Never Been Forgiven
Chapter Four
Disclaimer: All but this storyline, Anne, Karen and all from Sirius' new school belongs to J.K.Rowling.
Okay, well this was really hard for me to write, I just realised I'm not 100% how I get from where I am in this story to...well...what's gonna happen. Wouldn't want to spoil my story.
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Throughout the night Sirius slept in short spurts. He relived old memories, memories that brought him to a cold sweat. Memories that made him kick his blankets to the floor, claiming moans and whimpers of fear from his dry lips. For hours he drifted in and out of sleep, waking up frantically to stare around the dormitory with wide, black eyes.
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Sirius lay on his back staring at the luminous numbers imprinted on his clock face. 5:00. Last night had been the worst night he had had in many months. He'd convinced himself that he'd got over the trauma of his youth. It had been three years since he'd walked out.
Tears welled up in his eyes, and threatened to spill out of his dark, black pools. Sirius shook his head, effectively blinking away his tears and clearly his mind of unwelcome memories.
Signing he climbed to his feet. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep, or at least sleep that wouldn't reduce him to tear when he awoke. Slowly he pulled on his green school robes, and picked up his bag of school books. Sirius quietly exited the room without a glance at his sleeping counterparts.
The common room was empty, as Sirius expected, so he exited quickly and made his way to the library. Taking a large silver book form the elvish section he sat down, with his legs curled under him, and began to read. For hours he sat there, engrossed in the large volume in his hand. He didn't notice the change of lighting as the rose in the sky, or the increase of volume as the library blossomed into life. Nothing mattered to him but the book in his hands, his distraction from the world around him.
"Well Sirius, I guess I should have known, engrossed in Elvish History again?" Sirius' eyes barely left the page as he levelled Karen a dead glare. She backed away slightly and raised her arms in the air, "Look calm down, I just came to talk, okay? No pun intended."
Sirius took a deep breath, "Yeah, sit down"- waving vaguely towards the seat beside him- "So.....what have I done now?"
"It's not what you've done; it's what you haven't done."
"Oh? And what great duty have I forgotten to do now?" Sirius smirked lightly; he was all about the fun.
"Well, for one you were supposed to talk to your old friends, and, for two, you were supposed to be at Breakfast."
"Oh, sorry, I was so busy reading I forgot all about breakfast."
"Don't use that excuse with me Sirius. I know you too well." She leaned forward, "What's on your mind?"
"Lots of things," He took a deep breath, "Too many to talk about."
"Awww, come on Sirius you tell me everything." She stopped and looked at him thoughtfully, "Why don't we go for a walk and you can tell me then?"
"Alright" Sirius said, getting up to put the book back on the self, "But then you have to promise to leave me alone to think once we're done, deal?"
"Of course." Karen replied with a secretive smile as she linked her arm in his and exited the library.
"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" Asked Sirius as they left the castle and began to walk towards the old buildings that littered the South end of the grounds.
"Well, I'm not 100% how to start this but I'll go on anyway." She looked around to check no-one was listening, "It's something some of the girls said."
Sirius looked up, "Girls? What girls?"
"Oh, you know... the ones from Hogwarts. Anyway, the point is they were worried about you. They said you freaked out or something last night, I'd didn't get all the details, maybe you could tell me what happened."
Sirius kept his eyes on the ground, "I suppose I could, but I'm not sure myself. Is there anyway we could talk about this later?"
Karen stared at him for a long while, contemplating whether that was a good idea or not. After a couple of minutes she said, "If you promise we will talk about this. I know you; just promise me you will tell me. Okay?"
"Alright."
"Think about it, I'll see you at lunch." With that she turned and walked off, towards the castle.
Sirius signed and smiled to himself. He didn't know what he was going to say to her, but he needed to sort out what happened last night before he could talk about it. A big part of him hated it; he hated the fear, the pain...everything that memories brought back to him. He sat there, with his head buried in his hands, on the ruins of an old Elvish building, and cried. He didn't know why, but it made him feel better. His sobs were quiet, but heartfelt. Left alone, in the middle of the ruins of a once great race he poured out his soul in quiet, lonely tears.
*At the other end of the ruins *
"Well, there's definitely something he's not telling us, but then, why should he?"
"What do you mean Lily?" Confusion evident in Remus' voice.
"Oh come on, he made a big mistake," she stopped at the look James gave her, "you know Sirius, or at least you did, he wouldn't have done that deliberately.....Any way, that's beside the point. The point is he hasn't seen us in four years, and then we turn up at his school. We can't expect him not to have changed... or to just spill everything that's happened to him. I mean we are the reason he left."
