CHAPTER 24
A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews! I appreciated them!
Enjoy the next chapter!
* * * *
"She was raped tonight! The last thing she needs is for you to lose your fucking temper and freak out on her! She was raped, Roger."
Roger stared at Mark and leaned up against the dresser. At that moment, his stomach flipped and all the emotions he was feeling in relation to why no one was telling him anything were replaced by a mixture of sadness and a greater hatred. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. This was hitting him too close to home and it had happened to someone he loved.
"Mark—Christ," Roger finally managed to get out. "This is Jen!"
Mark nodded. "I know. That's why you really need to be there for her right now. She can't go through this alone." He dropped his hands to his side. "She trusts you Roger."
"I know that." He sat down on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start."
Mark sat down next to him and moved a pillow out of the way. "For starters, you need to get her to the hospital. Just to get things checked out and so they can file the report. Then when you both get back, be there when she needs you to be. She might not want to talk about it at first, but when she does, she'll want to talk to you."
Leave it to Mark to be able to take charge of the situation. Roger didn't have much of a response, so instead he settled for just simply nodding his head to agree with him. "Yeah. I can do that. Did she say who did it? Did she even know the person?" He ran his fingers through his blonde hair in frustration.
"Well—"
"She knew the person?" Roger stood up and looked down at Mark. "Who the fuck was it? Do I know this person?"
Mark nodded. "Yes."
"Who?"
"Just keep it in your macho head that you need to get Jen to the hospital before you take off and do anything asinine. Okay?"
Roger rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever. Who was it?"
"Jen told me it was Travis. And you and I both know she's not a liar. She especially wouldn't even lie about something—like this." Mark waited for the second explosion of the night to come from Roger. It was written all over his features.
"What?! You have got to be kidding me. Travis? I just fucking asked him if he had seen Jen tonight when we couldn't find her after the gig. You mean that little shit just did that to her, then lied to me? He's the fucking bass player in the band! I've known him for years! And he fucking raped my girlfriend?"
"Yes."
Roger said nothing, but Mark knew that he didn't want to believe what he had just told him about Travis. It was true that Roger had known Travis for a long time, probably nothing short of seven years. Roger had also trusted Travis with a lot over those years, and to do this to his girlfriend was the ultimate betrayal. Mark didn't even know how else he was supposed to put it. They all just needed to face facts.
"You should go out there and sit with her," Mark said softly.
"Yeah. Okay." Roger made no intention of moving, so Mark instead opened the bedroom slowly. It was then that Roger finally stood up and put one foot in front of the other.
The woman police approached Roger before he could reach Jen. "Sir, I'd just like to take the time to apologize to you for us getting off on the wrong foot, but in these situations, we do need the close relations to the victim to remain as calm as possible." She held up her badge so he could see it. "Claudia Robinson of the NYPD."
"Don't worry about it." Roger looked over her shoulder at Jen. Their eyes met briefly before he looked back at the officer. "Can I help you with something or what? Because my first priority right now is my girlfriend, not you."
"We're only trying to help you both in this situation. Now, Miss Walsh has given us the critical information for this man—"
"Lady, do me a favor and put it into terms that regular fucking New Yorkers can understand or I'm finished with this conversation," Roger shouted at her. "Yes, I understand the damn situation. I know we have to go to the hospital. Do you need anything else on Travis that I can help you with? Or is that enough to shut you up for awhile?"
"Holy shit," Joey said loudly.
"Does he always do this?" Collins interjected.
Joey nodded. "Only when he gets really pissed off."
Mark crossed his arms over his chest. "Tell me about it."
"We'll just need you to go to the hospital. Would you like an escort there, or we can meet you there—"
"I'll drive them," Joey interrupted her. "If that's okay."
Officer Robinson nodded. "That's fine. We'll meet you in the emergency room of the NYU Medical Center in half an hour then." She jotted down a few lines of basic information from Joey just for routine purposes, even checking his driver's license. Both Alex and Officer Robinson left around eleven thirty.
Joey cleared his throat. "Um, I'll just get my keys and warm up my car."
Roger nodded. "Yeah. We'll meet you down there in a second."
Collins planted a kiss on Jen's forehead and headed into the kitchen. "I'll either make or get food so you guys can eat."
