Never been Forgiven
Chapter Eight: What an old friend can do!
Disclaimer: All but this storyline, Anne, Karen and all from Sirius' new school belongs to J.K.Rowling.
On the Pitch
"Well, good game guys, and girls." Adam added with a laugh, glancing at Karen. "Just one thing though, Sirius, erm I think we should talk for a second." He looked meaningfully at the others.
Slowly the team departed, with Karen giving Sirius comforting looks, for talking to Adam after a practice was never considered a good thing. "Look, Sirius," Adam began, looking a bit unsure of himself, "I know you're having a hard time, with the people over from Hogwarts and all, but you mustn't forget just how important our coming matches are? Why we don't we go for quick walk, okay?" Adam looked way nervous, he fiddled incessantly, and looked anywhere but Sirius as he checked there was no-one around to observe them, or overhear their conversation.
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Sirius nodded, and they set off together, by pure fluke heading in the direction of the beach.
"so....what is it you wanted to talk about?"
"It's you Sirius."
"Me?" Sirius raised his eyebrow.
"Yes Sirius." Adam seemed to think this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Look, you're playing has got worse, and I don't even want to begin on your attention span. You've lost all your concentration, and not to mention your becoming one of the, shall we say, less adept at elvish."
Sirius looked stunned, he tried to speak a few times, but had to stop as he seemed to find nothing to say, and so settled for just staring at Adam with an open mouth. He was really out of words; no-one had ever said anything to him about his elvish abilities. He'd always been the best, the quickest to learn, the top of the class- but now he felt like just another dunce, someone who lounged at the back of the classroom with no idea of what's going on.
Adam watched Sirius' reactions carefully. He seemed totally lost, so Adam saw this as his chance, and gently put his arm around Sirius, turning him slowly towards him. Sirius was obviously too confused, and lost in his own thoughts to notice anything, until he felt a pair of lips on his mouth. In mere seconds Sirius was pulled back to reality, as he opened his eyes wide to see that Adam, his coach and mentor, was kissing him fiercely.
Sirius pulled back, pushing Adam to the ground. His eyes were wide, and his pupils were dilated. Adam stuttered slightly and began to speak but was cut off by Sirius. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?...WERE YOU EVEN THINKING?" Sirius yelled.
"I...I ..."Adam shakily climbed to his feet.
"You know what?! Fuck You!" With that Sirius Punched Adam in the face, hard, and stormed off. His face was red with rage, and his was muttering to himself.
His mind was so occupied that he didn't notice where he was going. Finally, when he felt he was far away from Adam, Sirius collapsed onto the cold sand. Tears ran down his face unchecked, and silent sobs escaped his mouth.
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Remus looked up at the sound of someone approaching. His eyes widened in shock as he saw it was Sirius. Sirius' face was livid with anger, though he seemed to be keeping something down inside, his lips were slightly redder than usual, and his hands were shaking. But this all changed in a split second as Sirius collapsed to the ground. He was crying – hard - and his shoulders shook with raw emotion.
Remus didn't know what to do. He felt like he should go to Sirius, talk to him, make everything better. But he didn't know, he didn't know what was wrong, and, worse of all, he didn't know weather Sirius would accept his comfort or not. Eventually Remus decided that he couldn't just sit there, hiding behind a rock, and watch Sirius cry, he had to do something. Slowly Remus climbed to his feet, and, as quietly as he could, advanced the crying boy – or wait ... man? – and gently sat down beside him.
Sirius didn't look up, but he seemed to sense someone's presence, for he covered his face, and tried to appear calm. Remus sighed, more to himself than Sirius, and crooned gently, "Sirius, Sirius....Are you okay?" A bit lame he knew, but what else could he say. Though it was a bit obvious that Sirius wasn't okay.
