"Yesterday I got a pregnancy test at Mercy Hospital and it confirmed what I
already knew. Today I went back and they confirmed I had a miscarriage."
"I'm sorry." Elizabeth offered whole-heartedly, knowing how difficult it was to loose a child.
"How is Jason dealing with it?" Elizabeth asked, concerned for Jason.
There was a long awkward silence before Elizabeth figured it out, "You didn't tell him."
"He is so busy trying to find Carly that I thought I would wait until there was some better timing . . ." Courtney started.
"And now you're afraid that if you tell him he will get hurt?" Elizabeth asked.
"I feel guilty for lying. Every time I see him I want to tell him. But it is so hard. Maybe I will not tell him."
Elizabeth understood exactly where Courtney was coming from. She decided to give her two cents.
"When I first found out I was pregnant, Rick and I were fighting. I did not want him to know that I was pregnant. I knew that even if I concealed it from him, I was going to show sooner or later, so I had to come up with some excuse. But somehow he found out and he came to me a changed man. The look in his eyes when he would talk about our future and our family made me see that he deserved to know. It was an accident but he was just as much responsible for this new life as I was. He deserved to know. I think every father has that right."
"After everything he's done, you still believe that him knowing you were pregnant was good?"
Elizabeth and Courtney both knew the lengths Rick had gone to after they had lost their baby.
"People grieve differently. Some get upset and others get angry. I'm not defending him, saying that he did not go overboard, he did. But I understand why and that is why I cannot hate him."
"So you think that I should tell him?"
"The sooner the better. The longer you keep it the secret the longer you are going to feel so guilty. And the guilt is going to eat you up inside so much that you won't have a chance to grieve and you'll slowly go insane."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"At first I was furious and angry and then I became spiteful and bitter. I did not like the person I was becoming so I kept it all inside, said nothing, and just let it bottle up inside of me. And once Carly was found I felt guilty for not seeing what was right in front of me, and I felt responsible. I won't think about my baby for days and then all the sudden I will wake up in the middle of the night and cry for hours at the injustice of loosing her and it is to the point where I cannot even control it. I just want back my life."
Courtney was silent, in disbelief that she was having THIS conversation with Elizabeth.
"It was a girl?" Courtney asked.
Elizabeth put a hand on her stomach, "They never told me such, but I knew, the way a mother knows. I knew."
She stared to tear up and she turned away from Courtney.
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I don't think I ever told you that, and I truly am sorry."
Elizabeth turned towards her as she wiped the tears off her own face.
"I know that we fight, and we've had our differences, but I am glad that we had this conversation. It has helped more than you'll ever know. Just to have someone to talk to, it's comforting. I just surprised that it was you."
Courtney smiled, "Thank you, too. I'm glad I ran into you."
Courtney got up and started to walk away with Rosy.
"Courtney?" Elizabeth called back.
She turned.
"We were friends once and I hope we can be again. If there is anything I can do, let me know." Elizabeth offered.
"Thanks." She said again, and walked off deeper into the park.
As Courtney walked off she passed Lucky Spencer, gave him a solemn hello, and went on her way.
When Courtney got home, Jason was not there. She imagined he was somewhere with Sonny or Rick, trying desperately to save Carly. He had made a promise to Carly and she felt horrible for wishing he was there with her.
She imagined telling Jason once Carly was home and knew that he would be hurt to learn that she had kept something so important from him. She took into consideration what Elizabeth had expressed to her but knew not what she would do.
She needed someone she could confide in without reservation. Someone who could help her figure out what was best.
It could not be her father. If Carly ever did return home she would instantly tell Jason the truth, with or without Courtney's permission. It could obviously not be Sonny; he had too much going on to worry about this. It could not be her mother because she did not trust her judgement.
It was then she realized that outside of her immediate family she really had no one she could truly talk to. It was scary to think that she might have to face this all alone.
She remembered Elizabeth's offer of friendship. Despite their differences, they had one thing very much in common. Both had suffered the same loss. If anyone could provide insight, and help her make a decision it would be Elizabeth. Not only did they share a tragedy in common, they shared Jason in common. Elizabeth had known Jason longer than she had known him. Perhaps she would be willing to help her decide if Jason should be told and if so, how to approach it.
* * *
"Liz, what's wrong? You sounded scared on the phone." Lucky asked, worried.
"There is something that I need to ask you, and I'm not sure how I can." Elizabeth said, timidly.
"What is it? You know that I would do anything for you."
"God, this is so . . ." She started but the words refused to come.
She sat down on the bench and he sat beside her.
"Recently I've been in a bad place. It is like I watching myself doing these horrible things that I would never do and it sickens me but I cannot stop myself."
"What is going on?" He asked, concerned.
"Everything that has gone on with Rick and loosing the baby . . . It's just that I know you so well and right now you are the only person I know that I can trust without reservation."
"What do you need, Liz? Anything."
