Disclaimer: the characters of this fic belong to the FOX television network.
Is it a bad thing when it's been so long since you've updated your fanfic that you have to go back and read it to remember what exactly you were writing about?
PS I didn't proof read. I figured you guys waited long enough.
~*~*~
The sound of the ministers voice seems to be carried away by the wind and the rain as we stand next to the sleek white casket that now contains Dawn's lifeless body. The hand on my shoulder squeezes gently as Kirsten holds an umbrella over me, keeping me from getting wet as the minister finishes talking and the area around us falls silent, the only noise coming from the sound of the rain hitting the casket.
After a few seconds, I look up and notice everyone staring solemnly at the ground, obviously not wanting to bother me too much. The minister looks up and I catch his eye for a brief second, reaching my hand forward and shaking his as I think him and he turns to walk away. Kirsten, Sandy, and Seth are watching me carefully, and I ask them for a moment alone so that I can say goodbye to Dawn in private.
Kirsten embraces me quickly and offers me the umbrella, but I reject it as Sandy and Seth both pat me on the back and the three of them begin walking in the direction of the car, stopping next to it and keeping their eyes trained on me to make sure I'm not going to flip out again.
The rain is drenching my hair and suite as it cascades down my face, but it doesn't seem to phase me as I repeatedly ask mom why she left me like this. Why she wouldn't want to get clean so that we can at least try to be a family again. I feel the urge to scream at the top of my lungs rising in me, but I manage to suppress it as I look in the direction of the Cohen's who are huddled together under their umbrella's, still watching me.
The thought of them all being together while I'm having to say goodbye to my only family seems to have more effect than I thought it could ever have, and I try to steady myself but fail miserably as I collapse to my knees next to the casket.
The tears mix with the rain as hands quickly find their way to my back and waist, and I don't bother struggling as Kirsten wraps her arms around my waist and holds me close to her, whispering something repeatedly in my ear that I can't quite process in my mind at the moment.
After a few seconds, I manage to recompose myself as I shakily stand up, pushing Kirsten's hand away as I turn quickly and walk in the direction of the car, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. After a brief hesitation, the other three people climb into the car as well and we begin driving out of the only cemetery in Chino.
As we get closer to the exit of the cemetery I notice a group of people huddled under a small tent, standing in front of a black casket as a minister stands next to it with an umbrella over his head. I recognize a few of the kids from growing up here, and I catch a glimpse of the picture of the person that the funeral is for.
"Stop the car."
Kirsten, Sandy, and Seth all look at my slightly shocked, and I brush it off as the car rolls to a stop and I jump out, quickly walking over to the small funeral precession that's going on and standing behind one of the guys in the back. The Minster is just finishing up as I get over to the gravesite and all the people are beginning to scatter, going in their separate directions as they hurry to get out of the cold rain. I walk over to the familiar face in the front of the crowd to ask her what happened, but before I can, I feel someone's hand grab my arm and spin me around.
At first I think it's Sandy or Kirsten wanting me to get back to the car, but I quickly realize that I'm wrong as I feel someone's hand connect roughly with my jaw, and I stumble back a few steps into a group of unsuspecting people.
"Don't you think your families caused enough pain around here without you showing up to make a scene? Your mom deserved what she got, but my brother didn't, he didn't deserve to die because of that fucking alcoholic you call a mom."
Without thinking first, I jump up and rush at the kid, knocking him to the ground as I hit him in the face. I feel angry hands pulling me off of him and pinning me to the ground, but I struggle to get away from them as I hear him screaming at me through the wall of people that have separated us.
I can hear Sandy and Kirsten's voices coming from somewhere nearby, along with the sounds of sirens, and I struggle harder to get away form the strong arms. Within a matter of seconds, I can feel the wind being knocked out of me as I cop flips me onto my stomach and pulls my arms behind my back, cuffing them tightly so that I can't get out of them as he and another officer pick me up off the ground.
I struggle to get away from the two men, my mind going in thousands of different places at once as Sandy yells at me to calm down, and Kirsten yells at him to do something.
