Warnings: Shonen-ai, angst
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Weiß doesn't belong to me, nor the song 'It's too Late', nice lyric, I tell you

Note: Yeah, the lyric I used in this fanfic is the same translation lyric for "It's Too Late", those who never heard this song just gotta hear it! This is the second Ending Song for the old Weiß Kreuz anime, not the Glühen thingy ; fits the situation if you ask me ;) got this from

Choices
Chapter 02 – Decision
Kisaragi Yuu

Like the flames I lost you to, sadness overwhelms me too
The cold rain sends shivers down to my spine and slips into my memory
Who was it that loved you so? Who was it that hated you so?
I gasp in pain—the memories begin to swirl inside my mind

Whenever Ken tried to shut his eyes, he always started to imagine his own brother. The brother that he loved so much he would sacrifice everything—including his own feelings. Ken never thought it would be this hard. Ken never thought that his feelings would start to be unbearable like this. He never thought about it.

But how Aya acted so cold to him just made him realize that the redhead's presence to Ken's heart was more than anything in this world.

Was it even more than Omi's presence?

No... he wouldn't dare to think like that.

He didn't care if he was a masochist, he didn't care if he had to pretend for the rest of his life. He just wanted to see Omi gained his own happiness, because he really deserved it. He deserved it better than anyone else in this world.

"Mornin'."

Ken tilted his head from his bed when his best friend came into his room, a mug filled with hot vanilla cream milk on his hand. The brunette managed to smile but Yohji could see the heavy bags around his eyes, he had been crying all night and it was easy to guess.

"Thought you'd like some hot drink in this cold morning."

"Un."

The playboy Weiß placed himself just next to the smaller one as he passed him the milk. Ken shifted his position a little bit better so that he could drink it without any difficulties, as he took the olive green mug—Yohji's favorite—he took a small sip. The taste of sweet vanilla echoed within his tongue, but somehow he still could feel a little bit of bitterness on the corner of his mouth. He tried not to think about it so much.

"It's hot."

"Of course, if it's cold then you should be afraid."

Ken snickered. Yohji always could find things to joke around in the worst moments, that was one of his attributes that Ken admired so much. He wished he could be as playful as him, he wished he could be as strong as Yohji who could even joke when he was shot almost to death. Yohji was very strong and he never showed the world his weakness. He wondered if the lanky lad had ever felt 'loneliness'.

"Gee, just look to the sky. I wonder if Momoe-chan needs help in the laundry."

"Yeah, it's going to be furious. Maybe you should help," the brunette paused, "and cut the 'chan' adding, she's over 60!" (1)

"Heh, women will be always women although she's old." Yohji winked.

Ken snickered again, "you are impossible."

"The tattoo says it all." (2)

He paused for awhile before he continued, "yep maybe I really should help after all, we'll be starving if she's sick." As Yohji got up from the bed, he faced Ken with his back. He waved his right hand as he headed to the door, and stopped there. As though frozen. Ken plastered him with his eyes, his eyebrows lifted when Yohji suddenly turned to him again, walked to him and stared at him straightly with his jade green eyes.

"Ken."

"Y-yes?" he was shuddered by the flatness and the naked tone of Yohji. Somehow his honey-dew coloured hair seems so beautiful today, maybe because it's going to rain soon. Ken never knew.

"About yesterday," he started.

Ken slightly blushed but he managed to keep his eyes plastered on the jade ones.

"I... just want to tell you that I was serious. And you don't have to answer me, confessing my feelings is already more than enough," he paused for awhile, "I'm sorry if I make it difficult to you yesterday, I don't know what was I thinking. But believe me, seeing you sad just totally breaks me down and I don't want to see you like this anymore."

Ken lowered his eye level, this was getting too much. He had been a spoiled friend over Yohji and the playboy still treated him as though he was something precious. He didn't deserve Yohji's kindness, he was too kind.

"I guess... after losing Asuka and everything, I kinda forgot how to really love somebody so I was frustrated. But now after I've confessed, I feel so much better. I'm sorry for my egoism, I know who you really want to be with now and I don't blame you. So... take it easy, kay?"

