No – Revised

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

The nightmare that was third impact had come to pass; the souls of humanity stripped of their respective AT fields and merged into a single perfect consciousness. All of humanity bar one...Shinji Ikari. Pilot of Evangelion Unit-01, slayer of angels, god of instrumentality and the boy I hate.

Yet, now I lay here staring up at the stars, my eyes red and sore from my tears. Dry only because I could cry no more. Now, as I feel the first chill of night wash over me I am filled by a desire to have him beside me once again and as my memory drifts backwards his final words return to haunt me...

I awoke no more than a week ago, lying here on this very same beach. Fragments of memory swirled around my mind, images and thoughts from another life. My attention was drawn away by the sound of soft footfalls upon the sand. I tried to tilt my head to see who approached yet found I was unable to move. Suddenly my vision filled with orange stained white as a pair of hands wrapped themselves around my throat.

I looked up at the boy above me, his soft blue eyes were filled with an unquenchable rage, the like of which I had never witnessed there before. For the first time since I had known him, Shinji was truly angry, madness clouding his mind. I knew in that moment he truly intended to kill me as his grip around my throat tightened, cutting of the air to my lungs, strangling me. Of all the fates that awaited me, I never would have believed that I was to die at the hands of the third child...

It began more than two years ago now, the day the news arrived in Nerv, Germany that the third child had been located and was involved in a fight with an Angel that had attacked Nerv headquarters in Japan. According to what I had been able to find out the pilot had no prior training and according to rumor, he had never even seen an Eva before. Yet, somehow, he had been able to synchronize with the beast. That in itself was a miracle, but then he had managed to defeat the Third Angel. The whole branch had been in uproar, marveling in wonder at this incredible 'Third Child'. At once, I had taken a dislike to him, despite the fact that we had never met, if only because he had stolen my place in the limelight.

It wasn't until a few months later I was informed that I was being transferred to Nerv, Japan along with Unit-02, apparently following the now more frequent attacks by the angels they wanted all the available Eva's on standby to protect Tokyo-3. I was also informed that he Third Child and my commanding officer would be coming to greet me, I grinned wickedly on hearing that, at last I would be able to meet my rival face to face...

When I finally met him on the carrier 'Over the Rainbow', I was shocked to say the least. This was the great Third Child? This wimpy little boy? I felt like breaking out into fits of laughter. How could I have ever considered him to be my rival, he was just a meek little boy after all. When the angel attacked us, I brought him along with me if only to show him how much better I was, and yet in that moment, I caught a brief glimpse of the strength that lay within him, and in that instant I began to hate him all the more. Yet, at the same time a very different emotion began to stir within me...

I reached up with my uninjured arm, the back of my hand brushing softy up against his face. In that moment, his eyes cleared and it seemed as if a great weight had been lifted from him. His gaze came into focus and lowered to meet mine even as his grip on my neck loosened, suddenly pitched forward and began to sob against my chest. Now, as I began to recover I felt a wave of bitterness well up inside me. Stupid Shinji! He couldn't even kill me right!

"Pathetic."

The word was little more than a whisper when it fell from my lips but as it did so he began to tremble, for a moment I was actually afraid that his madness might return and he would finish what he set out to do. Yet, instead he rolled off from on top of me ending up lying beside me upon the sand. Drained of all my strength I simply lay there, staring up at the stars...

My thoughts drifted back to a night long ago, not long after I had arrived in Tokyo-3. During the synchronization training we were forced to endure, my nightmares had return once again. I saw myself running to the room with my mother, calling out to her to tell her my news. I watched as my younger self opened that same door and bore witness to the horror inside...

Perhaps that is why when I returned I had laid down beside him, I craved the warmth of another, even if I could not receive it willingly. I had wanted to share in the comforting feel of his body, to draw strength from the boy beside me. Yet, even then he had deserted me. When I woke, I found he had moved to the other futon, just another example of someone abandoning me. After that night, I had hardened my heart to him, refusing to let myself get close to him because I feared if I were to, he would eventually leave me just like everybody else.

As the cold of night descended, I began to shiver, the remains of my plug suit offering little protection against the cold. I felt the heat radiating from his body, so very much like that night. Hate boiled inside me then, how dare he be warm while I lay here cold! Using all of my strength, I rolled myself over, moving to lie on top of him. At first my new position suited me well as I felt his warmth flow into me yet, it was still not enough. Even now, I could barely feel his warmth; I began to tear at his shirt desperately trying to get rid of the obstruction. As it fell open, I used my good arm to tear open his trousers and pull them downwards before I began work on his underwear. Once he lay naked beneath me I relaxed for a moment, panting slightly from the exertion. Yet, even now it was not enough, still I could not get enough of his warmth, oh how I craved for it to reach inside of me...in that moment I understood. There was only one way to obtain the warmth I craved, something at one time I would never have dreamed have doing but now fuelled by desperation I began to remove my plug suit's remains.

