Now that Rezo was the heir, he ought to acquire a wife, being of the age to have one. Queen Mary suggested that he wed Eris, the princess of Yamainu, which was the sworn enemy of Ookami -- the two had raided each other back and forth into poverty across the channel that divided their nations, except during the Dola Clan Peace, when they recouped their fortunes by teaming up and pirating every other vessel in sight.
Anyway, Eris came over for a visit, and matters were progressing nicely right up until her wig blew off.
"Amelia -- " Lina said, trying not to laugh.
"That's the way Mother told it!"
Rezo absolutely refused to marry a bald princess, so Eris was packed off back to Yamainu making threatening noises, and Rezo shrugged, made plans to invade Yamainu, and called for Count Schteindorf yil Fluegelschweitzermitzengollum Sailoon, who was his closest companion.
"Who's Floggleschwozzerbogglebonk?" Gourry asked.
"He was a great-uncle of mine," Amelia explained. "He tried to kill Mother so he could marry his half-sister off to Daddy, when I was just a baby. Only Mother knew lots of nasty spells, and she blew up the assassins, and my step-aunt and great-uncle turned out to be vampires, and Mother tied my step-aunt up in the bell chamber of the temple but Great-Uncle Shtaindorf got away. And Mother never forgave them for it, either."
Sweat beaded on Sylphiel's forehead. "What an... interesting family you have, Amelia-san."
"Oh, that's nothing," Gourry said cheerfully. "I should tell you how we met Amelia sometime."
"Or about how Prince Phil faked his own death earlier this year," Zelgadis added.
"Schteindorf, Schteindorf," Lina muttered. "Hey! I think I ran into him, about four or five years back. Arrogant as all get-out, and he tried to make me into his servant... so I defeated him and carried off his treasure!"
"Just as I might expect from you, Lina-san!" Amelia cheered. "Gallantly ridding the world of a blot on the noble name of Sailoon... with no thought for the wrath you might be invoking!"
"Eh-heheheh..."
"She was probably thinking of the treasure," Zelgadis muttered to Sylphiel.
"I think there's still a reward offered for him!" Amelia concluded.
"I wish I'd known that then!" Lina shot back.
"Uh, excuse me... "
"Yes, Gourry-san?"
"How did your vampire uncle know Rizzo?"
"The ones in the story are close companions."
"Find me a wife," Rezo told Count Schteindorf.
"Uh... anyone in particular?"
"Find me," Rezo clarified, "a really spectacularly beautiful wife. The sort of person who turns heads as she walks down the street. The sort of person who makes people say 'Gee, that Akahoushi no Rezo must be some guy if he has a wife like that.' The sort of person for whom men kill, suicide, and send everything to Shabranigdu for."
A bead of sweat stood out on Schteindorf's forehead. "I'm not sure about that last part, but there's someone pretty amazing on a farm in the south of the country."
"Are you saying," Rezo inquired, "that you think I should marry a peasant?"
"Why don't you come and see -- I mean, sense -- her for yourself?"
So Rezo did.
"You are right," he told Count Schteindorf. "She is indeed extraordinary."
And he went inside to propose to Lala.
"I require a wife," he told her. "As my princess, you will have every honor and luxury that Ookami can provide."
"What if I say no?"
"Why, nothing," Rezo told her, smiling with such intensity that one expected cat ears to pop up on his skull. "But if you agree, your family won't have to pay taxes, and the court will steer its business your way."
"I have sworn never to love again," Lala told him.
"I can deal with that," Rezo shrugged. "Very few royal marriages are made for love anyway."
"Then I will marry you."
"Oh, so this is why it's a story about a bride!"
"Uh... yeah, Gourry-san. Right. Sure."
"But where's the part about the princess?"
"Oh, they made Lala the Princess of Chelm so she could marry Rezo."
"Where's Chelm?"
"I don't know!"
"It doesn't matter to the story. Let Amelia-san go on, Gourry-sama."
"Chapter Four. The Preparations..."