CHAPTER 25
A/N: Thanks for the reviews as always. :o) I hope you guys aren't losing interest, because I've been trying to update as much as I can but sometimes that gets a little rough with exams this week. Well, please don't forget to review, because your feedback means more than you might think and I do truly appreciate each and every one of the reviews I get for all my stories.
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THREE DAYS LATERMaureen got up off the couch and passed down the hallway. She heard Mark's light snores coming from her bedroom and knew he was sound asleep. Abby was asleep right next to him. It only about five AM, and she figured that she was probably the only one up in the whole building. Some of her neighbors probably hadn't even gotten home for a night of partying. Might as well have been appropriate, considering the familiar nauseous feeling was making a return. She sighed and quickly emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Her bathroom was looking far too pretty to have to throw up in it every morning.
The past week had brought a lot of doubts to her mind, most certainly about herself, Mark, and the baby. She mostly doubted her ability to raise a child with little to no money to support it, let alone herself. Her shifts had been cut back to two a week at the Life, and although she was still receiving strong tips, it wasn't enough to get by once she paid the bills and bought food. Maureen knew this baby would be the epitome of expensive. And she did feel horrible for admitting it, but the baby was technically—a mistake.
As she sat on the edge of the bathtub in that small bathroom, she remembered a story she used to read when she was little. It was called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Maureen realized that she read that book so much when she was growing up, after she moved to Chicago with her parents, that she practically had a copy of it imprinted in her mind. This week had been nothing story of terrible, and it had gotten progressively worse. Joanne had called her twice, bitching her out about not shipping the rest of the boxes to Seattle and missing their lunch dates. Then she couldn't stop feeling sick physically. All she could do was lie on the couch, watch TV, and munch on crackers and ginger ale. She was starting to worry, because she was getting very thin and realized that her obstetrician would take that as a negative sign. It was impossible to hold anything down. Then the clincher of the week had been Jen getting raped. When Mark had first told her, she burst into tears on the spot and exhausted herself to the point where she slept through the majority of the next day. Things between her and Mark had been strained as well. They had barely spoken much that week. He was always upstairs with Jen and Roger, leaving her downstairs by herself. She couldn't help but feel alone right now.
She wasn't ready for parenthood. She didn't want to worry about the money. She felt like an absolute traitor to herself and Mark for even thinking this, but thoughts of abortion had been running rampant through her mind. Maureen didn't want any child of hers suffering because their own mother couldn't take care of herself. Sighing, she ran her hands through her shoulder length curly hair. Glancing towards sink top, she spotted her prenatal vitamins, along with a bottle of Tylenol PM.
Maybe instead of taking her disgusting vitamins, she'd take an extra dosage of Tylenol and sleep through the next week. Maybe swallowing the contents of the whole bottle and not being alive at all would serve a better purpose than the one she was serving right now.
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Roger awoke that Monday morning to feel someone's hand resting on his head, running it back and forth through his hair. He squinted and briefly opened us to realize it was just his mother sitting on the edge of the bed. Sandra was holding a glass of water, his pills, and what appeared to be a bottle of Tylenol.
"Morning sweetie."
He sat up against the pillows and took the pills from her. He quickly swallowed them with the water. "Morning. What time is it?"
"A little after eleven. How'd you sleep?"
"Okay, I guess," Roger lied. The truth was, he had tossed and turned all last night. He hadn't slept in his room with Jen. Instead, he had ended up on the couch. He hated lying to his mother. He had been doing it for so much of his life, keeping one thing after the other from her. First his drug addiction, then his HIV status. Roger's mother was still in her early 50s, and after raising five children; he had learned he could rarely keep anything from her. But this time he had been able to keep something of importance from her, and even though she had her suspicions, she never pushed him for answers. Never judged him. Never said anything out of anger. He supposed she was just waiting all this time for him to come out and finally clue her in on what he had been keeping from her for so long.
"Well that's good. Do you want something to eat?"
Roger shook his head and sat up more against the arm of the couch. "Is Jen up yet?"
"She got up a little bit around seven I think. I heard her moving around in your room and the TV was on in there, but I think she went right back to bed. She hasn't been up since."