"I want to have a baby." She said simply, "And I want you to be the father."
"I'm sorry." Elizabeth offered whole-heartedly, knowing how difficult it was to loose a child.
"How is Jason dealing with it?" Elizabeth asked, concerned for Jason.
There was a long awkward silence before Elizabeth figured it out, "You didn't tell him."
"He is so busy trying to find Carly that I thought I would wait until there was some better timing . . ." Courtney started.
"And now you're afraid that if you tell him he will get hurt?" Elizabeth asked.
"I feel guilty for lying. Every time I see him I want to tell him. But it is so hard. Maybe I will not tell him."
Elizabeth understood exactly where Courtney was coming from. She decided to give her two cents.
"When I first found out I was pregnant, Rick and I were fighting. I did not want him to know that I was pregnant. I knew that even if I concealed it from him, I was going to show sooner or later, so I had to come up with some excuse. But somehow he found out and he came to me a changed man. The look in his eyes when he would talk about our future and our family made me see that he deserved to know. It was an accident but he was just as much responsible for this new life as I was. He deserved to know. I think every father has that right."
"After everything he's done, you still believe that him knowing you were pregnant was good?"
Elizabeth and Courtney both knew the lengths Rick had gone to after they had lost their baby.
"People grieve differently. Some get upset and others get angry. I'm not defending him, saying that he did not go overboard, he did. But I understand why and that is why I cannot hate him."
"So you think that I should tell him?"
"The sooner the better. The longer you keep it the secret the longer you are going to feel so guilty. And the guilt is going to eat you up inside so much that you won't have a chance to grieve and you'll slowly go insane."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"At first I was furious and angry and then I became spiteful and bitter. I did not like the person I was becoming so I kept it all inside, said nothing, and just let it bottle up inside of me. And once Carly was found I felt guilty for not seeing what was right in front of me, and I felt responsible. I won't think about my baby for days and then all the sudden I will wake up in the middle of the night and cry for hours at the injustice of loosing her and it is to the point where I cannot even control it. I just want back my life."
Courtney was silent, in disbelief that she was having THIS conversation with Elizabeth.
"It was a girl?" Courtney asked.
Elizabeth put a hand on her stomach, "They never told me such, but I knew, the way a mother knows. I knew."
She stared to tear up and she turned away from Courtney.
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I don't think I ever told you that, and I truly am sorry."
Elizabeth turned towards her as she wiped the tears off her own face.
"I know that we fight, and we've had our differences, but I am glad that we had this conversation. It has helped more than you'll ever know. Just to have someone to talk to, it's comforting. I just surprised that it was you."
Courtney smiled, "Thank you, too. I'm glad I ran into you."
Courtney got up and started to walk away with Rosy.
"Courtney?" Elizabeth called back.
She turned.
"We were friends once and I hope we can be again. If there is anything I can do, let me know." Elizabeth offered.
"Thanks." She said again, and walked off deeper into the park.
As Courtney walked off she passed Lucky Spencer, gave him a solemn hello, and went on her way.
When Courtney got home, Jason was not there. She imagined he was somewhere with Sonny or Rick, trying desperately to save Carly. He had made a promise to Carly and she felt horrible for wishing he was there with her.
She imagined telling Jason once Carly was home and knew that he would be hurt to learn that she had kept something so important from him. She took into consideration what Elizabeth had expressed to her but knew not what she would do.
She needed someone she could confide in without reservation. Someone who could help her figure out what was best.
It could not be her father. If Carly ever did return home she would instantly tell Jason the truth, with or without Courtney's permission. It could obviously not be Sonny; he had too much going on to worry about this. It could not be her mother because she did not trust her judgement.
It was then she realized that outside of her immediate family she really had no one she could truly talk to. It was scary to think that she might have to face this all alone.
She remembered Elizabeth's offer of friendship. Despite their differences, they had one thing very much in common. Both had suffered the same loss. If anyone could provide insight, and help her make a decision it would be Elizabeth. Not only did they share a tragedy in common, they shared Jason in common. Elizabeth had known Jason longer than she had known him. Perhaps she would be willing to help her decide if Jason should be told and if so, how to approach it.
* * *
"Liz, what's wrong? You sounded scared on the phone." Lucky asked, worried.
"There is something that I need to ask you, and I'm not sure how I can." Elizabeth said, timidly.
"What is it? You know that I would do anything for you."
"God, this is so . . ." She started but the words refused to come.
She sat down on the bench and he sat beside her.
"Recently I've been in a bad place. It is like I watching myself doing these horrible things that I would never do and it sickens me but I cannot stop myself."
"What is going on?" He asked, concerned.
"Everything that has gone on with Rick and loosing the baby . . . It's just that I know you so well and right now you are the only person I know that I can trust without reservation."
"What do you need, Liz? Anything."
"I want to have a baby." She said simply, "And I want you to be the father."