"Thanks," Roger added. He looked to Mark, who took the hint he was throwing at him. Roger wanted to clear as much people out of the loft that he could so he could comfortably talk to Jen.
"I'll meet you in the car."
Jen nodded and Mark left the apartment. She looked up at Roger. "I um, I don't have anything here with me. I left my jacket and bag at the club. My insurance card is in there."
"Don't worry about that right now. You can use my insurance."
"They won't let you do that."
"Just use my fucking insurance!" Roger didn't mean to yell at her, but was so frustrated with the whole situation that he didn't know what to do with himself. He caught Collins' disapproving glare from the kitchen and sighed. "I'm sorry baby, I don't mean to yell at you."
She nodded and stood up. "Can we just get this over with then? So I can take a shower?"
"Yeah. Okay. Whatever you want to do." Roger took off his jacket and handed it to her. "Wear that. It's freezing out."
"Then what are you going to wear?"
"I don't care. Just wear my jacket."
Jen nodded and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Just don't yell at me okay? I'm really sorry and don't yell at me," she started crying. "Just don't yell at me." She kept repeating this over and over again, propped up against the wall in his leather jacket that was about two sizes too big for her.
Roger sighed and walked over to her. He rested his hand on her arm and was surprised when she buried her face in his chest. He wasn't expecting that at all. "I'm sorry. It's not you fault. None of this is your fault. I'm so sorry. Please don't cry. It's not your fault." He started stroking her back in small circles and wrapped his arms gently around her. "I'm mad at Travis and what he did to you. I'm not mad at you and I don't mean to take it out on you. I could fucking kill him for what he did, but I'm definitely not mad at you."
* * * *
The drive to the hospital took about twenty minutes. Joey was driving and Mark was navigating in the front seat, leaving Roger seated in the back of the black Explorer with Jen. He had brought her gray sweatpants, an old shirt of his, and her trainers for her to change into after the exam, since Mark realized last minute that they'd probably need her clothes for evidence. She hadn't said much since they had left, but seemed to be shivering a lot, which worried Roger. Joey had his heat practically on full blast and they were all sweating but Jen was freezing.
"Are you cold?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Come here." He opened his arms and she pressed her head into his chest. They spent the remaining minutes circling the parking deck, Roger just stroking Jen's hair softly as she remained curled up against him.
"Fuck, this is why I hate New York City." Joey made a quick K turn and drove out of the parking deck. "Can I drop you guys off at the emergency entrance while me and Mark try to find a damn parking place?"
Roger nodded. "Yeah." Roger only let go of Jen to let her get out of the truck, but she rested up against him the minute the headed towards the admit desk.
Officer Robinson and Alex were waiting inside and handed Jen a few forms to sign. Roger took these and filled them out for her, only pausing so she could sign them where they needed to be.
"I hope my parents aren't on tonight."
"I don't think they are."
Jen looked up at him. "Can you please ask and make sure? Because it would be really awkward if they were here. I don't want to explain this to them right now."
"Okay." Roger approached the charge nurse. "Is Doctor Walsh on right now?"
The woman shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. Rebecca Walsh is off today, and William Walsh is currently in a surgical consultation upstairs and he won't be expected in the ER until later tonight or early this morning. Would you like me to page him for you?"
"No thank you."
It wasn't long before Jen was called in for her exam.
"Jennifer Walsh?" A middle-aged nurse was holding a clipboard in her hand, along with a pencil.
The same receptionist that Roger had just spoken to looked up from the computer she was typing at, but her eyes darted back down to the screen. She hadn't made the connection between the last names at all. It was then that Roger realized he was lucky for his stupid mistake of telling the nurse in the first place, because if she had recognized the last names and put one and one together, Jen's father would have been downstairs in a heartbeat.
Jen stood up and slowly took of Roger's jacket. She handed it to him and bit her lip. "Well, I guess I'll see you in a few."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
The nurse that was holding the clipboard must have sensed the situation, and she briskly nodded at Roger. "He's more than welcome to come in with you, although most women prefer limited men in the room."
"It's fine."
The exam was conducted and all the samples were gathered and shipped off to the lab for analysis. Roger held her hand the entire time and tried to be the strong one for her, but it tore him up to have her lying there on that metal table because someone he had called a friend took advantage of her.