"Okay."
Sandra slid her petite frame onto the couch next to him. She stole one of the blankets from him and wrapped it around herself. "So."
"Yeah."
"You want to really tell me what's on your mind?"
Roger sighed and started playing with one of his earrings. He hadn't had a real sit down talk with his mom in years. He hadn't even talked to her that much when she first got to the loft early Saturday morning. Considering they used to spend about an hour talking to each other after school, it was a change for him. His mother even used to make a game out if it. He'd come home, she'd make him something to eat, they'd talk and she would try to tackle his chemistry homework with him. Then he'd spend another hour on the phone with Jen, or some days, he'd go over her house until his curfew, which was usually around eleven thirty on school nights. "I'm confused. I guess."
Sandra tucked a blonde piece of hair behind her ear. "That's understandable. But you have to be more specific if you want me to be able to help you."
"I'm just really worried about Jen. I mean, she's hasn't completely isolated herself or anything, but she hasn't been acting that comfortable around me. I mean she has, but she hasn't. I don't want to be an asshole about the whole situation, but I really miss her. I miss the way things used to be. I miss us just being able to lie on the couch and watch a movie, me just holding her or whatever. I don't know."
"You mean you miss the physical part of the relationship?"
Roger shrugged. "Yeah. We do a lot of things together. We shower together. We sleep together—well in more ways then one," he laughed. He blushed a little bit as he said that. He almost forgot that he was talking to his mom and not Mark.
Sandra laughed as well. "I know what you mean."
"I miss all of that. I miss her."
"Well honey you should probably try to bring it up with her. I'm not saying to push her into anything she doesn't want to do, but just let her know what she can trust you and most importantly, feel comfortable around you. Then just leave the invitation open. Next time you're sitting on the couch, ask her if she wants to watch a movie with you. Make sure it's okay to put your arm around her and all that. And if you want to kiss her or do anything else, ask her. I know it probably sounds a little weird, but in some ways you're basically rebuilding your physical relationship with her. The next time she takes a shower, maybe ask her if it would be okay if you took one with her to save hot water. See how things progress, and she'll be feeling back to her old self. She's been through something pretty traumatic, and you have to understand that she needs to build her comfort levels back up. Just be patient with her."
"Yeah." Roger ran his fingers through his hair. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"
"Of course."
"Jen wants to have another baby. She brought it up to me on the subway ride home. But you and I both know now that there would be no way she could conceive a baby without me infecting her."
"That's true."
"But I've been doing a lot of researching on in vitro fertilization for couples where one partner is HIV positive, usually the male. It turns out that there's actually something they can do to well, process my, you know." Now he was really starting to feel uncomfortable talking about this with his mom. "So they can isolate the virus and the sperm would be healthy. They'd put Jen on AZT just to be on the safe side, but in couples around the world and in the US, it's almost ninety eight percent effective."
Sandra nodded curiously. "I've actually heard about that. Annie was talking about it a few weeks ago. She said they've had a few couples inquiring about it recently, and it's supposedly effective, but costly."
"That's the downside. I found out the cost today."
"Well how much is it?"
Roger sighed. "Anywhere from $12,000 to $17,000 dollars for one round of in vitro. That is if it works. But Jen's young, and we'd have a better chance. If the insurance covers it, we'd be okay. We'd probably only have to pay a small part of it."
"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's not risky, because there's a slight chance it could be. But I can guarantee you for the amount of money you'd pay for it, the doctors and specialists would do everything in their power for Jen to not contract the virus."
"That's what I was thinking."
"Well you thought right," Sandra smiled at him. "I think I'm going to take Miss Abby to Scarsdale with me for today, so I better go and wake her up. God knows she's still asleep at Mark and Maureen's." She kissed Roger on the cheek. "And talk to Jen when she wakes up. She trusts you."
He nodded. "Thanks Mom."
"Anytime sweetie."
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"Hey Rog?"
"Yeah?" Roger looked up from the lyrics he was trying, but failing miserably, at writing.
"Did Maureen happen to come by and talk to you or Jen today? Or yesterday?"
