Yet another first person, post Helms Deep ficlet! They really are becoming a habit now! Ah well, they're good for getting the creative juices flowing! Enjoy!

Summary: Orophin is back in Lórien three years after Helms Deep – alone. Told from Orophin's POV.

Warnings: I nearly made myself cry writing this...

Feedback: Please, oh please!

For Tiger – fellow Lórien Elf-lover, Archer and Nightwish fan. :)

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Dead to the World

There is mud on my boots, in my clothes and in my hair. I do not care. Once I would have, would have found a river before reaching home to avoid the teasing. No longer.

I reach our - my - talan and climb up. It is exactly as I left it of course. Why would it not be? Gone are the days of scattered cloaks and boots, of inappropriately illustrated scrolls and last night's dinner plates. The talan is clean, tidy – and so terribly empty.

I undress, peeling the muddy clothes from my equally muddy body. Stepping into the bathroom, I fill the tub and step in. The warm scented water cleans my skin and soothes my aching body – though it does nothing for the ever-present ache in my heart.

I can still see them when I close my eyes, bickering about who gets the bathroom first, who is going to be late for patrol, who used the last of the scented soap.

Dipping my head under the water I let myself drift back to a time that wasn't really all that long ago.

Flashback

"Orophin! How much longer are you going to be? I have to be on patrol in twenty minutes!"

Poor Rúmil, he always overslept. He was never late though, always got there just in time. It was something of an art form.

"Would you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep!" Ahh Haldir, he'd only got back a few hours ago. It had been a long patrol, he would likely sleep until late that day. I couldn't blame him for shouting at Rúmil; I would have done the same.

"Alright, I am coming! I have patrol too you know!" I finish washing and open the door, still tying my braids. Rúmil shoots past me so fast I drop the hair I was working on.

I grumble as I start again, making my way to the table for a bite to eat before heading out to the borders. Before I can eat though, I have to clean away the dirty plates Haldir obviously used last night after he came in. Honestly, he can be such a slob!

I have just finished my breakfast when Rúmil dashes into the room, barely pausing to grab his cloak and a slice of lembas before dashing out of the door.

"Orophin, come on!" He calls, already three trees away. Shaking my head, I grab my own cloak and weapons and chase after my brother.

I have to laugh as I see him leaping through the trees. Even for an elf, he is extraordinarily agile, hardly touching the branches as he passes. It is that skill that has made him one of the best soldiers in the Golden Wood. Often when he attacks, his foe does not even see him coming.

He stops, turning back to me, trying desperately to catch up. He's laughing as he waits, bouncing lightly on a slender branch.

"You know I am not that fast!" I tease when I reach him.

"You are now." He grins and then grabs my hand, pulling me along with him. I gasp in shock, doing my best not to fall. We are equals in archery and swordplay and I am agile enough, but it is all I can do not to fall from the branches to the hard floor below. Still, should I fall he will catch me. He always does.

End Flashback

I surface, that last image still so bright and clear in my mind. I push my wet hair back from my face, trying to pretend the wetness on my cheeks is simply bathwater.

Slowly, I climb from the bath and reach for a towel. I dry off, slipping on clean leggings and moving to brush my hair.

My heart stops in my chest as I pick up the brush. This was a gift from Haldir, after he accidentally broke my last one. It even has my name carved into the wood, so that nobody else could mistake it for theirs. It's beautifully crafted and I can't help but wonder how much of his pay he gave to buy it for me.

With a sigh I place it back on the shelf, returning to the main room of my lonely talan. It's a big room, too big now. It was built for three, not one.

I prepare a simple meal and move to the balcony to eat. This is where we used to gather most evenings, unless separate patrols had split us up. We'd talk softly, joke, tease and laugh with each other, no matter what had happened during the day. As long as we had each other, nothing was ever that bad.