At that Sirius looked up, directly into Remus face, for a second a look of immense fear and confusion shone in his, but just as quickly as it had come, he covered it up. His face became a mask of calm, even though he still had the tell-tale marks of tears in his eyes. Remus smiled at him, hoping that his smile gave Sirius some kind of comfort – which he obviously needed – and that maybe it would give them the bases for a fresh start, a new friendship. Sirius returned the smile, and, with a glint of humor in his eye, murmured , "And I half expected to see Adam."
Sirius' dry humor was lost on Remus, "Adam?" He looked extremely confused, "Whose Adam?"
"Oh...Adam's just the complete bastard who just tried to kiss me when he should have known that..." Sirius trailed off, realizing what he had just said. In what had been a carefree moment of memories of an old, brilliant and amazing friendship Sirius had almost given away what he considered to be his deepest and darkest secret - His love for Remus.
"Should have known what Sirius?" Remus spoke gently, but his eyes glinted with curiosity. To Sirius it was just like old times, when he was happy, and popular. God how he missed that!
"I... You know? Forget it." Sirius shook his head sadly, "IT doesn't matter anyway."
"You sure?" Remus looked worried, as he gently pulled Sirius into his arms.
Sirius shrieked in fear and pulled away, "I...I... What are you doing?" Sirius stuttered.
"I'm sorry. It's just....you looked so sad ... and I just thought....look I'm sorry."
"No it's me, I'm just not used to it. I mean ... er ... I guess a lot has changed", he added sheepishly.
"Suppose it has." Replied Remus sullenly. "I never wanted it though. I mean.... I always thought we'd be friends, I just ... was upset." He looked up, straight into Sirius' eyes, "I was never really angry at I you, I just didn't understand."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I mean maybe we could be friends again, you, if you want?"
"Sure. Just... Will you promise me something?"
"That depends." Remus answered slowly, "Will you tell me what's going on? Please?"
"Fine," replied Sirius, a little sullenly, "Promise me you won't ... just don't, even just for now..."
"Don't what Sirius?"
Sirius turned away from Remus to face the sea, "Don't touch me."
Remus looked both shocked and stunned. He tried to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. Finally he found his voice, after what seemed like hours. "Is there a reason behind all this?"
"Of course." Sirius voice was barely a whisper.
"Are you going to tell me?" Remus joined Sirius looking out at the sea. As the moon rose over the horizon, Sirius face was highlighted, tears glinted on his cheeks, and in his eyes.
Sirius looked at him, "Maybe, but I don't know if I can still trust you. I mean," Sirius looked down to the ground, "I hardly trust anyone anymore. Even Karen, and it took me years to gain what little trust we have."
"And that would be our fault, wouldn't it?"
"Maybe, But what happened later wasn't you fault."
"Later? You mean when you left Hogwarts?"
"No, I mean, the other reason I left Hogwarts." Sirius voice was getting quieter and quieter, and even Remus' wolf-like hearing meant he had to strain to hear him.
"What other reason?" Remus asked quietly.
"Snape, Malfoy, all their cronies."
"Why? They never bothered you earlier. What happened?"
Sirius looked at Remus, carefully avoiding his eyes. What was he to do? He couldn't tell Remus the truth, he would hate him. Suddenly an idea came to his head, he would lie. That's what he would do, it would be hard, to lie to the one person he'd ever truly loved.
Sirius had closed his eyes, and that worried Remus. He leaned forward slightly, but sat back up when Sirius opened his eyes. There were deep feelings in there, fear and pain. But would Sirius tell him where they came from? Would he ever discover the truth?
Sirius looked straight into Remus eyes, and all his walls collapsed. The lies he was going to tell, disappear, and he knew he couldn't lie. Remus hold was too strong for him. As if this brought all his last few years of covered up feelings up, he broke down in tears, and for the first time, ever Remus broke a promise, he leaned forward and pulled Sirius into his arms. But Sirius didn't pull away as Remus had feared he would do, instead he clung to Remus as if to let go would be for him drown in a world of pain. As he clung to Remus one word escaped his mouth, "Rape."
