Lets All Make Fun of Ratboy!
AN:
I do not own HP, and I appologize to anyone I might offend. But it was not my fault... it was my muse's... and she's usually drunk.
"Yo yo yo peeps listen up!" a voice said from an odd fog.
The fog clears up and Lily Potter cursed Sirius.
"Padfoot... why are you trying to act like you're from the bronx?" James asked curiously.
"Ow... I thought it would be a good way to get people's attention," Sirius replied covered in boils.
"Have you even been to New York?" Lily asked.
"Where do you think I got my motercycle?" Sirius exclaimed indignately.
"Diagon Alley, I was there when you bought it," James grinned.
"Damn... You were..." Sirius said thoughtfully.
Lily started to advance on Sirius.
James held Lily back and asked, "Why are you getting so worked up?"
"I didn't do anything!!!!" Sirius whimpered.
"I just feel like venting some steam that's all," Lily said stopping.
"Do you have to vent it on me?" Sirius whined.
"You're the nearest one I haven't promised to spend eternity with," Lily said shrugging.
"Actually do you remember that night in sixth year when we were married in Hogsmeade?" Sirius asked.
"That wasn't me... that was Susan Alcery wearing a clown wig," Lily said snickering.
"THAT TROLL?" Sirius exclaimed looking shocked.
"Its pretty understandable, after that post-quidditch party even all of the prefects were acting like frat boys. You were wasted," James grinned evilly.
"That's the understatement of the year... after that 'marriage' he went and challenged Professor McGollangal to a duel when he was only in his boxers... you know, the ones with Snidges flying on it," Lily snorted.
"So that was why I had detention every night for a month after that party! I thought it was because I snuck off to Hogsmeade," Sirius said as if the world became clear to him.
"I told you not to mix Firewiskey, Butterbeer, and Cheering potions together in the punch," James reminded his friend.
"YOU DID WHAT? You never told me that was what was in the punch. That could have caused someone to go blind if they had an alergy to cheering potions!" Lily exclaimed outraged.
"Nah, Rat-boy was only blinded for two days. Not that he didn't deserve it," James said casually.
"Speaking of the most traitorous, slimiest, sniviling..." Sirius ranted.
"Speaking of Pettigrew..." Lily tried to interupt Sirius's rant.
"...idiotic, bleeding..."
"Stop it! We have a story to tell," James said hitting Sirius on the head.
"Is it possible to get a concussion when you're dead?" Sirius asked as he rubbed his head.
"You are not to disclose any information about the life after," The Voice From Above said before James or Lily could answer.
"Why do you always speak from above?" Sirius asked cranning his head up trying to see the body of the voice.
"Because I like to see you strain your neck trying to see me when in truth I am not above. Now get on the story, Frying-pan-lady is getting impacient with you," The Voice From Above said smartly.
Sirius, James, and Lily all cringed at the thought of that particular diety being annoyed with them.
"We're supposed to talk about Pettigrew," Lily reminded the boys.
"What to tell... what to tell..." Sirius muttered as he rubbed his hands together evilly.
"What about his doll fetish?" James grinned matching Sirius on the evil-o-meter.
"Oh you mean..." Lily started laughing.
"Excelent! We found this little secret out when we were in our third year..." Sirius started gleefully.
"We were innocently exploring the castle..." James continued.
"Searching for escape routs for when the groundskeeper was on our hides," Sirius explained.
"And we fell upon the nice little room, the Room of Requirement."
"How did you get into it if you didn't have any requirements?" Lily asked curiously.
"Prongs? You always were smarter than me," Sirius prompted.
"It must of been the requirement of escape routs," James said shrugging.
"ANYWAY, we decided to mark that room down and agreed to meet there if being chased," Sirius continued with the story.
"And the next day you innocently transfigures the groundskeeper's clothes into a loin cloth and his pet ferret into a monkey, with a ferret's tail mind you," Lily added knowing where that particular story was going, it was a particular favorite of James'.
"Hey! I think I did a pretty good cross species transfiguration for only being thirteen!" James said defending himself.
"Somehow Rat-Boy managed to loose Tarzan and Fernky first," Sirius said ignoring James' outburst.
"Fernky?" Lily asked confused not hearing that term before.
"You know, Ferret, Monkey, smash them together," Sirius said casually.
"Oh," Lily said blinking.
"ANYWAY, when we got to the Room of Requirement, there was the traitor playing tea party with some dollies," James said grinning like a maniac.
"Of course we couldn't let him live it down," Sirius said.
"I caught him in our seventh year, I was trying to find a place to study and I stumbled on that room," Lily admitted devillishly.
"REALLY?" Sirius asked.
"I wonder if Voldie lets his death eaters play with dolls," James mused.
"You're done now. Shut up or I won't let you talk to the outside world for three months," The Voice From Above said.
"But..." Sirius started but Lily and James covered Sirius's mouth and waved goodbye before another word could escape.