Author's Note Do I really need to write these? Like I said in the first chapter, I really felt bad for Kagura. This is really out of character! LOL! Yuki is so mean in this chappie, but please don't be mad! It just fit the plot I had in mind…
Summary She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?
Disclaimers I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.
I'll Forget It All
Chapter Ten
Kagura
I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't go to sleep. Tohru rejected Yuki? It seemed so impossible… I don't know. Maybe I was just hoping that she would choose him. God! This is so infuriating! I just wished everything would stop. I just wished that I didn't have to go through this everyday. I wish I was just an oblivious, naïve woman. That way I would be happy. I would never know that he loved her and not me.
They didn't know I was listening. I went back to get something, I think it was a drink for Shigure-san, but I heard them talking and I couldn't resist. I just needed to know what they were talking about and I didn't want to ruin anything, so I hid. I hid so they wouldn't stop talking. I hid so the moment would continue. God… oh Kami-sama! I… I don't… I don't know what I want anymore.
I sit up. Everyone is asleep. I know it because it's almost midnight. No one would be awake. I look up on the bed and saw Tohru slumbering form. Even in sleep she was so perfect. She laid there with her braid over one shoulder and her hands clasped over her chest. I smiled and silently tiptoed out of the room. Tohru moaned uneasily in her sleep, but then her face relaxed into a content smile. I nodded and walked out the door.
I didn't know what I was going to do, but since I couldn't go to sleep… might as well as explore. I don't know this house well enough, mostly because I only have my eye on Kyo when I am here. I think I want to go on the roof. I know Kyo goes there a lot, so I want to too. I want to see the stars that Kyo stares at every night. I want to see the same sky he loves.
I walk outside and was greeted by a cold breeze. I rub my arms and curse myself for my stupidity. I was just wearing my pajamas and I didn't even bother bringing sweater. I just walk against the coldness and went to get the ladder in the closet. I smile as I start climbing up. The cold wind brushes against my back, but I don't care. I just felt like I was returning to something that was lost. It felt like I was returning to the past, to before my cursed selfishness was shown. It felt like I was… I was loved by Kyo. It made me feel like he could love me.
I climbed higher and higher…
"Kagura…?"
My moment was ruined. My strength was gone and I felt that I could not climb the rest of the way I didn't want to go up there. I didn't want to ruin Kyo's spot.
I looked down and saw a sad looking Yuki. I slumped against the ladder as if wishing that I could disappear. I don't know why, but I felt like a little kid caught doing something bad. I just didn't understand anything anymore.
I blinked. I was hoping that it was just my imagination. I was hoping that he would disappear by just blinking.
"Yuki…?"
I slid down the ladder and gently landed in front of Yuki.
"What were you doing?" I looked up at him.
"I… I couldn't go to sleep…so…"
"You wanted to go on the roof because of… Kyo?"
I nodded slowly.
"But, I don't want to ruin his… his favorite place. I can't go up there. I don't feel… worthy enough…"
I felt a hand tilting my head up. Yuki smiled down at me.
"Then we should make our own place."
He picked up the ladder and slowly walked to another part of the house. He smiled at me and started to climb up.
I followed him.
When he got on the top he smiled and reached down to me. I closed my eyes and I can just remember when Kyo trusted me.
Take my hand Kagura.
Those were the days. I loved it when he called me ne-chan (spelling?).
I opened my eyes and took his hand. He smiled and pulled me up onto the roof. I looked around and smiled.
"It's so beautiful!" I twirled around and hugged myself. It was still cold and I still didn't go back inside to get my sweater. Suddenly an arm slid across my shoulders.
"Your cold." I smiled as we sat down. I didn't make a move to remove his arm… in fact it was very comfortable. It was so warm and I didn't think to throw it away. It was beautiful. The sky and the stars. Everything was so beautiful up here. Now I understand why Kyo comes here all the time. I don't think Kyo saw anything more beautiful… except Tohru.
I bet he thinks that her eyes outshine the stars. I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest. Then I heard sniffling. I looked up at Yuki and saw tears gently cascade from his eyes. I know what he was thinking about. It was Tohru. He was thinking about Tohru and Kyo was probably thinking about Tohru too. Suddenly his grip on me tightened.
"Yuki…?"
"Kagura… you're very beautiful…"
"You don't mean that!" I gently pull his hand from my shoulder.
"Tohru doesn't want me…" This was the first time I have ever seen Yuki so… so broken. Tohru, what are you doing to him? Suddenly he pulled me forwards and his warm lips captured mine. He gently caressed them. Warmth flooded into me. He pulled me closer and I couldn't do anything because the shock had overridden all of my senses. For once someone was… was holding me like a lover would.
Although it wasn't Kyo, I still felt safe. I felt belonging in his arms, but also I felt a sense of betrayal. I wasn't being true to myself when I think that Yuki, or anyone else could love me the way I want to be. His tears fall onto my cheek as he kisses me. This is wrong. Very wrong. He loves Tohru and he is just breaking me when he kisses me like this. He pulls back and we both take big breathes.