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Chapter Eight: What an old friend can do!
Disclaimer: All but this storyline, Anne, Karen and all from Sirius' new school belongs to J.K.Rowling.
On the Pitch
"Well, good game guys, and girls." Adam added with a laugh, glancing at Karen. "Just one thing though, Sirius, erm I think we should talk for a second." He looked meaningfully at the others.
Slowly the team departed, with Karen giving Sirius comforting looks, for talking to Adam after a practice was never considered a good thing. "Look, Sirius," Adam began, looking a bit unsure of himself, "I know you're having a hard time, with the people over from Hogwarts and all, but you mustn't forget just how important our coming matches are? Why we don't we go for quick walk, okay?" Adam looked way nervous, he fiddled incessantly, and looked anywhere but Sirius as he checked there was no-one around to observe them, or overhear their conversation.
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Sirius nodded, and they set off together, by pure fluke heading in the direction of the beach.
"so....what is it you wanted to talk about?"
"It's you Sirius."
"Me?" Sirius raised his eyebrow.
"Yes Sirius." Adam seemed to think this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Look, you're playing has got worse, and I don't even want to begin on your attention span. You've lost all your concentration, and not to mention your becoming one of the, shall we say, less adept at elvish."
Sirius looked stunned, he tried to speak a few times, but had to stop as he seemed to find nothing to say, and so settled for just staring at Adam with an open mouth. He was really out of words; no-one had ever said anything to him about his elvish abilities. He'd always been the best, the quickest to learn, the top of the class- but now he felt like just another dunce, someone who lounged at the back of the classroom with no idea of what's going on.
Adam watched Sirius' reactions carefully. He seemed totally lost, so Adam saw this as his chance, and gently put his arm around Sirius, turning him slowly towards him. Sirius was obviously too confused, and lost in his own thoughts to notice anything, until he felt a pair of lips on his mouth. In mere seconds Sirius was pulled back to reality, as he opened his eyes wide to see that Adam, his coach and mentor, was kissing him fiercely.
Sirius pulled back, pushing Adam to the ground. His eyes were wide, and his pupils were dilated. Adam stuttered slightly and began to speak but was cut off by Sirius. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?...WERE YOU EVEN THINKING?" Sirius yelled.
"I...I ..."Adam shakily climbed to his feet.
"You know what?! Fuck You!" With that Sirius Punched Adam in the face, hard, and stormed off. His face was red with rage, and his was muttering to himself.
His mind was so occupied that he didn't notice where he was going. Finally, when he felt he was far away from Adam, Sirius collapsed onto the cold sand. Tears ran down his face unchecked, and silent sobs escaped his mouth.
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Remus looked up at the sound of someone approaching. His eyes widened in shock as he saw it was Sirius. Sirius' face was livid with anger, though he seemed to be keeping something down inside, his lips were slightly redder than usual, and his hands were shaking. But this all changed in a split second as Sirius collapsed to the ground. He was crying – hard - and his shoulders shook with raw emotion.
Remus didn't know what to do. He felt like he should go to Sirius, talk to him, make everything better. But he didn't know, he didn't know what was wrong, and, worse of all, he didn't know weather Sirius would accept his comfort or not. Eventually Remus decided that he couldn't just sit there, hiding behind a rock, and watch Sirius cry, he had to do something. Slowly Remus climbed to his feet, and, as quietly as he could, advanced the crying boy – or wait ... man? – and gently sat down beside him.
Sirius didn't look up, but he seemed to sense someone's presence, for he covered his face, and tried to appear calm. Remus sighed, more to himself than Sirius, and crooned gently, "Sirius, Sirius....Are you okay?" A bit lame he knew, but what else could he say. Though it was a bit obvious that Sirius wasn't okay.
