Chapter 3
And no, I still don't own LOTR, or my own Nazgul (though I do have the Witch King action figure!)
They began to head down the river to get to Bree. "Darn, why did they have to escape" muttered Nazgul#7. "Lets just hurry up so we can have hobbit-burgers before morning" responded Nazgul#2. "But, Im vegetarian!" said Nazgul#4. "I didn't mean hobbit-burgers literally! It just means that... oh nevermind" muttered Nazgul#2.
They made it around the river and over the bridge, and came closer and closer to Bree. "Were almost here" hissed the Witch King. "Remember to shriek a lot, and to use high pitched raspy voices, in case there's a camera crew nearby" said the Witch King. "Ok, heres the plan, ill go up to the town gate, and knock, the gate keeper will open the gate to see who it is, then we grab him and get inside" the Witch King said.
They all strode up to the wooden gate, and the Witch King knocked. "Who's there?" came a voice from inside. The Witch King panicked, and then suddenly "Pizza Hut, we have a delivery" came a voice from the group of Nazgul. "Good idea!" whispered the Witch King, as he tried to figure out which of them said it. The gates opened, and suddenly a Pizza boy walked past all the Nazgul and inside the gate, and the gate closed behind him. "HEY, it was a REAL pizza boy?" hissed the Witch King. "Lets just knock down the door and run in screeching" said Nazgul#6. "Good Idea" replied the Witch King.
BAM. The door was knocked off its hinges by the Witch King, and the Nine rode in to Bree and let out a terrible screech. They ran into the prancing pony and into the Hobbits room, and began hacking away. "No you fools, don't hit the dresser, go for the BEDS, that's where they are!" Shouted the Witch King (In a high pitched raspy voice). They began to attack the beds, and shortly after maiming and killing the beds they realized something. "Wait, this is room 309, the guy at the front said 308" screeched Nazgul#2.
They were just about to barge into room 308 when suddenly a man in a suit and a briefcase came into the room. "Hello, I'm Mr. Johnson" said Mr. Johnson. "My client has decided to file a suit with you, concerning the vandalism and mis-use of his gate. I suggest you find yourself a lawyer, the court case is in a few days, you will be called". As he left they realized that the Hobbits had just escaped. "Darn it!" shouted the Witch King. "I mean, Darn it" hissed the Witch King in a high raspy voice. They all walked out of the Inn, holding their swords in a cool manner, as they walked past the camera crew.
"Ehh, those guys don't look all THAT menacing... they just look like evil black cult members" said one of the camera men. "HOW DARE YOU!!!" shouted the Witch King, raising his sword, the camera man then pulled out a shotgun and shot at the Witch King. The Witch King then, being the action guy that he is managed to block the entire shotgun blast with his sword. He then rushed forward and picked up the camera man by the neck (after he took the shotgun). "I would normally just crush you like a bug right now, but unfortunately, too much more pointless violence in this movie, and WOAH, no one under 21 will EVER see it" said the Witch King, remembering the camera crew that tried to film the Silmarillion, who were eaten by Shelob part way through.
The Nine raced out of the Inn and hopped onto their horses in an evil lookin manner. "We will probably not find them tonight" muttered Nazgul # 2. "Your probably right" replied the Witch King, "Lets just camp up at Weathertop, they have a nice camp ground there". "Yea, that sounds good" said Nazgul#4.
After stopping at several camping goods stores, to pick up tents and supplies, they set out for Weathertop. "Check out this cool pocket knife I got there!" said the Witch King. "That's not a pocket knife, that's one o them Morgul Blades" replied Larry. "But LOOK, It fits in my pocket!" replied the Witch King as Larry shook his head in humiliation.
"Hey, look! Theres other campers on weathertop! Lets go say hi!" said Nazgul#9. "Good idea!" replied the Witch King.
The Nazgul walked up to the campsite, and suddenly noticed that it was the Hobbits and this other guy. "ITS YOU" shouted the Witch King, as the Nazgul drew their blades. Suddenly the weird other guy picked up a torch and drew his sword and charged the Nazgul. "AAAUUAUUUAGHHHH!!!" shouted the guy, apparently trying to sound heroic, or something, he then charged the Nazgul. "Hey, he lit me on fire! That's not fair!" shouted Nazgul#4. "Stop, drop and roll!" shouted the Witch King. As Nazgul#4 dropped and began rolling, he rolled right off of Weathertop, as did all the other Nazgul after they were lit on fire.
"Ok, New Plan..." said the Witch King, in some slightly scorched robes. "How about we charge them right before Rivendell!" said Larry. "Good idea" replied the Witch King, "I think Rivendell is this way".
After the many hours it took them to find out that Rivendell wasn't that way, they were about to give up, when someone on a horse rode past them. "Ask them for directions!!!" shouted the Witch King hurriedly. They all began chasing the other rider, when suddenly... "HEY!" shouted the Witch King, "It's a camera crew! That rider must be the hobbit!" They began charging faster and faster, when they saw Rivendell in the distance. "Hey, THERE it is!" said Nazgul#3.
The rider rode over the river, the river in between them and Rivendell. "Hey, watch out!" said Larry, "Ive been here, to Rivendell, it's a waterpark, and this river is just a circular wave pool, with one big wave!" "We have to cross it" said the Witch King.
As they were crossing, sure enough, the wave came around and knocked them all of their feet, or at least their steeds, or at least their steed's feet.