Snape's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Remembering his position, he quickly regained some control. His dark eyes darted around, and bore into Lorelai. She was shaking with the effort to hold her composure-something he'd always admired about her. His eyes passed from her rigid posture and clenched fist to the only thing that betrayed her stoic appearance; the fact that she was biting her lower lip. Snape went and closed the door to his private quarters and walked purposefully to Lorelai. She watched him draw near. He stood right in front of her in the dim light, and he saw her draw in a quick breath. Her eyes were open, no longer as naïve as they had been when Snape had first met her, and she was non-verbally inviting him to close the space between them.
Careful, Severus, you aren't two teenagers without a care in the world; she's your student, even if there was something between you! And she's scared. She is dealing with something bigger than the both of you, his conscience chided.
He reached an arm around her and placed a hand on her lower back. She winced. "Does it hurt?" he asked. She nodded in confirmation. He maneuvered her around to the sofa that faced the fireplace. "Incendio," he muttered. Flames instantly appeared, softening the harshness of the circumstances that brought Lorelai to his home. She was sitting stiffly. Snape chose a chair across from the sofa, its back against the fire.
"Now, Lorelai, exactly what were you talking about? Is there more than what I know? Are you..." he trailed off, not quite knowing how to ask this important question. Lorelai seemed to snap to attention.
"Look, Severus-can I call you Severus right now? It'll be easier to talk and to trust you because looking at you as a professor is kind of intimidating and.." Snape raised his eyebrows looking at her with a, "you can stop babbling now" expression.
She started again. "He's going to come for me on Saturday, most likely after I return from Hogsmeade."
"Your father." Snape wasn't asking a question, just stating a fact.
"The man I thought was my father until August," she corrected. Snape merely waited for her to continue as he was never one to rush. "You know that the man I know as Father collected me a year ago from my mother. I took one look at him and was thankful that I'd inherited my mother's looks. He came into Tylendal's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on the last day of fall term, and apparated with me to London. I asked if I could owl Mom to let her know, he said that she already knew, and it would be a waste of time. Of course, I suspected everything that he said was not the truth, but, well, you know what conditions I was under."
She took a breath. "We had a week for vacation, er, I mean holiday, and during that time, my hours were spent living in the library of an old house he called his master's. Of course, he couldn't bring me to his house, for his family didn't know about me." Severus just nodded. "He set out a list of reading for me to accomplish every day. Curses, hexes, charms, the Dark Arts, potions," Severus smiled. "If I did not complete the assigned reading, I was...disciplined. But you already know that, so there's no need to go into the details.
Then, on the last day of holiday, I received a letter brought by Mom's owl. It was hurried, and told me not to write back for fear of it being intercepted. She said that I was to be transferred from Tylendal's to Beauxbatons in France, then to Hogwarts for the new school year. The letter also stated that if anything were to happen to her, to contact someone named Sirius, and everything would be taken care of." Snape blanched at Sirius' name. "Have you contacted him?" he asked. "You know, I don't know if my mother is alive or dead right now, especially after this summer..." She spat angrily. "But I haven't given up hope."
"Of course not, Lorelai. Continue." Her face softened, and her eyes began to sting.
"I'm going to Hogsmeade with Harry on Saturday," Lorelai stated.
"What does that have to do with anything? Will that not endanger your responsibility?" Severus felt a pang of...something...inside his chest and he inhaled sharply.
"IF you'd let me finish, I might enlighten you on a few things," Lorelai nagged. "This is most serious, Severus." He felt reprimanded. By a 16 year old.
"I have a feeling that I am to receive the Dark Mark on Saturday evening. That's what Father meant," the rest of the words tumbled out. "Voldemort wants me on his side badly! And, Severus, you KNOW that I cannot run from these people! There's something inside of me that they can touch; that they can reach and they know that all they have to do is push the button, and I'll do what they want! Severus, I still have nightmares about what happened after you left this summer, terrible things that make me feel like I am going insane, and most of the time I feel so detached from reality that I don't know which way is up...and they did it to me! They have reduced me to a state of mind that they can control, and you know what? Part of me wants them to so I don't have to worry about survival anymore! I am ready to just give it all up and die!"
