Title: Happily Ever After Part II
Summary: When it rains it pours.
Disclaimer: Same as Part I
Authors Note: All right, this is the opposite from Elliot's POV. Thanks to all who read the first part.
XXXX
I didn't mean for things to happen the way that they did. Why would I have? I was a happily married man; I had a beautiful wife, and four wonderful children. The last thing that I wanted was to fall in love with another woman, least of all my partner. Things weren't meant to end up this way, my wife and I were supposed to live happily ever after. I know now that I was only fooling myself by thinking so.
Who was I kidding anyway? Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life. There's a reason it's called a storybook ending, it only happens in those stories, those fairytales. In real life good hardly ever triumphs over evil, and the prince and his princess don't ride off into the sunset. It just doesn't happen that way, life isn't that perfect.
When I first met my wife I couldn't stand her. She was this blonde cheerleader, very attractive, but in my eyes nothing more than the typical snob. Not that I was perfect, I was the self-sure jock, I thought that I was the shit. I realize now that I was kidding myself then, too. But, I got to know her, my wife. I saw past the blonde hair and fell in love. Hard too, I fell hard for her, almost immediately.
Then, she told me that she was pregnant. I was excited, of course, but I admit that I was scared shitless. We were still so young, too young. What did we know about taking care of a baby anyhow? How was that ever going to work? And then I went into the marines, nothing permanent, just for a couple of years. During that time she had Kathleen, and I felt awful about leaving her with the task of raising two you girls, but I had made a commitment to my country. She understood that, she was pissed at me and didn't back that commitment, but I knew she understood.
Then when I got out of the marines I became a police officer; she wasn't fond of that decision either. I know she was scared those first few years, it was a dangerous job and she was left home with two children, and then of course she would get pregnant again. We Catholics don't have the best method of birth control out there, I'll admit. So, my being a police officer now put more weight on her, not only did she have two young girls to look after now she had two babies. She blames my absence on my pride, she's probably right.
We managed though, somehow we managed. When the twins started school she went back to working fulltime, I could tell she was happy about being able to work more, even if it meant seeing the kids less. We no longer had to depend on my paychecks as much.
When I became a detective she didn't worry as much, of course it was still dangerous, but she hated it when I was an uniformed officer. " A walking target", she told me once, "that's all you are in that uniform, a walking target." She was right about that too. And then I was assigned to the SVU, she hated that. She told me that there was so much more to get attached to working special victims and she wished I would do something like homicide or vice. Anything but the sex police, and I felt the same way, at first.
I'm not going to lie; working on the SVU had a huge effect on me, physically and emotionally. The hours were terrible, I hardly ever got the chance to sleep, and when I did I couldn't. Insomnia was a daily factor, and when I finally did sleep nightmares followed. I could just see something like the cases that I worked happening to my family, and it scared me. So, when I would have nightmares or couldn't sleep I would wonder into my kids' rooms and watch them as they slept. I figured that if I always watched them nothing could happen to them, as long as I was there watching they would be safe. Sometimes when the cases were about women I would watch Kathy as she slept, if anybody ever hurt her, I don't know what I would do. I have a hard enough time dealing with the bastards who hurt total strangers, how would I react if it was somebody I loved?
I never talked to her about work, that was something I talked with my partner about. He understood the horrors I went through, he went through the same things. My wife though, I would never put her through that. What I saw everyday was hard enough for me to deal with, it would be impossible for her to. I didn't like shutting her out like that, but it was for her own protection. I loved her too much for her to know about work.
The day I learned of his death was one of the most horrible days of my life. I couldn't believe it. Without him who would I talk to, who would help me with my problems about work? A new partner, I guessed, but what happens if he's a jackass? I didn't even think of the possibility of my new partner being female, not because I thought women shouldn't be detectives, I had nothing but respect for female cops, I don't know why the thought never occurred to me, it just didn't. Imagine my surprise when she showed up.
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't notice how attractive she was the first time we met, even a married man has eyes. At first she seemed a little green to me, but I think she was just nervous. It didn't take long for me to find out that green was the last thing she was, she had a heavier load than I did. My respect for her grew. That was my first mistake, I felt sorry for her, it ultimately lead to my falling in love. Like I said, big mistake.
