The words had barely left the nurses mouth before the doctor was out of his seat and running towards Ryan's room Kirsten and Sandy following close behind with worried expressions on their faces. In all the years that the doctor has worked at the institution, only two patients had ever managed to escape. One had returned a few days later in hysterics, realizing that the world they had become accustomed to was not the same on the outside, and the other was found a week later, hanging from a ceiling fan in the home that she had grown up in as a child.
The patients family had still lived in the house, but they had long since forgotten the young girl they sent away so many years before. She wanted them to see what they had done to her; She felt betrayed, unwanted, and she wanted her family to see how much they had killed her by locking her away like an animal. She planned everything out perfectly for weeks on end without anyone knowing. She knew how to get out, she remembered where her old home was, and she waited for her family to leave for church on that Sunday morning before she opened an unlocked window and climbed in, going to the bedroom she used to love playing in when she was a little girl. She climbed on a chair that she had placed in the middle of the room and wrapped the makeshift noose around her neck, kicking the chair out from under her as her lungs struggled for the air that would never come.
Deep in the doctor's mind, he knows that Ryan has the potential of being like that patient, wanting everyone around him to see what they've done to him, see how much he's really died since his life took a turn for the worse all those years ago. He's seen the files, the multiple hospital records where the kid had 'tripped' or 'fell'. He knows about what his mothers boyfriends would do to him while his mother was passed out on the couch, and although he's gotten away from that, he's still constantly faltering and falling along life's rocky path.
When the doctor reaches the room, a male nurse is standing by the open door with his eyes concentrated on the wall across from him, an extremely guilty look plaguing his face and making it evident to the doctor who's responsible for this. There's a few other nurses standing near him, talking quietly to themselves, but they soon turn in the direction of the doctor as he clears his throat, looking at all of them with the same amount of anger.
"How could Mr. Atwood have possibly disappeared like this? This door was locked just a few moments ago when I left, and now the patient's missing."
"Sir, I take full blame for this. When I came in to give him his medicine, he wasn't in his bed so I assumed he was in the bathroom. I only had my back to the door for just a few seconds, he must have slipped out then without me noticing.
The doctor looks at the man in front of him furiously before going into the room, checking one last time to see if Ryan is there before telling one of the other nurses to have security check every room in the building. The nurse quickly nods her head before leaving the room, and the doctor turns around to see the Cohen's staring at him, Kirsten on the verge of tears once again.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I'm extremely sorry about this, our staff isn't usually this incompetent. John is still trying to learn the ropes of the facility, but I assure you he will be severely reprimanded. As for Ryan, I honestly don't believe that he left the grounds, this is a very secure facility, and it would be very hard for him to get out without the security noticing."
"If he can slip out that easily without someone noticing in the first place, how am I supposed to trust this place with his well being? What if he did manage to leave and he's out there where we can't find him? He's sick, he needs to be helped, but I'm starting to doubt your ability to turn him around at all. I want you to find him, bring him back here to us, and then we're taking him home."
---
The hallways are stark quiet as Jimmy walks down them, all of the patients in their rooms as security goes from door to door looking for Ryan. The lock down reminds him of a scene from a prison movie he once saw, and for the first time since all of this began, he seems to understand what some of the patients might be feeling like here, especially Ryan. He never really considered this place to be like a prison, but now he's starting to see why Ryan feels betrayed. The Cohen's rescued from him jail, only to put him back behind locked doors in a place and a state he'd never even been to. They left him in almost the same way that his mother did, but he's right, at least his mother left him with his freedom.
The sound of security coming down the hallway pulls Jimmy from his thoughts, and he takes a turn down another hallway, trying to avoid getting caught in the middle of the frantic search. As he walks past all the closed doors, he shakes visibly from a chill going down his spine, the desolate hallway beginning to get to him. In the weeks that he has been here and walked these hallways, it's never been so quiet and empty the way it is now.
As he gets close to the end of the hallway, Jimmy notices a door that's slightly opened and he cautiously walks towards it, knowing that the room belongs to a girl half of Ryan's age that has continuously been found staring through the double-sided mirror into Ryan's room. The doctor says that she's harmless, that she was a def mute that was brought here after her parents were murdered, and Jimmy hopes that the doctor's right about being harmless as he pushes the door open all the way, spotting the young girl sitting Indian style in the middle of her bed, staring blankly in front of her.
The room is dark except for a small night light near the bed and the light filtering in the hallway, and Jimmy notices the child lightly shaking, the stuffed animal she's got in her arms being choked against her body as silent tears slide down her pale cheeks.
"Stephanie, what's wrong?"
Jimmy slowly approaches the small girl, afraid that she might get scared away, but she doesn't move a bit as she stares at the small closet across from the foot of the bed. The look on her face reminds the older man of when Marissa was younger and she thought that monsters were hiding in the closet, so he decides to put the child at ease as he walks over to the closet and pulls open the door, jumping back when he notices the huddled figure sitting on the floor of the closet.
"Ryan, you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing in here?"
The teen doesn't move as he keeps his legs pulled to his chest and his face buried in his knees, and Jimmy cautiously walks back over to the closet, kneeling down next to Ryan and carefully wrapping his arms around his back, pulling him out of the confined space. He puts his hands on either side of Ryan's face and forces him to look up, trying to look into the tear filled eyes.
"Ryan-"
"I just want to be alone."
