Disclaimer: Amy Sherman-Palladino owns everything except the plot.
A/N 1: I know a lot of people are wondering how long they can keep this thing from Rory, and exactly how it's going to affect the Lorelai and Rory dynamic. Well, I hate to say I will be holding out a wee bit longer, but I promise, Rory will inevitably find out soon enough, and hopefully I can make it turn out with everyone happy in the end. For awhile, at least :)
A/N 2: I know I promised this fic wouldn't have anything from season 5 in it plot-wise, and that still holds, but points to you if you can find the season 5 premiere reference! :) This chapter also ran way long, so I hope this tides you over til Tuesday! :)
Sing One You Know
Chapter Four
The sun streaming through the windows was a rude awakening to Luke as he blinked at the blue sky outside. He didn't recognize the window said sun shined through, splaying rays across the bed he lay on that was most certainly not his own. It took a moment for him to remember what had happened last night, and then, only when he looked down and saw deep brown hair tousled across the pillow next to him did it all come back.
It was a strange experience, waking up next to Lorelai. He had always thought she would hit him with a pillow to wake him up, tease him about sleeping in, then hold his clothes hostage until he threatened to withhold coffee from her. Not that he had given this a lot of thought or anything, but now he found that the actual waking up beside her was much different. For one thing, she was quiet. Granted, she was asleep, but he could only hear a soft exhale every few seconds as she slept with her back to him. He slid out of bed carefully as not to wake her, and walked around to the other side of the bed to watch her sleep, kneeling on the floor next to the bed. He rested his chin on his folded arms and saw something he realized he had never seen before: Lorelai sleeping. It was beautiful, she was beautiful, almost crystallized, and her eyelashes were swept closed, her hand beneath her cheek. A lock of hair fell into her face, and he reached out and pushed it behind her ear. She stirred slightly, and her eyes blinked slowly, unfocused. He smiled at how bright the blue swirls were even so early in the morning; somehow he'd thought everything about Lorelai would brighten once she'd gotten her coffee in her, but he was pleasantly surprised to see it come through when she first woke up.
Lorelai stared at him for a few seconds, and Luke was about to say something when her head shot up off the pillow and she yelped. Luke's mouth dropped open. "Lorelai –"
"Oh my God, you scared me!" She was half-sitting up, the blanket falling off her shoulders, her hair splayed in all directions, forming a dark halo around her head accented by the sunlight spotlighting the bed. "What were you doing?!"
"I was watching you sleep!" Luke said, feeling slightly stupid and annoyed. "It was supposed to be – never mind." He eased up and sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window.
Lorelai caught her breath, watching him for a moment, and sighed, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She crawled over to him as he sat with his back to her, and put her arms around his neck, covering them both with the blanket. "Luke, I'm sorry. You just – I wasn't expecting it."
Her breath tickled his ear as she whispered to him, and he softened considerably, though unwilling to let on that she had won so easily. He said nothing in return.
Lorelai kissed him on the cheek, letting her lips linger for a moment before resting her head on his shoulder. "Good morning," she said.
He turned and found himself face to face with her. He reached up and touched her face gently, and he knew she knew she had him. He kissed her forehead, then her eyes, the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. She closed her eyes and fell into his kiss, the blanket dropping out of her hands as she ran her fingers through his hair. Luke was surprised to find the kiss becoming intense so quickly, but he didn't care; the kiss deepened and he pulled Lorelai against his body. She was warm from the bed and his hand rested on the small of her back, the other hand against the bare skin left showing from her tank top. She shivered against his mouth and kissed him harder, and Luke felt his heartbeat quicken at her sheer closeness, let alone her lips against his, the scent of her hair, the smoothness of her skin. He could barely breathe as the sun heated his back with Lorelai practically in his lap. Then she was in his lap, and he fell slowly backwards onto the bed, Lorelai on top of him, and they were kissing and her hands were everywhere and he was really afraid he might stop breathing now, but it didn't matter. He heard her moan softly somewhere in the back of his mind, and his hands were on her skin, her hips, he just wanted to feel her, for God's sake, and suddenly the bed was gone, the walls and the sun and the morning disappeared, because he knew nothing except Lorelai.
"Oh, God, you feel..." Lorelai whispered into his neck, her lips tickling his skin, and he shuddered as their breathing increased together. The sheets were tangled up with them now, Luke's foot was caught in the blankets at the end of the bed, but Lorelai's legs were intertwined with his and he could move only with her. They lay for a moment, trying to catch their breath, and Lorelai had just leaned down and pressed her lips against his once more, his hands had found her bare shoulders again, when a voice from the stairs brought them crashing back to reality.
"Mom?" Lorelai's head snapped up, and the look on her face was priceless. Luke would've teased her about how huge her eyes were if it weren't for how the situation had suddenly become not about them real fast. The voice in question came from downstairs as feet began padding up the stairs.
