Author: Desert Girl
Rating: PG-13 for mild sexual content
Summary: They say it's better to have loved and lost, but Darry's not so sure.
Disclaimer: The Outsiders © S.E. Hinton. This story is non-profit.
Notes: Another Darry angsty romance from yours truly. I can't promise a happy ending, but maybe one day I'll surprise the hell out of all of us. This takes place around Spring 1964, when Darry's about to graduate high school.
It's cold in the back of the truck, but Darry doesn't care and he's pretty sure Melissa hasn't even noticed. They're wrapped up in each other (like always anymore, his buddy Paul tells him), and it always seems much warmer than it actually is when she's pressed completely against him. The blanket is old and scratchy, and it has holes that were likely put there by moths, but Darry'd rather not think about that. The blanket twines around them, doing its part to keep them close, and Darry isn't sure he could escape from it if he tries.
Making it with his girlfriend in the back of his father's pick-up truck is not something Darry had ever planned to do, but when you've got no other choice, you grab on with your teeth and force a bite. Melissa's father would use his shotgun without a second thought if he caught Darry in his daughter's bedroom, and Darry's house was too damn crowded to ever sneak someone in without being noticed.
Melissa's hand snakes down Darry's back and he trembles a little, but not from the cold. It's mid-April, and he's just been offered a scholarship to Texas A&M. The night started off as a celebration, and he supposes that's what is still going on now; only the celebrating is in a very different fashion than his mom or dad probably suspects.
Sometimes Darry feels like he can't get enough of Melissa. Sometimes he thinks he could forego football all together if it means staying in Tulsa with her. He never thinks that for very long. He hates Tulsa and has been dreaming of playing football in college for a very long time. He hopes A&M doesn't have greasers and Socs, just college kids. He isn't all that interested in moving somewhere just to be thrust back into the same confusion he's grown up in.
Darry considers himself like Switzerland. He's always been neutral ground between greasers and Socs. He's the only person he knows that has two separate groups of friends, one greasers, and one Socs. The greasers are his buddies; he's known them his whole life. They grew up in the neighborhood, and he feels like his allegiance should always be to them. The Socs are his friends from school. Mostly his buddies on the football team and their girlfriends who are usually cheerleaders. Some of the guys on the team are middle class, and one or two are poor like Darry, but mostly they're Socs through and through. All the cheerleaders are Socs; Darry honestly doesn't think they let other girls on the squad.
Mostly, it doesn't bother Darry. He's a good football player and everyone at school likes him. The only time when he feels really rotten about it is if his Soc buddies get drunk and say something stupid about greasers. Then he's forced to pound their heads in, or at least threaten to, and it always makes him feel like dirt.
The only person he's ever told any of this stuff to is Melissa. He told her before they even started going out. They've been pretty good friends since she moved to Tulsa from Oklahoma City last year. Only over the summer when she wore this cute yellow top that tied around her neck and left her shoulders bare did he start sitting up and taking notice of how good looking she was.
They goofed around at the beginning of the year, but Darry wasn't all that serious until around Thanksgiving. Then he gave her his class ring to wear and she put it on a chain around her neck and she was his girlfriend. He wishes everything were so cut and dried, but mostly it's not. Mostly he and Melissa like to go off alone because it's simpler when it's just the two of them.
Melissa is considered a Soc, even if she is on the lower end. She lives on the south side and has a big house, but it's inherited money and her father is turning into more and more of a deadbeat as time goes on. He was an investment banker when Darry first met him, but has since gotten fired for excessive drinking and currently doesn't do anything much at all. Melissa's mother runs an antique store and is a really nice woman but is hardly ever at home.
Darry doesn't mean to be traitorous or anything to his own "kind", but he doesn't date greaser girls. He just doesn't like girls that swear a lot and dress trashy and wear too much make up. "Everyone has their own taste," he says, but he hears Two-Bit and Steve mouthing off about him on occasion, and they like to say he wishes he was a Soc. One time, Dally said he is a Soc that was born on the wrong side of town. Like a kid who was raised by wolves or something. It stopped bothering Darry a long time ago; and he keeps on dating the girls he wants to and hell, why not? If Socy girls are willing to go out with him, he feels like he might as well do it.
