we be dippin' in da hood, home dawg!
Aragorn- freakos! FREAKOS, I SAY!
Arwen(disgustedly)- word!
Tree- Fo schizzle!