CHAPTER 32
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! FF.Net has been having some problems over the past few days, but I'm glad I'm able to post again. Enjoy!
* * * *
APRIL 10th, 1998
"Where are you going?"
Roger pulled continued pulling on his boots, trying to ignore Beth's arms around his chest. "Out. Go back to sleep."
"It's three AM. Where could you possibly be going this early?" She sat up and started kissing his neck. "Come back to sleep."
"I can't. I told you I have to go." Roger stood up and pulled on his leather jacket, although he doubted he would need it. Judging from the air that was rushing in through the slightly opened window, it had to have been around sixty degrees out.
"You're going back to her, aren't you?" When Roger didn't answer and continued looking at her, Beth let out an irritated laugh. "I knew it."
"I just—can we talk about this later?"
"You're still in love with her."
"I've always been in love with her. I can't change that," Roger pointed out. He lit up a cigarette and blew out the smoke into the room. "Look, no matter what I tell you, it's not going to be the right answer. I just have to go."
"Then go. You're not in love with me anyway. You never were."
"I'm not in love with you. You're not in love with me. We talked about this from the beginning. We're just—"
"Partying and having sex all the time?" She questioned, getting up to open the window some more. "That's what I thought."
"I'm sorry."
Beth gave Roger a small smile and shrugged. "It's okay. I knew that when I got involved with you, there were complications. Pregnant ex girlfriend. Your daughter. Is it your baby?"
Roger nodded without even giving it much thought. "Yeah. It is," he lied. There was no way in hell he was openly admitting that it was Travis' baby. It might as well be his, considering he was about to raise that baby with Jen when it was born.
"Well okay." Beth sighed and ran her fingers through her curly blonde hair. "Just get your stuff out of here by the end of the week then."
"Yeah. I will."
The next twenty minutes of Roger's life were spent on a subway train headed towards Jen's apartment. He was the only one in the empty train car, so he felt free to smoke a few more cigarettes, considering he hadn't seen anyone get on or off the train itself at the past few stops. By three thirty, he had gotten off the train and found himself standing before the door of Jen's fifth floor apartment. He knew it was early—too early for him to even be here at all—but he decided to knock anyway. He just hoped Jen would let him in, because he couldn't go back to Beth's and refused to go back to the loft until he resolved something with Mark, who he knew was pissed off at him as well.
He crushed the cigarette out and pressed the buzzer next to her door. He didn't hear anything from inside, but about a minute later he heard some shuffling and the click of the lock. It then creaked open, and Roger found himself face to face with Jen.
"Uh, hey," Jen greeted him. "Are you okay? Do you know what time it is?"
"I know it's late," Roger acknowledged. "I just really need to talk to you. I needed to see you."
"Oh." She stood up on tiptoes to turn on the light switch by the door and as her blue tank top rode up, a part of her stomach was visible to him. Roger realized then that she was already starting to show. Not by much, but it stuck out a little bit more over her hips. He couldn't remember how far along she was since the last time he had spoken to her. "You're not gonna stand there all night are you?"
"Okay." Roger walked in the door and Jen shut it behind him. "You look um—you're showing."
"Um, yeah." Jen pulled down her tank top and grabbed a sweatshirt jacket from the couch and put it on over it. "So what did you want to talk about?"
He took off his jacket and tossed it on the couch as Jen wrapped her arms around herself. "I miss you."
She stared at him and nodded. "That's what you wanted to say to me?"
"Yeah." Roger cleared his throat and sat down on the couch. He noticed that his hands were starting to shake again. He hadn't done a line since this time yesterday morning. "I know I fucked up. Real bad. And I'm not asking for you back or anything, because I don't deserve you at all."
"You really don't," she sighed, sitting down next to him. "But I miss you too, and as much as I want to hate to admit that to you, I do."
"I'm sorry Jen." He looked up at her. "I'm really sorry. I've done shit I'm not proud of over the past two months. I'm sorry. I'm not looking from sympathy or anything at all, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry I left you and Abby alone. I'm sorry. I can't make up for lost time any other way."