"They're almost done, Jen," he whispered in her ear as they finished up the black light portion of the exam.
She nodded, but buried her face in her hands and started crying. "I just don't want to be here. I want to go home," she quietly sobbed.
Roger kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. "I promise that everything's gonna be okay. It's almost over. You're doing great," he told her. "I love you."
The woman doctor ended the exam and quickly jotted something down on her chart. "Alright Jen, the lab will give you a call on Monday with the results of your STD and HIV tests. Have you eaten anything in the last few others or consumed any alcoholic beverages?"
Jen nodded. "I had two martinis, but nothing to eat since breakfast.."
"Normally I wouldn't allow you to take this outside of the exam room, but there's a pill that I can give you that prevents you from getting pregnant. It's basically very similar to the 'morning after' pill. It does require you to have something to eat and I'd rather you have that food digested than taking it on an empty stomach because it can make you a little nauseous. So I'll leave it in this container for you, but promise me you'll have something to eat when you get home and then take it an hour after you finish eating?"
"Okay."
"Other than that, you have a clean bill of health and I'll just leave this file with the police. I'd suggest that you do look into a support group if you find that it may help you."
"Thanks."
"Have a good night and take care." The doctor left the prescription pill on the counter before leaving the room.
"Um, I have your extra clothes. I didn't know what you wanted, so I took these." Roger handed her the sweatpants and the shirt.
Jen nodded and quickly changed into them. Roger tried not to look at her as she did this, because he knew that would probably make her feel uncomfortable. She slipped the black and gray sneakers on and pulled her dark brown hair into a loose ponytail.
"Thanks."
Alex met them outside the exam room. "I'll meet you back at the loft and we can take care of the Travis situation. I just need to know where he lives and I'll get over there with the arrest warrant."
"I'm going with you."
"No. I don't think you should," Alex told him.
"Well fuck what you think, because whether you like it or not I'm going with you anyway." With that said, Roger brushed past him and bumped straight into Mark and his younger brother.
"How'd it go?" Mark questioned.
Jen shrugged. "It went fine."
"We're taking the subway back," Roger told his brother. Joey nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Are you sure? I mean, it's after midnight, why don't you just drive back—"
"Mark, drop it. We're taking the subway. I'll see you back at the loft."
Mark nodded. "Alright. See you."
* * * *
The subway started rocking back and forth as it pulled out of the last stop. Roger had his arm wrapped around Jen's shoulders and she was leaned up against him once again. They hadn't talked very much since they had gotten on the train, but every so often she said something to him. He tried to listen to the music that was crackling out of the rusted speakers, but with the noise of the subway and various people chattering, it was hard to make it out.
Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know 'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my headAs I dream about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead
Roger smiled to himself when he finally caught the lyrics. It was Bon Jovi's 'Bed of Roses', and it had been, and probably still was, his and Jen's song. They had caught it one day years ago, just lying on his bed talking, and soon after that he had asked her out. They even had danced to it at their senior prom.
With an ironclad fist I wake up and French kiss the morningWhile some marching band keeps it's own beat in my head
While we're talking
About all the things that I long to believe
About love and truth and what you mean to me
And the truth is baby; you're all that I need
Jen's head moved off his chest and she glanced at him. "Hey. That's our song."
He nodded. "Yeah. Took you long enough to realize it."
She gave him a small smile. "I haven't heard that song in years."
"Neither have I."
"Figures that it plays over some shitty subway PA system at almost one in the morning."
"Yeah really." Roger grinned down at her. He was just glad to have her talking, even if was just for a little while.
I want to lay you down on a bed of rosesFor tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
"How many more stops?"
"A few more. Maybe five. You want me to get you something to eat so you can take that pill?"
Jen shrugged. "Maybe." They were silent for a few more minutes. "What happens if I get pregnant?"
Roger didn't know what to say to that. He didn't have a good answer prepared for her. "I don't know."
"Thanks for the help," she said bitterly.
"Well what the hell do you want me to say to that? I'm trying to be as supportive of you as I fucking can right now, okay? If you get pregnant, then I don't know what to tell you, because I don't know what you'll want. I don't know if you'll want to keep it, or give it up for adoption, or have an abortion because it's not my body. I don't know what to tell you Jen. That's why they gave you the pill."