Suddenly the soccer player noticed how Yohji managed to smile, but his smile was indescribable that he didn't know how to put it in words. It was a smile full of bitterness, sadness and relief, but only the eyes that caught Ken's attention the most. It was the look when somebody had given up, given up on something that he held dear the most. At that time, Ken knew that Yohji was as serious as he could be. And it clenched his heart.

"Okay..." that was the only word that Ken could manage to let out when his throat was wearing dry.

"Good. Take a day-off today, kay? It's going to be stormy and you know how customers are when it's stormy." He winked playfully to the brunette, only this time, Ken didn't manage to smile back.

"Just get some rest, when you feel to eat, go down and tell Momoe-chan." Yohji smiled tenderly as he patted Ken on his head and went out of the room.

When the door was closed, Ken felt totally alone. Shut down from the world and being the only human in this whole wide planet. But he was able not to run to Yohji and forced him to be his companion because Ken knew for the best that it would hurt them both. Especially when he was still in love with Aya.

He looked outside to the world and he saw no pedestrian. Maybe it was because the sky was growing furious.

This was loneliness that he felt.

He realized that he was still holding the mug which resembled Yohji very much. The scent of vanilla sipped to his nose as he took another small sip to the hot drink. He savored the moment of sweetness in his mouth for awhile.

"This is really sweet..."

He mumbled to himself as tears trailed down his cheeks again. It could be so much easier if only he had loved Yohji, it could be so much easier if only Yohji didn't love him and treated him kindly like this, it could be so much easier if only...

...if only he didn't love Aya.

Then he cried, letting his façade to drift away along with his tears. Showing not even a single living thing to see him vulnerable like this, it was just too much to bear. Then after this he would feel better, and maybe he could face the world without so much sadness in his heart anymore. He wouldn't be a total hypocrite if he let himself free this time and tried better next time.

But the only thing that Ken didn't notice was that Yohji was standing just outside of the room, letting himself to hear Ken's cry over the small gap on the door which he didn't close completely on purpose.

His cry slashed Yohji's heart, but he needed to know this. He took a cigarette out of his pocket and looked to the scenery in front of him, painted with gray sky monochrome. He smoked his cigarette. Then drip by drip, came along the rain. It wasn't furious at first, but as though steps, it got worse. When Yohji realized it, he was already staring at the rain as though looking at an angel crying his heart out. The sky was crying, along with his own angel behind this door.

"Damn rain."

Should I believe in what we did then?
And if I do, leave you behind and feel regret again?
Is this the way to say good bye, love?
When you and I had promises yet to fulfill?

---

It was past the heavy rain and drizzling when Ken opened his eyes again on his bed. He laid there for a moment and savored the moment of comforting coldness in his bed before he got up and sat on it. He looked outside, it was drizzling. The sky was getting calmer and it should stop raining pretty soon.

He got up from bed before he could think about anything and made his way to the bathroom, he needed a warm shower. As he placed himself in front of the mirror, he looked to the person in front of him. And the only thing that he could see in his own reflection was 'misery'. He didn't like it the least bit. Even if he felt like he was miserable, he could never be able to face the world by telling it he was miserable by his appearance too.

He grabbed his toothpaste (it was Close Up), he brushed his teeth before he shaved, washed his face and jumped to the shower stall after he stripped naked.

Then he took a good bath to face the world today. Okay, maybe half of today since it was already 3 in the afternoon.

---

"Good afternoon, Momoe-san!" Ken greeted sweetly to his dearest grandma.

"Ah, Ken-chan... are you feeling better? Yohji-kun told me how you got a morning headache and needed to rest, I was afraid to wake you up." The old lady gestured as she put her wrinkled warm palm to her oldest grandchild's forehead.

Headache? Oh, Yohji must have lied to her so that she won't be worried, he thought.

"Yeah, but I feel a lot better now. What's cooking?"

"I made you your favorite beef lasagna, I'm still cooking it. It should be ready in a few minutes, why don't you prepare the table? Three of them, please. Yohji-chan is eating with us."