She screamed out the end of that so loud that Snape wondered where she had hidden the mandrake. He looked at the girl across from him, and saw the internal struggle that was tearing her apart. On one hand, she was ready to do anything and everything to fight the evil in the world; on the other, she couldn't seem to separate herself from the evil blood that flowed through her veins. This wasn't the pillar of strength that had saved his life more than once this summer. The nightmares! She hadn't told him about the nightmares...
"Lorelai." His quiet beckoning cut through the silence. "Lorelai, I need to know what you intend to do. I want to help you, you don't have to carry this alone." He offered his support in a very un-Snape like manner, knowing that with her, all pretense was lost.
"I'm going to do it," she countered.
"Going to do what?" He hoped for the best. "I'm going to let them burn the Mark in my arm. And then I'm going to use it to destroy them all." She said this, void of all emotion, matter-of- factly. "I just need some quick education—some ideas, some help...If I'm going to be a spy, I need to know how to do it right."
"What? Lorelai, I'm lost...you lost me at the 'I'm going to do it' part. Where did this come from?" He was incredulous, but in his spirit, he knew that it was the only way for her to survive.
"I want to do what you did, Severus. What Sirius did. And what I hope Draco Malfoy will choose to do, as he undoubtedly will have to make this decision. I want to live, Severus. I've decided. I want to see my mother. I want to kill my father," She let half of a laugh. "That sounds really bad, doesn't it?"
"You don't have to do this," he said, knowing that it was exactly what she had to do. "You will be meeting Voldemort, then," he said.
"It won't be the first time," she said. Snape widened his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"The nightmares," she stated. "I-I haven't told you? Of course not," she answered herself. She raised a hand to her face, massaging her temples with her thumb and middle finger. "After I finished my term at Beauxbatons, Parkinson collected me like he had done previously, and you and I met. After you returned to Hogwarts, Bill Parkinson, the man who I thought was my father, captured me. Would you believe that I got ratted out by the man who runs the ice cream shop in Diagon Alley?" She gave a sarcastic laugh. "Funny, isn't it?"
Snape ignored the quip. "You are absolutely certain that Parkinson is not your biological father then?" Snape asked.
Lorelai snorted. "I should hope not!" She looked toward the fire, and it instantly dimmed. Snape had suspected that she had to ability to perform raw magic, but what he just witnessed confirmed it. She brought her feet up on the couch and wrapped her arms around her ankles, and rested her chin on her knees. Her breathing became ragged, labored. "He needs to know. He needs to know...he needs to know," she repeated quietly in her mind. She closed her eyes, summoning the strength to let him know. She quieted, and Snape wondered if he should interject something when she began to speak.
"August 13th. Parkinson, the man I used to call Father, found me. He didn't even come near me; just pulled out his wand and yelled, 'Crucio.' That was the first time, but only the first out of about 7 times that weekend...I thought I was going to die. All of a sudden we were in what seemed to be the tower of a castle, but what was actually the dungeons in someone's basement... Parkinson seemed impressed. Then he began questioning me about you, asking me if saving your life was worth forfeiting mine...I answered that you were worth it." She lowered her head.
"Foolish girl," Severus muttered softly.
"I told him that you were too greatly protected, anyhow. That they never would have been able to kill you...he backhanded me and broke my nose. I was bloody everywhere, now, he had kicked my knees in and stomped on my back," her voice was mechanical now. "He freed me of the magical bindings I had been placed in, and told me to stand and greet my guests properly. I looked up, and sure enough, there were six other Death Eaters surrounding us...I opened my mouth to scream, and then one of the six yelled for silence. The one who spoke lifted back his hood, and I recognized the mutilated mess in front of me..."
