Loneliness

Legolas left the hall shortly after the deserts had finished. He was happy for Cilmo and Allassante, just as he'd been happy for all his friends' weddings, but his heart was weary. He felt restless as he never had before in this age or the last. Too many wedding feasts he'd attended but none for him. There was a tinge of jealousy within him, and he couldn't tolerate such emotions directed at friends. They deserved their happiness, he simply longed for his own. He retreated to his room where sleep eluded him for the rest of the night.

His thoughts wandered to many moments of lost opportunity. A quiet moment under the mallorns of Lorien with a fair lady. He offered her comfort, but no indication of the feelings in his heart. Again he felt those feelings for another lady, in Lorien. He nearly broke his neck to give her a gift, but her heart was already given to another and he remained silent. Legolas realized that though he'd felt his heart stir in the past but did nothing. His loneliness was his own fault. The next time he felt drawn to a lady, he would fall at her feet and pour out his heart to her. He never wanted to go to another elf's wedding to a lady he cared for. It was simply too painful.

In the days that followed the feast, the guests departed for their homes, save Gimli who went to Ithilien with the Elves. He was welcomed into Legolas' house for that is where he stayed when he visited, but he spent most of his days at Thelyn's house. There was a gathering of Elves there, all anxious to visit with the Dwarf and listen to his stories. Gimli loved the attention and enjoyed the interesting foods that Jamie made. He especially enjoyed the wine, and late in the evening was found on the porch, smoking and sipping wine with Legolas and the twins.

"So, laddy," Gimli said as he looked at Legolas. "When are you going to settle down and marry?"

Thelyn glanced at Legolas and cringed inwardly. Legolas was very private about matters of the heart.

"I am quite settled, Gimli," Legolas said. "As for marriage… it is for the young."

"Bah!" Gimli said as he puffed on his pipe. "Marriage is for all."

"Then how is it that you are yet unwed, oh Lord of the Crystal caves?" Alcon asked with a cocked brow.

Gimli fell silent, ignoring the direst question in favor of a sip of wine. Legolas took pity on him and offered him an out to the question.

"Gimli and I are past thoughts of marriage now," Legolas said lightly. "Our duties keep us too busy."

Gimli just gave a snort and stared out into the wood. The conversation lightened after that, and they drained their wine. The hour grew late, and Alcon went inside to retrieve his family and go home. Godwin had fallen asleep on the chaise lounge in the corner and Alcon just picked him up and carried him outside. Lyneya retrieved their cloaks and followed.

"Ah, there's the lad," Gimli said quietly. "A fine boy, Alcon."

Alcon just smiled hugged him tight. "Indeed he's a good son."

Thelyn helped his brother mount up and gave his brother a smile. "See you at the watch tomorrow."

Legolas and Gimli left too, and on the way to the settlement where Legolas' house was, Gimli confronted him again about marriage.

"So, have you nothing to say to my question but that pathetic answer you gave the twins?" Gimli asked seriously.

"Peace, Dwarf!" Legolas said in frustration. "Not all Elves marry."

"Indeed?" Gimli scoffed. "Well you should. You have to be the loneliest Elf I know."

"Leave it, Gimli," Legolas said in annoyance. "Must you speak of this on every visit?"

"You cannot fool me laddy," Gimli said. "At every wedding I see the marks of jealousy in your eyes. Admit it."

"I admit nothing," Legolas said. "There is no woman, Elf or otherwise, left in middle earth for me."

"Aha!" Gimli said quickly. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Legolas asked in exasperation.

"Miranda, you loved her," Gimli said quickly.

"Of course I did, she was my sister," he said nervously. Gimli was being too clever for comfort.

"Yes, good Legolas, loving brother," Gimli said sarcastically. "Often I wondered of this, now I know it is true."

"Her heart was won by another, no other elf or man had any chance in her eyes," Legolas said. "It was all a long time ago, nor does it bother me."

"What of her sons, all wed to fine ladies? Every one happy, with families… Alcon has a son and Jamie carries Thelyn's child. All this happiness is driving you mad with jealousy."

"I do not answer to you, Gimli," Legolas said angrily. "I will accept no advice from a Dwarf who pines away for a married woman."

"It is better to love the unattainable from afar than to close off my heart as you have done," Gimli said. "Is there no fair maids among the Avari? Have you even looked?"

Legolas halted the horse in front of his house and looked out over the square. Most of the new homes were built, and there were a few Elves about even at this hour. He listened to the music and singing and sighed as Gimli hopped down.