"Oh my God," Lorelai whispered. "You – We were supposed to – early, you were supposed to be gone – damn it –"
Luke knew all of this before it came stumbling out of her mouth, and they lay frozen for a second, trying to come up with something, anything to fix the situation. Suddenly, Lorelai did fix it – in a way Luke found less than acceptable. She rolled off of him and pushed him as hard as she could, and he found himself lying on the floor in a pile of sheets. He opened his mouth to complain when Lorelai's head peeked over the side. "Don't. Make. A sound."
Rory appeared in the doorway to Lorelai's room, and she stared for a moment at the mess of sheets and blankets as Lorelai sat at the top of the bed, her tank top hanging off one shoulder, looking incredibly innocent, or at least she hoped she did. Finally, Rory spoke.
"Um, are you having those weird night terrors Kirk was talking about? Because this place looks a tornado came through it, and I heard you yell a minute ago, and –"
"Oh, that?" Luke closed his eyes, begging that whatever found its way out of Lorelai's mouth was at least somewhat plausible. "Yeah, I thought, well, I thought I saw a spider on the floor, and I freaked out, of course, cause, spiders, they're all little and scurrying and, um, generally, bad, so I yelled. And scared the spider. So, everything's okay!" Luke could hear the smile on Lorelai's face as she covered up desperately. There were a few agonizing moments of silence, then an "Ooookay," from Rory. Luke almost sighed in relief, then remembered the no-sound rule. He struggled to breathe carefully, as his leg was starting to cramp from the awkward position in which he'd landed when Lorelai had pushed him off the bed. He heard Rory leave, heard her footsteps on the stairs, heard the door shut quietly behind her. He still lay on the floor, unsure as to whether or not he could move, when Lorelai's head appeared above him on the bed. "Okay, get up!"
He jumped at the command, and sighed as he gathered the blankets and piled them on the bed, easing himself up. "Do you have to be abrupt about everything?" he grumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed. Lorelai grinned as she sprawled beside him, rubbing his knee gently with her fingers, her hair splayed across the bed. "Aww, did I scare you?"
"No."
This response made Lorelai grin even wider, but the smile faded after a moment when she remembered. "We have to get you out of here somehow."
Luke watched her carefully. "How long are you going to keep this from Rory? I never thought – I mean, well – I didn't think you would..."
Lorelai sighed and rolled over, lying on her stomach and resting her head on her arms. "I don't know," she said finally, in a small voice Luke had never heard before, and he reached out instinctively to put a hand on her back. He almost moved it away, but Lorelai spoke again and he kept it there, hoping to be some comfort.
"I know I need to tell her, I just – I don't know I'm doing this!" she said in frustration. "I never keep anything from Rory. Never. And now it's like, the longer I go without telling her, the more I'm afraid she'll hate me and probably move in with my parents or something to spite me because I didn't tell her first thing. Which I deserve. Though I'll be damned if I let her live with my mother for any lengthened amount of time, no matter what the circumstances," she added after a moment.
Luke knew he probably shouldn't ask the next question, but it came out of his mouth before he had time to think it through. "Why didn't you?"
"I don't know!" Lorelai threw up her hands. "I was so scared, Luke. You have no idea – when this whole thing started, when you kissed me and everything was happening so fast – I was...I was scared." The last part was in a soft voice that made Luke incredibly nervous, and he rubbed her back gently, hoping she would calm down, because he had no idea how to react to Lorelai being truly upset, something he very rarely had dealt with. "I was scared for me, and for you, and what would happen if me and you became us, as we've already talked about..." the hint of sarcasm crept in her voice, much to Luke's relief, though it didn't get any easier after that. "I mean, I didn't even know what to think. I didn't know how to handle this! The potential to screw up was huge, and Rory always knows how to voice the questions I'm too afraid to ask, and I was just scared to let everybody down if something started between us."
"Something has started between us," Luke found himself saying, and he did a double take in his head, having no idea how that came out.
"I know!" Lorelai cried, and Luke tensed. She sighed and turned her head the other way, facing away from him. Luke sat awkwardly on the bed, trying to figure out how where in the conversation she had gotten upset at him. He scooted closer to her and ran his hand up and down her arm, squeezing her shoulder. She turned her head back to face him, resting it on her folded arms, and watched him quietly for a moment. Her eyes met his, and he almost stopped when he saw the look reflected in those rounded blue eyes – it was...well, it was sadness. Luke's mouth opened a little, and he tried desperately to think of something to say to make it better, to make her stop looking at him like that, but nothing came. They were still for what seemed like hours, though it was only a few minutes. Luke watched the dust dancing in the smoky sunlight streaming in through the window, lighting the whole room, Lorelai's smooth skin beneath his fingertips, and he appreciated them being together, in this room, in this moment.
