First off, I don't own LOTR or any of the Nazgul (I really want my own
Nazgul though, that would be cool)
This is supposed to be funny and stupid, so if your going to review, please don't complain about the stupidity, unless you just find it unbearably stupid, just complain about the bad writing or something like that
The nine were all called into Sauron's throne room (book wise, Sauron was more than just a flaming eye) Sauron then told them about the information given them by Gollum, and that they were to set out immediately
"Quick" said the Witch King (Nazgul#1) "Lets get on some evil looking horses, and gallop out of the front gate at full speed! Even though we could never go full speed for more than a few minutes, it looks more dramatic that way!!!"
The evil black Nazgul all rushed into the evil black stable, in the evil black tower, and jumped on some evil black horses, and rushed out of the evil black front gate. "Wait" said Nazgul#3 "We need a good disguise so no one will suspect that we are evil!" "Good idea" replied the Witch King "Lets dress up like riders in black, NO ONE will suspect us then!" The evil black Nazgul rushed back through the evil black front door, put their evil black horses back in the evil black stable, and rushed up to put on some "not evil" black robes on.
"Now we look like some evil black cult members" mentioned Nazgul#5, known better as Larry. "EXACTLY" replied the Witch King, "everyone will think we are just evil CULT members, not Nazgul!". Larry responded by just staring at the Witch King. "Too bad I cant wear my cool looking crown" said the Witch King "but that would be a dead give away, GET IT?? DEAD give away? HA ha, its funny cause... you know... were wraiths... nevermind". "Why did we make him the leader again?" asked Nazgul#7.
After they finished disguising themselves as evil cult members, the Nazgul set out again on their evil black steeds. "Hey dO WE HAve to GALLop ouT ALL the tIME?" asked Nazgul#2. "YES YOU INSOLENT FOOL, OF COURSE WE DO!" replied the Witch King, "They are making a MOVIE out of this, and evil black guys with wicked looking long iron swords are great movie attractions, so we have to look dramatic at all the places that might be filmed." "Oh really? That's cool" replied Nazgul#9. "Unfortunately no one is really going to care about you #9, cause by the time all the first 8 go by, it will just be a relief to see you go by, no matter how cool you look" said Nazgul #3.
"HEY, GET READY, I see a FILM CREW on the side of the road! Gallop and do the High Pitched screams on the count of three ok?" shouted the Witch King. "one, two, THREE!". The nine Nazgul began to gallop, looking evil and dramatic, and they all let out a high pitched evil sounding squeal, that sounded more like a possessed hamster (or guinea pig).
"Wow, this is great footage!" said the director, "Those guys look like evil cult members!" And all the film crews agreed, but were slightly disturbed by the possessed hamster sounds (or guinea pig).
"My throat hurts" moaned Nazgul#6. "CAn wE At lEAst STop GAllopINg?" asked Larry (Nazgul#5). "Lets just get out of range of the camera crew before we stop" replied the Witch King, "Hey, one more high pitched squeal!" As they rode out of sight of the camera crew they let out another hamster, I mean high pitched and evil sounding, squeal.
"WOW, those guys look EVIL!" said the director, "I mean, what's cooler than a bunch of evil black guys with wicked looking long iron swords???" "Well, it might be cooler to have a rugged looking guy with a goatee, long dark hair, and a sword, who leads some weaker people to safety..." said one of the camera men, "It might also be cool if there was a guy in this story that had long blonde hair, and acts similar to a laid back surfer punk, maybe if he used bow and arrows, and could hit an orc from 1000 yards away in a almost pitch black room?" "Na, that could never happen" said the director.
"HOw abOUT noW?" asked Larry. "Yea, we can stop galloping now Larry" responded the Witch King. "Hey, we are almost to the Black Gate" said Nazgul#4. "Hey, can we stop at Starbucks? They just put one in right by the Black Gate" asked Nazgul#8. "Sure I guess... man they are putting Starbucks everywhere these days, there might be more of them than Mc Donalds..." responded the Witch King.
"There it is!" shouted Nazgul#9 who was obviously looking forward to some caffine. The nine quietly strolled in, looking cool and evil, exept for #9 who immediately ran in full speed and rushed to the counter, knocking a few orcs out of the line so he was first. "Ill have a mocha latte, super grande!" shouted Nazgul#9. "Whats a super grande?" asked the cashier. "I ordered a 50 gallon drum from Starbucks, they said I could get it filled up at a store". "Oh, I've heard about you! 50 percent of our revenue comes from you! Ill fill your cup right up! That will be 400 dollars." "Here you go!" said Nazgul#9 as he handed the cashier 400 dollars. "Here's your coffee!" said the cashier, with a big smile on his face.
"What will you have?" the cashier asked the Witch King. "Ill have some evil black coffee" replied the Witch King, in a low raspy voice that made him sound evil. "Sorry, we don't have any evil black coffee, how about regular black coffee?" asked the cashier. "Fine... but make it extra hot, I want it to at least sting a little, if it cant be evil" the Witch King said, he then paid the cashier, and walked off with his coffee, muttering about what the world was coming to, and something about the little young'uns that couldn't make a simple cup of evil coffee.
After Nazgul#9 had finished half a dozen cups of coffee (from his 50 gallon coffee mug) and after many trips to the bathroom, the other 8 Nazgul dragged him out of Starbucks kicking and screaming. "JUST ONE MORE CUP!!!" screamed #9, as the cashier screamed "JUST A FEW MORE CUPS, IT WILL SET A WORLD RECORD!!!"