At one time, I had been proud of my body, basking in the attention all the boys gave me. I spurned all of them, only interested in Kaji, the older man a far more alluring example of a human male. Yet, he denied my advances and in time I realized he only had eyes for Misato. Despite his words and actions, I could see how he felt about her and the fact that his flirtatious actions were simply a cover. That realization broke my heart and almost drove me into the arms of Shinji...

It was after he had returned following his absorption by his Eva after the fight with the 14th angel. I had sad by his bedside as he recovered, wonder what I would say were he to awaken. When I left to visit the bathroom and return I heard voices and chose to remain outside. I knew then that he was finally awake and an unexpected joy filled my heart yet just as quickly it faded away and was replaced by anger as I heard the quiet monotone of the first child.

I had always suspected that the first held feelings for him although with that doll it was almost impossible to tell. How dare she steal my place! How dare she be the first one he sees! I wanted to go in there and drag her away, to take his head in my hands and capture his lips with my own until the pain melted away...it was then that the door opened suddenly and she exited. I realized that I was halfway across the frame and stepped to the side, though I already knew he saw me.

Only a few days later, the 15th had attacked and it had defiled me, forcing its way into my mind and forcing me to relive moments I had wanted forgotten. Then, as if to add insult to injury it had been Wondergirl who had saved me. When he had tried to comfort me after the battle, I had sent him away, unable to face him after being humiliated in that way. My mind had been defiled and no longer could I hold the feelings of despair and hopelessness at bay.

My mind had been defiled that day and so now it occurred to me why not my body? After all such a thing mattered little to me any more so it was with no regret I took him inside of me. He didn't move, didn't react to me. Simply lying there beneath me, eyes staring through me. It wasn't enough and I began to rock backwards and forwards, feeling the pressure building inside of me. His eyes remained empty, little more than a broken doll.

"Uhhh! Ahhh!"

The sounds escaped my lips as I hit my peak, feeling the things that passed between us. I collapsed against his chest, a thin sheen of sweat covering my body. At last I was sated, the warmth filled my broken body as I fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next few days continued in a similar fashion. During the day he would venture into the remains of the city, bringing back what supplies he could find, acting in a purely mechanical way. At night, I would take pleasure from his body, falling each time into a dreamless slumber. No rules, no responsibility. At last, I was free from the mask I had crafted oh so long ago, free to express myself as I wanted to...

Yet, on the sixth night after we had awoken something changed. He had returned as usual but this time rather than coming to lay beside me as he usually did he lay down on the far side of the makeshift fire he had made, directly opposite me. Cold and frustrated I pulled myself to my feet and waked silently to where he lay. I crouched down beside him and move to lay on top of him but no sooner had I settled upon his chest did he dislodge me, using his right arm to push me off of him. I was shocked by his action at first before I became angry, I tried once more, but this time he blocked me, pushing past me and rising to his feet.

I felt a chill run through me in that instant as I watched his hand sink into his trouser pocket. When it came back he was holding something, a small metal object which he proceeded tom point directly at me...the gun was simple in design, unadorned by any form of decoration. Most likely, he had taken it from one of the 'corpses' of the JSDF soldiers that had attacked the geofront. I lifted my gaze to meet his and could almost at once see that his eyes were once more clouded by madness, hollow no longer. I knew now he meant to kill me, there would be no reprieve for me this time...

Accepting my fate, I closed my eyes and awaited my destiny. Tensing slightly as I anticipated the feel of the bullet as it would tear through my chest. Five, then ten heartbeats past and yet the pain did not come. Confused I opened my eyes only to have a terrible sight greet me...no longer was the gun aimed at me, now instead he held it against his own chest, aimed directly at his heart. In that single moment I realized something I had denied to myself for so long, the truth of how much he meant to me. In that final moment, I watched as his eyes clear once more and for the first time since this had begun I could see them clearly.

"Shinji!"

He locked gazes with me for a moment as single tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek. It was then he spoke to me for both the first and last time since the start of third impact, his final words would be etched in my heart forever even as a single gunshot rang out...

"No."

AN: This is a reworking of the first chapter of my second work, No. It remains possibly my favorite story, the idea for it oddly enough came to me while I was at work one day. Originally envisioned as a one-shot the tale expanded and even now continues to grow. I hope that you enjoyed this short piece as I present it once again, as it was originally meant to be, a one-shot.

Hououza

Story pre-read by That Other Guy