Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but the plot.

Summary She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

I'll Forget It All : Chapter Five

Yuki

I sat up from the dirt in which I was sleeping in, I don't know why I had stayed there all night. All I did know at the moment was that Honda-san will be very worried if she wakes up to find that I'm not there. I rub my eyes and glance at the swing, Kagura was still there. She didn't seem to be crying. She just sat there gently swinging back and forth. I don't know why I was worried; after all she studied martial arts with Kyo.

She must have heard something because I saw her look straight at me.

"Yuki?"

I stood up.

She wasn't crying. Her eyes weren't red or swollen proving that fact. They just looked different. There was no warmth or anything in their big brown pools. They were dull and emotionless, not easily read as they normally were.

Why did she just have to sit there with innocent and yet sad eyes? Why did her forlorn face haunt my memory?

"Kagura?"

At the sound of her name, her eyes dropped to the ground like an undisciplined child discovered at the scene of the crime.

Baka neko, he couldn't see how much Kagura loved him. He couldn't see the love in her eyes when she looked at him, just him. Her eyes are always filled with loving warmth, but he took it away; you stole the light from her eyes. The way they would always brighten just for just Kyo would put the sun to shame.

"Yuki, shouldn't you be at home?" She didn't look up, but I could tell she was depressed because her voice sounded dry and empty.  

"Did you stay here all night?" I retorted, purposely evading her question. What could I say?

She shivered a slightly. It's harder to go on knowing that you would have to choose another Sohma just to be held lovingly. It hurts to know that if you choose someone outside of the zodiac you could never hold them. That's why I keep all the girls at school away from me.

She slowly nodded her head.

"Kagura, look at me." She slowly lifted her head, but her eyes were still downcast. I cupped her chin and forced her to look at me.

"Do you still love him?"

In response, she nodded her head.

"Why?"

She sat there, lost for words, her eyes searched mine. I guess for a sign, some kind of sign that would tell her why I would ask these questions.

"Because I just do, do I need a reason to?" Her answer seemed unsure, but it also had a kind of force behind it. It was as if she was trying to convince the world and herself that she did not need a reason for loving Kyo the way she did. She wore an expression of a sad and unconditional love, bust she still had enough courage to face this new depression. I couldn't help what I did, even though it wasn't a big deal. I just couldn't help it. She just looked so lost, sad and–

Beautiful?

Kagura

I sat there, dazed. Yuki was embracing me as if I would run away, like I would disappear. My arms hung limply at my side and I made no attempt to hug him back. His concern was comforting, but not the comfort I seek.

Why do I love Kyo?

I never doubted my love for him, though I always held a dark secret within me. We had known each other since childhood, but he wasn't allowed to do a lot of things. He was allowed, however, to be friends with me because I was part of the zodiac.

Looking at myself after these years made me realize how selfish I used to be. I used to believe that I had the worst life ever, even though I had a mom and dad that loved me and spoiled me to death. It was as if I longed for something more. I had everything a child could ever want, but still I was not satisfied. Then I met Kyo and my life was heaven compared to his. He was always a loner, I guess that's why he ignored all my advances. We used to be friends, but deep down I know that Kyo hated me because of what I did. As the years passed I soon grew to hate myself as well.

Why do I love Kyo?

Because I was trying to mend something that could never be mended. I had hurt him deeply and to this day he still holds it against me. We were small kids playing outside as we usually did till I caught sight of his bracelet. I've never noticed before. He told me that he HAD to wear, but I wouldn't listen. I wanted to wear it, it was really pretty. I just wanted to wear it for a short while, but I never expected the monster you were trying to hide.

He didn't tell me that the bracelet was to protect himself and the people around him, so I took the bracelet ignorant of the reason of why I shouldn't. He transformed before my very eyes and I ran. I didn't trust him enough to be able to hold back in a seemingly uncontrollable form. I abandoned him and so, as years passed, he abandoned me.

From that day forth, he distanced himself from me. He didn't want anything to do with me, even after Hatori erased his memories of what ever happened that day. I, being the selfish person I was, wanted attention. I wanted o be the first person to accept you, all of you. I wanted to be the heroine who was able to accept a monster, all this to make myself from that day disappear. All this to make the selfish me disappear.

Why do I love Kyo?

Because of my selfishness and my thirst for attention, that's why. I never knew that love can spring from selfishness and when I found out, I was already drunk with my infatuation. I was in the deep end, and there was no one who could pull me out. I was trying to mend our friendship and tried to convince you to trust me again. I tried to bridge our minds and hearts and be lovers. The memory, however, of me running away will always be imprinted in his mind, although he may not remember, causing him to never want to accept me.

When your form was revealed to Tohru, she didn't run. She cares too much for everyone and she went back. Kyo… Is this why he loves Tohru? Is it because she is so selfless?

I can be that way too, all I need is a second chance.

Shigure

The house seemed unusually empty. I don't know why, but it seemed like there was something missing. It was then that I heard it. Tohru's voice echoed through the whole house.

"Sohma-san is MISSING!"

Damn rat! Where did he go?

"Good riddance!" Kyo's voice was followed by a sharp intake of breath, which I assumed was Tohru. Suddenly she started crying, collapsing to the floor with her head in her hands.

"What if he left because of something I did? Why-" there was a pause, "Why did he leave? Was it me? It's all my fault. I can't figure out what it could have been, but I know that it's all my-" She was cut of, thankfully. I don't think I could take Tohru beating herself up for something that wasn't her fault at all. Kyo had slapped his hand over her mouth and kissed her cheek. She reddened immediately and stayed quiet. Tohru started crying again and muttered things about how it was her fault.

"Tohru," Kyo grabbed her hands and held them tightly in his. "It's not your fault. You didn't do anything, the damn rat probably went for a walk or something." Tohru seemed to relax because of that, but deep down I know she is still beating herself up about it. She was so predictable.

I took a deep breath and, "High school girls! High school girls! All for me!"

TBC

I completely ruined the moment at the end! LOL! I find that terribly funny! I'm sorry to the people who like Tohru! I made her seem like a complete ditz…

I'm going to use all the character POV's about Kagura's change… I hope you like it! Just wanted to say that so no one would get confused.