He gently caresses my cheek and I lean into his hand. The feeling of love overwhelmed me. I dreamed that Kyo would hold me this way. I dreamed that he would kiss me this way, but I have to let him go although this burning desire grew inside me. I forced myself to give him up, but it was too hard.
"Yuki… This is wrong…"
"I don't care… you are so… beautiful…"
"Yuki! You don't mean that!"
"Of coarse I do…"
"Yuki… don't you see what you're doing. Please… don't pretend that I am Tohru. When you look at me, I know."
"Don't say her name!"
"I know that when you look at me, when you hold me and kiss me… you're thinking of her."
"It doesn't matter… I know that you're doing the same thing too."
I turn away and burry my face in my hands.
"No…"
"Kagura… let us just lie to each other for tonight… Let's just pretend to be different people."
I look up at him. He wanted this… He needed this… I needed this, but it just wasn't honest. I wasn't being me. I was trying to be Tohru, just to spare Yuki from the pain. He looked down at me with hopeful eyes.
"I can't… I'm sorry…" I pulled away from him. I was about to climb down the ladder when his voice stopped me.
"Kagura… I'm sorry for acting that way. I just wanted to pretend that you were Tohru. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Can you just stay here and keep me company?" He looked up at me with a pleading face, how could I say no?
Yuki
This is crap. I've spent years never knowing how it was like to be loved. I was abused since day one. Akito beat me to an inch of my life and I found myself constantly wondering how it would feel to die. Would it be painful? What would happen to me? Would anyone miss me?
My parents never really cared for me. To them, I was just a trophy. The "honored" sign of the zodiac. They knew that Akito beat me, but they did nothing about it. It's been a long time since I saw my parents. Ever since I moved in with Akito, they never bothered to visit me. I was wondering if they were happy I was gone. Did they even notice?
It was night and I was just reflecting on the past events. Tohru had just rejected my first advance on her and in a way; she didn't make me feel sad. It just hurt… a lot. I wanted to cry, but kept it inside me.
I was startled by a noise outside. I got up to investigate.
"Kagura…?"
She looked at me and blinked several times. Did she really think I was just a hallucination?
"Yuki…?"
She slid down the ladder and landed in front of me. I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she couldn't sleep, so she wanted to go to Kyo's favorite spot.
She then seemed to change her mind.
"But, I don't want to ruin his… his favorite place. I can't go up there. I don't feel… worthy enough…"
I told her that we could make our own spot and she seemed to like that. She followed me to a different part of the house and we climbed on the roof. She smiled when she got up there. We sat down and I wrapped my arm around her. She was cold. She offered me a smile and didn't make a move to remove my arm.
I looked down at her… God! She was so beautiful… where did that thought come from?
"You don't mean that!"
I said it out loud! Damn! What's getting into me!
"Tohru doesn't want me…" I held her tightly. I brought up Tohru. I looked down at her grief-stricken face and couldn't contain myself any longer. I kissed her. In my mind I was pretending she was Tohru and I knew she knew this, but she didn't stop me. She just kissed me back. I deepened the kiss and she followed. I was drunk with sorrow and that sorrow had overridden any reason I had left. I kissed her and I enjoyed it.
"Yuki… This is wrong…"
I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. She reminded me so much of Tohru and all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her and pretend that she was Tohru.
"I don't care… you are so… beautiful…"
She tells me that I don't mean it… and I didn't know if I did. All I knew was that Tohru was beautiful… She tells me that I love Tohru…
"Don't say her name!"
She tells me that I just think of Tohru when I look at her… that hurt me because I knew that she was doing the same thing. Why should we lie about it? We are both thinking of someone else. We aren't thinking of each other. She turns away from me and starts crying. I felt guilty for putting all this on her, but I needed this. I needed someone to substitute for Tohru…
"Kagura… let us just lie to each other for tonight… Let's just pretend to be different people."
She looks up at me and I see the inner conflict. Part of her wants to do this, but the other part doesn't.
Her reason overrules all.
"I can't… I'm sorry…"
She was about to leave, but I call her back. I need company. I tell her that I was sorry and she seems to accept my apology. She smiles a sad smile down at me and sits a little way from me. We look at each other, then up at the sky. There was nothing to say. Nothing could break this awkward silence between us. I think about Tohru and how she was react when she saw the sky tonight. It was so beautiful.
The stars shined as if there was nothing to be sad about. They shined so brightly and it forced me to smile. I smile because I remember how Tohru looked when I brought home strawberries. I smile because I remember how Tohru looked when I helped her with school. I smile because I know an angel named Tohru. I will never know what will happen tomorrow, but I know it will be a good day because Tohru will be there smiling her goofy smile.
TO BE CONTINUED…
I kind of think this chappie wasn't good! If it wasn't, just tell me and I'll try to replace it… okay?
Both of them were OoC! Especially Yuki, but it just fit the plot so I had to do it, but if you don't like it just tell me!
REVIEW… okay?
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