"There is more to love than beauty," Legolas said. "If that were all, I'd have married ages ago. I need something more, but have yet to find it."

Gimli gave a snort, "Then go and find it, lad. You are far too serious in your old age."

Legolas laughed, but took his words to heart. He was tired of coming home to an empty house. Perhaps it was time he thought of his own happiness.

Cilmo and Allassante's arrival in Ithilien was quiet. He took her by the southern path, and avoided the settlement. They rode up to the great tree and Allassante smiled up at it.

"I always did like Lalaith's house," she said.

"Your house, Ally," Cilmo said as he dismounted and then helped her from her horse. "Your friend Lalaith has moved away, and this house is now yours, given to us by her brothers. It is your house now."

Allassante smiled, "Then let's go inside."

Cilmo pulled her into a hug and then kissed her. "Yes, that would be a good idea. I have spent all day on a ship when I longed to be in your arms." He led her up the winding staircase that hugged the trunk. They stepped up onto the landing and entered. He watched to see how she liked the home he prepared, and was pleased by her smiles. A rapid tour of the rooms was made as he led her to their chamber. There was a great bed in the center of the far wall and a couple wardrobes, and in the corner was a cradle. Allassante just cocked a brow at him. Cilmo shrugged.

"I waited for six hundred years for a family," he said lightly. "I simply wanted to be prepared."

Allassante crossed the room and looked at the tiny rocking bed. Cilmo came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, placing both hands on her belly. Allassante leaned her head back against his chest.

"I feel no different," she whispered.

"Shhh," he whispered, "You carry our child, I am sure of it."

"Superstition?" she asked.

"No, such fancies are but for humor. It is our love that tells me this," he said s his hands slid up her body from her belly to her breasts. "But to be certain, we could…"

Allassante was breathless in his arms, "Yes."

He kissed her neck and stepped back, drawing her back with him. He sat back on the bed and lifted her into his lap. He cradled her in his arms and then kissed her hungrily. "Now is there yet one custom left. We must initiate our new home in love."

"I like your customs," Allassante said as her fingers plunged into his soft hair. "You must teach them to me."

Cilmo's gaze was full of fire, "Oh, I will, that is a promise."

And he did show her with all the tenderness and love he carried in his heart. Ally was his wife, his love. Long had he waited for her, but never in all his years had he expected his love to be human. Yet the surprise made her all the more precious to him. Not a single drop of animosity was left him for any human. They were a mystery to him, mortal lives with great hearts.

The summer passed quickly, and soon the leaves of autumn were changing and falling. Jamie was very near her time to deliver, and Thelyn kept her very close to home. She was not allowed to ride into the settlement for fear that she might fall or be hurt. One afternoon, she was walking along the path to Alcon's house when her water broke. She stumbled a little, and leaned against a tree to catch her breath.

"Oh, great!" she said in annoyance. "This is a fine place to be when this starts." She was halfway between her house and Alcon's, and she knew the twins were going to be gone all afternoon. She trudged along the path, forcing herself to take each step as the first contraction hit. She emerged from the woods into Lyneya's garden and collapsed on the lawn. "Lyneya!"

Lyneya ran out onto the porch and paled when she saw her sister-in-law. Godwin ran out from the stables and stared as his older sister helped Jamie into the house. He helped her to lie down on the big plush couch and then fidgeted nervously.

"Godwin, ride to the settlement and get Eruanna," Lyneya said calmly. "Then go and find the watch in the wood. Thelyn will want to be here."

Godwin winced when Jamie gasped at her next contraction. "I will hurry," he said. "Are you okay Aunt Jamie?"

Jamie gave him a smile, "Just fine, Godwin, go on now."

Godwin ran out and got his horse out of the barn. He didn't bother to saddle it; he just put his bridle on and rode into the settlement as quickly as he dared.

"Riders approach near the wood," Cilmo said. "Shall we wait and watch, or go meet them?"

"They are not from Emyn Arnen, their attire is strange. If they get any closer, or look like they wish to enter, we will meet them," Alcon said.

Three riders did indeed approach, and as they came closer, the patrol could see that it was a family; one man, a woman and two children shared the third horse. Cilmo led his patrol out of the cover of the trees and halted in their path.

"Halt! You approach the Ithilien wood, home of the Elves. What is your business here?" Cilmo asked with authority.

The riders halted, and it was obvious that they were afraid.

"I am Orvandu, and this is my family," the man said. "We are lost in this strange land and had no intention of trespassing. Forgive our mistake."