The silence was broken as quickly as it had come, when Lorelai eased herself up and said softly, "You should go. I don't want – I need to talk to Rory and you – you shouldn't be here," she said with a laugh that didn't quite reach her eyes. She opened the door a crack and looked outside, then beckoned to Luke to get ready to follow her out. He stood up and came up behind her, and she was so close, he could feel her radiating heat into him. Without thinking, he tilted his head down and pressed his lips against her neck, and she shivered at the warmth that shot up her spine and down through her body. She closed her eyes and leaned back against his body, and loved how they matched up so perfectly, as Luke's arm slipped around her waist, she leaned into him, angling her cheek against his shoulder as his chin rested on her head. It was just a moment of comfort, a simple second, but when his lips brushed against the curve where her neck met her shoulder, Lorelai exhaled softly and tried to get even closer to him, though she could feel every inch of him enveloping her. She sighed into him, and he nuzzled her neck gently, his hand pressed against her stomach.
A noise from down the hall made then jump apart instinctively, and Luke nearly slammed into the door in effort to put space between himself and Lorelai. Lorelai turned and saw his wide eyes, and she had to cover her mouth to stifle the laughter. She beckoned for him to follow her, and they made their way carefully downstairs, the running water indicating Rory in the shower. Lorelai tiptoed across the living room, the blankets, videos and popcorn still strewn across the room, and Luke followed her as quietly as he could, and they had reached the front door just as the water shut off upstairs. Luke met Lorelai's eyes, and she waved him over urgently. He hurried over, trying to stay silent, when they heard the door open above them. Both froze, and listened hard for the sound of Rory exiting the bathroom, but they heard and saw nothing save the light streaming in from the hall.
They stood for what seemed like forever, until finally Lorelai sighed impatiently and muttered, "Come on, kid, it doesn't take that long to dry your hair."
Luke looked at her incredulously, at the fact that Lorelai could tell anyone anything about staying in the bathroom too long, when Rory appeared at the top of the stairs.
The reaction was nothing short of miraculous: Luke was suddenly not standing up, he was on the floor behind the couch, his arms tangled across Lorelai's angles. She nearly kicked him in the head trying to get herself upright with him beneath her feet, and Rory stood wrapped in a towel at the top of the steps as a stifled "Ow! Dammit, Lorelai –"came from behind the couch.
Lorelai had never prayed so hard in her life that her child was deaf, or even ever prayed such a thing, really, but luckily, her prayer seemed to be answered, for Rory simply said, "Mom, where's the detangler?"
"It's – uh – it's, it would be, er, under my foot – um, sink! It's under my sink." Lorelai smiled and rested her hand on her hip, trying to steady herself with Luke sprawled across her feet. Rory turned and left.
Luke looked up from her bare feet. "Is she gone?" he said hoarsely.
"Yes, she's gone." Lorelai helped him up and sighed. "I hate this. I hate having to do this." She opened the door and stepped out onto the front porch, where a cool breeze swept through as Luke closed the door behind them. The sun shined over the yard as the town started to wake up, and Lorelai rubbed her arms, holding herself as though she was cold.
Luke looked at her carefully, unsure what to say. What was she saying? Did she not want to do this? Why didn't she just tell Rory, dammit? He said nothing and stood there quietly a few feet away from her, his hands shoved into his pocket.
Lorelai turned to him suddenly and said, "So, I guess I'll see you at the diner?" There was something in her voice, something Luke didn't recognize, but noticed had crept into the sentence almost undetected. He stared at her for a moment. "Oh, shit – the diner – I totally forgot!" He reached up instinctively to touch his baseball cap, and grew frantic. "Yeah, I gotta go, I..." He looked around. No one else seemed to be outside except for the two of him, and he stepped toward her. She almost stepped back, but after a moment of hesitation, looked up at him nervously. He put his hand on her waist, and she reached up and rested her hand on his shoulder. Their faces were inches apart, and he was just leaning in to kiss her goodbye, when –
"Lorelai! Lorelai?" The effect was almost mechanic now; a good three feet had suddenly appeared between the two. Luke looked around uncomfortably as Taylor made his way up the driveway. Lorelai forced a smile. "Hi Taylor! It's, uh, a little early to be coming to my house, isn't it? Not that you're ever at my house, because, why would you be at my house? Especially so early?" Lorelai gave a nervous laugh. "Not like Luke here –"Luke's head snapped up – "who can be here early, at my house, because Luke fixes thing, Taylor. Did you know that?"
Taylor came up the steps. "I need to speak with you, Lorelai."
Lorelai laughed again. "Of course you did. Why wouldn't you? He's a regular Tool Guy, Luke. That's why he's here. So early. At my house. To fix things. Which, he does. Did. He fixed – er, my...detangler."
Luke looked at her, his face unreadable, though Lorelai was pretty sure it said something to the effect of 'What the hell??'
"That's nice, Lorelai. Now, I'm glad I caught you here. I wanted to take a moment to talk to you before you became so busy at the inn. I know you have a lot to do, so I thought it would be best to come to you on my own time."
"Come to me? About what, Taylor?" Lorelai's smile was starting to become strained.
"About the inn," Taylor said plaintively.
"Right. The inn. I run an inn. How bout that, huh, Luke?" His head glanced up again at his name. "You've been to the inn, right, Luke?"