He shook his head. "Not that I know of. She definitely hasn't talked to me at all. Why?"
Mark shrugged. "I don't know. She's acting weird again. I'm starting to worry about her."
"Like last time? When she started cheating on you with men and women?"
"Well—yeah. But it's different this time. I know it is."
"Mark, I'm not trying to get involved in your personal life or anything, but really, you know how I still feel about Maureen. She's manipulative and—"
"Vindictive?
"Spiteful. Yeah."
"Same difference." Mark sighed and rested his hand on his knee. "So what are you trying to tell me Roger?"
"That maybe you two shouldn't be together? I don't know. I have a headache and this isn't the top priority on my mind right now. No offense or anything, but you know that no matter how nice she tries to be to me, I still think she's a bitch. And whether you like to admit it or not, she did make your life hell for a long time. Maybe you should just think about that before you get into any long term commitment."
Mark felt his temper rising as Roger continued speaking. "Maybe you shouldn't be one to preach about commitment, considering you cheated on everyone of your girlfriends. Including Mimi."
"I didn't cheat on Mimi," he glared at him.
"Yeah, right. Whatever. But you did cheat on Jen and April repeatedly. You're just too ashamed to admit that. Commitment is like a fucking island in the South Pacific to you. It's unreachable."
"Did you forget the day I told you that I proposed to Jen? Or were you buried behind your camera like usual?"
Roger was going for the insults. Mark could easily play that game as well. "Well before you go and get married, then maybe you should give all the girls one last go at the great Roger Davis. Because god forbid, you stay committed to someone that had a child of yours, not referring to the others that you probably have fathered over the years."
Roger angrily slammed his hand down on the table. "Fuck you, Mark. He crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the metal trashcan. "There's no need to be jealous."
"Jealous? Of you?" Mark started clapping obnoxiously. "You've just done so many great things in your life Roger that I'm proud of. Excuse me while I kiss the ground you walk on and start taking notes."
"Go hide behind the camera again. I don't care what you do as long as you get out of my face."
"Whatever."
"Go check on your girlfriend downstairs and make sure she isn't sleeping with a random guy off that street like the slut she is," Roger shouted at him angrily. He was trying to hurt Mark to get some of the pain he was feeling out of his system. It appeared to be working, too.
Mark said nothing but just opened the loft door and quickly walked out, slamming it behind him.
Roger shook his head and groaned as he walked into his bedroom. He was trying to be as patient as possible with Jen, but with Mark constantly on his case, he felt like he was about to snap at any second.
Jen looked up from her laptop when he walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Hi."
"Hey." He stretched out on his back and looked over at her. "What are you doing?"
"Checking my inbox. Thinking," she replied.
"Yeah."
"I heard you and Mark arguing. About me?" She unplugged her laptop and set it on the nightstand.
Roger shrugged. "No. Not really. He's just worried about Maureen and I'm being an asshole I guess. Like usual."
"Oh." She turned on her side to face up, stretching out next to him. "I don't think you're an asshole. You're just stubborn."
He laughed at this. "Yeah. That's true."
"How's Abby?"
"She's good. My mom and Joey took her back to Scarsdale this morning. She's sort of asking some questions, but I told her that I'd talk to her later about it. I just don't like lying to her, but I don't think she should know the truth of what happened."
Jen shrugged. "Okay."
"Can I ask you something?"
She nodded slowly. "Sure."
"Are you mad at me? Or do I make you uncomfortable?"
She shook her head, but Roger saw he try to blink back the tears that had formed. "No. I love you."
"I love you too, that's why I'm asking." He slipped his hand into hers. He ran his thumb over her hand. "I really need to get you a ring."
"I probably don't deserve one anyway, but do what you want to do."
Roger let go of her hand and propped his head up with his hand. "You deserve one. Why wouldn't you?"
"Because maybe we're doing this too fast. Maybe we shouldn't be getting married." A tear slid out of her eye, but she brushed it out of her eye. "Forget it."
"Why don't you want to get married?" He glanced at her. "I know you're uncomfortable around me, but I promise you that I won't ever push you to do anything until you're ready. I can wait," he reassured her. "If that's what you're worried about."
