So hang onto your hats with this chapter! And have some chocolate handy...you're gonna need it! While nothing happens to Ryan physically, he's about to go through the emotional wringer! But have no fear, when you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up! Some good angst in this one!! Wait till you see what the future brings for this one! More to come! Enjoy and please drop me a review.
WHEN SHADOWS FOLLOW
The kitchen was alive with conversation as Kirsten, Sandy and Caleb discussed what should be done about the assault on Ryan. Chatter bantered between who should be contacted, what sort of punishment was expected for the perpetrator and it was even mentioned about keeping Ryan close to home until AJ was arrested.
"You guys...I'm right here..." Ryan tried to interject but the rest of the room kept right on rambling.
"What kind of animal treats a child that way?" Caleb's voice filled the kitchen. Even though the topic was in Ryan's favor, he was still wishing he could just shrink away into one of the cabinets. "I don't know who we should contact first...the police, child services..."
Child Services. That comment automatically made Ryan sick to his stomach. Visions of some underpaid, uncaring social worker showing up armed to the teeth with questions and folders, specifically his healthy sized folder, who would pay attention only long enough to make him relive what happened and then do nothing about it plagued his mind. Other than to further piss off AJ who would undoubtedly be questioned as part of the investigation, calling Child Services held no purpose. Ryan knew this. But in Newport, people still felt other people could help them. Save them. He knew better.
"It would be better...for me...if we just dropped it," Ryan offered quietly, trying to not make eye contact with anyone else in the kitchen.
"Drop it? Are you kidding me? They guy used you for a punching bag! I saw the whole thing!" Caleb couldn't believe the boy's suggestion.
"Wow. If I hadn't known better Cal I'd think you were almost concerned for Ryan."
Throwing a dirty look at Sandy, "Mock me if you will Sanford. You didn't see it. The boy did nothing wrong."
"Oh. So if he had done something wrong...he would have deserved it?"
"Don't put words in my mouth Sandy! No one deserved anything."
Ryan shook his head listening to the two argue. He knew Sandy was just putting salt on an open wound considering Caleb had basically admitted he was concerned for this scrapper of a kid he had gone out of his way to ignore.
"Sandman, you better pull some strings and get this guy in the system."
"Pffft!" Ryan's show of disgust got everyone's attention.
"You mean you don't want him locked up? You can't be serious!" Caleb dictated.
Ryan had about enough of all of this. Deciding he couldn't take it any more, he raised his voice above all the others, "You're all sitting her talking about who should be called and who should do what to whom and how AJ needs to be sent to jail. Locked down. Put in the system. It's easy to talk about the system thinking it works. I've lived the system and for your information it's broken."
Silence fell over the kitchen. No one knew what to say to Ryan. Caleb wasn't used to being contradicted and didn't appreciate Ryan's comment. Then again he knew he was on thin ice with this kid and decided to keep his mouth closed. Kirsten's heartstrings pulled for Ryan. She didn't know much about his past, but what she did know told her this kid just might be right. Sandy stood leaning on the breakfast bar, saddened by the fact that Ryan didn't believe the system could help him. After all, it was the system that brought him to the Cohen's house in the first place. But of everyone in the kitchen, Sandy knew Ryan was right. The system was full of cracks, niches and loopholes. All of which made the system flawed even in the most obvious of circumstances.
"Ryan what do you suggest we do?" Sandy offered.
Pausing for a moment, Ryan raised his head to look at Sandy. That familiar flame was still there in his eyes but Sandy easily recognized that the fight was not in Ryan...at least, not tonight.
"My life to this point has been filled with situations that required payback, retaliation and punishment of some sort. If you, or anyone else, do something to make AJ 'pay' for what happened this afternoon, AJ will find a way to retaliate, to pay me back, a way to punish me. Some way, some how he always gets the last word in. It won't end here unless we end it here." Again the room fell silent. No one had considered the possibility of AJ acting out against Ryan again. "I just want it to stop. I don't want to fight him any more. I just..." Ryan's words trailed off and he looked away from Sandy. "I'm asking you not to do this. Leave it alone." With that Ryan stood up from the chair and went outside.
The cool night air felt good not only on his skin but in his lungs as well. The kitchen seemed to be strangling him as he sat there. Seating himself on a patio chair he stared out into the black, listening to the lull of the ocean off in the distance. "This would be perfect," he thought to himself. I could get lost in that darkness. That lull. But there was no time to get lost when he heard footsteps approaching.
"Ryan? Is it okay if we come sit with you for a minute?" Kirsten's voice was quiet and concerned. Ryan knew where this was leading.
"Sure," he sighed.
As they took a seat on either side of him, Ryan leaned forward and centered his attention on his shoes.
"Ryan..." Sandy began. "We want to do right by you with this. As your guardians, it's our job to protect you. But in this case, we believe you might be right. Reporting this may not be the right thing."