"Uh, yeah, I have." He adjusted his baseball cap, unsure as to what Lorelai was trying to do, or if she was just letting things babble out of her mouth with absolutely no control whatsoever. He would've put his money on the second one.
"Right. You've been to the inn. I've been to the inn. We've been to the inn!" Her smile faltered slightly when she realized what she'd said, and exactly how they'd been to the inn, but she recovered with a speed that Luke had to admit was impressive. "And so has Taylor, have you not? You've been to the inn, Taylor?"
"Of course I have, Lorelai, that's what I'm here to talk to you about." Taylor was starting to look annoyed, much to Luke's satisfaction for interrupting he and Lorelai.
Lorelai looked confused. "Wait. You're here to talk to me about inn business? At my house? Can't it wait until I'm actually at the inn in question? Seems only right, if we're talking about the inn, we shouldn't do it behind its back, at least give it the chance to defend itself –"
"You'll be busy at the inn, and I won't be able to talk to you," Taylor said, looking more and more peeved by the moment.
"What exactly do you need to talk to her about, Taylor?" Luke said, crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't like Taylor bombarding Lorelai this way, especially when it involved interrupting the two of them as he had so rudely done. Taylor looked him up and down with an expression Luke couldn't quite read, and then said, as if he'd only just noticed him standing there, "What are you doing here, Luke?"
Luke opened his mouth to tell Taylor exactly what he was going to do here, when Lorelai stepped in quickly. "Luke was fixing. Doing the fixing thing. As we've already been over, in detail, if I remember!" She smiled and met Luke's eyes, shooting some imperceptible message to him with the meaningful look on her face. Luke wished women wouldn't think men could read things like that, how the hell was he supposed to have any idea what she was trying to tell him? Taylor opened his mouth to say something, when all of a sudden the front door opened and Rory came outside. "Hey, a party," she said, looking around.
"Yes! It's a party. A really, really terrible party with Taylor having some pressing matter about my inn that absolutely cannot wait another ten minutes when I will actually be at the inn, and Luke, who was fixing and has fixed and is now finished with the fixing, that being the whole reason he was here, and now you, so, step up, have fun, but watch out for the punch bowl, I saw some very suspicious looking ice cubes in it." Lorelai forced a smile toward Rory, with the same look she had given Luke, he noticed, but unlike him, she seemed to get it immediately. "I see," Rory said slowly, looking around. "So why is Taylor here?"
"I have no idea," Lorelai sighed.
The inn was calm for the first time all day, and Lorelai leaned back against the wall, bracing her feet on the front desk. She closed her eyes and sighed, covering her face with her hands. Once Taylor had finally finished with her that morning, all what he considered the proper layout of a comment card, she'd been informed that the oven had simply stopped working. Sookie was nearly in tears, and Michel refused to admit he'd had anything to do with it, though there was a distinct dent in the side right after Michel had burned his hand while ordering around the staff. Lorelai had put them both in separate rooms to put some distance between them and get everyone out of her hair for awhile.
The grand opening was in less than a week, and Lorelai felt ready to burst. There was so much to be done, she felt, before it could be perfect and ready for customers. This was what she had been working toward for her entire life, and it was launching in a few short days. She sighed again and blinked slowly, trying to focus. The datebook sat open in front of her, notes scribbled in every corner of the margins. Check door handles and locks read one next to the first week of the month. Menu plans posted every week in kitchen was written over the date. In the corner of the page, Stock up on cucumbers was hastily scrawled in a handwriting Lorelai recognized as the work of a certain chef that wanted to claw apart a certain French concierge at the moment. A small smile crossed her face and she closed the datebook, ready to go upstairs and hold Sookie back, when Rory came in and perched on the edge of the desk, looking up at Lorelai expectantly. Lorelai groaned and rested her head on Rory's shoulder.
"Be a dear and run the inn for your poor, overworked mother."
"Sookie and Michel again?" Rory sympathized.
"Sookie's afraid there won't be a single person left in Stars Hollow who will be able to work in the kitchen after hearing of the Frenchman of Doom residing at the Dragonfly."
"They're all still here now, aren't they?" said Rory, peering down at Lorelai.
"Right this second? Yes. In the next five minutes, when we release Michel from the cell in the basement? Most likely not." Lorelai looked up at Rory, who smiled at her. "It'll be okay," Rory said, tucking a lock of hair behind her mother's ear. "The inn opens for real soon. Everything will work out. You're almost there."
Lorelai let out another groan. "Don't remind me!" She hit Rory playfully with the datebook. Rory ducked and cried, "Abuse! Maybe you shouldn't be working within the vicinity of normal people, you're being driven to madness by the stress of the inn! It's cursed!" Rory dodged another swing of the datebook, and Lorelai stopped for a moment and considered this. "That would be cool. We could be a haunted inn."
"Yes, because the flowered wallpaper is downright scary," said Rory, wide-eyed. Lorelai waved the datebook in front of her face. "You, kiddo, are this close to being locked in a room with Michel until you kill him."