"Well there's still a chance it could happen," she said quietly.
"I know that. And if it does, we'll talk about it then. But right now I don't know what to say to you. I'm sorry," Roger apologized.
Well I'm so far awayThat each step that I take is on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through
'Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper
Baby, blind love is true
"This is just so fucked up. This whole situation," she said loudly. "I don't know. What if I am?"
"Then you are," he sighed, dropping his head into his hands.
"Then I'm supposed to have that baby?"
Roger looked at her. He knew she was being irrational right now, but he decided that her emotions had to come out sometime, and better aimed at him then someone else. "I don't know."
"Well would you want that baby if I chose to have it?" she asked him. "It's not your baby. It wouldn't have been fathered by you."
"Jen—"
"Would you want it?"
"If you were pregnant, and you chose to have it, then yes, I would want it."
"But it's not your baby! It wouldn't be yours!" she sobbed. "I want another baby of yours, not someone else's, but I can't have that! Because you're sick and you can't get me pregnant! We can't have another baby!" A few people turned around to look at her as she said this, but lost interest quickly.
Roger's heart almost broke when he heard her say that. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat as he continued hugging her lightly. The ironic thing was, he wouldn't mind having another kid around. He already loved being around Abby. But any chance of him trying to get Jen pregnant would mean an even higher risk of her getting infected with HIV, and he wasn't willing to risk that unless there was some miraculous way around it.
"What are you trying to tell me Jen? I'm sorry about what happened tonight. Believe me, when the police and I find Travis he'll pay for everything he fucking did to you tonight. But none of this is your fault. Don't even think that. I fucking blame myself for letting you go to that gig tonight and being around him. I'm so sorry." He didn't even realize that he was just rambling on and on without even answering her question in the first place. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make you feel better. And I'm so fucking sorry we can't have another baby because I want one too. But I can't change the fact that I'm sick. I would if I could, but I can't."
Jen nodded, but this only made her cry harder. "I know, I know. There are so many different things you can do these days. I mean, we can try in vitro fertilization because now they can isolate the virus so I won't get infected. I don't know, I'm sorry, I just want to go home," she cried.
Roger closed his eyes and rested his head against the glass of the window, still holding her. He wanted to change so many things right now.
* * * *
"You sure this is his place?"
Roger nodded at Alex. After they had got off the subway, he had dropped Jen off at the loft with Collins, but headed out again with Mark and Joey to hopefully arrest Travis. That is, if they could find him.
Alex nodded to two other police officers and they disappeared inside the club. Roger followed with Mark and Collins. He spotted Travis before either of the officers could and automatically approached him.
"Hey man," Travis greeted him. "We were just finishing—"
Roger's fist met Travis' jaw line and they loud crack resulting from it practically echoed throughout the room. He grabbed Travis by his shirt and threw him up against the wall. "What did you do to Jen tonight?"
The police officers spotted the brawl and ran over automatically, trying to break it up. Mark grabbed Roger by his arm and tried to pull him off of Travis, but was quickly pushed aside.
"We just had some fun! She wanted to!" Travis' eyes darted to Roger's fist again. "She fucking wanted to!"
"Bullshit!" Roger slammed him up against the wall again. "You fucking raped her and you know it!"
"She was asking for it!"
Roger hooked him again in cheek and Joey took the initiative to try and help the police officers break it up. "You fucking stay away from her! As far as I'm concerned, you're out of the band. If I ever catch you near my girlfriend and our daughter I'll kill you. You understand me? Do you?" he screamed at him.
Travis said nothing kicked Roger in his ribs. "Get the fuck off me. You don't know who you're messing with it."
"Break it up!" One of the officers shouted.
Alex pinned Travis up against the wall and handcuffed his arms. "Travis Dunn, you're under arrest for the alleged crimes of rape and sexual assault. You have the right to remain silent and anything you do or say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
Joey had managed to block himself in front of Roger so he couldn't lunge at Travis anymore. "Rog, come on. Let it go. He's shit, he's not worth it."
"You're out of the fucking band! Come near this place again and I'll kill you."