"I don't know."
"Okay." Roger sighed, frustrated. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't want to push the topic any farther. "You want to get out of here for a little while?"
Jen shrugged. "Not really."
"I've got a good place I could take you? Please?"
"Fine." She slipped on her sneakers. "If I have to."
Roger grinned. "Okay. Let's go."
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"Do I at least get a hint or something?"
Roger pointed. "Is that enough of a hint?"
Jen glanced in the direction he was pointing towards and let go of his hand. "Roger—"
"I promise you'll have fun. And if you don't, you can give me the silent treatment for the rest of the week. Deal?"
She laughed a little. "Okay. But this is all your fault if I get hurt or fall down."
They walked towards the ice rink at Rockefeller Center and Roger reached for her hand again. This time Jen rested her head on his shoulder.
After Roger rented the skates, they sat down on a bench and laced them up tightly. Roger looked over at Jen and realized she was smiling a little bit as she finished tying the laces.
"What's so funny?" he asked her, grinning.
"This. You and me ice-skating. I can't ice skate," she laughed, brushing a piece of hair out of her face.
"Well neither can I. And I can guarantee you that I'll be the only person making an ass out of himself on the ice, so no worries."
"Yeah, and I'm that ass's girlfriend. So either way, you're embarrassing not just yourself, but me too." Jen finished with her skates and stood up with Roger's help. "Let's go, ass."
"No name calling or I'll embarrass you purposely," he threatened.
Jen pushed Roger onto the ice and watched him struggle to grab the wall. She snorted and tried to run away as he skated back around and lightly grabbed her around the waist, lifting her onto the ice.
"That's wasn't fair," he laughed as Jen linked her hand through his. They skated around the rink a few times, and then Roger started twirling around like a ballerina jokingly. "How do I look?"
Jen grabbed onto the wall to watch him. "Like a jerk!" she shouted out into the cold night air.
"Yeah?" How about this one?" He did a little jump and almost lost his balance. "Oh, shit!"
"That's what you get!"
"Come on, we can be pairs skaters. Like the Olympics." He reached for her hand and started twirling her on the ice. He even lifted her up and tried to hold her in a graceful pose.
"Put me down!" Jen laughed. "People are staring at us!"
"Yeah? Probably because we're so good," he grinned. He turned a corner sharply and lost his balance. Roger wobbled and fell, Jen landing on top of him. They laid on the ice in one corner, just laughing as random people continued skating by.
"You ass." Jen poked him in the side.
"My ass is really cold," he laughed. He got to his feet and pulled Jen up next to him. A light snow had started to fall just then, which reminded Roger that the forecast had called for about three inches of snow that night into the next morning.
"That's what you get for trying to be the next Brian Boitano."
"You can laugh all you want, Nancy Kerrigan."
She rested her head on his chest again and nodded. "It's getting cold out here."
Roger wrapped his arms around her. "Let me take you ring shopping sometime this week? Please? Just humor me for once?"
Jen nodded slowly. "I guess you leave me no choice." She looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. That's fine. Just don't spend too much money on me."
"It's my money."
"Roger."
He grinned and brushed the snowflakes out of her hair. "Okay. I'll try not to." He looked down into her blue eyes and tried to ignore the strong feeling of wanting to kiss her right that second. He didn't know what she wanted, or what she was comfortable with.
Jen bit her lip and caught him staring at him. "What?"
"I just uh—nothing." He broke the gaze and shook his head. "Never mind. We should probably be heading back."
"Yeah, you're right." Their lips were inches away from each other. "We better get back."
"Yeah."
"We're not going anywhere."
"No were not."
Jen sighed. "Fuck it." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. She couldn't isolate herself from him anymore. She missed him. She missed his arms around her; his kisses; everything about him. She wasn't going to be afraid because of Travis. Granted she wasn't ready to have sex with Roger right at this moment, but she wasn't going to hold off on kissing him. It would take her a long time to get comfortable with Roger in that way again, but she was willing to work towards it and not hold back. Not any longer.
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NEXT UP: Ring shopping, more drama with Travis, and Maureen contemplates ending her pregnancy—and her life.