Rory grinned and slid off the desk. "Maybe later. Right now I have to go watch Lane's band practice. She says they've got this new thing they do where she drums on Zach's back and the guitar starts going, and it's crazy." Rory turned and started to leave. Lorelai bit her lip. "Wait a sec, babe."
Rory turned around in the doorway and looked at Lorelai, who looked down at her hands for a moment and fidgeted, then said, "We need to talk later. I have some things – there's something – well, we'll talk later tonight, okay?" Lorelai forced a grin at the look on Rory's face, one of concern.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yep, fine. Everything's fine." Lorelai picked up the datebook and brandished at her. "We'll talk later. Go forth and watch Lane beat the hell out of Zach. Have fun."
Rory lingered for a moment, watching Lorelai carefully, but turned and left. Lorelai set down the datebook and sighed, resting her head in her hands as she leaned on the desk. She knew it was time to tell Rory; it had been bottling up inside of her ever since that night on the front porch of the inn. It was terrifying, letting anyone in on the way Lorelai felt about Luke, the way they were together. The way she could barely let herself in on the two of them, let alone anyone else. Lorelai shook her head. This wasn't the time to worry about things like this, not now, not when there was a kitchen crisis she needed to avert. Lorelai looked up to see Luke standing in front of the desk. She jumped and clutched her heart.
"Oh, my God!" Her heart was racing, though whether it was from being surprised at him standing there or just the fact that he was there, he was near her, she wasn't sure.
"Lorelai, geez. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to – are you okay?" Luke peered at her. "You look tired."
"Thanks." Lorelai ran a hand through her hair and tried to will her heartbeat to slow.
"I didn't mean in a bad way," Luke said. "I just meant – you're stressed." He crossed behind the desk and started rubbing her arms, and Lorelai tensed at his hands. He pulled back. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just – anybody could see us." Lorelai looked around anxiously, knowing perfectly well that around them was completely empty. Luke looked as though he wasn't sure whether or not to believe her. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Lorelai nodded and ran a hand through her hair again, looking over his shoulder. "I'm fine." Her forced grin returned. "Sookie and Michel are driving me nuts. It's like World War III all over again."
"Lorelai, there was no World War III."
"I know," she said defensively. "But if there was, this would be like it. The French vs....the chefs."
Luke smiled in spite of himself and stepped toward her, his arms slipping around her waist. Lorelai hesitated a moment before coming closer to him. His arms fit perfectly around her, and she rested her forehead on his chest, breathing into him. Luke's lips brushed the top of her head, and Lorelai felt all our exhaustion, all her worry, everything riding on her shoulders fall away as she reached up, almost unconsciously, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He nuzzled her hair, and she felt herself relax in his arms. She had never been so...comfortable with another person. That Luke could make her feel this way without even trying, that his arms enveloping her could get her guard down so easily...this was exactly what she'd been so worried about. She was so free with him, so unguarded...unguarded didn't end well, she knew. In all her experience, opening up too much was a sure way to be hurt, and Lorelai began to feel panicked standing here in his arms, as though there were nothing else in the world. Lorelai opened her eyes and stepped back, out of his embrace. Luke's eyebrows raised. "What is it? Lorelai?"
"It's – it's nothing. I just – I have to get back to work. Go finish the next world war. Where have you been?" She looked away from him and stepped around him, starting up the stairs.
"Lorelai!" She stopped with her foot on the second stair at his voice. She looked down, then up at him carefully. His face was a mix of confusion, helplessness, and...anger? Something twisted inside of her as she met his eyes. "What's wrong? Did I – did I do something?" He sounded upset. Lorelai closed her eyes. She hated herself for making him sound that, for putting herself in a position to listen to his voice like that, but pushed it away as quickly as she'd let it in.
"You didn't do anything. I'm just really busy. We're opening soon, and I have so much to do, and I can't...I can't deal with this right now." She willed the hot tears behind her eyes to go away, but they stung her eyes stubbornly.
"What?" Luke's voice was almost what she would call astounded now, and she hated it. She knew it was her fault, all of it was her fault, and he spoke in this tone because of her.
"Lorelai, what are you talking about? What are you doing?" Luke started toward her, and she moved up a step. Luke's mouth fell open a bit, and Lorelai couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. "Look, I just...I need some time, all right?" Her voice came out in a strained whisper. Luke started walking toward her again, and reached the step below her quicker than she'd imagined. She turned and tried to go, but he grabbed her elbow. "Lorelai, for God's sake, just stop."
He was so close now, his voice hovering in her ear, and she could feel him behind her, she knew exactly where he was in relation to her, how did she know this?
"What is this all about?" His voice was quieter now, but Lorelai couldn't stand being so close to him anymore, couldn't stand knowing how many inches were between his head and the back of her neck, where foot rested on the step below her. She tried to start upstairs again, but he wouldn't let her. "Dammit Lorelai, what is this? One minute you're fine, the next you're running away from me? What's with you?"
