New content! Thank you D for the constructive criticism. After a reread I decided to-
Toss in a bit of background on Isa.
Take out "ho-hum".
Separate the first paragraph into little blocks.
Add a little more detail at the very end.
Keep in mind that I'm not going to give away everything just yet. Oh, and as far as race goes think color and not shape as a means to give away who Isa is. I'm going to write her as an entirely different race, so her skin color would be a dead giveaway to identify her.
--------------------------------------------------------------
An alchemist labored in a forge one moonless night. As he carefully divided equal parts of ingredients into separate bowls the forge next to him burned. This was no ordinary forge however. It was located in Dagoth Ur and burned the finest, blackest ebony and the strongest souls of lesser Daedra. After pouring the ingredients into the forge along with the molten ebony the man then turned his attention to the half finished scimitar at his side.
A core of diamond had been set on a Daedric handle and was awaiting its completion. The ebony in the forge congealed after the ingredients had been added enough for the man to pull the glowing lump out of the fire. He set it on a nearby anvil and placed the core in the center of the ebony. For hours he beat at the mass of metal, folding it over onto itself. It spurt blood with each blow of the hammer, and howls of pain issued from the ebony every so often.
Eventually, the man sat sharpening the scimitar on a whetstone as rubies melted. After he achieved his desired sharpness for the weapon on both sides the man applied the liquid ruby and set it in a cold water bath. Another sharpening and a dip in an acid pool and the weapon was finished.
It was a beautiful piece. No other weapon in Tamriel could boast its blackness. Crimson runes and other markings were dotted along the blade as an after product of the Daedric armoring process. It had been made a double-edged weapon with a ruby coating on the blades to enhance the sharpness.
As the man admired his work an ascended sleeper walked into his chamber. The man pulled the scimitar from the pool of water and began to dry it. He then placed it in a mundane scabbard and handed it to the sleeper. The sleeper in turn handed the man a large sack filled with gemstones and gold.
The sleeper teleported from the room and into the Heart Chamber where Dagoth Ur stood. At his appearance Ur turned to face his minion and saw that the weapon he asked for had been completed.
"Fetch her, and bring her to Me." his voice boomed.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Isa walked swiftly along the cobblestone'd roads of Balmora. Her shoes made a soft thumping sound as she twisted and turned her way out of the back gates. Her living was made as a thief, and she was wanted in Mournhold for the attempted robbery of Helseth's prized possessions. She managed to escape with her life, but wasn't terribly happy with her haul of nothing. She turned her hooded head around and saw a small hoard of bonemold and pinks (Royal Guards) some yards behind her. After clearing the back gates Isa broke into a run at full speed along the road. She hadn't planned on being chased that night.
Looking for rest, Isa stopped in the Lucky Lockup for a drink. She wasn't a native of Balmora, but as much as she frequented the stony city she may as well have been. She had moved from Tel Aruhn to join the Thieves Guild as a means to escape the Telvanni lifestyle. She wasn't much of a mage to begin with, and the lavish, inflated persona that came with being Telvanni didn't interest her.
While she sipped her drink a Khajiit next to her had been regaling her with a tale of how he escaped the vice of an Altmer in Vivec. The front door opened and metallic footsteps were heard. She looked up and saw a Hlaalu and Royal guard enter. Realizing that law enforcement set aside its differences to come after her she politely detached herself from the Khajiit and left via the stairs. Guards were swarming the city, asking loiterers if they'd seen anyone that matched her description. Surely, if they had seen a hooded stranger leave through the front gates they'd suspect her. So, she had had no choice but to go through the city.
As she passed Meldor's shop a Hlaalu guard had tried to catch her attention. She kept moving forward, trying to pretend that she hadn't heard him. Unfortunately, the guard had caught a slight glimpse of her jaw and had guessed at her race. The other guards were alerted of course, and the chase was on.
Isa threw her cloak off into the water and went the opposite direction. She watched her false clue throw off the guards and gave a sigh of relief. She couldn't go back to Balmora, due to the uproar at her great escape. So, she decided to head north to Caldera and take the guild guide to Ald-Ruhn. From there she would proceed to Khuul, and then to Solstheim. The Nords could care less if she was a robber or not, just as long as she didn't rob them.
As Isa made her way along the road something felt strange. It was the classic syndrome of feeling watched with nobody in sight. She shrugged and continued to walk, eyes averted to the ground. The road sign at the upcoming fork exploded violently as something from behind her attacked it. Snapping to attention, Isa spun around to face her would-be opponent. Amid the process of drawing her wakizashi she saw a burst of white and felt a searing pain crawl down her spine.