I could tell that Kathy was jealous of her, the first time they met. I saw this pain flash in her eyes, she already knew that when I had a work-related problem I talked with her about it, and then add on how beautiful she was. Kathy wasn't normally a jealous woman, but even the most trusting wife would be jealous. Olivia was exotically beautiful, Kathy was beautiful as well, but Olivia's beauty was different. She was strong, independent, and I knew she could kick my ass if I pissed her off, which somehow made her all the more attractive.
Over the years, as my feelings for her developed, things began to change. Little things that I would notice about myself. When I first started to work my shoulders would slump and my eyes were always dull, then one day I looked in the mirror and was surprised by my reflection. I wondered if Kathy had noticed my change in attitude. I was sure that she had, but she made no indication of knowing. I think she didn't want to acknowledge it, as long as she didn't it was like it wasn't happening. Deniability was her only escape.
Other things started to change, too. I would find myself calling her with things that weren't work related, or I would stop by to see how she was doing. Everytime somebody hit on her when we were working I could feel my anger rising, and I knew my cheeks were flushing with it. Instead of waking up in the middle of the night to nightmares, I would wake up to ... other kinds of dreams; they were never of my wife. Like I said, I never meant for things to happen the way they did, but I think that it was inevitable. I couldn't have stopped it even if I had wanted to.
I would never intentionally hurt Kathy; I do still love her. She's my wife and the mother of my children; I'll always love her. But, it's different, the way I feel for Olivia. It's more than my feelings for Kathy, God help me but it is. If I could I would change things, I would have happily ever after be a universal concept, not just a fairytale, and my wife and I would have a storybook ending. But, I can't change things.
I just don't know what to do. Do I ignore how I feel for her? Do like Kathy and pretend that it doesn't exist? Or do I leave her? She deserves a life, one that I can't give her, not anymore. She deserves to be loved the way I love Olivia. I owe her at least that much. Whatever happens, I just want her to be happy. I don't know if I can do that anymore, make her happy, how can I when I'm not?
Guess the saying's true, when it rains it pours.
XXXX
A/N: Anyway, I just got a bit bored in class today and decided I would do Elliot's POV on this! Let me know what'cha think about this one, okey?
Summary: When it rains it pours.
Disclaimer: Same as Part I
Authors Note: All right, this is the opposite from Elliot's POV. Thanks to all who read the first part.
XXXX
I didn't mean for things to happen the way that they did. Why would I have? I was a happily married man; I had a beautiful wife, and four wonderful children. The last thing that I wanted was to fall in love with another woman, least of all my partner. Things weren't meant to end up this way, my wife and I were supposed to live happily ever after. I know now that I was only fooling myself by thinking so.
Who was I kidding anyway? Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life. There's a reason it's called a storybook ending, it only happens in those stories, those fairytales. In real life good hardly ever triumphs over evil, and the prince and his princess don't ride off into the sunset. It just doesn't happen that way, life isn't that perfect.
When I first met my wife I couldn't stand her. She was this blonde cheerleader, very attractive, but in my eyes nothing more than the typical snob. Not that I was perfect, I was the self-sure jock, I thought that I was the shit. I realize now that I was kidding myself then, too. But, I got to know her, my wife. I saw past the blonde hair and fell in love. Hard too, I fell hard for her, almost immediately.
Then, she told me that she was pregnant. I was excited, of course, but I admit that I was scared shitless. We were still so young, too young. What did we know about taking care of a baby anyhow? How was that ever going to work? And then I went into the marines, nothing permanent, just for a couple of years. During that time she had Kathleen, and I felt awful about leaving her with the task of raising two you girls, but I had made a commitment to my country. She understood that, she was pissed at me and didn't back that commitment, but I knew she understood.
Then when I got out of the marines I became a police officer; she wasn't fond of that decision either. I know she was scared those first few years, it was a dangerous job and she was left home with two children, and then of course she would get pregnant again. We Catholics don't have the best method of birth control out there, I'll admit. So, my being a police officer now put more weight on her, not only did she have two young girls to look after now she had two babies. She blames my absence on my pride, she's probably right.
We managed though, somehow we managed. When the twins started school she went back to working fulltime, I could tell she was happy about being able to work more, even if it meant seeing the kids less. We no longer had to depend on my paychecks as much.