Ryan's eyes slid to Sandy's side of the patio. Reading again. He wasn't sure what to make of Sandy's comment. Maybe Sandy was just telling him what he wanted to hear so that he'd calm down. Maybe Sandy would report the whole thing in the morning.
Sandy could see Ryan wasn't buying it. He glanced at Kirsten for help.
Sliding to the edge of her chair, she placed her hand on Ryan's arm. His eyes automatically tracked from Sandy to her hand. "Ryan, we admit we don't know anything about...handling these sort of things. We're trying to do what's best for you but maybe...maybe if you explained some things to us it would help."
Ryan's gaze left Kirsten's hand and scanned across the lawn until it locked on the pool. Kirsten could tell he was grinding his teeth by the movement in his jaw. Sharing another look, Kirsten and Sandy gave Ryan a minute to collect his thoughts, to see if he would offer anything. As if he was snapped out of his train of thought by an invisible force, he spoke.
"I don't know how to make everyone understand I just want to be left alone." Realizing that came out wrong, he quickly added to his statement. "I don't mean you guys. Both of you and Seth...you've shown me things can be different for a kid like me. Things can be...okay. Going to bat against AJ is a losing battle. People like him don't ever back down and they know how to make the system work for them. Sure you can have him locked up and that whole time he's gonna be stewing and planning and pissed at me. No matter what goes down he'll blame me. And eventually he will find me to make me pay for it. I've taken worse punishments for less. This will not have a good ending if you pursue it."
Thinking he could change the hopeless overtone of the conversation, Sandy offered a light at the end of the tunnel. "But Ryan, this is different this time. Kirsten and I would do everything in our power to make sure..."
"Right!" Ryan interrupted. "Just like the eleven social workers who said they'd stop him. 'This is the last time he'll hurt you Ryan.' If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I'd be able to buy your house! Social workers, doctors, cops...my mom...they all said it. No one stopped him from doing anything. As a matter of fact, all it did was make things worse. I once thought it was a good idea to tell a cop that AJ had coke in his car. I thought it would get him locked up for a while, give me a break." Shaking his head, Ryan squinted his eyes at the memory of it all. "You know what happened? AJ offered to split the coke with the cop if he forgot the whole thing. The cop took him up on his offer and when AJ asked how he knew about the coke, the cop gave me up in a heartbeat. An hour later I was in the emergency room getting my head sewn up in two places and getting my arm put in a cast."
Glancing at Kirsten, Sandy could see the pain in her eyes. Switching to Ryan he could see a gambit of emotions on his face...anger, sadness, frustration, even embarrassment. "Ryan," he started. "We will do whatever you want us to this time. If you want us to drop it this time, we'll drop it. But...If AJ should come after you again, as your guardians we will have no choice but to report him."
Raising his head Ryan nodded at Sandy. "Okay. I understand," he answered quietly. For once Ryan won a round against the adults. Even though he knew Sandy and Kirsten were on his side, the adults in his life rarely listened to what he had to say. Not only were the Cohens listening, they were doing what he asked even though he knew it was against their better judgment.
"I'm going to head to bed." Rising from his chair, Ryan paused and looked at Sandy and Kirsten. "Thanks...for listening."
It didn't take long for Ryan to get settled in his bed. His head was heavy with the stress of the day and he welcomed his dark, quiet room. It also didn't take long for Kirsten to sneak into his room to check on him.
"Kirsten, I just got in here. You have to give me at least ten minutes to fall asleep." Though his sleepy eyes were mocking her, that familiar spark twinkled in them. "Go to sleep tonight Kirsten. I'm fine. I'll be fine two hours from now and I'll be fine at 3 a.m., and I'll still be fine and asleep at 5 a.m. Don't worry about me. Tonight I'm okay."
Taking the blanket and tucking it in around Ryan, Kirsten sat on the edge of his bed. "But what about at 2 a.m. or at 4 a.m., what if you need something? I'm a mom. You're stopping me from doing my job." Kirsten joked.
Slowly shaking his head back and forth, Ryan raised his eyebrows at her. "Since when does being a mom mean running yourself ragged when there's nothing wrong?"
"I'm not running myself ragged. I'm protecting and watching over someone I love...and for that I would run myself ragged any day." Smiling at Ryan, she leaned over and kissed his forehead before standing up to leave.
An embarrassed half smile flickered across Ryan's mouth. "Okay fine. You're allowed to come in two more times. After that I'm locking the door."
Laughing, "Okay. It's a deal. Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow." Closing the door behind her and heading to bed herself, for the first time in a long time, she felt relaxed. Tonight everyone would rest. Tomorrow was a new day.
Considering the stress from the previous evening, Ryan slept like a rock. Kirsten could have come into his room a hundred times last night and he would have never known it. Shuffling his way to the kitchen for his wake up cup of coffee, he found Sandy and Seth already sipping their morning motivation.