"Nothing's with me." Her voice came out harsher than she meant for it to be. "I just have to work, okay? Sookie's going to come bursting out of that room brandishing the lamp like something out of those freaky sci-fi movies and we're all going to be in trouble, so I'm going to stop that before I happens. Save us all." She started up the stairs before he had a chance to protest, and had reached the second floor before Luke appeared in front of her. She stopped abruptly and sighed. "Lorelai, why are you doing this? What is this all about? You can't just leave me standing there like an idiot when you won't even tell me why you're running away from me." He sounded upset again, and Lorelai almost turned and ran down the stairs, just to get away from all this. "Can we talk about this later? Sookie's really going to cause some trouble –"
"No! We can talk about this now. Why are you so scared to be around me all of a sudden?"
"It's not all of a sudden!" she burst out, and Luke stopped, looking at her with an unreadable expression.
"What?" His voice shook slightly.
Lorelai closed her eyes and rested a hand on her forehead briefly. "Do you remember this morning? When we were..." she paused and continued quickly, "when we were in bed, and I told you I was...I was scared." She looked away from him. "Scared if something started with us. And you said it already had, and I..." The tears threatened her, and she fought fiercely to keep them back. "Look, that terrifies me, okay? Something has started between us. Something that we can never, ever change now!"
"Why would you want to change it?" Luke tried to get her to look at him, but she refused, and his voice was no steadier.
"I don't want to – I don't know, all right? I don't know how to deal with that!"
"With what?"
"With something between us!" Lorelai looked up at him for the first time, and the tears glistened in her eyes. One escaped to roll down her cheek, and Luke fought the urge to brush it away. He needed to hear whatever was going on with her, so he could fix it somehow, the same way he had fixed other things in her life Then everything would be okay, if she would tell him how to fix it.
"There's something between us." Her voice got quieter, and he could see her shudder with the tears she was holding back. It took every ounce of willpower Luke had not to take her in his arms right then and just hold her, no matter what she did, just hold her and kiss her hair and tell her everything would be all right, and let her soak his shirt with tears. But he didn't. They stood in the middle of the hallway, breathing hard, trying to bring back the spiral of emotions that had somehow unraveled in the last five minutes.
"There's something that is so important to me, something that we had for a very long time, that is more important me than almost anything." Lorelai's voice was shaky, but determined, though she still refused to meet his eyes or acknowledge the tears running freely down her face now. "And now we've gone and changed it. We can never go back! We can't protect it anymore!" She seemed to almost crumple.
"You mean we can't protect you anymore." His voice was harder now, more sure. Lorelai hesitated and looked up, over his shoulder tentatively. He continued, determined to make her hear this, to make her at least tell the truth, God help him, before she threw everything away he'd been hoping for the better part of ten years for.
"You can't keep that indestructible little wall up anymore, can you? You've worked long and hard to do everything you could to be untouchable, and you used to have Rory as an excuse, but you don't anymore; now all you have is yourself! And you wouldn't dare let anyone in, would you, Lorelai?" She flinched at the sound of her name coming from him in such a harsh context. "For everything you are, for being so strong and so independent, you can't handle a simple thing like letting someone into your life!" Luke threw up his hands.
"Well, maybe it's not so simple for me, Luke!" Lorelai shot back.
"Why not?" Luke asked, trying desperately to understand. "I know you're scared. Do you think this is easy for me, either? Knowing that from now on, things are completely different between us? You're right, things have changed. And I'm glad, okay? I'm glad it's different. I'm glad that now I can kiss you and hold you while you sleep and show you the right way to make popcorn so you don't kill yourself on that horrible microwave stuff, because I couldn't do those things before! Damn it, Lorelai!" He could barely believe those things had come out of his mouth, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
To his complete surprise, Lorelai gave him a small smile. "Really, you could've done the popcorn thing before. Saved me a lot of too-salty processed crap."
He stared at her, unsure what to make of that. "I guess so."
Lorelai sighed and looked at him. "Look, I just...I don't know how to do this any other way, you know?" The smile had turned harsher, sadder. "I'm like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. You saw firsthand what I do to something like this."
Okay, now he had no clue what she was talking about. "I did?"
Lorelai looked at up him, her hand on her hip. "Of course you did! The movie? The other night? With the popcorn, and...and the sleeping?" She softened visibly, and Luke felt himself relax at the memory.
"I didn't really get the movie," he admitted. Lorelai felt a grin creep over her face. "I thought you might not. It is a bit...more intentioned for women."
"It's a chick flick," he said flatly.
Lorelai covered her mouth in mock horror. "Luke! You have just used the insult of all insults on my movie tastes! The phrase 'chick flick' is degrading and sexist and I am personally offended by your stand on a classic such as Breakfast at Tiffany's –"
"It's a chick flick."
"Oh, Luke." She stamped her foot. He raised his eyebrows. Had she really just stamped her foot?
