Many thanks to LuckyLoo16, a wonderful reviewer! I hope you enjoy this chapter/part!

Disclaimer: The characters still do not belong to me, and the song, "Kryptonite," is 3 Doors Down's.

Part III: "Kryptonite"

I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I've watched too many people die, I've lost too many loved ones to the Dark Lord already and I haven't even reached middle age. There is something very maddening about that; and surreal at the same time.

When I was in Azkaban I thought those feelings, that absolution of emptiness was the worst feeling in the world but being Harry Potter's godfather isn't much better, much easier. There are all these feelings, all these worries that come along with the responsibility that sometimes I almost wonder how James thought he could do it.

James would be so proud of his son now. Remus and I are. Our hearts are nearly full to bursting with pride and love for this kid and I know that we don't feel half what James and Lily felt.

I think a lot on those first few hours I'd seen him, before his Third Year. I think on how much things have changed in those two short years and yet how, despite the change, everything has stayed the same.

How, because everything has stayed the same, nothing makes sense anymore. Cedric's death doesn't make sense, even now, and neither do James and Lily's, or anyone's for that matter. I think about the Muggles who've been affected by Voldemort and I feel terrible thinking about them, realizing that they don't know.

And sometimes, I envy their naivety.

I am such a guilty man for that: for their envy. I'm so jealous. I'm jealous that, while Remus has his own cross to bear, he was allowed to do so in freedom. He can come and go as he pleases (as long as it's not during that time in the cycle). I'm jealous that Peter, although a rat (facetiously and quite literally) spent his time outside of Azkaban while I was killed a little more every day, so much that I'm not sure if I'm even alive anymore. Snape, who I have loathed since before coming to Hogwarts as a child had more of a freedom then I did. Do you understand how much that stings? It's as if salt has been rubbed into an open, still bleeding wound when I look at him.

And I hate to admit this to anyone, even you, but I'm jealous of James and Lily. For although they're dead they knew true love. They knew it before they died. They'd known their son before they'd been killed while I, I only know the scarred Harry.

I really truly am not a good man.

I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you

"Sirius, are you coming down for dinner?" Remus asks. I can tell he's worried. He has been for some time now. I'm not sure what about though; there are so many things under the moon to worry about now.

Harry appears behind him, looking slightly curious as James used to and I have to laugh and shake my head.

"Of course I'm coming to dinner. I wouldn't miss Molly's food for the life of me." Molly Weasley truly is a gifted cook.

The three of us head downstairs and sit around the table. Ron and Hermione are, as usual not speaking and I chuckle to myself. I only vaguely remember Arthur and Molly from my Hogwarts years, they were in their seventh year when I was a first year and from what I remember, they fought as much, if not more, than Ron and Hermione.

Harry sees that his friends really aren't speaking to each other and glares at them for a moment before turning away. It truly worries me, how angry he's come to be.

I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

Looking at these people, seated around this dinner table, I've wondered why they ever believed my innocence. They would say it was Dumbledore but then, if that's the case, why did he believe me? Is he really all knowing?

They didn't have to believe my innocence. Remus didn't have to stand by me. Harry could have feared me, instead of Peter, but he chose not too. I can't understand why and part of me is afraid to know why. Some things, after all, truly are better left unsaid.

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
If I keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

And part of me is amazed at the strength that I have found, so soon after Azkaban. It's not that I was ever lazy before, or unwilling, but I'd never gotten myself together so quickly. That was Remus. He was the strong one of the four of us, the quiet one who stood in the corner observing our stupidity. How did I end up in this position?

I asked Remus that once.

"You have a responsibility know, Sirius. One that I don't have, one that I can't have. That's how you ended up so far from where you started."

He reminds me of Dumbledore with his words, his mannerisms, the way he speaks. He doesn't speak normally, he speaks carefully.

James used to joke that at least one of the four of us was smart, it would be pretty unfortunate if we were all stupid because then, who would help us with our homework? (The answer ended up being Lily, by the way. She would have been right next to Hermione in S.P.E.W. had they lived in the same generation, or if they could travel through generations.)

I'm watching Harry, Ron and Hermione and I'm so proud and so blessed to know them, the Infamous Trio. Honestly, I don't know how they've made it this far without dropping out of Hogwarts or even killing each other. Or at least, I don't understand the intricate dynamics of Ron and Hermione's relationship. I don't understand how they've managed, either, to stay best friends with Harry. If Harry was my best friend, I don't know what I'd have done by now. I hardly know what I've done knowing him as my godson.

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down

I followed Remus into the living area after dinner. Everyone else went their separate ways, except for the twins and Ron and Hermione (Ron followed Hermione all the way up to her room, I believe, badgering her about whatever they were fighting about.)

"What is it Sirius?"

You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

I shrug. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'll come out of this war alive, Remus," I admit. "I wonder if this is how James felt. Like he never wanted to die, like he wanted to see Harry grow up." I chuckle, beside myself with disbelief. "I mean, I'm sure he wanted to Remus, but this war…it's never going to end, is it?"

I can feel Remus watching me; carefully studying me and I know that he's trying to think of something really profound to say. Knowing him, he'll actually think of that something too.

"I don't think any of us, even though we knew there was that chance that we'd die, I don't think any of us expected we actually would. I know I never expected it would be James or Lily, anyhow. You maybe," he says with a grin, "but not them." There's a slight pause. "You were always a bit more daring and stupid than James."

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
If I keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

I snort. He's right.

Remus sits down, making himself comfortable in what used to be my mother's favorite chair. She'd be horrified to see a werewolf sitting in the plush, velvety furniture piece. Something about that knowledge thrills me.

"Do you think this war will end ever?"

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
If I keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

Remus shrugs. "I don't know the answer. I don't want to know. Knowing would drive me nuts and I wouldn't accomplish life. I wouldn't worry about it, Sirius. Death isn't something to be scared of. James wasn't. I'm not. You can't live your life afraid of the unexpected."

And because he's so smart and so patient with me, that's why our dynamics fit together.

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
If I keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little chapter…the next one will be posted in a couple days! Please review!