Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings or Yu-Gi-Oh, and I am only using them for humor.
Chapter Two
The Retards Problem
"SHUT UP SHUT UP. JUST STOP SINGING AND YOU LEGOLAS STOP ENCOURAGING HER BY HUMMING. I AM GOING TO HURT YOU YAMI-KRISTIN." And Gimli proceeded to draw his axe. I started to scream and run in circles at a rapid pace. Legolas started to copy me; which of course made me angry; so I head butted him. He fell over gasping in pain. "STOP" you know who yells. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I JUST CAN'T TAKE IF THE TWO OF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW I WILL GUT YOU BOTH." Instantly I straighten and point at Legolas. At that point from stress or because of the fact that I had just sang the most annoying song in the world for three days straight thus he had been unable to get any sleep he just passed out. Legolas and I started laughing then I said "Stupid shit face" Legolas just kept laughing until he wet his pants. "I am surrounded by idiots"
By the time Gimli had awoken Legolas had settled in for the night and I was writing profanities on his face with a black permanent marker (which I seemed to have pulled out of thin air.) By this time Yami-Kristin had sobered up and went back into the puzzle so that I could discuss our situation with the dwarf. After about half an hour or so of explaining that my alter ego was actually an ancient pharaoh from of course ancient Egypt. Then having to tell him what Egypt was and all of that confusing stuff. I finally asked him "What is the elf's problem." Now of course you must under stand that Gimli was very confused at the moment (with the bomb shell of who I was just hitting him) and he looked at me funny; so as usual I whispered under my breath "shit face"; though apparently I did not do it low enough and he snapped out of his daze and said
"What did you just call me?"
"Shit face."
"You really need to watch your language young lady!"
"Answer the question asswipe."
"Oh, Legolas---- During the battle at the gates of Mordor he got hit really hard on the head and suffered severe brain damage. Right now we were on our way to Hobbitin when we ran into you and those stray orcs. I hope the hobbits will have an idea our two to heal any brain damage that might have been done during the battle."
"Well that is rather stupid. Why don't you just hit him over the head with an anvil, until you get the Legolas you want?"
"Because that would be so very stu-"
"Why is that stupid?"
"Because it might give him more bra-"
"-in damage. Yes but if he is already one of the stupidest fuckers I have every met; then really what harm could it do?"
At this point I could tell Gimli was starting to get angry; hell I was surprised he had held out as long as he did.
The next words that came out of his mouth were quaking with rage.
"What do you mean, "What harm could it do?" What the hell does that imply? That you have no hear t or any feelings for another living creature????"
At this as you can imagine very well, I broke down into tears and not just any tears but the kind you use when you have done something very wrong and you are trying to convince someone you did not do it. Gimli got quite squirmy at this and the more he squirmed the louder my tears became.
"I'm sorry, so sorry, I should not have said that. Can you ever forgive me?" He said in the most sincere voice he could manage.
"Okay" I said pitifully and dried that fake tears from my eyes.
"I'm going to bed good night." He said gruffly.
"Fine, goodnight" I said as I wiped my eyes once more. "Shit face."
I whispered as I lay down and shut my eyes.