Chapter Five
"Echo."
By: Evil Clown
Song by: Trapt
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I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
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I never thought that it would end like this. I thought about her face and when she smiled, her face seemed to glow. Then I remembered her eyes, they were what caught my attention six years ago. I knew right then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But I went and fucked it all up just like I had in the past. Why me? I questioned myself. A question that I've always asked myself and secretly knowing the answer. It's Death. A pact I wished I had never made and now it has caught up with me. Because she is now gone.
I walked up and looked at the angel lying there in a place of death looking happy. Something I can't ever recall her looking like. I brought up my shaking hand and traced her face like I did so many times while she was asleep and didn't know about. My vision begins to blur because I lost what I thought was mine.
Before my pain can spill out into the world I walk away and end up outside staring at the dreary sky. The rain falls and catches then mixes in with my tears. I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, I look over it to see him, that bastard.
"I'm sorry, Duo," he said, "so sorry. I didn't mean to take her from you at all... she came to me shortly after you made your appearance back at the wrecking yard. She was so confused... and lost... so much like me. She was seeking answers I could never give her. Then one night she woke up screaming, I panicked and went to see what was wrong. She told me that she saw herself dieing. When I asked how, she said that she didn't know. Hilde just knew that she would die in a hospital. That night I held her close and soon it came to the point that her dream kept visiting her, but while I was there the nightmare never came. Then eventually we began to grow closer, until one night I lost all control and it happened. After a month she found out that she was pregnant with our child..."
I tilted my head up to catch the sweet rain on my face. After that I tuned him out. I wasn't the only one who had lost something precious. He had lost his future wife and the mother of his child.
"You don't have to explain what happened between you two, buddie," I told him. "As long as she was happy... her happiness was all that matters..."
I then took off running. Not knowing where my feet would take me or where I would end up. When I stopped, I would then figure out what to do with my life... until then I would keep running and never stop. Maybe I could outrun my past, how I felt, and most of all forget everything. Maybe that was too much to ask for.
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Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind
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After Hilde had passed away everyone in the gang needed their space. If we weren't talking before, the wedge that was there was drove in deeper. Even though we all worked in the same building, we kept our distance. We drew some kind of line... I don't know what kind of line... something that we were trying to sidestep and stay away from. I'm not going to bring about the peace... I've done it twice. But I refuse to do it in this case. I've put the past behind and I must move forward... no matter what obstacles are in my way.
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Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
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I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I let the whole world pass me by. Time eases to exist anymore. I can't stop thinking about her death. And in some way it was my fault. Everything's my fault... that's why I left. I haven't been seen since the funeral. Also in many ways, I feel dead. I maybe living and breathing, but inside I'm just a shell that refuses to die. I just want to let go but I keep asking myself why? Why can't I leave this world?
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I need to let go of this pride
Until this echo in my mind
Before this echo can subside
Do I expect to change
The past I hold inside
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I know that it's wrong to hold this pride that I have... I have outlived the American baka. Since we haven't seen him since the funeral, and six months have gone by and no sign or obnoxious pranks have been pulled. So we placed an empty coffin next to my Hilde's grave in his honor. Relena and I have gotten together in those months and agreed that we'll care for my child together. I named her Hope, in hopes that she'll be our light through the dark. After all that has taken place, I don't expect anyone to change... but I'll always hold the past close to me like my lifeline.