CHAPTER 19

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Jen shifted the bag of groceries in her arms. "Are you sure you don't want me to take that one from you?"

Maureen shook her head as they waited for the "Do Not Walk" signal to change. "No it's okay. I can hold it. I'm pregnant, not disabled." She made sure the bread wasn't sticking out of the top of her bag as they crossed the street.

"Sorry," Jen smiled at her. "I just want you to be careful because of the ice."

"Yeah it's fine."

They walked on in silence, until they reached Tompkins Square Park. "How's Mark?"

Maureen brushed a strand of hair out of her eye and shrugged. "I haven't really talked to him in a few days."

"Are you avoiding him?" Jen asked curiously.

"I guess you could say that." She coughed and rested the grocery bag against her hip. "Maybe."

"Oh."

"I just don't really know if trying to be more than friends with him is where I really want to be right now."

"Well there's really not some unwritten rule that states that you have to be anything with the father of your child," Jen reminded her.

"Yeah I know that. But it's hard when—ah never mind." Maureen continued walking, obviously frustrated with herself.

"Yeah."

"It's just that Roger always used to tell me that he was "a sucker for me". Even after all the time that had passed and when I was with Joanne, I guess it's still true. If you look at it, he really hasn't had a steady girlfriend since me—since we broke up."

"Mark always has been one to function better by himself."

"What do you mean?"

Jen shrugged her shoulders. "I mean that he wasn't really the type to just have a one night stand and leave it at that, although you probably see the irony in that now, but I'm really not trying to be funny," she laughed. "But like I just said, he's always searched for something more with women—something he could latch on to. I think he just really needs somebody that would be there for him. Someone he doesn't have to worry about running off with another guy."

"Well it looks like I don't meet those requirements. Not anymore," Maureen replied miserably.

"Look, I don't really know the whole story of you and Mark, or what happened between you guys to make you end your relationship. I left months before then. But I do have a pretty good idea at what you're getting at, and all I can say is that time definitely heals all wounds. Believe me. You try dating Roger and see how sane you are."

"Yeah well, you didn't cheat on Roger," she mumbled.

"No, but he did cheat on me," Jen corrected her.

"I cheated on Mark."

"Roger cheated on me. If I can forgive Roger, then Mark can forgive you. And believe me, by the way he talks about you, he probably already has."

Maureen nodded. "I guess I'll save the story of me and Mark for another day, if you're up to hearing it."

"Sure."

They reached the corner of Avenue B and started heading in the direction of the loft. "Can I ask you something?"

Jen checked her cell phone quickly and nodded. "Yeah."

"How long did it take you to forgive Roger?" Maureen placed her hands in her pockets.

Jen thought about this for a minute. "I don't really know how long it took me to forgive him. I was angry with him for a long time—for getting me pregnant and then cheating on me, for letting me raise Abby all alone, for never being there for me. For a while it was almost as if we both vanished without a trace. I called him maybe once and ended up hanging up on him because he was such an asshole to me. I talked to Mark maybe once or twice over those three years I was living on my own. Basically because I didn't want to get involved with Roger again. I guess I needed the space."

"Yeah. I know how you feel. When I was with Joanne I sort of figured that I'd be able to hide out from everybody. I was wrong."

Jen started climbing the stairs behind Maureen. "So why are you avoiding Mark really? Is it just because you don't want to see him?"

"I'm not really sure. He kissed me again last night," she said quietly.

Jen smiled at this. "Collins kissed me too on New Year's. Tongue and all," she laughed. "He was very happy with his wine and beer last night. That and his rendition of "Auld Lang Syne" won't live down for awhile."

"Oh I know. Collins really loses his head when he drinks like that, but it's good to see him have fun and loosen up. Right after Mark, he's probably the most serious out of all of us. And that Logan guy was pretty cute," Maureen acknowledged.

"He was. It's good for Collins just to find someone, even if they're just friends like him and Logan are."

Maureen turned around and smiled. "At least for now."

Jen placed the groceries by the door and unlocked it before picking them up again. "Empty house."

"The best kind." Maureen started unpacking the groceries and putting them in the proper places. "Where is everyone?"

Jen tossed the fruit in the bottom bin of the fridge. "Roger's at physical therapy for his shoulder."

"With Maura from downstairs?" Maureen was referring to Maura Bennett, a woman who lived on the third floor with her boyfriend Jake, a firefighter. Maura was a physical therapist and worked at the same hospital Jen's parents did.

"Yeah. She's in charge of his therapy." Jen poured herself a glass of water. "Abby's at my mom's for the weekend because she wanted to see my sister Erica, and Mark's at work."

"Okay." She glanced at the clock quickly. "I have to meet Joanne for lunch in about an hour."