The two men don't bother being gentle as they throw me into the backseat of the police car, and I watch through the window as the brother of the kid continues to yell at me, blaming me for his brother's death.
Sandy hurriedly walks over to the squad car and tells me not to say anything until he gets to the station, and I ignore him as I turn away from him and let my eyes fall to my lap, feeling emotionally and physically drained. There's plenty of tears still threatening to spill from before, but I continue to hide them as the cop gets in the front seat of the car and looks back at me angrily, calling me a fuck up under his breath before starting the car and driving out of the cemetery.
----
Why do I have a feeling that no matter what I do, this is the best my life's going to get? This is my future, a jail cell and bed that's been used by almost every resident in Chino. It's going to take days of scrubbing before I get the stench of piss off of me.
"Atwood get up, your attorney's here to see you.'
"I don't want any visitors, tell him to leave."
"Alright, your loss, but you're going to be staying here until a judge sees you, and he's out of town for the weekend, so either you get released into your lawyers custody, or we book you for at least another three days. You sure this is what you want?"
I turn over in the bed and look at the huge cop standing on the other side of the bars, thinking about what he said for only a split second before turning back towards the cement wall and closing my eyes. It's all like deja vue. I'm stuck in a jail cell, while Sandy's out there trying to help me out of the trouble I've gotten myself into.
My whole body shivers as an unusual breeze goes throughout the jail, and I just realize as I pull my knees up to my chin that my clothes are still soaked from refusing Kirsten's umbrella earlier. I'm really beginning to regret that decision now, along with the one where I got out of the car and decided to show up to the funeral of the kid my mom killed.
"Ryan, what's going on, they said you refused visitations."
The unmistaken voice of Sandy Cohen is heard from behind me, and the irony of that statement hits me as I attempt to ignore the older man. When I don't answer him, I hear the cell door slide open, and the echo of footsteps comes up behind me, stopping just short of the bed.
"Ryan, I know you can hear me, tell me what's going on, who was that kid you got in a fight with?"
"When I told them that I didn't want to see anyone, I meant you."
"Well, I managed to cut a deal with the officer so he'd let me see you. Whatever it is you're trying to deal with in that head of yours, I think we can figure it out together, but you're going to have trust me and allow me to take you out of here and back home."
What's the point in all of this? To screw up again? To go back to the Cohen's and the pool house so I can just land myself back in here in a few months for something else stupid? I might as well just cut out the crap between and stay here, it's probably going to become my permanent residence in two years anyways when I become old enough to be considered an adult.
"Ryan come on, talk to me. I can't tell what you're thinking."
He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me over so I'm on my back, his eyes staring down at my intently as he waits for me to respond. I can tell he's getting frustrated as he shifts around on the bed, trying to get comfortable when he realizes he could be here a while. He needs to give up, stop wasting his time with me, when will he ever get it.
"I hate Newport. I hate living with people who think they can change me and make me a better person when we all know I'm a worthless piece of trash. You see this?" I say, pointing to the dark bruise that is slowly beginning to fade around my neck. "This is me, this is my life. Jail cells and bruises. You want to fix me, to make my life all better, but it too late. I'm never going to be like Seth, I'm always going to be this damaged, screwed up kid that everyone sees as the poor white kid from the wrong side of the tracks. You can't save me, Kirsten can't save me, and there's no fucking way that the Newport life is going to save me."
Maybe now he gets it. Maybe now he'll see how much I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not, and just leave me to screw up my own life. After a few seconds of him just staring at me silently, he opens his mouth to say something but before he can get it out, the officer reappears at the cell door and tells Sandy that time is up.
"Ryan you're just trying to push us away, but I'm not going to let that happen. I'm coming back up here on Monday to get you out, and then you, Kirsten and I are going to sit down and talk about this. I'm not going to -"
"Times up Mr. Cohen, let's go."
The officer cuts him off as he opens the cell door, and Sandy looks at me with a mixture of emotion as he steps out of the cell and follows the officer out of site.