"Voldemort," Snape spoke at the same time as she.
Lorelai nodded. "Yes. He grinned; it was evil, rotten. 'My dear girl,' he said. 'It's time for you to come to knowledge about your birth. Your mother was easily seducible, and in the days before Potter practically vanquished me, I did have good looks.' My head was spinning by this time; all I had heard was how powerful I was, and up until this point, I still thought my mother was a Muggle. Severus, I..." Her face became blank as she carefully chose her next words. Snape watched her in disbelief.
If what she was saying was accurate, then she was the daughter of...No, Snape thought. There has got to be a different explanation. He turned his attention back towards her. Her shoulders lifted with the intake of every breath, then paused as she held it; her whole body relaxed as she exhaled. He could tell that what she was about to divulge was extremely difficult for her. He jumped inadvertently when she suddenly snapped out of her trance and began speaking again.
-----------------------
"Where the hell is Lorelai? What did you do to her?" The question followed the slap and the insult. Draco whirled around and grabbed his assailant's wrists with bruising force.
"Blaise! What the HELL is your problem?" Draco yelled. "Isn't this day bad enough without you trying to kill me? Damn. I'm so fucking sick of you women!"
"Draco, you-," "No! I DON'T want to hear it! I'm tired, Blaise. I'm tired of you ragging on me about Lorelai and the Weaslette and-," he continued ranting almost unintelligibly. Blaise shook her black hair over her right shoulder and rolled her eyes. She waited a few more seconds while tapping her foot. Yup, he was still going. Frustrated and utterly bored, Blaise grabbed Draco's broad shoulders and smacked him across the face again. He stopped his rampage and looked at her with blank eyes.
"Will you quit? You're scaring me, Malfoy; it's like you're going absolutely nutters!" Blaise told him. The suggestion that he was mentally ill drove Draco to snap out of it. He became enraged once more.
"You are on thin ice, Zabini!" he hissed. Blaise rolled her eyes once more. "Whatever. Look, Lucius popped by Dumbledore's office to find you, and when he couldn't, he gave this to me. He wanted to make sure you got it. So, here." Blaise threw the parchment at him.
Draco stared at the broken seal in disbelief. "Did you open this?" He asked, seething. "What does it look like, genius? So, Draco, you've asked your father for the Dark Mark? Well, it looks like you got your wish. When were you going to tell me? I'm supposed to be your best friend, and I didn't even know. Asshole," she added as an afterthought.
"Is that all?" Draco asked, incredulous.
"What do you mean?"
"My silence over the Dark Mark issue...is that the sole reason you slapped me?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I gotta go..." Blaise turned and sauntered away. "Blaise?! What are you hiding from me?" She just ignored him.
"Blaise! I know that there's a whole mess that you're not telling me!" But she just disappeared to her corridor. Draco stared at the letter in his hand. He knew that Lucius had favor with the Dark Lord, but he never assumed that his appeared eagerness to follow in his father's footsteps would be answered so soon! And he had a week to prepare...Fuck. He had to find Snape. His powerful arm swept a bronze statue clattering to the ground in his anger before Draco left the common room.
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"C'mon, Ginny, tell me who you're meeting at Hogsmeade!" Ron badgered.
"Nope," she replied, curtly.
"Oh, Ginny, what's the big deal behind the secrecy? Just tell us," Harry said, exasperated from an afternoon of trying to get Ginny to divulge her secret meeting to him.
"Harry, I don't even know why you care. Besides, is there any reason why you've been too chicken-shit to tell me that you were going to Hogsmeade with Lorelai? I don't know what you see in that Slytherin, anyway!" Ginny tossed her head, pouting. Hermione and Ron laughed at her obviously joking gesture, but Harry took her seriously.
"You don't know why I care? I thought," he lowered his voice. "I thought that we would go, Gin, but," he coaxed. "I asked Lorelai because, well, let's just say that I have a suspicion about her that I have to turn into evidence, first, ok?" Ginny cocked an eyebrow.
