Loser. Freak. Vampire. Goth. Nobody.

Ellie's mind was on overload as she sat in her dark bedroom. She was thinking again. Thinking about what everyone else thought of her. It was always everyone else running through her mind. Their thoughts, their actions, their attitudes ruined her. She was a broken, frail doll, decorated in thin red lines. She grabbed her bag off of the floor and dumped the contents on her bed in front of her. Elastics, cleaning solution, razors, and a knife fell out. She began to ponder what she should use.

Something's gotta change again
I'm losing, my inspirations gone, oh no oh no
Seeing through some different eyes
I can't find, my medications failed, again, again

She finally picked up a razor and walked over to her window. She sat down on the chair she had placed their earlier, and gazed onto the street before her. She saw little children running up and down the sidewalks, laughing, smiling, being free. She wished more then anything that she could be 7 again. Her mother wasn't drunk when she was 7. Her father was always home when she was 7. When she was 7... She was happy. But everything was changing now.

I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
See it on the street watching heat from the pavement

Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear
I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day

She frowned as she watched the children. They didn't have to go through what she had been through. She winced as she heard her mother clamber up stairs to the washroom. She kept herself from gagging as she retched the alcohol into the toilet bowl. Ellie never understood why her mother drank. She always had a "reason" for it. She assumed that it was sort of like her cutting. It helped her cope with the pain. Probably helped her mom cope with the pain of her father being gone, and having to raise a freak child by herself. The tears started running down her face with a gasp for air. Here we go again, she thought. She hated crying. Especially at school. When you cry at school, people you don't even know smile at you. But everything's fake.

Faces in the crowd
Fake smiles for miles
My imitations wrong of them again
Trapped inside this cheap hotel
Bored as hell turning the channels 'round

Ellie brought the razor to her arm, pressed down and dragged it across her pale skin. She gasped quietly in pain, and as she watched the blood running down her arm, she smiled. Another successful scar, she thought to herself. She pressed the black towel to her arm and went back to watching the window. She smiled down at the small children. She felt lighter now. Happier. The pain was gone, and she was once more numb. Yes, things were changing. But as long as she had her razor wire sanctuary, she was safe inside her little world. Her feeling of sorrow was gone. She wiped her tears, and pulled her sleeve down, and her arm warmer back up. She lay down on her bed, gazing dazed at the ceiling.

I can feel a change
I can feel, can you feel it
I'm not the same, not the same lost my feeling

Ellie heard her mother flush the toilet, and a small smirk crawled onto her face. The Nash household. It was where she grew up. It was the only thing she knew. Everything she had learned, she learned from her mother. As they say, 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree'. Like mother like daughter. They were both freaks.

All I know I'll never know
All I know I'll never know

Freaks.

Cause I'm here, ready to take it all here
Everything's feeling unclear

Ellie turned her head and solemnly wished that it would start raining. It was the only thing she loved now. She got up and walked to the window. She picked up the razor once more. One more cut, and Ellie was happy, and curled up in her bed, fast asleep. And so was the end, of another beautiful day. And the only noise you could hear, was the rain tapping on Ellie's bedroom window.

I wish it was raining
Cause I hate every beautiful day
Every beautiful day
Every beautiful day
Every beautiful day