"Good luck."

Maureen took a sip out of Jen's glass. "Thanks. I think I'll be needing it."

Jen placed her soda on the counter and motioned for Maureen to be quiet. "Do you hear that?"

"No." Maureen shook her head.

"Listen."

The sound of someone singing and various guitar riffs could be heard from somewhere in the apartment, although Jen didn't think it was coming from inside.

 "If that's Roger I'm going to kill him. He's supposed to be at physical therapy! He knows he's not supposed to be playing until he gets the okay from the doctor!"

Maureen tried to stifle a laugh. "Let's think about this. There's only one ambitious rock star wannabe in this building and we all know who that is. But I think it's coming from the fire escape," she smirked. "And maybe he got home early?"

Jen crossed from the kitchen and made it halfway towards the door before she pointed at a puddle of liquid on the carpet. "Jesus! There's fucking beer all over the place."

"The bottle got knocked off the coffee table." Maureen bent down to pick it up and frowned. "Gross. Sticky beer."

"Yeah, wonderful. God if I find out he invited those assholes over here I'm going to kill him," she muttered again. "He could at least fucking let me know every once in awhile. Because then I have to clean up the beer and air out the place because it smells like pot."

"He's started smoking pot again?" Maureen questioned. "Since when?"

Jen shrugged. "No clue. If he does do it he's pretty good at getting rid of the evidence." She pulled open the sliding door to the deck that connected to the fire escape. Sure enough, Roger, Wes, Travis, and Evan were scattered there, smoking and drinking beer. Roger even had his guitar propped up against his legs.

Roger looked up and handed the joint he was holding quickly to Wes. "Hey baby."

Jen stared at him. "Don't hey me." She glanced down at the guitar at his feet, then back to the joint in Wes' hand. "What are you doing with that? And that?"

"Nothing. We were just hanging out."

"Yeah right." She slammed the door and walked back into the kitchen. Maureen was still putting a few things away in the cabinets.

"Sweetie what happened?" she asked her.

"Nothing." Jen started pulling dishes out of the sink and banging them onto the counter. "Do you want something to eat before you leave?"

Maureen stared at her curiously. "No, remember I told you I'm going to lunch with Joanne?"

Jen rubbed her head and nodded. "Yeah, sorry."

They both heard the sliding door open and slam shut loudly, and then Roger appeared in the kitchen. "What the fuck is your problem?" he shouted at Jen angrily.

"I'm not getting into this with you right now," she answered him. "Go take a walk and check your attitude at the door."

"It was just one joint!" he argued at her. "Just one!"

"Oh, just one? So what am I supposed to do when it becomes more than "just one"? Answer me that one Roger!"

"It won't become more than just one! We were just having a good time!"

"You promised me that when I moved in you wouldn't do this. You promised," she shot back at him. "If I knew you were going to pull this I would have stayed in my apartment."

"You wouldn't have been able to pay the rent!" He sat down next to Maureen.

"We would have been able to get by."

Roger laughed at this and crossed his arms over his chest. "By what? Stripping?"

Maureen stood up just then and grabbed her coat. "I better get going. It's almost one."

"I'll see you later Mo. Tell me how it goes," Jen answered her.

"I will. You guys aren't going to kill each other or anything while I'm gone, are you?" she grinned.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Jen pointed to the fire escape and glared at him. "I want them out of here. Please. So I can at least get some work done. And clean up after you."

"I'm going with them then."

"Whatever you want to do Roger. Go roll some more joints. I don't really care right now."

"You never really care Jen! That's your fucking problem."

Jen heard a loud thud and the sound of something banging along the metal stairs outside. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know!" Roger said to her, frustrated. He had his hand on the sliding door at this point.

Jen rushed over to the loft door and pulled it open. She walked out into the hallway to try to figure out where the noise had come from.

"Oh my god! Maureen!"

Roger ran to the door when he heard the urgency of Jen's voice. "Shit! Are you okay?"

Maureen was sitting in the middle of the stairway, one hand resting on her back. She appeared to have fallen down a good portion of the stairs and landed awkwardly on the middle rungs.

"Yeah. Ow, I'm okay. I just slipped on the ice," she said quietly.

Jen winced when she saw the thick ice patches resting on some of the steps. "Jesus, do you think you broke anything? Let me call your doctor and let her know we're coming in."

"No, you really don't have to do that," Maureen protested. Roger climbed down the stairs and helped her up carefully, making sure to wrap one arm around her waist to support her. "Ow!"

"Where does it hurt?" he asked her.

"My back. I think I did a pretty good job of falling."

Roger helped her sit down at the top of the stairs. "We should really get you to the hospital and make sure the baby's okay."