I can't stop the tears now, falling into my discarded dinner plate. Why am I here? Why do I go on, day after day, when all that I lived for is lost? Both Haldir and Rúmil were older than me and I always looked up to them, loved and admired them. Even when we fought, when I'd lose my temper at their attempts to coddle me, it was never serious. Not once in all our years did we go to our beds on bad terms. That was just the way things were.

The emptiness in my heart is almost crushing and every day it gets worse. I try to ignore it - I go on patrols, I see my friends, I keep busy. Even the Lord and Lady have had me to dinner a few times, so deep is their sympathy. But eventually, I always have to return here, to this large, empty talan. I can hardly even look at the doors to their rooms, closed since the day we left for that last battle.

I bury my face in a pillow, sobbing my heartache into the soft fabric. I wasn't meant to be alone; I need my family by my side. Had someone cut my arm off, I would not have felt so incomplete. My heart is shattered and I do not think it will ever mend.

I stay there, curled up on soft cushions and pillows. I hold one close to my chest, as if it could somehow ease my pain. It can't, of course – nothing can.

Even the wooden platform beneath me becomes wet from my tears and I wonder if others nearby can hear my broken, heart wrenching sobs as the loneliness once again gets the better of me.

Eventually I fall asleep, exhausted by my tears and still clutching the pillow close.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I wake again at the rising of the sun, the golden rays warming my chilled body. Slowly I rise, wincing as my muscles protest at the awkward position I slept in all night, worsened by the nighttime wind, that chills even elven bones.

Stretching, I move back inside, to bathe again and ready myself for another long and lonely day.

After the bath I feel somewhat better, warmer, if nothing else. I put on a clean uniform and braid my hair in its usual style. I am not expected at the barracks for some hours, but I have no desire to tarry here any longer than necessary.

"Orophin, how much longer are you going to be? I want to bathe!"

No. Oh Valar, save me, I'm hearing things. So clear, so real...

"Orophin! Today please!"

I race to the door and throw it open; hoping for the best, but knowing it cannot be. I have simply reached a new level of grief.

"Are you done?"

I can't believe what I'm seeing. He stands before me, dressed in clothes of human design, though he has his own cloak, somehow. He's far too thin and there's a nasty scar down the right side of his face. But I can see his chest move as he breathes, see the light and life that still sparkles in his eyes. His mouth is curved upwards in a slightly cheeky grin. He is really here, really alive.

"Rúmil?" My voice breaks, I do not understand how this can be. He died; I saw his body, cold and lifeless amongst so many others!

He smiles and places his hands on my shoulders. "I know what you saw." He says softly. "I almost died, the blow to my head sent me to the very gates of Mandos' Halls and I was left for dead. If a young human had not spotted that I was still breathing, I would have been lost for sure. As it was, I slept for over two years. It took almost another year until I was well enough to travel. I came home as soon as I could, my brother, please forgive me."

I can't speak; my emotions threaten to overwhelm me. Suddenly I lurch forward, grabbing him and holding him tight, still not really believing that he is here, that this is real.

"Hush, Little 'Phin." He soothes, using the baby name I always hated before. His hands rub my back comfortingly and I sob into his hair.

"I've missed you so much." I manage to choke out between sobs. "I've been so alone."

"I Know, Little 'Phin." He replies, his voice full of regret. "Haldir knows too. I saw him sometimes, when my spirit weakened. But we love you so much, my brother and that love gave me the will to return. I am here now and one day Haldir will be returned to us again."

I nod, the reality that my brother was really here slowly sinking in. My heart still ached for Haldir, but yes, I would see him again. I had faith now, having been given this incredible miracle.

"Thank you." I whisper. "Thank you for coming back to me."

"Always." He smiles. "I'll always come home. But if you don't mind, I really would like to bathe now!"

I laugh then, though I am still crying and hug him tight once more. I know I am back to a world of muddy boots, carelessly discarded cloaks and bad jokes. Nothing has ever seemed sweeter.

THE END