Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Fruits Basket.

Summary She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

I'll Forget It All : Chapter Three

Kagura

The house was clean, it was nice team work. I smiled at everyone; once again it was my empty smile. I felt that I needed some way to escape all this pain, some way to get away from all this sorrow. It hurt so much and I just wanted it all to stop. It was lunch time and Kyo, of course, sat next to Tohru. I just turned my face away as I felt fresh tears well up in my eyes, but I didn't let it show. I turned quickly and saw the tears swing outwards. I smiled and ran to the kitchen to avoid any new sorrows that might occur.

"I'll cook lunch! Okay?!" I didn't wait for an answer, instead I immediately started to pull out the pots and pans and, before I knew it, all the pots and pans fell on the floor causing a loud bang.

I winced when I hear Kyo shout, "Now what did that boar do again?!" I know he didn't mean to be cruel, but it was in his personality not to let himself get close to anyone except Tohru. It was in his personality to pretend not to care.

I tried to ignore it and I quickly succeeded as I busied myself with picking them up as fast as possible. I heard footsteps and looked up to see that it was Yuki. He stood there looking at me causing me to bow my head when I felt my cheeks burning.

"Are you okay?" Again his calm, mellow voice spoke to me in the second conversation we had that day.

I raised my head and smiled. "Of course I am." I picked up the last pot and put it on the kitchen counter. "Now, what to cook?"

I went over to the recipe books and smiled as I dragged my finger over the titles of the books. I randomly picked up a blue book with little stars across the bindings, opening it to look at the table of contents. "So, Yun-chan, what do you want to eat?"

I smiled at him as he came over to look at the book, he looked over my shoulder. I could hear him breathing behind me, but I kept my eyes glued on the page. He reached over and pointed at a name.

I looked down at it. 'Spaghetti.' I smiled at him and then that was when I noticed how close we really were. I just dismissed the thought and danced around him. I went to the counter and separated the pots. I then went to the pantry and pulled out all the ingredients. Yuki came behind me and took them all from my hands.

"Here let me help you."

Tohru entered the room and immediately started towards the table, but I kept her away by blocking her path and knowing Tohru she wouldn't want to do anything that may offend me. She opt for compromising as she looked down and spoke in a hurried and excited voice. "Kagura-chan, you don't need help? I can help you, you never know when you might need it. I can help, really I can. I love cooking so it wouldn't be a problem… um… please let me help you…" Her big eyes were rimmed with the willingness to help, like they always were, as she urged more. "I can help. Just tell me what to do."

I just smile and shake my head. "No, I know Kyo-kun will miss you!"

I make a shooing motion with my hands and push her back into the living room. She tries to put up a fight, but she's too weak. She tries to help people; she tries to make everything comfortable for everyone, but she's just too weak. She's too weak… her protests are sweet, funny, and really petty. I wonder why she tries to do that even though everyone knows that she will just do what they tell her anyway.

I then return back to the cooking.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Yuki's voice broke through the silence in the room. I let out a little yelp. I didn't know that Yun-chan was still there.

"I don't need help."

Yuki doesn't seem to believe me. He sits at the dinner table and looks at me expectantly. I just ignore him and continue. I hum slightly to myself and start to open the food packets. I start to cook the sauce. The sauce seemed easy enough. I took pieces of tomato and some meat. I mixed them together and started singing slightly.

I looked down at the sauce and saw that it was orange… much like Kyo's hair. I suddenly felt weak. I didn't know why I didn't feel that way before… I felt my knees begin to shake and I tried to shrug it off. It wouldn't stop. I stood straight and tall, abruptly stopped my singing and concentrated on the food more than I normally would.

Why did Kyo choose her? Why did he choose Tohru? I know it's selfish of me to think these things, but I can't help it. I'm not like her, I can never be like her. Sometimes I wonder were you ever interested me? Did I ever do anything to make you see me? My love is hopeless, but I can't help it. I just can't help it.

Can't you see the pain I go through when I see you together? Can't you see I loved you longer?

I tried to push these thoughts away, it wasn't fair to Kyo or Tohru. It wasn't even fair to me. I must move on and find someone else. I have to find someone I can love and for once be loved back.

I need to be fair to myself as well as the people around me. I need to be strong and support their blossoming relationship.

I know we can't help who we fall in love with, but sometimes I wish we had never met Tohru. I wish she had never found our secret and that Hatori erased her memories earlier. I felt that I didn't care what she said about wanting to keep those memories. It would have been better if Hatori had erased them so I wouldn't feel this pain, but then again, it's only me who benefits from that. I'm being selfish again.

I stirred the red tomato sauce more vigorously. I didn't know why, but I just couldn't let go of Kyo. My darling koishii, why is he doing this to me? Doesn't he remember when we were children?