There was a long, stretched out silence as Lily finished. She smiled slightly. "I guess," James began, "but...I dunno I sort of expected more than an odd look, a quick hello, you know? I've been best friends with him all our lives, I didn't expect him to just move on like that."
"He probably didn't," Remus said thoughtfully, "but I guess he had no choice. Sirius had to leave Hogwarts, so he had no choice but to make new friends."
"Look guys," Anne seemed to bud in on an argument in making, "I know this is hard for you, but you're going to have to accept that Sirius has moved on, although he has changed a lot."
"You can say that again!" piped Peter.
"I know," Remus said quietly, "Did you see how much weight he's lost?" He spoke with a sad edge to his voice, "Or how he's cut his hair short? I remember a Sirius who would have screamed bloody murder if you brought a pair of scissors anywhere near his hair."
They laughed. "Yeah..."James sighed. "We should talk to him; you know try and make friends again." He looked at Remus, "I understand if you don't want to talk to him again Remus, but I really miss my best friend." James looked around at his friends, "I mean you guys are great and all, but I've been best friends with Sirius my whole life, I can't just give him up."
Remus smiled, "I got to say I agree." Everyone looked stunned, "Okay, I know this sounds weird, but I guess I forgave him ages ago. I told him everything, I trusted him, and yes, he did make a mistake but I know he didn't really mean to hurt me, and I can't hold a grudge forever."
Lily grinned, "Well that's good, now lets go find him so we can tell him we want to be friends again."
"Ugh, Guys?"
"Yeah Peter?" James groaned.
"I don't think we'll have to look far to find him."
"Oh and why's that?"
"Because he's sitting over there." Peter pointed towards a thin figure, with short curtained hair, who sat upon an old rock with his face in his hands.
"Well, then we should go say hi, right?" Lily looked hopeful.
"Yeah, I'm dying to get my best friend back." James said with a happy smile, and the group began to walk towards the lone figure sitting on an old, worn rock...
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Well, what did you think? I really hope you liked it, took me ages to write. Though it could be a bit longer before my next chapter is up since I go back to school on Monday. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon, but it could be next week.
Please review......the more reviews the quicker the next chapter will be up. Lol (
Chapter Four
Disclaimer: All but this storyline, Anne, Karen and all from Sirius' new school belongs to J.K.Rowling.
Okay, well this was really hard for me to write, I just realised I'm not 100% how I get from where I am in this story to...well...what's gonna happen. Wouldn't want to spoil my story.
________-------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------________
Throughout the night Sirius slept in short spurts. He relived old memories, memories that brought him to a cold sweat. Memories that made him kick his blankets to the floor, claiming moans and whimpers of fear from his dry lips. For hours he drifted in and out of sleep, waking up frantically to stare around the dormitory with wide, black eyes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sirius lay on his back staring at the luminous numbers imprinted on his clock face. 5:00. Last night had been the worst night he had had in many months. He'd convinced himself that he'd got over the trauma of his youth. It had been three years since he'd walked out.
Tears welled up in his eyes, and threatened to spill out of his dark, black pools. Sirius shook his head, effectively blinking away his tears and clearly his mind of unwelcome memories.
Signing he climbed to his feet. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep, or at least sleep that wouldn't reduce him to tear when he awoke. Slowly he pulled on his green school robes, and picked up his bag of school books. Sirius quietly exited the room without a glance at his sleeping counterparts.
The common room was empty, as Sirius expected, so he exited quickly and made his way to the library. Taking a large silver book form the elvish section he sat down, with his legs curled under him, and began to read. For hours he sat there, engrossed in the large volume in his hand. He didn't notice the change of lighting as the rose in the sky, or the increase of volume as the library blossomed into life. Nothing mattered to him but the book in his hands, his distraction from the world around him.
"Well Sirius, I guess I should have known, engrossed in Elvish History again?" Sirius' eyes barely left the page as he levelled Karen a dead glare. She backed away slightly and raised her arms in the air, "Look calm down, I just came to talk, okay? No pun intended."
Sirius took a deep breath, "Yeah, sit down"- waving vaguely towards the seat beside him- "So.....what have I done now?"
"It's not what you've done; it's what you haven't done."
"Oh? And what great duty have I forgotten to do now?" Sirius smirked lightly; he was all about the fun.
"Well, for one you were supposed to talk to your old friends, and, for two, you were supposed to be at Breakfast."
