Disclaimer: I still own nothing... sighs Oh, well... A girl can dream, huh?
Do you ever think about me?
Do you every cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I can't believe I'm acting like this
I know it's crazy
How I can still feel your kiss
It's been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should have known better but it's jus not the case
It's been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since you went away
--6, 8, 12, Brian McKnight
October 9, 2000
Angel,
I'm really REALLY SORRY.
Until now, I know that though I apologize over a thousand times, it would be useless. It wouldn't compare with all the grief and pain I've caused you.
Remember the night we broke up? I was crying so hard. Harder than I ever had in my whole life... From what I've heard, you cried a lot as well... I'm sorry for that angel...
After that night, I would lock myself up in my room for hours... I would just lie there in my bed and stare at the ceiling... Just that... No matter how hard I try to resist, the tears just come on freely... You know me, proud and snobby on the outside (and yes, I admit it) but really weak on the inside.
You know me better than I do, Angel. I am weak. I cannot stand pain; I cannot bear the hurt feeling all by myself... I need you, Gin...
I know that I was the bad half of our relationship. That's the main reason why I chose not to carry on with it. I felt that I was ruining your life... I thought that I was hurting you and it would be better to just let go and save you from the pain I would've caused.
I always told myself that it would be okay for you to find a new man in your life... (Scarhead, perhaps?) But , no... it hurts... The very thought of someone else being with you burns a hole right through my chest...
But, if there is someone who can take my place, I hope he can give you what I have given you. And more... I hope he can fulfill all my shortcomings,
I have given you the finest luxuries money can buy, but I know I failed abysmally in fulfilling my duties as your other half...
I have given you nothing but words... Not even a simple touch, hug, kiss or anything for the fear of being found out... Honestly, yes, we had some of that sort but it was always in hiding... We were to pretend that we hated each other as a show... I never even stood up for what we had. Furthermore, all my words are written and never spoken...
It hurts so much when I think of all the things I've done to make you happy, and come up with nothing... It hurts so much that when I think of all I could've given and could've done for us and find out there's so many... Too much to count... The guilt is amounting to such altitude that I cannot bear to think of it anymore...
I loved you so much that I wanted to hurt myself. That I wanted to punish myself for my insolence... My ignorance... My imperfection... My lack of devotion... Many times I tried to end my life, but I cannot do it. I am such a coward Gin... After all, I never had that Gryffindor quality of bravery or things of that sort... It was only you who made me stronger and made me whoever I can be...
Ginny, please still be my angel... Please... I love of and I'll love you always... Always...
-Draco