Luke looked at her carefully. He wasn't used to seeing this Lorelai, the tired Lorelai, the one who, under the surface, had things getting to her in a way she seemed to never be affected by on the outside. Without thinking, he reached out and took her carefully around the waist, pulling her close to him. She stumbled toward him. "Luke –"
"Don't," he said softly. His hands found their way to their spot on her waist, as they always did, and her arms were around his neck, without, she thought, even meaning to be. "Lorelai, I..." he hesitated. He had no idea what he was going to say next. Well, in all honesty, he knew, but he wasn't sure if he should say it; was this the time, or the place, or even right? He suddenly found himself shocked with another thought: he didn't care. He didn't care if this was the right time or the right place, but he sure as hell knew it was right, and that was all he cared about.
"I love you, Lorelai."
The effect these words had on her was something he held his breath until he'd thought he'd pass out to watch: it was as though someone had hit her with a stun gun. She froze in his arms, her mouth open slightly, and slowly raised her eyes to meet his. She felt her stomach do about ten thousand flips and forward rolls and God knows what, and she was glad Luke's hands were at her waist; if they weren't she was sure she might have fallen through the floor.
And yet, there was something incredibly...not shocking about what he'd just said. Lorelai loved Luke, of course, and he her. They'd been friends for years; of course they loved each other. But to love like this...Lorelai knew it existed. She knew how real it was, how real he was, standing in front of her, that half-terrified, half-wild look in his eyes, the same look he'd had the night he'd kissed her on the front porch of the inn. It was so familiar, and yet, it was scary, being so real she had to actually admit the reality of the situation.
"I just thought I should tell you." Luke's voice was hoarse, and Lorelai looked up at him, feeling those damn tears spring up again, and she touched his cheek gently. He leaned into her touch; his heart was going so fast he was surprised it hadn't dropped dead of exhaustion yet. "Luke," she whispered. And it was Luke, it was him, standing in front of her and telling her he loved her, and she thought she might break right there.
"Luke, I love you," she whispered, and the relief that flashed across his face made her so sad and so happy at the same time, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her tightly, burying her face in his neck. He held her firmly, so gentle and yet so close so she knew she was his, that she belonged here, in this spot, with arm encircling her waist and his hand rubbing her back gently.
They stood like that for what seemed like hours, months, days, and just when Lorelai was starting to feel sleepy, warm with Luke holding her, when she heard the creak of doors opening. She didn't want to bring herself to leave Luke's arms just yet, but she slid out of them carefully, her eyes lingering on Luke's for just a moment before she turned to look behind her. At the same time, Luke turned to look behind him, and he found Sookie staring at him, her eyes wide. Lorelai met Michel's eyes, equally wide, as he leaned outside the door, matching Sookie's position. No one said anything for a moment. Finally, the silence was broken with the annoyed tones of an infuriated Frenchman.
"Are you two finished screaming at each other? Because Sookie and I have work to do."
Lorelai found the house undisturbed when she came home that night, and she let herself in quietly, setting her keys on the table. She wandered around for a minute before coming to lean on Rory's doorframe. Rory was lying on the bed with her back to the door, deeply engrossed in a book.
"So, those Russian writers really know their stuff, huh?"
Rory jumped a foot in the air and War and Peace went flying halfway across the room. She whirled around to see Lorelai leaning her forehead against the doorway to support herself as she laughed.
"Mom! That was cruel and unusual!" Rory got up and grabbed the book from where it had landed in her trashcan. Lorelai took a deep breath.
"Oh, I know, babe, but it was fun. You should have seen that thing go airborne – not as heavy as it looks." She dissolved into giggles once more and Rory sighed, obliging her a smile.
"Well, if you're finished scaring the wits out of your daughter, how was your day?"
"My day?" Lorelai bit her lip. How could she even begin to describe what had happened? "My day was..." she hesitated. "Look, um, Rory." She came in and sat on the edge of Rory's bed, looking at her hands. "We need to talk."
Rory peered up at her. "Mom? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," said Lorelai, a smile – a real one – finding its way onto her face. "Everything's better than fine, except for the part...where it's really, really not." She sighed. "I need to tell you something. A lot of somethings, actually, and after I tell you, you have every right to storm out of her and move to Yale permanently until you guilt me into becoming your lifetime slave, because I...I deserve that for not being completely honest with you." Lorelai struggled to keep going. God, how had she done this? The concerned look on Rory's face was killing her, but she plunged ahead.
"Not being honest about what?"
"About Luke!" Lorelai burst out.
Rory's eyebrows knit, and she looked at her mother as though she were distinctly crazy. "Luke?"
"Yes, Luke! Our Luke! Coffee Luke! Diner guy!"
"I know who Luke is, Mom," Rory said calmly.
"Yes, well, you don't know as much as you think!" Lorelai stood up and started pacing around the room, her hands on her forehead. "For instance, did you know Luke loves me?"
"What?" Rory watched her cross back and forth across the room.
"That's right! Luke, coffee Luke, your Luke, my Luke –"
"Diner guy, Luke, I get it," Rory interjected.
"He loves me! He – loves me. How did that happen?"
"Of course Luke loves you, Mom. He loves both of us. He's known us forever."
