Winter was becoming like one great, big sinus headache...long and painful. Or so Jordan thought, looking out of her office window. It was now the end of January. The weather was reflecting her mood – gray and wet. It seemed like it had managed to snow, rain, or ice almost everyday since Woody had slammed his way out of her apartment.

To others, except perhaps Garrett, it seemed like nothing was wrong between them. They worked together, joked together, drank beer together at the Pogue. But on occasion, when it was either just the two of them, or when they could exchange close glances, she felt his anger...the tension...and hell, the longing. Sometimes he would look at her and she could feel the...heat from his gaze. Like he was looking all the way through her...remembering...She would do her best to leave the room then, for it started her own emotions spiraling in a downward motion of longing she knew could no longer be fulfilled.

Christmas had come and gone...the first without her father. She had harbored the hope that Woody would relent just a little in his irritation with her and agree to spend the holiday together. He hadn't. She wasn't sure where he had been...maybe he had to work, since he took his days off early...maybe he just didn't want to see her...She had bought him a leather jacket for Christmas. The leather was a soft as butter and it smelt wonderful... the way only leather could. It reminded her of him...gentle, but tough...long lasting...strong. She had left him a voice mail to come by her apartment and pick his gift up. She had bought it with great joy and anticipation. She couldn't wait for him to open it, so she could see his expression. But he by or called about it. It remained in the box, still wrapped, now in her bedroom, since her Christmas tree was down.

She had spent Christmas at Garrett's, along with Nigel and Bug. It was a small, intimate gathering. She had told everyone that Woody had to work. Nigel and Bug had accepted that as fact. Garrett gave her a sharp look. He had noticed, even if no one else had, that things were stressed between the couple. She spent New Year's at the Pogue, hosting their annual New Year's Eve party. Woody had been invited, and had come in briefly, leaving before they rang in the New Year. At mid-night, she had found herself with Nigel, who let her get completely drunk and then took her home and tucked her in. If Nige had thought the situation odd, he never mentioned it.

She turned away from the window. The paperwork was piling up on her desk again. She could finish trace on the body she had for Eddie and then attack the paperwork. Let's see...she thought. That will keep me here until about eight, eight-thirty. Then I can leave and go to the bar...that will take me to midnight or one... And then I can go home and sleep and get up and do it all again tomorrow. She sighed. Her life was boring...but at least she had a schedule and a system for coping.

The only thing that was different for her, the Boston PD, and the morgue, was for some reason, after the first of the year, there seemed to be a rash of accidents involving officers...One was killed in a high speed chase. One was shot in a robbery attempt. One was killed on a domestic violence call. The police department had buried three of its finest in less than a month. The department was emotionally shattered...nerves were raw. Jordan had gone to each of the funerals and had seen Woody at them. While the events brought back her grief all over again for her father, it also birthed a new worry in her heart...that one day, she would be called to the morgue and it would be Woody on the slab...that he would be killed in the line of duty. She began to hold her breath every time her phone rang.

She left her office and walked to Trace Evidence. There was no need to mope around...it was time to work...to be busy...to keep her mind off of things.

She came in late that morning – nearly two weeks later. She remembered it well. She had worked late at the Pogue to complete inventory...she didn't get home until after three. When her alarm clock went off at seven, she had shut it off and thrown it against the wall. She was getting damned tired of her own rat race. The hell with it, she had thought. I'm never late anymore...let the world revolve around me for a change for the next half hour. She dozed back off, waking up in a panic at 8:30. She had hurriedly showered and dressed, entering the morgue at a run. Hustling off the elevator, she had nearly run into Garrett, who reached out to steady her before she fell.

"Good morning," he had greeted her, "running a little late?"

She had apologized...explaining about inventory and just the fact she was so tired lately. Noticing the dark circles under her eyes, he tried to get her to go back home...take a few more personal leave days... "God knows you have enough," he joked. That's when Nigel came around the corner from pick up...

"We have a body in autopsy two," he had stated. "You may want to get to work on it quick – there was another robbery this morning...another police officer was shot..."