When he asked me to marry him, or was that just a dream, my own little fantasy? Was it real? I try desperately to push these thoughts away, but they keep coming back to haunt me. These thoughts plagued my mind till finally I finished the food. I put the pasta in a bowl, and the sauce in another one. All the while keeping a strained smile to ward off any suspicions.

Yuki helped me set the table as everyone entered the small dining room. We ate and talked, but I kept silent unsure of what to say. I didn't pay attention to anything they said, I only nodded when something was asked and shook my head when everybody else did.

I quickly finish my food and stand up. While flashing everybody a grin, I announced my departure. "I'll be off now!"

Tohru stands up, as was expected and, of course, protested against my leaving so soon. She wanted me to stay a little while longer, she wanted me to relax and have fun. It's just like her to think about having fun and being happy, after all that's what she does. She tells everyone to have fun while she slaves herself, thinking that she is having fun as well. "Why don't you stay a little while longer? Are you sure you want to go so soon?"

I ruffle her hair in an effort to seem good humored, "Of course!"

I wave and then, before anyone could say anything, I left. I showed myself out of the house and started walking towards the main house. I walked away from Kyo…

I hold my hands behind my back and started whistling. It was then that I realized that I had left my backpack at Shigure's. I didn't want to go back, knowing full and well that Kyo was annoyed with me. I know that before Tohru, I would have run back there just to see Kyo. I know I would have stayed there for hours.

I know Kyo doesn't want me to be around because it hurts him, he's such a nice guy. It would hurt him to know that I would always be depressed about him and Tohru, even though I don't show it. I hear someone calling my name and I turn around to see that it's Kyo running towards me. I felt my heart rise, like I was flying. Kyo is running after me. Does he really care?

He catches up and hands me my bag. "You forgot this." I smile up at him as he turned to leave.

"Tell Tohru I said thanks."

"What the hell for?"

"Well, she told you to give me my bag right?"

He nodded. "She wouldn't drop it. She kept telling me to do it."

"She could have told Yuki or Shigure."

"It doesn't matter! She told me to do it and that's it!"

"You have a hard time telling Tohru 'no?" Kyo was really getting annoyed with me and my silly rambling, I could tell by the way he ground his teeth together. He always gets annoyed with me.

I smiled up at him and he stops probably thinking that I may go crazy any minute. I hold myself back, no matter how much it hurts me I can't hurt him anymore. No matter how much he insults me, I just can't lift my fist to strike him. That's all it ever was, me going ballistic and hurting him because I was angry that things didn't go my way. I was afraid he would not accept me that it grew to the point that I hurt even him. I was hurting myself by loving him, but I couldn't help it.

"Tohru's really special to me…" He backs off slowly and, before he gets too far, I fling myself on him. He screams thinking that I was going to beat him up again, but instead I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face into his chest.

"Kyo…" Why? WHY?! Why her? He tensed in my arms. "Kyo, why Tohru?" I didn't look up at him, but I knew that he was surprised at my question. "Why do you want someone you can't hold? Can you hold her like I'm holding you right now?"

He stays silent. "Kyo! I've loved you longer and deeper than anyone alive!" I clutch onto his shirt like it's my life line. "Do you love her smile? Her laugh? Is it– Is it because she's not me that you love her? Am I not good enough? I can change! Just tell me… Kyo…" I look up at him this time. "Kyo, I need you… I thought we would always be together. I thought we were fine together… We were compatible. Is it because I'm the boar? Is that it?"

I can see the changes of emotion displaying on his face. "Kyo… Kyo… I… Love you…" Suddenly a sharp sting erupted on my cheek.

I gasp and press a hand against my now red cheek. I look up at Kyo and see that I've caused him hurt once again. I smile against my pain. He loves Tohru, no matter what I do and say, no matter how it hurts me so, no matter what he will always love her. There's nothing I can do, but be there for them against all the pain it may cause me. That's the only way to be close to him by being there to see them together. Although Kyo turns to a cat whenever Tohru embraces him, their love just grows stronger and stronger.

"Don't you ever say that again…" Kyo's lips are trembling, I can see it. "It's not right… Kagura… I can never return your love. Find someone else…"

He trailed off and when he couldn't find anything to say he left me there, standing all alone. I looked up at his retreating form and closed my eyes. Cold tears soothe the stinging pain of my cheek, and it also helps soothe the pain in my heart.

Can I choose someone else to love? I love Kyo, but can I truly get over him? Finally I turned my back, trying my hardest to walk away and after a long pause I finally did.

TBC

I hope you liked this chapter. I really think this fic is going downhill, but don't worry! I won't give up on it! I would be really happy if you sent me ideas and reviewed my story. If you have time you can check out my other stories. I really don't like Tohru, and I hope I don't offend anyone. I await your reviews!

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