Melissa is the kind of girl Darry can see himself marrying in the future, but only after he knows he can get a good job and support her with a relatively good lifestyle. He's never gonna make as much as her family, but he'd like to be successful in his own right. Part of him wants to be successful just to show people that a greaser can make it, too. Part of him wants to have a nice house and a wife who he isn't always telling to watch her mouth or take off that make up.
Darry also thinks Melissa is different because he's pretty sure she doesn't just like him because he's the star football player that all the girls want to date. That's why he went all the way with her and even though lots of people think he makes it with lots of girls, the truth is, he's kind of weird about that. He's partly scared of getting a girl pregnant, and partly scared that they're using him because he's popular. Melissa is actually only the second girl he's officially had sex with but nobody would ever guess that.
He thinks she's asleep because it's been real still and quiet for a long time. It's been about thirty minutes since they finished, and she doesn't usually fall asleep but sometimes he does. All of a sudden she lifts one slender arm out from the blankets and points to the sky. "That's Sir Coughsalot."
Melissa doesn't know anything about astronomy, so she makes up the constellations and the legends behind them. She's currently pointing to the bottom half of Ursa Minor and a few stars around it. Melissa props herself against Darry and as she lowers her hand, he intertwines their fingers.
"Sir Coughsalot was banished from his village because he couldn't stop coughing and he was infecting the babies and children. They chased him into the woods with fire and pitchforks and stuff."
After Darry's chuckle, he kisses the top of her head. With her hand in his, Darry raises both of their arms and traces the outline for Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, which she'd been so close to picking out but never would have. Darry's told her that everybody knows the Big and Little Dippers, but she doesn't remember, or likes her own constellations and the mythology that goes along with it better.
"What's that story again?" she whispers, "About the bear turning the leaves red?"
"North American Indians think the constellation is a giant bear being chased by three warriors." He points out the stars as he talkes about them. "In the fall, the constellation rests near the horizon and the Indians believe the hunters have injured the bear and its blood causes the leaves to turn red."
Melissa sighs and it sends a shiver down Darry's spine where the heat of her breath touches the cold skin of his neck. "Your dad taught you all that?"
"My dad taught me the Greek mythology, which is the one where Callisto is turned into a bear because she has a love affair with Zeus. I looked up the other stuff on my own."
She wishes her dad would teach her stuff like that. Darry knows this, even though she doesn't say it out loud. Her dad used to do more stuff with her before he started drinking. He taught her to play tennis, and she's the best tennis player Darry's ever seen. Now she's lucky if she can join him in the living room with a TV tray for dinner. If he's too soused up, he'll holler at her to get lost. One time, Darry made the mistake of wondering aloud why she still tries, and she snapped at him that he'd understand if one of his parents weren't so readily available. She says, "Soon as they're gone, you start sitting around thinking about all the things you need them for."
Darry shudders at the thought and hopes he'll never be sitting around thinking that.
Melissa is good at putting on a brave face even when she's not feeling so happy inside. Usually Darry's the only one that can see through it, but tonight he hasn't. Tonight he's too caught up in his own happiness to realize that she isn't so thrilled that he's definitely for sure leaving Tulsa in four months.
She doesn't want to be completely selfish, and spends the evening telling herself all the reasons why she is absolutely overjoyed for him. He's worked so hard, he deserves so much. Darry is not only a wonderful football player but a dedicated student and why wouldn't Texas A&M offer him a full scholarship? Melissa secretly hoped Oklahoma State would offer him a full scholarship, since OSU is roughly 70 miles away. She can deal with an hour's drive in the car. She is sure that the 500 miles to College Station means that she and Darry will be breaking up here in the near future.
It's a talk that they will have; it's practically been scheduled since last fall. Whenever Melissa tried to broach the subject of graduation and subsequent life, Darry would say, "Let's wait to see where I'm going, first." Melissa knew that Darry didn't like to think about it -- he didn't want to put anything negative on what would otherwise be one of the best changes of his life. Now it was Melissa's turn to want to ignore it, but she couldn't. She just wasn't that way.
Melissa is still thinking about it when Darry throws the blanket off of them, forcing them to scramble for clothes lest they freeze. Darry thinks this is funny, because his clothes are inevitably easier to arrange than hers are. Melissa ends up glaring at him in her bra and panties, wrestling with her blouse and skirt and imploring him to at least help her find each shoe.