Jordan didn't let him finish. All the fear that had been building up in her heart, rushed to the surface at once. She ran to the autopsy room, praying the whole way...it couldn't be him...dear God, please don't let it be him...crashing through the doors, she jerked down the zipper on the body bag with trembling hands....and looked.....

It wasn't him.

She sank to the floor, trembling. Garrett had followed closely behind her, sensing what was wrong. Gently he cradled her in his arms as the tears flowed. "It wasn't him...it wasn't him..." she whispered. "Thank God..."

Garrett had just held her for the longest time, letting her cry it out, motioning for everyone else to get out of the room. When she had calmed down, he asked, "Now do you want to tell me about it?"

She allowed him to pull her up from the floor. She was still trembling, still feeling the aftershocks of her worst fears. He gently led her back to his office, shutting the door, and pulling the blinds down to give them privacy. She sank down on the couch, curling up in a corner, her head down. He sat down beside her and took her hands. "Come on, Jo...you can tell me. What's wrong?"

"I...I.. was just worried that it could be Woody. There's been so many officers killed..." her voice broke.

"You know it's a chance he takes everyday. It's a chance every officer takes...you've known that since you were a girl and your dad was a policeman."

She nodded. "But I never worried about my dad like I do Woody. I knew Dad could handle it..."

"Woody's doing a fine job...he's handling it fine."

"I know...it's just...."

"Woody's young...seems less experienced."

"Yeah...."

"Let me remind you he's older than your dad was when Max started the force....he's had more experience."

"I'll try to keep that in mind."

"What else is there, Jo?"

Jordan bit her lip. Garrett knew...he always knew when things weren't right....he had this uncanny sixth sense when it came to her. "Can I be honest?"

"I don't want anything less." Garrett was worried about her....all the hours she was working....the circles under her eyes, the tension that stayed between her shoulders, the worry lines between her eyes. More than that, instead of gradually putting Max's death behind her and returning to normal, Jordan had grown more... more fragile...for lack of a better word...a very un-Jordan-like thing.

"We've...Woody and I, that is ... we've fought...and it hasn't been the same between us."

"Can I ask what the fight was about?"

For all her closeness to Garrett, Jordan wasn't going to tell him that they had slept together.... "It's just the friendship issue again, Garrett. He wants to be more than friends...have a real relationship. And you know me...I'm scared to death....scared of a relationship and scared of losing him altogether if something happens."

"That Tyler thing really did a number on you, didn't it Jo?"

To be honest, Jo hadn't thought about Tyler in a long time. He was well before Woody had ever moved to Boston...but it had. Between Tyler and everything she had gone through with her mother's murder and her dad, her trust level for men was at an all-time low. "I guess so...." She replied slowly.

"You know he's not like that," Garrett said, alluding to Woody.

"I know....but it's not just that, Garrett. I'm afraid...so afraid...that Woody would wake up one day and discover that I'm nothing but trouble for him...I have too much baggage, that I'm just not ....right for him. And then ... we may be to the point that if that happened, we couldn't even be friends. And I don't think I could handle my life without Woody being in it some way..."

"So friendship is the safest?"

She nodded, pulling away from him and going to stand by his office window. It helped her to move when she was in deep thought, like she was now...Garrett knew this and his eyes followed her..

"But Jo, what's this doing to you...to him?"

She laughed a very short, bitter laugh. "He's barely speaking to me....and me...well.... I...I'm coping, or at least trying, to..." her voice broke. Garrett saw her put her hand to her forehead to hide the tears. He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her around to face him.

"Jo, I'm no expert at relationships... God knows...but I can tell you this...it's obvious to me that this friendship thing you're trying to keep going with Woody isn't working for either one of you. All I can tell you is follow your heart....listen to it....and don't try to logically figure the relationship out. Love isn't about logic....or even what's best for everyone involved. It's about your heart...what it's telling you...what it's feeling."

She nodded. "How did you get so wise?" she asked, managing to get out a small smile.

"Time....losing at love one too many times...not listening to my heart." He smiled down at her.

"Thanks, Garrett."

"Wanna take some time off?"

"No...not now...I think I'll go to my office and finish up some paperwork. I'll leave the officer's autopsy to you. I may take the time off in a few weeks....take a vacation....go south or something...."

"Just let me know when and how much you're taking."