Cilmo looked them over and realized they were Easterlings. "You are from Rhûn?"

"Yes, we are looking for a new place to settle," he said. "Our home is no longer safe."

Alcon cocked a brow, "Explain."

"There are new warlords in place, and our land is in civil war. Those in power crave more, and the rest of us are left to fend for ourselves. I will not cower before any evil lord, nor will I pay tribute to slavers."

"What tribute do they demand?" Cilmo asked.

"Our children," the woman said angrily.

All the elves paused to let the words sink in. Alcon was horrified, and knew that this news would upset his family. "So you fled," he said, half thinking out loud.

"I cannot fight an army alone," Orvandu said. "I would die for my family, but the odds were unbeatable."

"Come, then," Alcon said. "There is room for you at the settlement, and we can discuss this matter further when you are rested."

It was about that time that Godwin rode out of the wood at a full gallop and halted abruptly by the conference. Thelyn saw the look on his face and knew what had brought him out here alone.

"Is it Jamie?" Thelyn asked in panic.

"Yes, uncle, she is at our house," Godwin said quickly. "The healer is with her, but I think you should hurry."

Thelyn didn't wait; he just kicked his horse and rode off into the wood. Alcon rode over to Godwin and gave him a smile.

"You rode all this way without a saddle? Your riding is improving, son," Alcon said.

"Thank you, Ada," Godwin said, blushing at the praise.

Cilmo and the others noticed the use of the title father right away. Alcon paused but said nothing. It was the first time Godwin had called him anything but Alcon, and he liked the sound of it. Then they remembered the Easterling refugees. Godwin asked before anyone could speak.

"Travelers?" Godwin asked.

Orvandu looked at Godwin with discerning eyes, "Who is this human child?"

Alcon turned and put his horse between the stranger and Godwin. "He is my son."

But Godwin looked at Orvandu and sat up tall on his horse. "I am Godwin, son of Silverhelm, Overlord of Rhûn. Lord Alcon is my Ada, my adopted father."

Orvandu's expression was one of utter shock, and then pride as he dismounted and dropped to one knee. "Then I owe you my allegiance, young lord, for I served your father, and indeed you are the very image of him."

Alcon backed away and waited, recognizing Godwin's need to deal with this matter himself.

"Rise, sir, and tell me of your service," Godwin said.

"I was a guardsman, but after… the fire, those of us that lived were forced to go into hiding. There are new warlords now, and all are fighting to take your father's seat. Sooner or later, one will prevail," Orvandu said.

Godwin frowned at the news. He was nearly seven years old, not nearly old enough to rule a country. He wished he was a man so he could avenge his father and restore the rightful bloodline to his throne.

"I invited them to stay," Alcon said.

Godwin sighed, "What is your name, sir?"

"Orvandu, and this is my wife Glynna, and my children, Odo and Olwyn," Orvandu said.

"I am happy to see one of my country, and a loyal friend of my father," Godwin said.

"I am overjoyed to see that my master's son yet lives. I would see you restored, Lord Godwin, and I pledge myself to aid you in this."

"That is a matter for discussion at a later time," Alcon said quickly. "My brother's wife is in labor with her first child and we must return. Bring your family, we will find you lodgings."

It was nearly midnight, and Thelyn paced back and forth on the porch as the sounds of Jamie's suffering rang in his ears. Alcon sat on the steps with Godwin who'd drifted off to sleep over an hour ago. Failon stood against the wall with his arms crossed and watched his brother's expression with sympathy. He was losing heart, and it showed.

"She is strong," Failon said. "All will be well."

"Hours, Failon," Thelyn said. "It has been hours."

There was a sudden silence from within the house and Thelyn stopped in his tracks and held his breath. A moment passed…then two… and a child's cry could be heard. Thelyn let out his breath and then a slow smile formed on his lips.

"I'm a father," he said. "I'm… a father!"

Failon gave him a big hug, "Congratulations!"

Alcon didn't move, not wanting to wake Godwin, but he looked up and smiled, "You'll be a good father, Thelyn."

Thelyn smiled, "Thanks, Alcon. I hope I do as well as you have." He turned to the door and waited impatiently. Finally, Eruanna opened the door and told Thelyn to go inside. As he entered she stepped out onto the porch for some air.

Thelyn went to the guest room and found Lyneya wrapping the child in a receiving blanket and Jamie resting with her eyes closed. Lyneya gave him a warm smile and placed the child in his arms.

"He is a fine strong baby, Thelyn," she said. "Congratulations."

"Is Jamie…?"