"Fine. What's your suspicion?" she asked.
"What?" Harry knitted his brows together in confusion.
"Oh, forget it. I can see that you don't trust me. And THAT, Potter, is why I'm going with someone other than YOU to Hogsmeade."
With that, Ginny flounced out of the common room and went upstairs to the dormitory she shared with Hermione and a few other girls. Inside the room, Ginny sighed as she closed the door, then collapsed in a fit of giggles. Malfoy was right; Harry could be thick, and this little teasing was necessary. But even with all of Harry's secrets, she cared for him. She wouldn't say love. If she really was in love with him, she wouldn't have enjoyed snogging Malfoy so much...her cheeks burned at the memory of how Draco Malfoy had made her moan. And she smiled. Because as out of character for her as it was, she had caused certain desirable reactions in him as well.
She loved feeling wanted. Maybe that came from being in a family where, as the only girl, she was both often overlooked (by the boys) and doted on by her mother; sometimes, they were equally annoying. Ginny sighed, then decided to take a nap before dinner. She snuggled under the red silk sheets she loved so much, and soon, the only sound was her even breathing.
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Severus Snape listened to the red-headed girl who sat on his couch, horrified. She was shaking now, not crying, no tears, just shaking. "He wants an heir. Someone purely evil; not someone on the edge of good and evil, like me. He said a few words, and I was in the magic binds again. I forced myself to open my eyes, and there were five Death Eaters left, since Voldemort had revealed himself. The remaining five still wore masks, but they slowly took off their cloaks, and one by one, came toward me, leering. One licked the blood off of my face; I was so terrified, I couldn't breathe!"
"My servants, I am giving you the chance of a lifetime. I have chosen you for a special task; I am assured that the blood in your veins runs evil, aged by centuries of countless others." Voldemort's voice captured the attention of the remaining men. "Lorelai, open your eyes!" She snapped them open, defiantly. "Good, good," Voldemort nodded his approval. "The fire is still in her eyes. Take her now, while she is at her most spirited; then the child will have her strong will and the determination as well to do what I cannot."
"What child?" The man known as Parkinson asked.
"The child made from the seed that one of you will undoubtedly plant," Voldemort clarified, annoyed. The girl strained against the ropes, realizing what was about to be done.
"You cannot! I will not submit to you!" She screamed. But He just smiled. She looked around, and set her jaw, preparing herself mentally for what was about to commence. She closed her eyes so she couldn't see the men unbuttoning their trousers.
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Draco knocked on the door to Professor Snape's office and waited impatiently. After a moment, he drew his wand.
"Alohomora," he whispered. The lock turned and the door swung open to reveal an empty chair and therefore unoccupied desk.
"Dammit!" He muttered. He hastily closed the door and made his way to the only other place that Snape could be; his private living quarters.
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"My most favored servant; you may have the honor of going first. It is my hope and wish that the child be conceived from your seed; for your blood goes back many clans and generations. Approach the girl. Play with her. Do what you like; and enjoy it. I daresay she is a virgin." The Death Eaters laughed raucously at this.
The girl realized that it was really happening. She was going to be violated. She wouldn't let them see her hurt, and she was not going to just give in without a fight. She opened her eyes and stared down the first Death Eater, the servant that the Dark Lord loved most.
He advanced upon her, trying to make her show fear. She refused. He liked that. He grinned behind his mask. He stroked her face softly, mocking everything that her first experience should have been. Then he forced his mouth on hers, tasting the blood that her earlier beating had rendered. She did not respond.
"Kiss me back, bitch, and this won't hurt badly," he whispered cruelly. She hardened her gaze.
"Take off your mask, coward, and I won't make your eyeballs explode," she whispered back, just as menacingly. He chuckled. Then he yanked down her pants, tearing her underwear, and exposed her to the entire room. Her jaw clenched; her gaze did not waver. His eyes started to water as he held her stare, then began to burn slowly...he got the distinct feeling that she was looking inside of him. He broke eye contact and the burning stopped.