"Oh god! The baby!" Maureen covered her mouth and started crying. "I can't believe I was so stupid to fall down the stairs! I didn't even really watch where I was going! I was just in a hurry to get to the restaurant to meet Joanne for lunch," she sobbed.

Jen sat down and rubbed Maureen's back. "It's okay. We'll get you to the hospital to get you checked out. But remember that the baby's pretty well protected in there, okay? So he or she is probably fine."

Maureen wiped at her eyes and nodded. "Yeah. You're right. I think I twisted my wrist."

Jen grabbed the car keys off the coffee table and pocketed her cell phone. "Let's go. I'll drive." She shot a glare at Roger when she said this.

Roger helped her back down the stairs. "Let me see it." He tried moving her wrist one way but she pulled it away from him.

"Ow! Asshole," she hissed sharply.

"Christ, sorry." He dropped Maureen's wrist and helped her into the backseat. "Let me drive."

"Hell no."

"Jen."

"I'm driving."

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"Are you sure you're feeling fine? Can I get you anything? We could go back to even double check with the doctor—"

"Mark, I said I'm fine! The doctor just said I'm fine! I just had an accident and fell down the stairs!" Maureen practically shouted at him. "I'm okay."

Jen tossed the car keys onto the counter and took off her jacket. Roger followed and silently did the same. After checking into the ER earlier that afternoon, Maureen had been hooked up to a monitor to check the baby's vital signs and stats. After two hours, the doctors were convinced that both she and the baby were physically okay, and sent Maureen upstairs to get an x ray of her wrist. It turned out that she had only sprained it and would have to have to keep it wrapped for about two weeks.

"Alright, sorry," Mark apologized. Maureen nodded and sat down gently on the couch, placing a pillow behind her back. "What do you guys want to do for dinner?"

Jen shrugged and walked into the bedroom. She pulled a few shirts and two pairs of jeans out of the closet and tossed them onto the bed, along with her makeup bag.

Roger sighed and closed the door behind him. "Where are you going?"

"I just need to get away for the weekend," she answered him without looking up.

"From me?" He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her toss the clothes into an overnight bag.

She shrugged. "You promised me."

"I know. I'm really sorry." He dropped his head into his hands. "I'm sorry about the pot."

"Sorry doesn't always cut it. And that's not just what I'm upset about. I just need the weekend away, okay? My mom's dropping Abby off tomorrow morning. I'll be back Sunday."

"Do I get a hint at where you're going?" he practically begged her.

"I'll call you." She grabbed the bag and walked back out into the living room.

"Where are you going?" Mark asked. He stopped in front of her and watched her pull on her jacket. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"I just need some time alone," Jen answered him.

Mark looked back to Roger, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Okay, did something happen between you guys?"

"I'll see you Sunday Marky." Jen looked over to Maureen who smiled sadly at her. "Feel better Maureen. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks. But I think I'm pretty well taken care of here." She shot a smug look at Mark and shrugged.

Roger followed her down the stairs and to her black Jetta. "Can I call you?"

She nodded and leaned against her car door. "Yeah."

"I'm really sorry."

"It's not about that."

He nodded and leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away and gave him a quick hug instead. "Bye."

"Uh—bye." Roger watched her start the car and back it out onto the street. He tried to watch it until it was out of sight, but the streets grew crowded with people and he realized that it wasn't worth it.

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Jen changed the radio station just as she exited the parkway. The forty minutes she had spent in the car trying to fight traffic had given her a lot of time to think—about herself, about Abby, about the situation between her and Roger.

Hey little sister what have you done

Hey little sister who's your only one

Hey little sister who's your superman

Hey little sister who's the only one you want

Hey little sister shot gun

She drummed her fingers along the steering wheel and turned into the residential section of Scarsdale. She turned the windshield wipers down, realizing that the heavy rain she had to battle on the parkway had tapered off to a light drizzle.

I've been away for so long

I let you go for so long

Maybe it had all been one mistake after the other. Moving to New York with Roger in the first place. Then coming back three years later expecting him to be someone different. He was different, but he still was holding on to the old Roger's perspectives and actions. She didn't happen to like that at all, because she knew he could easily end up back where he was when she left the first time.

Take me back home

There is nothing fair in this world

There is nothing safe in this world

And there's nothing sure in this world

And there's nothing pure in this world

Start again

Jen made a right turn onto the street and passed about five houses before pulling into the driveway of a white and brown two-story house. She parked, grabbed her bag from the backseat, and pulled her keys out of the ignition.

It's a nice day for a white wedding

It's a nice day to start again

She rang the doorbell and waited patiently for someone to answer, all the while watching the rain sprinkle the concrete of the walkway.

The door opened and a middle-aged woman was revealed. "Jen?"

"Hi Mrs. Davis."

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