"Whatever you say, Queen." Ken smiled as Momoe-san hit him playfully saying something like 'don't joke around with people older than you!' as she laughed and went back to the kitchen to check out on her delicious lasagna.

Ken was preparing the table when he met Yohji who just watered the green plants inside the Flowershop. Their eyes met, and silence slipped in for awhile before Yohji started to talk.

"Yo, soccer boy. Thought you would stay in bed all day." He mocked.

Ken smiled playfully, "shut up, I'm not in the same level with you."

"Tell me about it."

Then they snickered together. Somehow Ken felt relieved that he was still able to joke around like this with Yohji after he confessed his feelings to him. He really felt relieved.

"Momoe-san said that you're eating with us. Hope you like lasagna." Ken stated as he continued to prepare the table.

Yohji drew himself closer to Ken as he helped him, "I will eat anything except of your cooking."

"Huh?! That was rude!" Ken shot up, still holding blue plates.

"Hey, can't blame me for having such a poor taste in culinary, I'm just stating the truth and the truth itself I'm stating." Yohji grinned very widely. Ken didn't like it and what he didn't like more was that Yohji was right, he was poor in cooking and everybody who had tasted his food knew it too well.

But he had pride, so he kicked Yohji on the leg.

"Ow!" Yohji scowled, "grow up, will you?!"

"Shut up, or you're eating beneath the raining sky." Ken coldly stated as he continued on his work again.

"Whoops. Okay, okay, whatever you say, princess."

"Stop treating me like a girl!"

"Yes, yes."

"And a kid too!"

"Yes, yes, of course."

"Hmph. You ARE impossible."

Yohji grinned more.

As the table was already set, Momoe-san's lasagna was also prepared. She brought the big rectangular lasagna to the table, woo-ed by the boys. She put it down on the table and they had lunch, one of the greatest lunch Ken ever could remembered.

He never felt so relaxed like this in a long time. The only irony was that he felt like this when Omi wasn't around. He felt a little bit guilty, but oh well, the lasagna needed more attention. At least for today he decided to give himself a break.

When they were in the middle of the lunch, suddenly the phone rang.

Yohji was going to get it when Ken was already up and dashed to the phone. He pressed the phone to his ear and greeted, "Koneko no Sumu Ie, can I help you?" (3)

As Momoe-san kept eating and adoring her own cooking, Yohji already put his eyes on Ken. He was feeling a little but of insecure when Ken froze to the phone call and kept his eyes plastered on him. Then he heard Ken replied.

"O-oh, hi Omi!"

Yohji put down his fork and knife.

"No, really! We are having fun, Momoe-san cooked my favorite lasagna and now we're eating. Yohji is also here."

He paused for awhile.

"I s-see, okay then. Don't force yourself if it's impossible, I'll tell Momoe-san about it."

Another pause.

"Okay. Tell Aya that I will hurt him if he doesn't take good care of you kay? Hehe just kidding. Okay, see you tomorrow, bye. Take care." With that, he put the phone on where it belonged and stared at it for a few seconds. Silence was what painted on his lips when suddenly his dearest grandmother broke it off.

"Was it Omi-chan? Is he alright?"

"Y-yeah, it was Omi. He's fine, he said they'll be staying overnight since the rain was getting even more furious up in the mountain and they didn't want to take the risk of forcing themselves to get home. He said not to wait for him tonight, and he also said hi to Yohji."

"Oh those two lover birds! We shouldn't be worried when Aya-kun is around there, should we?"

"Of course not! He's with... Aya."

He felt a silent stab again in his heart but he managed not to let anyone see it, thus Yohji noticed. He tried damn hard to bear Ken's hurt expression. The two of them were going to stay overnight on top of the high mountains, just the two of them, in one room. He didn't even want to imagine. But he couldn't. He knew it too well.

Then suddenly Yohji claimed again, "so are you going to continue eating or not? There's still lots of lasagna here that need to be taken care of."

"Ken-chan, come back and eat some more okay? I've made lots of them."

"S-sure!"

However, he had lost his appetite.