This is supposed to be funny and stupid, so if your going to review, please don't complain about the stupidity, unless you just find it unbearably stupid, just complain about the bad writing or something like that
The nine were all called into Sauron's throne room (book wise, Sauron was more than just a flaming eye) Sauron then told them about the information given them by Gollum, and that they were to set out immediately
"Quick" said the Witch King (Nazgul#1) "Lets get on some evil looking horses, and gallop out of the front gate at full speed! Even though we could never go full speed for more than a few minutes, it looks more dramatic that way!!!"
The evil black Nazgul all rushed into the evil black stable, in the evil black tower, and jumped on some evil black horses, and rushed out of the evil black front gate. "Wait" said Nazgul#3 "We need a good disguise so no one will suspect that we are evil!" "Good idea" replied the Witch King "Lets dress up like riders in black, NO ONE will suspect us then!" The evil black Nazgul rushed back through the evil black front door, put their evil black horses back in the evil black stable, and rushed up to put on some "not evil" black robes on.
"Now we look like some evil black cult members" mentioned Nazgul#5, known better as Larry. "EXACTLY" replied the Witch King, "everyone will think we are just evil CULT members, not Nazgul!". Larry responded by just staring at the Witch King. "Too bad I cant wear my cool looking crown" said the Witch King "but that would be a dead give away, GET IT?? DEAD give away? HA ha, its funny cause... you know... were wraiths... nevermind". "Why did we make him the leader again?" asked Nazgul#7.
After they finished disguising themselves as evil cult members, the Nazgul set out again on their evil black steeds. "Hey dO WE HAve to GALLop ouT ALL the tIME?" asked Nazgul#2. "YES YOU INSOLENT FOOL, OF COURSE WE DO!" replied the Witch King, "They are making a MOVIE out of this, and evil black guys with wicked looking long iron swords are great movie attractions, so we have to look dramatic at all the places that might be filmed." "Oh really? That's cool" replied Nazgul#9. "Unfortunately no one is really going to care about you #9, cause by the time all the first 8 go by, it will just be a relief to see you go by, no matter how cool you look" said Nazgul #3.
"HEY, GET READY, I see a FILM CREW on the side of the road! Gallop and do the High Pitched screams on the count of three ok?" shouted the Witch King. "one, two, THREE!". The nine Nazgul began to gallop, looking evil and dramatic, and they all let out a high pitched evil sounding squeal, that sounded more like a possessed hamster (or guinea pig).
"Wow, this is great footage!" said the director, "Those guys look like evil cult members!" And all the film crews agreed, but were slightly disturbed by the possessed hamster sounds (or guinea pig).
"My throat hurts" moaned Nazgul#6. "CAn wE At lEAst STop GAllopINg?" asked Larry (Nazgul#5). "Lets just get out of range of the camera crew before we stop" replied the Witch King, "Hey, one more high pitched squeal!" As they rode out of sight of the camera crew they let out another hamster, I mean high pitched and evil sounding, squeal.
"WOW, those guys look EVIL!" said the director, "I mean, what's cooler than a bunch of evil black guys with wicked looking long iron swords???" "Well, it might be cooler to have a rugged looking guy with a goatee, long dark hair, and a sword, who leads some weaker people to safety..." said one of the camera men, "It might also be cool if there was a guy in this story that had long blonde hair, and acts similar to a laid back surfer punk, maybe if he used bow and arrows, and could hit an orc from 1000 yards away in a almost pitch black room?" "Na, that could never happen" said the director.
"HOw abOUT noW?" asked Larry. "Yea, we can stop galloping now Larry" responded the Witch King. "Hey, we are almost to the Black Gate" said Nazgul#4. "Hey, can we stop at Starbucks? They just put one in right by the Black Gate" asked Nazgul#8. "Sure I guess... man they are putting Starbucks everywhere these days, there might be more of them than Mc Donalds..." responded the Witch King.
"There it is!" shouted Nazgul#9 who was obviously looking forward to some caffine. The nine quietly strolled in, looking cool and evil, exept for #9 who immediately ran in full speed and rushed to the counter, knocking a few orcs out of the line so he was first. "Ill have a mocha latte, super grande!" shouted Nazgul#9. "Whats a super grande?" asked the cashier. "I ordered a 50 gallon drum from Starbucks, they said I could get it filled up at a store". "Oh, I've heard about you! 50 percent of our revenue comes from you! Ill fill your cup right up! That will be 400 dollars." "Here you go!" said Nazgul#9 as he handed the cashier 400 dollars. "Here's your coffee!" said the cashier, with a big smile on his face.
"What will you have?" the cashier asked the Witch King. "Ill have some evil black coffee" replied the Witch King, in a low raspy voice that made him sound evil. "Sorry, we don't have any evil black coffee, how about regular black coffee?" asked the cashier. "Fine... but make it extra hot, I want it to at least sting a little, if it cant be evil" the Witch King said, he then paid the cashier, and walked off with his coffee, muttering about what the world was coming to, and something about the little young'uns that couldn't make a simple cup of evil coffee.
After Nazgul#9 had finished half a dozen cups of coffee (from his 50 gallon coffee mug) and after many trips to the bathroom, the other 8 Nazgul dragged him out of Starbucks kicking and screaming. "JUST ONE MORE CUP!!!" screamed #9, as the cashier screamed "JUST A FEW MORE CUPS, IT WILL SET A WORLD RECORD!!!"