"Oh, sorry, I was so busy reading I forgot all about breakfast."
"Don't use that excuse with me Sirius. I know you too well." She leaned forward, "What's on your mind?"
"Lots of things," He took a deep breath, "Too many to talk about."
"Awww, come on Sirius you tell me everything." She stopped and looked at him thoughtfully, "Why don't we go for a walk and you can tell me then?"
"Alright" Sirius said, getting up to put the book back on the self, "But then you have to promise to leave me alone to think once we're done, deal?"
"Of course." Karen replied with a secretive smile as she linked her arm in his and exited the library.
"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" Asked Sirius as they left the castle and began to walk towards the old buildings that littered the South end of the grounds.
"Well, I'm not 100% how to start this but I'll go on anyway." She looked around to check no-one was listening, "It's something some of the girls said."
Sirius looked up, "Girls? What girls?"
"Oh, you know... the ones from Hogwarts. Anyway, the point is they were worried about you. They said you freaked out or something last night, I'd didn't get all the details, maybe you could tell me what happened."
Sirius kept his eyes on the ground, "I suppose I could, but I'm not sure myself. Is there anyway we could talk about this later?"
Karen stared at him for a long while, contemplating whether that was a good idea or not. After a couple of minutes she said, "If you promise we will talk about this. I know you; just promise me you will tell me. Okay?"
"Alright."
"Think about it, I'll see you at lunch." With that she turned and walked off, towards the castle.
Sirius signed and smiled to himself. He didn't know what he was going to say to her, but he needed to sort out what happened last night before he could talk about it. A big part of him hated it; he hated the fear, the pain...everything that memories brought back to him. He sat there, with his head buried in his hands, on the ruins of an old Elvish building, and cried. He didn't know why, but it made him feel better. His sobs were quiet, but heartfelt. Left alone, in the middle of the ruins of a once great race he poured out his soul in quiet, lonely tears.
*At the other end of the ruins *
"Well, there's definitely something he's not telling us, but then, why should he?"
"What do you mean Lily?" Confusion evident in Remus' voice.
"Oh come on, he made a big mistake," she stopped at the look James gave her, "you know Sirius, or at least you did, he wouldn't have done that deliberately.....Any way, that's beside the point. The point is he hasn't seen us in four years, and then we turn up at his school. We can't expect him not to have changed... or to just spill everything that's happened to him. I mean we are the reason he left."
There was a long, stretched out silence as Lily finished. She smiled slightly. "I guess," James began, "but...I dunno I sort of expected more than an odd look, a quick hello, you know? I've been best friends with him all our lives, I didn't expect him to just move on like that."
"He probably didn't," Remus said thoughtfully, "but I guess he had no choice. Sirius had to leave Hogwarts, so he had no choice but to make new friends."
"Look guys," Anne seemed to bud in on an argument in making, "I know this is hard for you, but you're going to have to accept that Sirius has moved on, although he has changed a lot."
"You can say that again!" piped Peter.
"I know," Remus said quietly, "Did you see how much weight he's lost?" He spoke with a sad edge to his voice, "Or how he's cut his hair short? I remember a Sirius who would have screamed bloody murder if you brought a pair of scissors anywhere near his hair."
They laughed. "Yeah..."James sighed. "We should talk to him; you know try and make friends again." He looked at Remus, "I understand if you don't want to talk to him again Remus, but I really miss my best friend." James looked around at his friends, "I mean you guys are great and all, but I've been best friends with Sirius my whole life, I can't just give him up."
Remus smiled, "I got to say I agree." Everyone looked stunned, "Okay, I know this sounds weird, but I guess I forgave him ages ago. I told him everything, I trusted him, and yes, he did make a mistake but I know he didn't really mean to hurt me, and I can't hold a grudge forever."
Lily grinned, "Well that's good, now lets go find him so we can tell him we want to be friends again."
"Ugh, Guys?"
"Yeah Peter?" James groaned.
"I don't think we'll have to look far to find him."
"Oh and why's that?"
"Because he's sitting over there." Peter pointed towards a thin figure, with short curtained hair, who sat upon an old rock with his face in his hands.
"Well, then we should go say hi, right?" Lily looked hopeful.
"Yeah, I'm dying to get my best friend back." James said with a happy smile, and the group began to walk towards the lone figure sitting on an old, worn rock...
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Well, what did you think? I really hope you liked it, took me ages to write. Though it could be a bit longer before my next chapter is up since I go back to school on Monday. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon, but it could be next week.
Please review......the more reviews the quicker the next chapter will be up. Lol (