He unzipped his pants, pulled out the necessary organ and thrust it inside of her cruelly. She bit her already bleeding lip in pain as the rest of the men in the room started cheering. She felt a searing burn. He caught her eye again, relishing the pain and fire he saw there. He roughly thrust in and out, in and out, marveling at how well she held his gaze.
He felt his release building, and he came coldly, not giving an ounce of his self-control. He pulled out and buttoned up, and removed his mask briefly, taunting her.
He felt the strange burning in his eyes; he glanced back at hers, which were murderous. He replaced his mask, and the burning stopped. Satisfied, the Dark Lord waved his hand at the second man, Parkinson, and gave him permission. Soon, the third, fourth, and fifth men had taken their turn, and Voldemort called the meeting to an end.
"She's yours for the night, Lucius. Have fun," and with that, the men known as Crabbe, Goyle, Parkinson, and Zabini followed suit and disapparated after Voldemort. Lucius gazed down at the girl. There was blood streaming down her arms from where the magical bindings had cut her. Still she stared. Quietly. And with no less life behind them as she had at the beginning. Lucius thought that this deserved some sort of positive repercussion, so he released her, and she fell semi-gratefully to the ground.
He mouthed an ancient spell to clean her up and soothe the pain. He admired the life he saw in her. "You have great strength, girl," he said. "And though you are as a slave, that renders some respect. I will not take you as savagely as before..." He trailed off as he began his business of taking her softly, almost as a lover would, for the first of three more times that night. She woke up the next morning in the tavern at Diagon Alley in a room, sore, and barely able to walk. She wanted to forget the last night's activities, but she knew that she would always have to remember those grey eyes.
-----------------------
Draco stood at the door to Snape's chambers. He lifted his hand to knock, but he was halted by the sound of another's voice.
"No wonder you looked like you could kill Malfoy that first night in the Great Hall...you recognized his father in his eyes, did you not?" Snape asked.
"I will always remember those eyes, and hate everything that goes with them," Lorelai finished. Draco heard Snape mumble a few words. Then Lorelai's voice rang clear again. "Or at least I'll try. Draco's hard to hate, you know?"
He heard Snape chuckle in a relieved sort of way. "Are you alright, Lorelai?" he asked.
"I will be. I just need your guidance concerning the Order," she replied. She was going to join the Order? Then that would mean that she'd have to take the Dark Mark...Draco wished for the same kind of bravery and raised his fist to knock on the door.
. Snape's eyes widened at Lorelai's request, and they both jumped when they heard a knock on the door. "Do not speak a word of this to anyone!" he hissed. Their foreheads almost touched, and Snape whirled around and reached his door. With the ferocity of an Oklahoma tornado, he threw back the door and instinctively grabbed the shirt of the unwelcome visitor.
"Professor! Calm down!" Draco's voice penetrated Lorelai's fear and she exhaled the breath of air she didn't realize she'd been holding. She uncurled her legs, feeling her knees pop, and stood up.
"Thank you for your help, Professor," Lorelai stated demurely. Without warning, she burst out laughing. Snape still had Draco by the shirtfront and was practically holding him in the air. "What's so funny?" chorused the Potions master and his favored student. The question in unison made Lorelai go into even deeper fits of giggles.
Draco narrowed his eyes and wrenched himself out of Snape's grasp. He stared at the girl who had thrown him up against a wall several hours prior. He squared his shoulders and smoothed back some of his hair that had become misplaced. Hate all things with grey eyes, will you? He challenged. Maybe I'll give you a reason. He curled his lips back into a sneer.
"Mr. Malfoy, I apologize for my impromptu accosting. Miss Green and I were just going over some questions on the assignment. You startled us." Snape attempted.