At that Sirius looked up, directly into Remus face, for a second a look of immense fear and confusion shone in his, but just as quickly as it had come, he covered it up. His face became a mask of calm, even though he still had the tell-tale marks of tears in his eyes. Remus smiled at him, hoping that his smile gave Sirius some kind of comfort – which he obviously needed – and that maybe it would give them the bases for a fresh start, a new friendship. Sirius returned the smile, and, with a glint of humor in his eye, murmured , "And I half expected to see Adam."
Sirius' dry humor was lost on Remus, "Adam?" He looked extremely confused, "Whose Adam?"
"Oh...Adam's just the complete bastard who just tried to kiss me when he should have known that..." Sirius trailed off, realizing what he had just said. In what had been a carefree moment of memories of an old, brilliant and amazing friendship Sirius had almost given away what he considered to be his deepest and darkest secret - His love for Remus.
"Should have known what Sirius?" Remus spoke gently, but his eyes glinted with curiosity. To Sirius it was just like old times, when he was happy, and popular. God how he missed that!
"I... You know? Forget it." Sirius shook his head sadly, "IT doesn't matter anyway."
"You sure?" Remus looked worried, as he gently pulled Sirius into his arms.
Sirius shrieked in fear and pulled away, "I...I... What are you doing?" Sirius stuttered.
"I'm sorry. It's just....you looked so sad ... and I just thought....look I'm sorry."
"No it's me, I'm just not used to it. I mean ... er ... I guess a lot has changed", he added sheepishly.
"Suppose it has." Replied Remus sullenly. "I never wanted it though. I mean.... I always thought we'd be friends, I just ... was upset." He looked up, straight into Sirius' eyes, "I was never really angry at I you, I just didn't understand."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I mean maybe we could be friends again, you, if you want?"
"Sure. Just... Will you promise me something?"
"That depends." Remus answered slowly, "Will you tell me what's going on? Please?"
"Fine," replied Sirius, a little sullenly, "Promise me you won't ... just don't, even just for now..."
"Don't what Sirius?"
Sirius turned away from Remus to face the sea, "Don't touch me."
Remus looked both shocked and stunned. He tried to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. Finally he found his voice, after what seemed like hours. "Is there a reason behind all this?"
"Of course." Sirius voice was barely a whisper.
"Are you going to tell me?" Remus joined Sirius looking out at the sea. As the moon rose over the horizon, Sirius face was highlighted, tears glinted on his cheeks, and in his eyes.
Sirius looked at him, "Maybe, but I don't know if I can still trust you. I mean," Sirius looked down to the ground, "I hardly trust anyone anymore. Even Karen, and it took me years to gain what little trust we have."
"And that would be our fault, wouldn't it?"
"Maybe, But what happened later wasn't you fault."
"Later? You mean when you left Hogwarts?"
"No, I mean, the other reason I left Hogwarts." Sirius voice was getting quieter and quieter, and even Remus' wolf-like hearing meant he had to strain to hear him.
"What other reason?" Remus asked quietly.
"Snape, Malfoy, all their cronies."
"Why? They never bothered you earlier. What happened?"
Sirius looked at Remus, carefully avoiding his eyes. What was he to do? He couldn't tell Remus the truth, he would hate him. Suddenly an idea came to his head, he would lie. That's what he would do, it would be hard, to lie to the one person he'd ever truly loved.
Sirius had closed his eyes, and that worried Remus. He leaned forward slightly, but sat back up when Sirius opened his eyes. There were deep feelings in there, fear and pain. But would Sirius tell him where they came from? Would he ever discover the truth?
Sirius looked straight into Remus eyes, and all his walls collapsed. The lies he was going to tell, disappear, and he knew he couldn't lie. Remus hold was too strong for him. As if this brought all his last few years of covered up feelings up, he broke down in tears, and for the first time, ever Remus broke a promise, he leaned forward and pulled Sirius into his arms. But Sirius didn't pull away as Remus had feared he would do, instead he clung to Remus as if to let go would be for him drown in a world of pain. As he clung to Remus one word escaped his mouth, "Rape."
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