His words are barely above a whisper, but after weeks of silence, it reaches Jimmy's ears loud and clear as he sits back, moving slightly away from the teen. The request is reasonable, considering he's been locked up in a more secure room since he's been out of the infirmary, and Jimmy feels himself starting to question the motives. Ryan hasn't done anything to make him think that he's any danger to anyone, so why lock him away in a room away from everyone else?
"We just want you to talk to us-"
"Do you know what will happen if I die?"
The sudden question throws Jimmy off as he looks at Ryan confused and slightly shocked, nodding his head negatively in hopes that Ryan will keep talking, open up to what he's thinking and feeling.
"When I die, Dawn will be waiting for me. She'll want me to forgive her for everything she's ever done to me, every time she abandoned me. She'll wrap her arms around me, the ones covered in track marks, and she'll tell me how much she loves me and that she's sorry for all the beatings and broken bones that I got just for being a 'nuisance' to her and her boyfriends. And you know the worst thing about it? I wont be able to escape it because I'll be dead. There won't be a place for my to hide or run from her. I'm sure they don't have cabinets or closets there, so I'll have to suffer with her for the rest of my life."
Jimmy stares at Ryan wide eyed, slightly shocked at the rush of words leaving the teenagers mouth that are followed by a quiet sob. It takes a moment for all the words to sink in, but when they do, Jimmy wraps his arms around Ryan's body, not letting go even when the teen starts to hit him in the chest. In Jimmy's mind, everything is beginning to piece together like a jigsaw puzzle. The way Ryan's acting, the way his past keeps filtering into his presence, the kid is being forced to handle much more weight then he should have to. If he dies he has to face his mother, but if he lives, he's got to keep dealing with everyone abandoning him and turning their backs on him.
"Ryan, we're not going to let that happen to you, not without putting up a serious fight. All of us care about you."
Ryan nods his head against Jimmy's chest, and the older man can feel the anger slowly rising in the sixteen year old as he gradually raises his voice.
"Who's 'all of us'? The Cohen's? They took me from one cell and put me in another, from a blue jump suit to blue medical scrubs. They knew what they were getting into when they took me in, Sandy knew all about my past. They thought they could change me, make me be the rich snob that everyone else in New Port is, but they can't see that I'm already fucked up. The damage is done, there's no going back and fixing it."
Jimmy sits back and lets Ryan vent, knowing that all of this has been building up for years, and he realizes that the only thing he needs right now is for everyone to just shut up and listen to him. He doesn't want someone to tell him he's wrong, or people to agree with him just to humor him, he's ready for his voice to be heard.
"You know, when I was younger I used to hide in the closet of the kitchen cabinet, pretend that no one would ever find me, but they always did after a while. My mom's boyfriends would treat me like a child, baby talk me to get me to come out, and then they would lay right into me…. In more ways than one. On some rare occasions, she would take me to the emergency room and tell them I fell, but not once did she ever take me to a doctor when she would find me lying on the floor half naked, blood on my backside and on the carpet. She would put me in a freezing cold bath and tell me that I should learn to be a man if I didn't want things like that to happen to me, and then she would walk out. You don't know how many times I just wanted to submerge myself in the water, flow with the liquid down the drain when the plug in the tub was pulled."
Jimmy makes no attempt to stop Ryan as he pulls away, his back resting against the wall as the other man stares at him shocked. He knew that the teen was abused physically and verbally growing up, but he never imagined the abuse reaching sexual levels. He wonders if the Cohen's know about this, if Sandy knows. If he were never taken to the hospital after it happened, then chances of it being in his record are very slim.
Ryan opens his mouth, ready to talk again after a brief pause, but the light from the doorway is clouded as a member of security stands firm in place, not taking a chance of letting Ryan leave their sight again. Jimmy can see the scared expression on Ryan's face as he looks at the large man staring back at him, and the need to try and protect him overcomes the older man as he stands up and moves close to Ryan. blocking the teen as the doctor quickly rushes into the room, Sandy and Kirsten still fast on his trail.
"Oh my gosh Ryan, we were terrified. What are you doing in here honey?"
Kirsten tries to wrap her arms around Ryan, but he pushes himself further against the wall, the urge to talk now completely gone. Sandy stands near his wife, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder, and Jimmy looks on as Ryan buries his face in his knees once again.
"Do you mind if we get a minute alone with him?"
Sandy points the comment at the doctors and security personnel, and Jimmy stands firm in his spot as the doctor pulls Stephanie into his arms and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
"Ryan, I know you really don't like us at the moment, but I want you to just hear us out. Will you at least look up so that we know you're awake and listening?"
When he doesn't respond, Jimmy kneels down next to him and whispers something into his ear, letting his hand rest on the back of Ryan's neck as the teen finally looks up, not staring straight at the Cohen's but in their general direction. Kirsten looks at Jimmy questioningly, and she realizes that something must have happened between the two men before they came and found them in here.
"The doctor says that you're not responding to any of your medications. They keep giving you anti-depressants and you keep staying in the same condition. You're obviously not getting any better here, you seem a bit worse, so we think it's best that we take you back home. You can move in the guest bedroom, we can change it however you want to. We'll see about getting you into therapy a couple times a week, I know a really good doctor. We just want you to come home now."
Guest bedroom… home… the words contradict each other in so many ways. People live in homes, it's where they can go to feel loved and know that somehow things might be okay. Guest bedrooms are for people who won't be staying long. It's for brief visits, for someone who doesn't belong in the home. Ryan doesn't want to be that person, the guest, but he knows he will never be a part of that family. The Cohen home isn't an option for him anymore.