"It's alright, Professor Snape. Perhaps I intervened in something of a more...intimate nature; in which case, I'd totally understand the anger," Draco spouted off, coolly, straightening his collar casually. He watched with pleasure while Lorelai's cheeks flamed.
"Mr. Malfoy, I'd suggest that you keep your opinions to yourself," Snape started, but was cut off by Lorelai.
"No, Professor, maybe I should tell him," She watched Snape's eyes widen with horror and Malfoy's own flooded with interest.
"Lorelai, I don't think..."
"No, it's okay." She turned to Malfoy and made her way to where he was standing. He sized her up, and remembered how soft she had felt in his arms just hours before. Was that only hours ago? He would have guessed that at least a week had gone by.
"How much of that did you hear, Draco?" He smirked.
"So, we're back on first name basis, are we?" He asked.
"Please answer the question." She was calm. He studied her; she didn't look nervous, perhaps she was merely testing him. He respected that. He leaned toward her slowly, feeling Snape's eyes on him, and drew close enough to her ear where his shallow breath made her shiver.
Satisfied with her level of discomfort, he whispered, "Enough to know that you don't hate me," He said. She blinked and a slow smile stretched itself across her face as she steadily nodded.
"Is that all? Well, then, good night, Professor, Draco."
"Wednesday evening, Miss Green. Dumbledore's office. Is that convenient?" Snape asked.
"Yes, thank you, Professor," She smiled. "And thank you for listening. I feel a lot better."
"Have a good evening, then. Mr. Malfoy, if you would take a seat, I'll be with you in a moment." And Snape disappeared into the back area.
"Good night, Draco," Lorelai tried.
"What? Are you and Snape going to meet for sex later?" Draco asked.
"You know, I don't have the energy to fight with you tonight." She said quietly. Again, Draco found himself comparing her quiet expression to that of Ginny Weasley's. The resemblance between the two was uncanny. Lorelai was taller and more curvy than Ginny, but their facial features were so...similar! For a moment, he played with the idea of asking if they were related, but he didn't want to give off the impression that he cared. He shook his head to clear the image.
"Besides, what are YOU here so late for?" She asked pointedly.
"None of your business," Draco huffed.
"Is that letter from your father?" She motioned to the parchment in his hand.
"You don't know a damn thing," He said, trying to keep in control. How could she infuriate him while staying so calm?
"If that's what I think it is, I guess I'll see you on Saturday," she said. What the fuck? "What the fuck do you think you're talking about?" He asked. But she was already gone.
"No wonder you looked like you could kill Malfoy...you recognized his father in his eyes, did you not?" Snape's statement haunted him, and Draco was quiet. Snape returned from what was presumably his bedroom. "What is the ruckus all about?" He asked. "And why is the door still open?"
"Lorelai...she left it. Severus," he started, for he could lose all pretenses with his professor. Snape was the father figure that Draco should have had. "She knows something...I don't understand. I think she knows about the ceremony on Saturday," Draco mused.
"Did she say something about it?" Snape asked.
"Yes, she said that she'd probably see me on Saturday," Draco said, questions in his eyes.
"I'd assume by now that you know that her father is, er, a Death Eater, and she has come of age, as have you, and she will be participating in the ceremony on Saturday evening." Snape explained. Draco's eyes widened, and then normalized.
"I suppose that makes sense," he allowed. "Is she really going to join the Order?" Draco asked. Snape's eyes flashed.
"How much of our conversation did you hear, boy?" Draco had never seen his Potions teacher so...urgent.
"Just something about grey eyes, how I'm hard to hate, and I heard her mentioning the order," Draco said. Snape softened. Draco quieted suddenly, and his fingers dropped down to play with the hem of his shirt; one of the many habits his father had tried to break him of. Hours seemed to go by. Then, Draco spoke with a somber tone to his voice; however, there was no mistaking the strength and resolve in it as well.
"Speaking of the Order," Draco began. "I want you to know that I've made my decision concerning my position in the upcoming battle." Snape awaited his response in anticipation.