Author's Note Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, I didn't know what to write… -- that's not a very good excuse… how about I was busy…? Jk! I have no idea what I was going to put, but I guess this just poured out.

Summary She was desperate for love. That was all that she had ever wanted and it was torn from her by Tohru… Will Kagura ever find solace in another person?

Disclaimers I don't own Fruits Basket, but if I did… I would make sure that Tohru got a better personality… sorry to all the Tohru lovers.

I'll Forget It All

Chapter Eleven

Kyo

I noticed that things have been different lately.

I watched Yuki follow Kagura up the stairs. I notice him doing that a lot now, but then I remembered that Kagura was going to Tohru's room. Could that be the reason? To comfort Tohru! Why must that damned rat try to steal her from me! She was the only thing I had. She was the only thing that meant anything to me. No one ever accepted me the way I was.

I didn't want anyone to steal her away from me.

He had everything. He had all the girls chasing after him. Why couldn't he just pick one?

Kagura never accepted me, no matter how much she claims she does. She always chases me and tells me she loves me, but that means nothing. She doesn't understand me. No one does, except her. Tohru understands what it means to not be needed. She understands what pain I go through when I don't seem to belong. She loves me and I love her.

It seemed that my whole life was lit up when she told me how much she cared.

It seemed the whole world lit up when she smiled.

My whole life was about making her happy. My whole life was based on making her love me more.

She was my savior and my life. I needed her. I clung to her.

My sweet Tohru.

Damn. I sound like a lovesick puppy. This is too much for me.

Suddenly, a brown haired beauty wrapped her arms around me.

POOF!

Dammit! Now I'm a cat! This curse really does suck…

But, when I look up at Tohru my anger was swept away. She smiled sweetly down at me with her goofy little smile that I love. That lovely smile.

"Hello Kyo!"

"Damn it! I'm a cat, again."

"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get you hurt!"

"It's okay…" She stopped her apologizing stage and looked up at me with big eyes and smiled once more.

"I'll go make breakfast!" I smiled up at her and snuggled against her neck. She smiled and picked me up.

"How cute!"

She put me down and walked into the kitchen. I smiled, she made my day complete.

Kagura

Tonight was Shigure-san's party and we had to go to the mall to buy the dresses and tuxes. I didn't go down to breakfast. I was too busy thinking about Kyo. Would he come back to me when he saw how much I loved him? Would he love me when he saw Yuki's love for Tohru? How can I convince him how I loved him so?

I stood up from the bed with my hands fisted. I felt so unloved. I felt crushed and unneeded. Why? Why does this have to happen to me? Why doesn't Kyo love me? I loved him, so why does he love Tohru? I knew him longer and loved him longer. Yuki was there for Tohru, so why couldn't Kyo be there for me? I loved him deeply and yet I felt something stir within me when Yuki was near.

For some reason I felt… happy. I felt different when he was close by, as if he had done something to relieve me of the pain I felt.

Yuki… my mind wanders to the time on the roof. He smiled at me, he laughed. It was so magical, but I was just his little Tohru. Did he ever see me as something else? Did he see me as some one else?

I always wanted Kyo to see me as a girl. I want him to see me more than just a little brat who claims to love him. I should move on, I know this, but it's so hard. I know that I shouldn't love him the way I do, but it's hard not to.

Kyo… I wish that you would at least see me as someone worthwhile.

"Kagura-chan?"

I looked up. It seems that I stayed in the room longer than I thought. It was already twelve and I didn't notice. Shigure smiled and brought in a tray of food.

"Kagura-chan! You need to keep up your energy!" He started skipping in the room with the tray and twirled around.

"Tada!" He winked at me and I giggled.

"Shigure-san! You're so funny!" He put the tray on the bed and pats the side next to him.

"Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong…"

"You didn't come down for breakfast." He pointed out. I laughed.

"I wasn't very hungry."

"Did something happen up here?"

"No…"

"It's okay if you don't tell me, but your getting the other's worried."

"Whose worried?"

"Everyone…"

I resisted the urge to laugh. Kyo wouldn't be worried, Tohru might, but I'm not so sure about Kyo.

"Tohru…"

"Of course she'd be worried. She's so sweet." I looked up at Shigure and he smiled.

"Yes she is. I guess in a way, she was able to free us all."

"From?"

"Well," he scratched the back of his head, evidently searching for something. "She freed Kisa from her fear of being different. She freed Yuki from his fear of Akito and Kyo from his loneliness…"

Shigure was treading on thin ice. Kyo… Tohru had saved him from loneliness. Tohru saved him and not me. I was the one who followed him like a shadow for years and he loved Tohru in just days. It was so obvious that it hurt me. I remember when I went to Shigure's house to give Kyo chocolate, but he didn't want mine. No matter how much I told him to eat it, he would just reply that he didn't like chocolate. When Tohru appeared with her small box and he ate mine just to get hers.

I was crushed that day, although I didn't show it. I was just so happy that he had eaten my chocolate. I pretended to be oblivious to the love he held for Tohru. I tried to ignore it and say that he'll come back. He always came back… or was it I that always took the step for him?

I smile at Shigure as a sign for him to continue.

"She saved me from my fear of writing."

"Your fear of writing?"

"I'm afraid to reveal who I really am in my books."

I smile. "There's no reason why you should be scared. You are always a different person when you write."

He smiles at me.

"It seems as if Tohru has managed to save everyone, but you."

"Everyone, but me?"

Shigure smiled sadly down at me.

"From what I've seen, her acts only cause you more pain."

"No they don't."

"Kagura, don't lie to yourself. Your jealous though you would never act on your emotions."

"I- I'm not jealous."

How could he? Shigure-san always acted oblivious and now here he is unraveling my true emotions. Yes! Yes, I'm jealous.

I would never do anything to hurt Tohru or Kyo, but I am jealous. No matter how much I deny it, I know deep down inside that the pain gnaws at my heart everyday, every moment. This pain, which was ignited by Tohru's sweetness, gnawed at me everyday. This dark emotion arises from her sweetness and kindness. Why couldn't I be like Tohru? Why couldn't I be perfect like she is?

Shigure knows what has been bothering me for the past few days. He knows that my love for Kyo will never diminish.

"No matter how I feel, I will never hurt Tohru. She's too innocent to hurt."

Shigure nodded in agreement.

"Better get ready. We're leaving soon!" With that he was out the door and I was left to gather my thoughts.

TO BE CONTINUED….

To lazy to type a lot right now, but yeah! REVIEW!