"Just tired," Lyneya assured him as she left. "She's just fine."

Thelyn smiled and went to his wife. She was pale and her skin glistened with sweat, but she'd never looked more beautiful. He sat beside her and brushed a lock of hair from her face. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"You were right all along, it is a boy," she said.

"He's beautiful, like his mother," Thelyn said.

"What should we name him?" Jamie asked.

Thelyn examined him, noting the resemblance to Jamie, and ears that were more rounded than pointed. "Veon, which means manly."

"I like it," she said dreamily as she closed her eyes again. "He'll be a great man someday, like his father."

Thelyn smiled, "Rest now," he said. "I must go and show him off now, but I will return in a few minutes."

"Well?" Alcon asked Eruanna.

"It's a boy," she said, "And mother and son are doing just fine."

Failon sighed with relief. "That is good news."

"Well, Godwin, you have a boy to play with now," Alcon said quietly to the sleeping boy.

Failon laughed, "In a couple of years."

A rider approached from the northern path, and Legolas came into view. He dismounted, and everyone smiled when they saw Gimli was with him.

"So, you came back after all," Failon said as they joined the conference on the porch.

"Aye, I did," Gimli said. "Where's the new baby?"

Thelyn stepped out onto the porch with a bundle in his arms and a proud smile. "Here is my son… you hear that Failon? Son! We have named him Veon," Thelyn said. His ears were only very slightly pointed, and he resembled Jamie with his brown hair. Thelyn wondered what color eyes he would have, but it really didn't matter. He was the most beautiful child he'd ever laid eyes on.

"A fine boy, Thelyn," Gimli said. "Where's the wine?"

Legolas laughed, but stayed by the steps. He felt like an outsider here more than ever before. It was time he took Gimli's advice and went in search of his own happiness. He stayed and drank to the health of the child and then left. Seeing Jamie's child was the final stone in the cart. He had to get away. Perhaps time away from his duties would ease his loneliness.

Legolas seemed distant for the rest of Gimli's visit, but his friend didn't say anything about it. As the week wore on, Jamie felt strong enough to return home, and the family settled in with the new baby. The Easterling family decided to settle in Emyn Arnen, but Orvandu was given permission to visit Godwin whenever he wished. When Gimli finally returned to the ship for his journey back to Rohan, he paused on the docks to bid Legolas farewell.

"Whatever you have to do to find your joy again, I suggest you go and do it," Gimli said seriously. "The next time I see you I want you to be smiling."

Legolas sighed, "I will."

Gimli gave a snort, "Good. Now then, take care of yourself, laddy."

"Farewell, Gimli my friend," Legolas said. "I will remember your advice."

Gimli gave a nod and boarded the ship. His short stature didn't allow for the dramatic wave of farewell at the railing, but Legolas waited anyway. When the ship was finally out of sight, he returned to his home, packed for a long journey and then wrote a short letter to Cilmo.

Cilmo,

I am going on a holiday, and leave the settlement in your capable hands. Heed the advice of Séretur, and do not hesitate to call upon our neighbors in Emyn Arnen should the need arise. I do not know how long I will be gone. Give my farewells to everyone, especially to the three brothers and their growing families.

Legolas

He sealed the letter, secured his house and rode out of the settlement without a word. He took the path that would lead him past Cilmo's house and was greeted by Allassante, Silivren and Godwin and Cálale. He gave Allassante the letter and headed down the path. She stood, knowing something was wrong and called him back.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Legolas halted and turned, "I need… a vacation."

Silivren frowned, "Alone?"

"I have always been alone," Legolas said. "Say farewell to your husbands for me, ladies." And with that he gave his horse a kick and rode out into the woods without looking back. And that was the last that anyone saw of Legolas all winter.

North, that was the direction he would take. Perhaps a walk in his old wood would ease his aching heart. Legolas traveled with urgency, as if driven to some unknown event he could neither expect nor predict, but he needed. Some great adventure or battle or treasure hunt or meeting.

Days turned into weeks and weeks filled a month before he met a single person in his journey. In the northernmost edge of Emyn Lasgalen, his old home once called Mirkwood, Legolas met an old man on the path. He was wearing brown robes and a brown cloak with a tall brown hat, similar to one that Gandalf had always worn. Legolas halted and greeted him.

"Hail traveler," Legolas said in a friendly voice. He was so happy to see another person; he was in a very cordial mood.

The rider glanced up and smirked. His long light brown beard was streaked with gray, and his eyes were piercing. He lifted a hand from his side and Legolas recognized the staff of Radagast the Brown.

