Since the day in the bathroom, You've developed a habit. Everyone sees the habit but few recognize it for what it truly is... a painted smile.
You paint on a smile when you are with your friends. Ashley and Marco believe you are healthy again. Mentally healthy. They have no clue. They don't know that there is so much pain lurking behind your eyes, masked behind a fake smile.
Sean doesn't know about what goes on inside your brain. He doesn't see the uncontrollable urge for you to cut. He hasn't ever lived in your house and he's never visited either. What reason does he have to visit? He lives alone and you two can do whatever you want there. Not that you two do that. You aren't ready for that, you tell him. In reality, you are ready for that, you just don't want him to know.
You realize that you love Sean one day when your mother is drunk. You smell the smoke in the kitchen and you curse silently. You grab the phone and call the fire department from your bedroom. You run downstairs and pull your mother out of the house in case the fire gets out of control. Tears sting your eyes as you remember the picture you left inside.
Sirens sound in your neighborhood and again you put on a painted smile. The firefighter runs inside your house and puts out the small grease fire on the stove. He tells you that for awhile, you shouldn't stay in your house. Not until the damage is fixed.
They leave and you tell your mother the news. You know she will never listen to it, but you know you have to try. Tears streak down your face as you tell her. She just nods and vomits near your shoes. You are grateful that she didn't say anything while the firefighters were there.
You run inside and call your mother's sister. You wait for hours while your aunt drives down, talking to Sean. Tears run down your face for the first time in a long time. You tell him that you have to move for awhile. It'll be a two hour commute. Then he does the unthinkable. He asks you to move in with him.
Your aunt comes and at last moment, you tell her you aren't leaving. You tell her you have a friend to stay with. You lie and say you are staying with Ashley. No one would know anyway. Know... no one would care. Your mother wouldn't. You put on the painted on smile and run upstairs to pack. Then you take your duffel bag and start down the road to Sean's.
Halfway there you realize that the smile on your face isn't fake.