~*~*~
Yeah, it sucked, what can I say though.
Is it a bad thing when it's been so long since you've updated your fanfic that you have to go back and read it to remember what exactly you were writing about?
PS I didn't proof read. I figured you guys waited long enough.
~*~*~
The sound of the ministers voice seems to be carried away by the wind and the rain as we stand next to the sleek white casket that now contains Dawn's lifeless body. The hand on my shoulder squeezes gently as Kirsten holds an umbrella over me, keeping me from getting wet as the minister finishes talking and the area around us falls silent, the only noise coming from the sound of the rain hitting the casket.
After a few seconds, I look up and notice everyone staring solemnly at the ground, obviously not wanting to bother me too much. The minister looks up and I catch his eye for a brief second, reaching my hand forward and shaking his as I think him and he turns to walk away. Kirsten, Sandy, and Seth are watching me carefully, and I ask them for a moment alone so that I can say goodbye to Dawn in private.
Kirsten embraces me quickly and offers me the umbrella, but I reject it as Sandy and Seth both pat me on the back and the three of them begin walking in the direction of the car, stopping next to it and keeping their eyes trained on me to make sure I'm not going to flip out again.
The rain is drenching my hair and suite as it cascades down my face, but it doesn't seem to phase me as I repeatedly ask mom why she left me like this. Why she wouldn't want to get clean so that we can at least try to be a family again. I feel the urge to scream at the top of my lungs rising in me, but I manage to suppress it as I look in the direction of the Cohen's who are huddled together under their umbrella's, still watching me.
The thought of them all being together while I'm having to say goodbye to my only family seems to have more effect than I thought it could ever have, and I try to steady myself but fail miserably as I collapse to my knees next to the casket.
The tears mix with the rain as hands quickly find their way to my back and waist, and I don't bother struggling as Kirsten wraps her arms around my waist and holds me close to her, whispering something repeatedly in my ear that I can't quite process in my mind at the moment.
After a few seconds, I manage to recompose myself as I shakily stand up, pushing Kirsten's hand away as I turn quickly and walk in the direction of the car, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. After a brief hesitation, the other three people climb into the car as well and we begin driving out of the only cemetery in Chino.
As we get closer to the exit of the cemetery I notice a group of people huddled under a small tent, standing in front of a black casket as a minister stands next to it with an umbrella over his head. I recognize a few of the kids from growing up here, and I catch a glimpse of the picture of the person that the funeral is for.
"Stop the car."
Kirsten, Sandy, and Seth all look at my slightly shocked, and I brush it off as the car rolls to a stop and I jump out, quickly walking over to the small funeral precession that's going on and standing behind one of the guys in the back. The Minster is just finishing up as I get over to the gravesite and all the people are beginning to scatter, going in their separate directions as they hurry to get out of the cold rain. I walk over to the familiar face in the front of the crowd to ask her what happened, but before I can, I feel someone's hand grab my arm and spin me around.
At first I think it's Sandy or Kirsten wanting me to get back to the car, but I quickly realize that I'm wrong as I feel someone's hand connect roughly with my jaw, and I stumble back a few steps into a group of unsuspecting people.
"Don't you think your families caused enough pain around here without you showing up to make a scene? Your mom deserved what she got, but my brother didn't, he didn't deserve to die because of that fucking alcoholic you call a mom."
Without thinking first, I jump up and rush at the kid, knocking him to the ground as I hit him in the face. I feel angry hands pulling me off of him and pinning me to the ground, but I struggle to get away from them as I hear him screaming at me through the wall of people that have separated us.
I can hear Sandy and Kirsten's voices coming from somewhere nearby, along with the sounds of sirens, and I struggle harder to get away form the strong arms. Within a matter of seconds, I can feel the wind being knocked out of me as I cop flips me onto my stomach and pulls my arms behind my back, cuffing them tightly so that I can't get out of them as he and another officer pick me up off the ground.
I struggle to get away from the two men, my mind going in thousands of different places at once as Sandy yells at me to calm down, and Kirsten yells at him to do something.