"Hail to you, little Greenleaf," Radagast said.

"Master Radagast?" Legolas asked in surprise. "You yet remain in Middle Earth?"

"I had urgent business up north, and simply have not gotten around to crossing the sea as yet. What are you doing here, walking among the ghosts of the past?" Radagast asked him. "Have you no better place to be than here?"

"Indeed, I have a home in Ithilien among those of my people who remain, and our newfound friends the Avari," Legolas said.

Radagast had known this elf for a long time, and knew when something was bothering him. He was sad, sadder than he'd ever seen any Elf.

"Where is your joy?" Radagast asked.

"I lost it somewhere and was looking for it here," Legolas said with a sigh.

"You cannot cure loneliness with solitude," Radagast said seriously. "You need a woman."

Legolas rolled his eyes, "No, that is not what I need. They are trouble, and I will do just fine without that."

Radagast looked thoughtful fro a moment. He was sure his first assessment had been the correct one. "I know this princess up north…"

"NO!"

"All right, fine," Radagast said. "The next best thing I can think of is an adventure."

Legolas perked up at the very thought. "An excellent idea! What do you have in mind?"

Radagast rubbed his chin thoughtfully. His business was concluded, and he was on his way home to Valinor, but the Elf needed a friend right now, and Radagast thought a short delay could be tolerated. "Make a wish," he finally said. "What is the one adventure you would embark on if you had the choice?"

Legolas paused a moment and then he knew the perfect answer. "If I could, I would visit the world that Miranda and Jamie came from."

Radagast paused, not having expected that. Not an easy task, nor a wise one. "Name another."

"No, that is my wish," Legolas said firmly. "Whether it can be done or not, it is the one wish I carry, and I will not change it."

Radagast frowned, "Let us make camp," he said. "I must think on this."

Legolas was hopeful. Such an adventure would be the greatest journey of all. Who else from this world had ever seen it? Only the twins, and only for a short time. He wanted to explore the world and see the wonders there. What was Scottsvalley like, or Sanfrancisco? And were there other women there as rare and special as Miranda and Jamie? Legolas frowned. Was that all he wanted? Another Miranda or Jamie? How foolishly he clung to his fancies of the people from that world. Is that why no Elf had won his heart? Was it this hope for a woman born in magic from some mysterious distant land? Perhaps it was a foolish wish.

Radagast sat contemplating the fire when he finally decided what he would do. "Your wish will be granted, but there is risk in it."

"What adventure would there be without risk?" Legolas asked, trying not to look too excited.

"Your appearance will make you stand out. There are no Elves in this world," Radagast said. "Your clothes are out of place, and you will be at the mercy of anyone who learns you do not belong."

Legolas frowned, "Is there any good news?"

"I have thought of the perfect place for you to visit. It will be very like what you are used to, and you will seem less out of place," Radagast said with a sly smile.

"Where, how?" Legolas asked.

Radagast looked up at the full moon and smiled. "How about now?"

Legolas stood, "I am ready, what must I do?"

The old wizard glanced around and then frowned, "Go find me a few acorns."

Legolas took off into the wood and returned a few moments later with a handful of acorns. He handed them to Radagast and waited. The wizard closed his hands around then and muttered under his breath. His hands seemed to glow briefly, and then he gave them back.

"Plant one under the light of the moon and you will open a door to that world. To return, you must plant another under the light of the moon. You have about a dozen seeds there, spend them carefully."

"Are you going with me?" Legolas asked.

"No, I have done my part," Radagast said. "I hope you find what you are looking for there, but remember, it is not wise to stay there for very long. There is evil there, Legolas, beware."

Legolas gave his friend an understanding nod. "When I return, will I return here?"

"You can return to any place in Middle Earth you wish," Radagast said.

"If I go back, will I go to the same place?" Legolas asked.

"That part is less certain," Radagast said. "It is a big world. I will guide your first visit, after that, I will be gone."

"I understand," Legolas said. "I'm ready."

"Get your horse, and plant an acorn," Radagast said.

Legolas put his bedroll back on his saddle and then bent down and dug a small hole. He covered the seed and then stood to wait. From the small mound of earth, a light shone, and a bright portal formed. Through it, Legolas could hear laughter and singing. There was bright sunshine and lots of colorful tents and banners.

"It's amazing," Legolas said.

"Go, then," Radagast said. "And heed my words, there are no elves there save in stories."

Legolas led his horse through the portal. At last he was embarking on his own adventure.