When I became a detective she didn't worry as much, of course it was still dangerous, but she hated it when I was an uniformed officer. " A walking target", she told me once, "that's all you are in that uniform, a walking target." She was right about that too. And then I was assigned to the SVU, she hated that. She told me that there was so much more to get attached to working special victims and she wished I would do something like homicide or vice. Anything but the sex police, and I felt the same way, at first.
I'm not going to lie; working on the SVU had a huge effect on me, physically and emotionally. The hours were terrible, I hardly ever got the chance to sleep, and when I did I couldn't. Insomnia was a daily factor, and when I finally did sleep nightmares followed. I could just see something like the cases that I worked happening to my family, and it scared me. So, when I would have nightmares or couldn't sleep I would wonder into my kids' rooms and watch them as they slept. I figured that if I always watched them nothing could happen to them, as long as I was there watching they would be safe. Sometimes when the cases were about women I would watch Kathy as she slept, if anybody ever hurt her, I don't know what I would do. I have a hard enough time dealing with the bastards who hurt total strangers, how would I react if it was somebody I loved?
I never talked to her about work, that was something I talked with my partner about. He understood the horrors I went through, he went through the same things. My wife though, I would never put her through that. What I saw everyday was hard enough for me to deal with, it would be impossible for her to. I didn't like shutting her out like that, but it was for her own protection. I loved her too much for her to know about work.
The day I learned of his death was one of the most horrible days of my life. I couldn't believe it. Without him who would I talk to, who would help me with my problems about work? A new partner, I guessed, but what happens if he's a jackass? I didn't even think of the possibility of my new partner being female, not because I thought women shouldn't be detectives, I had nothing but respect for female cops, I don't know why the thought never occurred to me, it just didn't. Imagine my surprise when she showed up.
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't notice how attractive she was the first time we met, even a married man has eyes. At first she seemed a little green to me, but I think she was just nervous. It didn't take long for me to find out that green was the last thing she was, she had a heavier load than I did. My respect for her grew. That was my first mistake, I felt sorry for her, it ultimately lead to my falling in love. Like I said, big mistake.
I could tell that Kathy was jealous of her, the first time they met. I saw this pain flash in her eyes, she already knew that when I had a work-related problem I talked with her about it, and then add on how beautiful she was. Kathy wasn't normally a jealous woman, but even the most trusting wife would be jealous. Olivia was exotically beautiful, Kathy was beautiful as well, but Olivia's beauty was different. She was strong, independent, and I knew she could kick my ass if I pissed her off, which somehow made her all the more attractive.
Over the years, as my feelings for her developed, things began to change. Little things that I would notice about myself. When I first started to work my shoulders would slump and my eyes were always dull, then one day I looked in the mirror and was surprised by my reflection. I wondered if Kathy had noticed my change in attitude. I was sure that she had, but she made no indication of knowing. I think she didn't want to acknowledge it, as long as she didn't it was like it wasn't happening. Deniability was her only escape.
Other things started to change, too. I would find myself calling her with things that weren't work related, or I would stop by to see how she was doing. Everytime somebody hit on her when we were working I could feel my anger rising, and I knew my cheeks were flushing with it. Instead of waking up in the middle of the night to nightmares, I would wake up to ... other kinds of dreams; they were never of my wife. Like I said, I never meant for things to happen the way they did, but I think that it was inevitable. I couldn't have stopped it even if I had wanted to.
I would never intentionally hurt Kathy; I do still love her. She's my wife and the mother of my children; I'll always love her. But, it's different, the way I feel for Olivia. It's more than my feelings for Kathy, God help me but it is. If I could I would change things, I would have happily ever after be a universal concept, not just a fairytale, and my wife and I would have a storybook ending. But, I can't change things.
I just don't know what to do. Do I ignore how I feel for her? Do like Kathy and pretend that it doesn't exist? Or do I leave her? She deserves a life, one that I can't give her, not anymore. She deserves to be loved the way I love Olivia. I owe her at least that much. Whatever happens, I just want her to be happy. I don't know if I can do that anymore, make her happy, how can I when I'm not?
Guess the saying's true, when it rains it pours.
XXXX
A/N: Anyway, I just got a bit bored in class today and decided I would do Elliot's POV on this! Let me know what'cha think about this one, okey?