"We'll see what Wes has to say about this! You can't just kick me out of the band!" The police and Alex escorted Travis outside and into the nearest squad car.
"We'll find a replacement!" Roger shouted after him. He held his hands to his left side and rubbed them.
"Roger—" Mark started. He handed him some ice from a nearby glass to press against it, but Roger just knocked it out of his hand.
"Stay the fuck away from me, just let me be," Roger breathed heavily before taking off, out of the club and out of sight.
Mark shook his head and sighed. "Christ."
"Let it go. He's just upset. He'll be fine in the morning," Joey reminded him. "I guess we should head back then?"
Mark nodded. "Yeah, we might as well. So much for trying to help him out."
* * * *
Roger sat down on the couch later that morning after he had gotten home from the club. Collins had told him that Jen had automatically gone to bed after eating something and taking her pill. She had been asleep for about an hour when Roger walked through the door.
When you close your eyes know I'll be thinking about you Tonight I won't be alone but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend
Mark had decided to stay downstairs with Maureen, and Joey had opted to take the extra bedroom in Maureen's apartment to give Roger and Jen some time alone. It didn't help, because all Roger needed right now was someone to talk to, and the two people he had hoped would have listened wanted nothing to do with him right now. Jen was fighting her own battle right now because of what Travis had done to her. Even she probably didn't want to talk to him.
Roger stood up and sat down at the island. He rested his head against the cool surface and drummed his fingers along the edge. Since when had life gotten so fucked up? Why did Jen have to get raped tonight? Why did he miss the first three years of Abby's life? Why did he have to contract HIV? Why did he choose to get addicted to heroin? Why, why, why. He felt another lump rise in his throat and reached for the cordless phone. Even though it was a little after three AM, he didn't care at this point. He managed to get his fingers to dial the number, and he listened as it rang.
Sandra Davis reached over her sleeping husband to answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Mom?" Roger ran his fingers through his hair.
She sat up in bed as Jerry stirred next to her. "Roger? It's three in the morning, what's wrong?"
Roger tried to force the lump back down, but hot tears that sprung to his eyes replaced it. He wasn't a crier. Never had been. He preferred to resort to the well-perfected technique of locking people out of his life. But now tonight, with everything that happened and no one pushing him to open up, he didn't know what to do. This time around, there was no Mark begging him to face reality. No Collins constantly inquiring about what he could do to make Roger feel better. No Mimi—god, no Mimi at all. Mimi was gone. No Maureen trying to cheer him up with a joke or a funny parody of something that had happened earlier that day. He couldn't even make Jen feel better. He couldn't help her, and that was breaking him.
"Mom? I can't do this anymore." And with that he completely broke down on the phone with her. He told her everything. About shutting Mark out of his life. About April and how bad his heroin addiction really was. How he now had HIV because of that and about his stints in rehab. He told her about Mimi, how much he loved her, and how she was taken from him earlier that year. Mostly about how much he still missed her. He told Sandra about Abby, and Jen coming back. About proposing to her. When he got to the events that had happened tonight, he couldn't stop crying and realized that he was glad that Jen was sleeping and Mark and Joey weren't there, because he probably looked nothing short of insane. How many times did you see a twenty six year old man break down in your kitchen?
"I'll be right there sweetie. Hang in there. I'll be right there and I love you," Sandra told him.
"Okay. I love you too."
Sandra hung up the phone and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Jerry was now sitting up and reading the paper because the conversation with Roger had taken so long. "I have to go to the city. Roger needs me."
Jerry nodded. "Then go. He's a good kid. He'll pull through this."
Sandra grabbed her purse and car keys before giving Roger's stepfather a quick kiss. "I'll give you a call and let you know when I'll be back."
"No problem."
* * * *
Roger hung the phone up and wiped at his eyes. Even though it had taken about an hour to explain everything to his mom, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. He had honestly needed that. She was on her way to the loft, and he knew that everything would be okay. He knew that it would take some time to get Jen back to her old self, but he knew that sooner or later, she would be. She'd pull through this and he'd help her through it.
He had faith that with a little more communication from everyone, things would get better. Hopefully.
I want to lay you down on a bed of rosesFor tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
* * * *
Review please. :o)
Lyrics: 'Bed of Roses'; Bon Jovi.