Part 2
She neared the baggage claim of the airport and prepared herself for seeing Harm again. He had promised to pick her up and also said that he'd be on time, a promise she was still not quite positive he was going to be able to keep.
"Mac, Mac," he shouted when she almost walked past him. Instinctively he wrapped her in his arm and hugged her tightly to himself. "How are you holding up?" he asked and took a step back to take a good look at her. She looked tired, sad and scared.
"Right now I just want to get home as soon as possible. Can we... can we talk about it later?" Mac had decided to tell Harm about the new information she had about her family before possibly, she still wasn't sure about this, trying to contact them, but she didn't want to do it in the middle of the airport.
"Sure. Let's go get your bags."
An hour later they walked into Mac's apartment. Harm had without Mac having asked him understood that she wanted him to come with her. On the way they had picked something up to have for dinner.
They sat down on the couch and ate and then just looked at each other, Mac not knowing where to start and Harm afraid of pushing her too much by asking her anything.
"What... what are the names of Diane's parents?" Mac asked. Maybe it would be easier for her to tell him everything if she had more facts on her side.
"Diane Schonke?" Harm asked, but there wasn't really any doubt in his mind of which Diane she had meant. "Jim and Marilyn," he added before she answered his question.
Mac sighed heavily. Then it was like she had suspected. Harm's mind was also starting wander in that direction. He had often wondered about why Mac and Diane looked so much alike, but as time had passed by he had stopped seeing Diane in Mac and that had also led him to in someway think that maybe he was just imagining how much they looked alike. However every time he saw a photo of Diane he realized he wasn't.
"Before he died, my father told me some things," Mac started off and Harm now knew what was coming "It turns out that I'm adopted and the adoption papers say that Jim and Marilyn Schonke are my biological parents."
"I don't know what to say," Harm said just to say something. He reached over to take her hand and show her the support he couldn't express in words. "I never knew Diane had a sister."
"My father said that he suspected that it was a black market adoption, so maybe they didn't want to..." she trailed off.
"Are you going to contact them?"
"I don't know." At the same time as she hoped that they had wanted her, she was scared that they hadn't. That they had given her up voluntarily and wouldn't want to hear from her now. Maybe still having hope that she had been wanted was better than knowing that she hadn't been.
"The Schonkes, they are good people. Very protective of their family," he had learnt that the hard way "I can't imagine them voluntarily giving their daughter up," Harm said as if he had heard her thoughts.
"So you think that they would want to see me?" Mac asked carefully.
"I don't really know them that well, but if they don't they're the ones who are missing out on something not you," he squeezed her hand.
"I thought you and Diane knew each other for ages."
"We did, but her family didn't really like me so I didn't see a lot of them," as much as he didn't want to make this about him and Diane he realized he had to tell her the whole story about them. "When I was younger, when I was with her, I was different. Or maybe I wasn't that different at all. She was a first year at the academy when I was in my last year. We became close friends very fast. I think we both knew that there was something more there, but at the time the regulations at the academy stopped us from doing anything about it. Once I graduated we kept in touch through letters and phone calls."
Mac didn't interject anything more than an occasional nod and yes to encourage him to continue his story. Earlier it had some times hurt her to know that she looked so much like someone who she thought had meant more to him than she did. Right now that didn't matter anymore. She wanted to hear the whole story about them.
"Well, when we then saw each other we were more than friends," Harm said and Mac didn't need any further explanation to understand what he meant "We kept doing that, you know writing, talking on the phone and seeing each other whenever it was possible, but on an emotional level our relationship didn't really deepen. I was unable to let go of anything for her. I wouldn't sacrifice anything about my career or my goals. Not that she asked me to... I just wouldn't let her get so close that I'd have any obligations to her."
Harm got up from the couch and walked over to the window to look out. Looking back at it all he didn't understand why he had done the things he had done. The what ifs would follow him for the rest of his life.
"I didn't let her say that we were a couple or that we were dating. I never said I loved her and she knew it would have been the end if she had said it. Her family found out about us somehow. I don't know if she told them or if they simply figured it out. Back during the academy years her parents hadn't liked me because they felt I was to old for her and now they definitely didn't like me at all. After four years of this she broke up with me or whatever you should call it. I guess her family had finally convinced her that she deserved better and they were right."
"We..." he stopped for a while and Mac came over to the window and took his hand in hers to encourage him to keep on talking. It was obviously getting harder for him the closer he came to her death. "We promised to keep in touch and we did exchange some letters, but it was nothing like before. After my crash she came up and visited me at Gram's farm. She was careful, though, to keep her distance so she wouldn't get dragged into something with me again. It was successful and for the next couple of years we didn't have much contact even though she was stationed in Norfolk and I was here in Washington."
He stood quiet for a long time and just watched the cars that passed by down on the street.
"Before she left for the Seahawk, she came and visited me. I was so surprised to see her just show up on my doorstep. We talked and I guess we were both reminded of why we had become friends in the first place. During her three months away we sent many letters back and forth. It became obvious to both of us that we now were at a more even place. In the time we had spent apart I had grown up and caught up with her level of maturity. When they got back to Norfolk, she was going to come to my apartment as soon as she got off her watch and we were going to talk..." He didn't need to continue. She was very well aware of what had happened afterwards.
"I'm sorry Harm. I truly am," she said and carefully put her arms around his waist to pull him close.
"Hey, I'm suppose to be the one who's supporting you right now," Harm said and hugged her back.
"It can go both ways."
"So, have you decided if you want to go and see them?"
"I'm not sure it will be a great idea to do so. I don't know if I could take it if they pushed me away, but I also feel like I have to take the chance, otherwise I will always wonder what would have happened if..."
"I know what you mean. I'll support you whatever you do though, you do know that?"
Mac just nodded.
"Would you come with me?" she asked minutes later.
"I'm not sure it would be a great idea because of... you know all of that, but if you really want me to, than I will. Otherwise I will just drive up there with you and wait for you."
"Where do they live? I don't know anything about them. Maybe they will need more proof that I'm really who I am."
"They live in Baltimore and if Diane really did have a sister I doubt they will need anything more than to just look at you to see who you really are."
Mac smiled realizing that she had in that short time forgotten how much she looked like Diane. Than her face froze as another thought entered her mind.
"What if seeing me will only tear up their wounds about Diane again? I wouldn't want to hurt them anymore than they have already been hurt."
"But if their other daughter was kidnapped don't you think they would want her back or at least know that she is well. Besides speaking from personal experience with both of you. Once they get to know you, they will realize how different you two are and just see Mac when they look at you. I know I do."
"Thanks and you're right. In the end I think I would have gone alone anyway, regardless of what your relationship to them was like. I'm glad I have you at my side though. Through everything that has happened this year, you've stayed and I'm really grateful for that."
TBC