Toss in a bit of background on Isa.
Take out "ho-hum".
Separate the first paragraph into little blocks.
Add a little more detail at the very end.
Keep in mind that I'm not going to give away everything just yet. Oh, and as far as race goes think color and not shape as a means to give away who Isa is. I'm going to write her as an entirely different race, so her skin color would be a dead giveaway to identify her.
--------------------------------------------------------------
An alchemist labored in a forge one moonless night. As he carefully divided equal parts of ingredients into separate bowls the forge next to him burned. This was no ordinary forge however. It was located in Dagoth Ur and burned the finest, blackest ebony and the strongest souls of lesser Daedra. After pouring the ingredients into the forge along with the molten ebony the man then turned his attention to the half finished scimitar at his side.
A core of diamond had been set on a Daedric handle and was awaiting its completion. The ebony in the forge congealed after the ingredients had been added enough for the man to pull the glowing lump out of the fire. He set it on a nearby anvil and placed the core in the center of the ebony. For hours he beat at the mass of metal, folding it over onto itself. It spurt blood with each blow of the hammer, and howls of pain issued from the ebony every so often.
Eventually, the man sat sharpening the scimitar on a whetstone as rubies melted. After he achieved his desired sharpness for the weapon on both sides the man applied the liquid ruby and set it in a cold water bath. Another sharpening and a dip in an acid pool and the weapon was finished.
It was a beautiful piece. No other weapon in Tamriel could boast its blackness. Crimson runes and other markings were dotted along the blade as an after product of the Daedric armoring process. It had been made a double-edged weapon with a ruby coating on the blades to enhance the sharpness.
As the man admired his work an ascended sleeper walked into his chamber. The man pulled the scimitar from the pool of water and began to dry it. He then placed it in a mundane scabbard and handed it to the sleeper. The sleeper in turn handed the man a large sack filled with gemstones and gold.
The sleeper teleported from the room and into the Heart Chamber where Dagoth Ur stood. At his appearance Ur turned to face his minion and saw that the weapon he asked for had been completed.
"Fetch her, and bring her to Me." his voice boomed.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Isa walked swiftly along the cobblestone'd roads of Balmora. Her shoes made a soft thumping sound as she twisted and turned her way out of the back gates. Her living was made as a thief, and she was wanted in Mournhold for the attempted robbery of Helseth's prized possessions. She managed to escape with her life, but wasn't terribly happy with her haul of nothing. She turned her hooded head around and saw a small hoard of bonemold and pinks (Royal Guards) some yards behind her. After clearing the back gates Isa broke into a run at full speed along the road. She hadn't planned on being chased that night.
Looking for rest, Isa stopped in the Lucky Lockup for a drink. She wasn't a native of Balmora, but as much as she frequented the stony city she may as well have been. She had moved from Tel Aruhn to join the Thieves Guild as a means to escape the Telvanni lifestyle. She wasn't much of a mage to begin with, and the lavish, inflated persona that came with being Telvanni didn't interest her.
While she sipped her drink a Khajiit next to her had been regaling her with a tale of how he escaped the vice of an Altmer in Vivec. The front door opened and metallic footsteps were heard. She looked up and saw a Hlaalu and Royal guard enter. Realizing that law enforcement set aside its differences to come after her she politely detached herself from the Khajiit and left via the stairs. Guards were swarming the city, asking loiterers if they'd seen anyone that matched her description. Surely, if they had seen a hooded stranger leave through the front gates they'd suspect her. So, she had had no choice but to go through the city.
As she passed Meldor's shop a Hlaalu guard had tried to catch her attention. She kept moving forward, trying to pretend that she hadn't heard him. Unfortunately, the guard had caught a slight glimpse of her jaw and had guessed at her race. The other guards were alerted of course, and the chase was on.
Isa threw her cloak off into the water and went the opposite direction. She watched her false clue throw off the guards and gave a sigh of relief. She couldn't go back to Balmora, due to the uproar at her great escape. So, she decided to head north to Caldera and take the guild guide to Ald-Ruhn. From there she would proceed to Khuul, and then to Solstheim. The Nords could care less if she was a robber or not, just as long as she didn't rob them.
As Isa made her way along the road something felt strange. It was the classic syndrome of feeling watched with nobody in sight. She shrugged and continued to walk, eyes averted to the ground. The road sign at the upcoming fork exploded violently as something from behind her attacked it. Snapping to attention, Isa spun around to face her would-be opponent. Amid the process of drawing her wakizashi she saw a burst of white and felt a searing pain crawl down her spine.