"Hey Dad, look who's up. How's it going?"
"It'll be going much better once I have some coffee." Grabbing his own cup of java, he parked himself at the table.
"So who's going to go with me to the store?" Sandy inquired looking at both boys. Since both were still half asleep, he wasn't surprised by their lack of excitement over the question.
"I'll Ninja you for it..." Seth taunted.
"You got it."
Standing up, both boys headed to the den, sat down on the couch and grabbed a controller. Dismayed, Sandy turned in his seat to face the boys. "And exactly how does this work?" he asked.
"It's simple Dad. The loser has to go with you. It's nothing personal. It's just...you know...shopping's not really our thing. This is the politically correct way to handle it."
Laughing to himself, Sandy stood up to refill his coffee. "I'm being Ninja'd over." Shaking his head, he listened to the blips and yelling from the other room. Since neither boy was completely awake, it didn't take long before the game ended and Seth could be heard proclaiming his brilliant performance.
"I guess it's me, Sandy," Ryan offered passing through the kitchen. "I'll be ready in ten minutes."
Meeting Sandy by the front door, Ryan threw Seth one of his signature looks to which Seth pretended to be guilty of no wrongdoing.
"Have a nice time you two," Seth mocked as they made their way to the door.
"Oh Seth," Sandy paused. "I left some files on the kitchen table. Do me a favor and just move them to the desk in the office. Your Grandfather is stopping by today and I don't want him poking through that stuff."
"Aye Aye Captain." Again, mocking, Seth headed in the direction of the kitchen as Sandy and Ryan went out the door.
Following his Dad's instructions, Seth placed the files on the desk in the home office. A particularly thick file on the edge of the desk caught his attention. The folder was old, covered with stains and torn. While Seth never paid much attention to his Dad's work or the cases he worked on, something about this file intrigued him. Crossing to the other side of the desk, he turned the file so he could read the label. The information on the label made his heart skip a beat. 'ATWOOD, RYAN'. The word JUVENILE was highlighted in hot pink highlighter. Knowing his Mom was at work and his Dad and Ryan had just left, this was the perfect opportunity to learn more about Ryan's past. The past he didn't like to talk about. While Seth and Ryan got along great, there was a part of Seth that struggled to understand the past Ryan had. After all, Seth had no basis for comparison. The world he was from was completely different. Yet he didn't want to betray Ryan. Reading this file would mean he knew all the things, or most of the things, that Ryan didn't want anyone to know. Hell even Kirsten had not looked at Ryan's file for fear of what she might find. Finally curiosity killed him and he opened the folder. While he tried to mentally prepare himself for anything he might find in there, nothing could have prepared him for what would be revealed about Ryan's past.
Taking a seat at the desk, Seth slowly turned page after page in the binder, accident report after accident report. He began to get the obvious feeling that these were no accidents. Polaroid photos were stapled to each report and the farther back in the file he went, the younger Ryan got. Without reading the reports themselves, Seth learned from the photos alone that Ryan had broken his arm broken twice and had received a countless quantity of stitches and more black eyes than he could keep track of. Paperwork dated back to Ryan being seven years old. The boy in all of the photos looked callous, beaten, bruised, and alone. Going back to the beginning of the folder where the most recent reports were, Seth started reading each and every report. Considering the way Ryan looked in these photos, he was amazed that every report basically cleared him to return to the home that was abusing him. "Claim Unfounded" was stamped on each and every one. Every report gave three or more sides to each event. There was Ryan's side, there was AJ's or his Mom's side and on occasion both, and then there was the opinion of Child Services. Completely engrossed by the reports Seth sunk deeper into the file in search of more information. While most of the reports showed Ryan claiming there was no problem, surely to keep quiet about what had truly happened, some of Ryan's statements screamed for help from Child Services. Like the one that said AJ hit him with a moving car when he was twelve, or another one that said AJ had put his head through the bathroom window when he was fourteen and yet another one saying AJ used a tire iron to break Ryan's bones when he was fifteen. Seth read out loud, "Juvenile claims that his mother's boyfriend beat him with an automobile tire iron. While juvenile does exhibit a broken rib and wrist, the interview with juvenile's mother and charged party (AJ) has warranted no attention from Child Services." Seth let out a sigh of disgust. "How about we look into it when he's dead. Maybe that would warrant some attention from you people. You're lucky he got out alive!"
Seth felt sick. He knew Ryan's life had been tough, but now he understood why his Mom never wanted to look at Ryan's file. This was too much information. Every document in the folder told a story and each one was a tragedy. Seth thought it was a miracle that Ryan was alive at all after living through so many horrible events. Even with the information right in front of him, Seth couldn't picture someone treating Ryan that way. It all seemed surreal.
