Scene XIII
Traveling aimlessly with Legolas and Gimli
Note: I never could have created this scene without my good friend Anna, who recently got 10" of her hair chopped off to donate to hair-lacking children. (We decided that bald children sounded a bit too...strange.)
Legolas- What's that?
Aragorn (squinting)- That looks like an oliphaunt!
Legolas- Cool! Let's go try to kill it, and do some incredibly fake computer-animated stunts on it!
Aragorn- Fun!
Legolas- I'll try and contact Peter Jackson and his crew so he can edit them.
Aragorn- Okay! Let's go computer animate us killing that oliphaunt!
Legolas- But wait. We're stuck in Middle Earth right now. Where are we going to get cameras and other various equipment needed to use computer animation?
Aragorn- Good point. You need computers to do incredibly fake, computer animated stunts! And fakeness.
Legolas- Fakeness isn't a word!
Aragorn- Oh yes it is! If Orthanc and Hogwarts can be words, then fakeness surely can!
Legolas (scoffing)- What's a Hogwarts?
Aragorn (defensively)- Well, what's a Hagrid?
Legolas- Enough! We can discuss this at a better time!
(begins to walk away)
Aragorn- Aren't we going to computer animate ourselves doing incredibly fake computer animated stunts on that oliphaunt?
(Legolas puts his head in his hands and sighs)
Legolas- Let's just go save Frodo and Sam...
Aragorn- O-kay!
Scene XIV
Sam and Frodo on Mt. Doom
Note: Once again, here is another scene basically written by Anna(with only some alteration by me), so give her credit! Thanx Anna!
Frodo- It...is...too...heavy...
(faints)
Sam- Well, let's see. I can either leave him for dead here on the mountainside, or I can carry him up to the Cracks of Doom and wait for him to awake. I think I'll take him up the mountain, because I'm a "good friend"! And Frodo gives "good friends" money!
(flashback)
(Sam walks into Bag End)
Sam- Mister Frodo?
Frodo- Oh, Sam! There you are! I want to show my new book that I wrote! It's about a happy frog!
(walk into room with book on table)
Frodo- Here it is!
Sam- Oh, Mister Frodo! It sounds so jolly!
(Frodo accidentally knocks over inkbottle)
Frodo- Gasp!
Sam- I'll save it mister Frodo!
(Sam runs to wipe it up with his handy-dandy handkerchief)
Frodo- Oh, Sam! You're a good friend! Here, have this bag of money!
Sam- Oh, thank you Mister Frodo!
(end flashback)
Sam- hee hee hee...
(Frodo wakes up)
Frodo- Oh, Sam! Thank you for saving me and not leaving me for dead on this mountainside! Remind me to give you a bag of money when we get back to Bag End!
Sam- No problem.
Frodo- These Orc clothes were a good idea! Now we won't get caught!
(Orc walks up behind them)
Orc- And what would two small Orcs be doing climbing Mt. Doom at this hour?
Sam- Uh...
(Smeagol magically appears at Sam's side)
Sam- Taking this miserable creature up to the top of this mountain to throw him off!
Orc- Oh, okay!
(Orc walks away)
Frodo- That was close!
Smeagol- Gollum!
(Sam flings him aside, causing him to fall off the mountain)
(Orc arrow hits Frodo in the back)
Sam- That wasn't. (Suddenly dramatic) Oh, Mister Frodo! I'll never leave you! I shall carry you to the top of this god-forsaken mountain! I'll destroy the One Ring for you if I must! But I shan't leave you, dear Mister Frodo!
(Frodo sits up, perfectly fine)
Frodo (exasperatedly)- Oh, Sam! You really must stop being so melodramatic! I have no desire to be carried by you along with your various cooking utensils!
Sam (incredulously)- But-but Mister Frodo! You've been shot!
Frodo- Oh, Sam! No I haven't! This is a Styrofoam prop!
Sam- Really? I mean...ahem...I knew that!
(suddenly, a flying object comes hurdling towards Sam)
Sam (pointing at the object)- What's that?!?! Aah!!!!!!!!!!
(catches the object and begins to violently beat it with various items in his possession, including several expensive looking pots and pans)
(suddenly, he stops abruptly)
Sam- Oh, just an old Orc helmet!
(throws it off the mountainside)
(when it gets to the bottom, it hits Saruman in the head, causing him to get knocked out)
Orc- cough drop my lord?