Lorelai smiled a slightly psychotic smile and shook her finger. "Oh, you know so little, padawan."
"I'm sorry, did you just make a Star Wars reference?"
Lorelai rested her hands on her hips and continued pacing. "I mean, for him to come right and say it like that – do you have any idea what he must've gone through to be able to do that? You know Luke, he's not exactly Mr. Feelings, and when he said it, I just...well, I froze. How was I supposed to know that was coming? Especially after we'd just been at each other's throats – if that isn't something out of an Audrey Hepburn movie, I don't know what is." She paused for a moment. "Though once I regained consciousness, I said it back! Can you believe it? It was like something out of Oprah or something. One of those reunion shows or whatever."
"Except that you and Luke aren't long-lost relatives separated by their drug-addicted mother at birth when she dropped the both of you at the shelter," Rory pointed out.
"Exactly. Because if we were, that'd be creepy." Lorelai frowned, then waved her hand. "Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that he said it to me. And I said it back. What do you think that means?"
"Well, judging from the choice of words, it could mean that he loves you and you love him." Rory was balancing War and Peace on her knees and had it open to the page she'd been reading.
"Could be," Lorelai mused. "But – I mean – Luke loves me? Really?" She looked truly surprised and happy and, well, giddy. Rory focused on the page in front of her.
"I mean, that's a little weird, at least, right? I can't believe he – well, I mean – it's...it's unexpected, don't you think?"
"I've already told you what I think," Rory said, turning the page.
"Of course. You're right. You know, I'm glad I kept you around all these years, kid. I knew you'd come in handy someday." Lorelai grinned and bounced out of the room. Rory resumed reading in the brief silence that followed, when all of a sudden Lorelai came bouncing back, standing in the doorway with her hand on her hip, a distinctly confused look on her face. "Wait a minute. You don't even know what I'm talking about. You haven't been told about what I'm talking about, which is why I offered you the whole slave-for-life thing. Which can be re-negotiated, just so you know."
"I know what you're talking about," Rory said casually, trying to stay engrossed in War and Peace.
"No, you don't."
"You and Luke rendezvousing at the diner awhile ago says I do."
Lorelai's mouth dropped. "What? How did you – but I said – I covered, dammit!"
"Not very well, mother. Come on. You wouldn't let me come to Luke's with you so you could discuss 'inn business'?"
"It was – well, it was plausible, at least!"
"In crazy world, maybe."
Lorelai came over and sat on the bed, still in shock. Rory had known all this time, and hadn't said anything? After all the guilt and pains she had gone through to keep it a secret?
"I can't believe you knew! All this time?"
"Of course." Rory yawned and placed a bookmark in War and Peace. "You weren't exactly stealthy, Mom."
"I was! I was stealthy! I can stealth with the best of them!"
"Confusion of nouns and verbs, a sure sign you've lost it."
"Oh, Rory..." Lorelai looked away. A wave of guilt washed over her, and she could barely believe this was the girl she had been trying to keep a secret from.
"Do you hate me?" Lorelai said a small voice. "Because, you can. I'd understand."
Rory smiled and crawled over to her mother, putting her arms around Lorelai's shoulders and resting her head on one. "I don't hate you. I was upset at first, but after awhile I realized this is you and Luke. I mean, Luke."
Lorelai managed a smile. "Luke."
Rory returned the smile. "And I understand why you were afraid to say anything. I know it must be crazy trying to keep it under the radar in this town. And you and Luke...you're you. And he's Luke. You have to be careful, you know? I mean, this is...this is different."
Rory let out a squeal as Lorelai turned and tackled her to the bed, laughing. "You really are my daughter, aren't you?"
"I hope so. Or I could be one of those kids abandoned by their real parents you see on Oprah. And Luke could be my brother."
Lorelai tickled her, and Rory nearly fell off the bed laughing. "Stop, stop! I'm sorry!" She dissolved into giggles. Lorelai sat up and grinned. "I really am sorry, Rory. I know – I should've told you. Nothing excuses that."
"Well, there's always that lifetime slave thing for you to make it up to me," Rory said, settling down in her bed. Lorelai slid off the bed and kissed her on the forehead.
"Yeah, we'll discuss that in the morning," she said. "Night, babe. And..." she paused in the doorway. "Thank you."
Rory smiled. "You're welcome."
Lorelai turned and shut off the light, making her way upstairs. She collapsed on the bed, fully clothed, and folded her hands under her head, yawning. It had been a really, really long day. She could only hope there'd be another one like it tomorrow.
Author's Note: It is CRAZY how these fics take on a mind of their own – I swear I didn't mean for the 'I love you' thing to happen! I had a completely different direction I wanted to take the fight, and it just ended up being this. Also, this chapter has ended up being incredibly longer than I meant for it to be – I hope that makes up for taking so long to get up. This one had to be handled much more carefully than the others, for some reason, and it's turned out to be my favorite chapter so far, so I hope you enjoy and please leave me some reviews, kids! :)