As he drives her home, he keeps his hand on her knee. Melissa knows it's just habit to do it now, but at the beginning of their relationship, she remembers thinking the heavy weight of his hand on her leg was symbolic. She isn't nervous around Darry; she's always been able to count on him. If she's ever needed him, he's been there. She isn't sure why that would have to change now, but she's a year younger than he is and realistically she can't go through her senior year of high school in a long-distance relationship.
It takes a while to get to the south side from where they'd parked. They liked to go to the outskirts of town and, at first, look at the stars, and then later, ignore the stars completely while they made out underneath them. Melissa studies Darry's strong profile in the scant light of the truck. Every once in a while the yellow light of a street lamp will break the muted dusk and send his features into sharp disarray. Melissa thinks he's probably the most handsome boy she's ever seen. Including his brother Sodapop, although Melissa knows no one else would agree with her.
"Why are you staring at me?"
Darry's voice cuts through the soft hum of the radio that is set to a static-ridden station that only catches a signal at night.
"I don't know," Melissa answers back, but she doesn't stop. She just keeps looking, and there's not much he can do except glance at her every once in a while and grip the steering wheel a little tighter.
Their relationship has changed since they started sleeping together. Melissa is more comfortable and less comfortable with him in equal parts. She can let him look at her naked body without turning the shade of a garden tomato, but the depth of their connection has changed. She cannot ask him if they can talk about the fate of their relationship come September. Everything carries weight now. They know each other intimately.
Melissa doesn't regret sleeping with him. He was her first, and she feels warm when she thinks about him. She likes the weight of him on top of her; likes to feel protected and safe when she's in his arms. Maybe it's old-fashioned, but she doesn't care. When he drops her off after their dates now, she walks into the house with a secret, and it empowers her. The slight discomfort between her legs reminds her that something is different. She's different. Special.
"Are you okay?"
Darry looks concerned. Darry's a pretty serious person most of the time. He knows how to cut loose and have fun, but even that is surrounded by guidelines. He will go to any party, but he won't touch the alcohol there. He'll sneak out of the house, but he'll have his entire entrance planned out before he goes back. It's what accounts for Darry's success. Melissa knows this. It seems that everything he touches just turns to gold as if by magic, but Melissa knows that everything that has happened in his life so far has been the byproduct of hard work, attention to detail, and determination. Darry resents it when people call him lucky.
"Mel?"
She hasn't answered him. She's biting on her lip which means she's thinking about something heavy. His hand squeezes her knee and moves a little up her thigh. Melissa watches it before turning her gaze back to him.
"I'm happy, Dar," she says. It's not really a lie. She is happy; would be if she could keep her mind in the moment. She loves laying with him and talking about the constellations. She can tell it frustrates him that she refuses to even try to learn the right ones. He's entertained by it, for sure, but the perfectionist in him still doesn't understand why she wouldn't at least know Orion's Belt and Polaris. Truth is, she knows those. She just won't admit it to him.
Darry smiles vaguely at her, but more toward the windshield. They're exiting the freeway on Orange Grove Parkway and the homes are large, lawns manicured. They pass Paul Holden's house, Darry's best friend. Paul is possibly the richest boy in the school. His father is a Senator. He and Darry have been tight since they were little, but Melissa doesn't imagine Paul has ever said two words to Two-Bit Matthews or Dallas Winston.
Two words about them, sure. Paul holds a barely-contained disdain for greasers. It's the only thing in Paul and Darry's relationship that has the potential to separate them forever. Darry hates it; stays up nights thinking about it sometimes, and Melissa only knows this because one time she ran into him pretty late at the Dairy Queen and they talked and drank strawberry milkshakes until curfew. That's when Melissa knew she liked Darry, but Darry hadn't really noticed her until months later when she wore a stupid yellow top. But then, Darry's a boy, Melissa reminds herself, and boys are very visual creatures.
It doesn't matter, Melissa thinks, because now she has his ring around her neck, his hand on her thigh and he's still going to move away at the end of the summer. Suddenly, it's apparent that Melissa has lied to Darry. She isn't happy at all. Suddenly, she feels like if they don't get to her house very soon, she's going to cry and she absolutely hates to cry in front of Darry. Not because she doesn't think she can, but because it makes him feel like he has to fix it, and sometimes these things can't be fixed.
She's just spent a wonderful night with her wonderful boyfriend, and Melissa's stomach has knotted up into an icy rock and she just can't imagine that anything could be worse than this.
TBC...