Grabbing Ryan's file, Seth relocated to his bedroom floor on the far side of the room, a safe distance from the front door. He'd have time to hide the file and get it back to the office while his Dad and Ryan were tending to the groceries. Sitting on the floor, he continued flipping through the folder until he heard the front door open and his Dad call for help with unloading the car. Wanting to finish the page he was on, Seth got lost in thought and didn't hear Ryan enter his room.
"Hey man. What are you doing? Gonna come help?" Ryan asked, standing on the opposite side of Seth's bed.
Scared senseless by Ryan's close proximity, "Me? Oh...nothing...just reading some comics. I'll go with you." Seth nonchalantly pushed Ryan's file under his bed and followed Ryan out to the car.
Later that evening, everyone happened to be in the kitchen doing something or other when a small conversation began about the day's events.
"My father is driving me nuts with this new development," Kirsten complained. "If I can't get the other half of it sold relatively quickly, he's going to be all over me about it."
"Speaking of nuts, they were out of those honey-roasted...whatever it was on your list this morning. Ryan and I looked all over for them. The stock boy claims they'll get more in on Tuesday."
"Pffft. Yeah well, when you go back on Tuesday and they still aren't there you can label them 'Claim Unfounded'." The words rolled right out of Seth's mouth without him even thinking about it. But once his voice came to a halt, he realized the grave error he had made.
"Why did you say that? That's a rather...strange...choice of words." Ryan said flatly. His stare was drilling a hole right through Seth. Everyone in the room could see the anger building behind his eyes. The flicker that represented his 'fight' was currently a full-blown flame.
"What do you mean? I thought we were talking about honey roasted peanuts." Seth tried to douse the flames, but it was too late. Ryan was undeniable at reading people and no matter what Seth said, nothing was going to dig him out of this one.
"So that's what you were doing...when I walked into your room earlier. You were reading my file...weren't you?" Ryan's voice was stone cold, almost threatening. He took three steps closer to Seth until he had him backed up against the refrigerator.
Seeing where this was going, Sandy also made his way across the kitchen to be closer to the boys. "Ryan, just calm down."
"So now you know pretty much everything right? I told you...that's not my life anymore. Why can't you just accept that?" Anger was ruling Ryan with an upper hand. His heart raced and his entire body trembled with anger.
Seth's voice quivered, "Ryan, I never meant to..." Ryan stopped him dead in his tracks as he attempted to throw a punch at Seth. Sandy couldn't stop Ryan's lurch toward Seth in time, but somehow Seth managed to step aside and Ryan's fist slammed into the fridge door.
"Ryan!!! NO!!!" Kirsten yelled as Sandy restrained him before he had a chance to throw another punch.
"Ryan I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Seth was beside himself. When Ryan raised his head to look at Seth, his eyes were filled with tears. The look on Ryan's face ripped his heart out.
"LET GO OF ME!" Ryan raged through clenched teeth. Squirming, he got loose from Sandy's grip, the rage feeding into his strength. Taking one last look at Seth, he pushed past Kirsten and bolted for the Pool House.
The Cohens all stood in the kitchen not sure what to do. Everyone in the house was hysterically upset.
"Seth, what were you thinking?" Sandy asked, out of breath from fighting Ryan's strength.
"What was he thinking?" Kirsten asked in amazement. "I want to know how Ryan knew Seth saw his file!"
"Claim unfounded..." Sandy explained. "Every single child abuse claim against AJ that's in his file is stamped 'Claim Unfounded.' It means AJ got away with everything he ever did to that kid."
"Every single one??? That file has got to be three inches thick!" Kirsten proclaimed.
"Every single one..." Sandy acknowledged.
"What are we going to do? I screwed up. Don't let him leave! Mom, do something!"
"Okay, okay. Everyone calm down. You guys stay here for a minute, I'll go talk to him."
Entering the pool house, Kirsten found Ryan pacing a hole in the floor. "Ryan it's going to be okay."
Stopping dead in his tracks, tonight proved to be his breaking point. His eyes filled up with tears again and the boy with the tough shell came crashing down. "Is it? The harder I try to get away from it, the closer it all seems to follow me. Why can't everyone understand...I just want to forget it. I want to forget about all of it and everyone keeps bringing it back in my face! I just want to forget it..." Dropping to his knees on the floor, he leaned forward on all fours and wept.
Kirsten who had place her hand over her mouth at Ryan's statement through tearful eyes of her own, rushed to his side to comfort him. "Shhh Ryan. We're sorry. All of us. We had no idea how much it upset you."
"I just want to forget it...all of it." His words were heavy with tears and they ripped through Kirsten's heart like a knife. He held her so tight she couldn't even change her seating position on the floor.
"Okay Ryan. We're going to leave the past just where it is, in the past. Okay?"
Ryan nodded slowly against her shoulder as his body jerked from his crying fit. His body trembled in Kirsten's arms.