The two men don't bother being gentle as they throw me into the backseat of the police car, and I watch through the window as the brother of the kid continues to yell at me, blaming me for his brother's death.
Sandy hurriedly walks over to the squad car and tells me not to say anything until he gets to the station, and I ignore him as I turn away from him and let my eyes fall to my lap, feeling emotionally and physically drained. There's plenty of tears still threatening to spill from before, but I continue to hide them as the cop gets in the front seat of the car and looks back at me angrily, calling me a fuck up under his breath before starting the car and driving out of the cemetery.
----
Why do I have a feeling that no matter what I do, this is the best my life's going to get? This is my future, a jail cell and bed that's been used by almost every resident in Chino. It's going to take days of scrubbing before I get the stench of piss off of me.
"Atwood get up, your attorney's here to see you.'
"I don't want any visitors, tell him to leave."
"Alright, your loss, but you're going to be staying here until a judge sees you, and he's out of town for the weekend, so either you get released into your lawyers custody, or we book you for at least another three days. You sure this is what you want?"
I turn over in the bed and look at the huge cop standing on the other side of the bars, thinking about what he said for only a split second before turning back towards the cement wall and closing my eyes. It's all like deja vue. I'm stuck in a jail cell, while Sandy's out there trying to help me out of the trouble I've gotten myself into.
My whole body shivers as an unusual breeze goes throughout the jail, and I just realize as I pull my knees up to my chin that my clothes are still soaked from refusing Kirsten's umbrella earlier. I'm really beginning to regret that decision now, along with the one where I got out of the car and decided to show up to the funeral of the kid my mom killed.
"Ryan, what's going on, they said you refused visitations."
The unmistaken voice of Sandy Cohen is heard from behind me, and the irony of that statement hits me as I attempt to ignore the older man. When I don't answer him, I hear the cell door slide open, and the echo of footsteps comes up behind me, stopping just short of the bed.
"Ryan, I know you can hear me, tell me what's going on, who was that kid you got in a fight with?"
"When I told them that I didn't want to see anyone, I meant you."
"Well, I managed to cut a deal with the officer so he'd let me see you. Whatever it is you're trying to deal with in that head of yours, I think we can figure it out together, but you're going to have trust me and allow me to take you out of here and back home."
What's the point in all of this? To screw up again? To go back to the Cohen's and the pool house so I can just land myself back in here in a few months for something else stupid? I might as well just cut out the crap between and stay here, it's probably going to become my permanent residence in two years anyways when I become old enough to be considered an adult.
"Ryan come on, talk to me. I can't tell what you're thinking."
He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me over so I'm on my back, his eyes staring down at my intently as he waits for me to respond. I can tell he's getting frustrated as he shifts around on the bed, trying to get comfortable when he realizes he could be here a while. He needs to give up, stop wasting his time with me, when will he ever get it.
"I hate Newport. I hate living with people who think they can change me and make me a better person when we all know I'm a worthless piece of trash. You see this?" I say, pointing to the dark bruise that is slowly beginning to fade around my neck. "This is me, this is my life. Jail cells and bruises. You want to fix me, to make my life all better, but it too late. I'm never going to be like Seth, I'm always going to be this damaged, screwed up kid that everyone sees as the poor white kid from the wrong side of the tracks. You can't save me, Kirsten can't save me, and there's no fucking way that the Newport life is going to save me."
Maybe now he gets it. Maybe now he'll see how much I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not, and just leave me to screw up my own life. After a few seconds of him just staring at me silently, he opens his mouth to say something but before he can get it out, the officer reappears at the cell door and tells Sandy that time is up.
"Ryan you're just trying to push us away, but I'm not going to let that happen. I'm coming back up here on Monday to get you out, and then you, Kirsten and I are going to sit down and talk about this. I'm not going to -"
"Times up Mr. Cohen, let's go."
The officer cuts him off as he opens the cell door, and Sandy looks at me with a mixture of emotion as he steps out of the cell and follows the officer out of site.
~*~*~
Yeah, it sucked, what can I say though.