---

Ken was sitting on top of a small hill near the grassy field where children liked to play soccer there. The sky was pretty clear and although the grass was still wet, he liked it like that. He wasn't teaching today but he needed to get some fresh air so he closed up the Flowershop earlier then usual and decided to take a walk. When he realized it, he was already in the field.

He smelt the strong scent of grass and inhaled deeply. He felt a little bit more relaxed then before as he watched the mini boys play.

For some reasons, watching children play the ball became his favorite scenery to watch whenever he felt down. Somehow their smiles and their spirit always became contagious to Ken and he felt that his problems always never too big to comprehend if he saw those children laughing. They were so innocent, so angelic that he adored them so well. He always loved children and soccer more than anything else in his list of hobbies.

"Ken-niichan!" one of the children called out.

"Oi!" Ken replied while waving his hand up.

"Come play with us! I wanna show you the head trick I've learned!"

"Maybe sometime later, Ken-niichan is kinda hurt on the leg so Ken-niichan can't play now."

"Aww... you okay?" the kid with big brown round eyes gestured as he imposed a teacher-like movement, "eat lots and sleep lots, Ken-niichan! Your leg can hurt easily because you're low with calsam, you're old so you have to drink more milk than us. Mommy said that milk got a lot of calsam that's good for our bones!"

/C-calsam?/ Ken thought as he laughed, /he must meant calcium./

"I will remember that, coach. Now go and play more, you don't want to lose, do you?"

"As if!!" and with that, the kid ran off Ken and started playing again. He did some moves in hope that he would get Ken's attention and impressed him, and every time he did that, Ken would always woo-ed him. He was having fun, Ken thought, and he was happy seeing those children having fun in soccer. It was the last thing his father taught him anyways.

"Playing with kids your age, eh Kenken?" came the lazy voice of Yohji.

"Don't you even try, Yotan." Ken replied without letting his eyes go away from those kids.

Yohji placed himself just next to the brunette as he took a deep sip of his cigarette and watched those kids with Ken. Then the soccer player turned his head to Yohji without changing his sitting position at all. "I thought you stopped smoking."

"Well things came up, won't survive with these little fellas."

Ken quirked a smile as he turned away, "tell me about it."

They savored the moment of enjoying the breezy wind, laughter of the children and the strong scent of green grass. Mother nature was calm after the heavy cry, and somehow the two of them felt in ease although there were still some 'things' to be taken care of.

"You know, Yohji." Ken started, still with his eyes on the children.

"Hmm?"

"Maybe I'll confess to Aya."

Yohji turned to Ken, violently. "W-what?"

"But not so he'll stop treating Omi like the way he is right now and be my lover, not on that purpose, you know me better than that."

"Then?"

"Well, maybe it's just my egoism. Just like you." he smiled. Yohji didn't.

"I'll just confess to him to settle up my feelings and end it all right there too. When I'm done, then I can be sincere to actually congrats Omi for having such a cool, cold blooded lover—who is in the same time warm in every single aspects."

Yohji breathed down to calm his arising adrenalin as he made his sitting position comfortable. While he did that, Ken let his hands soared high before he placed the two of them pressed on the back of his head and let himself fell to the slightly wet grass. He could smell it even more than before, and he really liked it.

"Hey Yohji."

"Yeah?"

"It's going to be alright, right?"

The blonde's eyes softened as he replied, "of course it is."

Ken smiled, he knew Yohji was just being nice although the two of them knew it very well that it wasn't going to be as easy as it sounded. But it was something that Ken needed to hear to encourage himself in confessing.

After he confessed, he would feel better. And when he felt better, he could support his own brother to be with his 'lover' more sincere than anytime in his life before. This time he wouldn't be such a hypocrite masochist that he had always been before, this time he could sincerely watch them being happy without any feelings of regret.

On that day, a heart had made another encouraging decision.

/I will confess./

TBC

1) 'chan' is usually used by the Japanese for girls or people younger than the one talking
2) Yohji's tattoo says "When Are You Gonna Learn?" ...explains everything, doesn't it?
3) Koneko no Sumu Ie Kitty In The House, the same title with the real Flowershop they used in the anime :D cute, eh?