"I know." She reached out her hand and linked it through Roger's shaking one. "You went back to drugs again, didn't you?"
He didn't hesitate before responding this time, as he had done in the past. "Yeah."
Jen let out a long sigh. "Okay."
"Yeah."
"Look, the past two months really have been hell for me. They have. I've really missed you, Roger. When I came back here in November, I made a fucking promise to myself that I wouldn't get so attached, so if you went away again, I'd be okay. But I did get attached, and I did miss you. But I can't take you back. Not until you make a promise to me right now."
He nodded. "Okay."
"Promise me, Roger Michael Davis, right now, that you'll go to rehab and get yourself clean for me and Abby. Promise me. I don't care if it takes a month, I want you better. I want you back to your old self. No more running around. After you get clean, I want you to talk to Mark and make things right with him again. You've neglected him for two months."
"I promise Jen. Seriously. I fucking promise you. Never again."
She nodded and immediately buried her face in his chest. "God, I missed you."
"So…are we made up then?" Roger asked. "Because I don't think—"
"Shh." Jen pressed a finger against his lips and shrugged. "Just stop talking or I'll change my mind."
"Okay," he laughed. He brought his hand down over her stomach and rested it on top. "You're showing now."
"Oh um, yeah. Just like the past week it's started to stick out more. Do I look uneven now?"
"What? No. You look great. I really missed you." He looked up at her. "So you decided to keep the baby then?"
Jen nodded. "Yeah I did. I actually never really thought about aborting it or anything. It didn't really hit me, you know? Just because this baby came to be not exactly the way I would have ever wanted it to, that doesn't mean I'm not going to love it and give it a chance. You know what I'm trying to say?"
"Yeah. Definitely," Roger answered. "The same goes for me. I may want to break Travis' face if I ever happen to see him around, but as far as I'm concerned that baby is ours. Yours and mine. Abby's little brother or sister."
"You mean that?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. How much longer now?"
"Almost thirteen weeks now. Three months. I'm due sometime in mid October."
"Right around my birthday."
"Yeah. The big twenty seven," she laughed. "I think I'm going to have to take out my bellybutton ring soon. Maybe by the beginning of May."
"You're not showing that much now. It's cute."
"Thanks," she blushed.
"Does Abby know anything yet?"
Jen shook her head and yawned. "Nope. Not yet. I was trying to put it off until I got a little bigger, because then she'll start asking me everyday."
"Oh," Roger laughed. "Yeah, I could see her doing that."
"Yeah…so are you staying here tonight?"
"I guess, if that's okay. I have to get some of my stuff from Beth's tomorrow, but I'll do it when she's at class…" He stared at the floor again.
"This probably sounds stupid and I probably won't remember half of this conversation in the morning, but are we picking up from where we left off or starting over, again?" Jen laughed. "You answer that one for me."
"I guess picking up from where we left off before that fight we had. Yeah," Roger answered her.
"Okay." She stood up and yawned. "Come on, let's go to bed. It's almost four. I didn't get much sleep tonight."
"That's a g rated invitation into your bedroom, right?" he joked.
"Yeah," Jen laughed. "For now."
"I'm starting to like how that sounds."
Jen playfully pushed Roger out of the way as they walked into her bedroom. "I think that's what I missed the most about you." She crawled underneath her sheets and comforter as Roger stripped down to his boxers."
"What?"
"I don't know. The way you always make me laugh. You say the stupid things that make me just smile."
Roger crawled in next to her and pulled her into his chest. "Yeah? Well I missed about a million and one things about you. But we'd be here forever if I named them all."
She snuggled into him and titled her chin up. "You need to shave. You're scratchy."
"Sorry about that." He purposely rubbed his chin against her cheek and she shrieked a little.
"Stop!" Jen laughed.
"Okay." Instead, he leaned in to kiss her softly. Their first real kiss in over two months. "Better?"
"Much," she agreed. She kissed him back and then rested her head on his chest. "Get better for me, okay?"
"I will. I'll call Wes tomorrow and we'll find a good rehab somewhere."
"Okay. Night."
"Night."
* * * *
Mark tossed his soda can into the trash, drumming his fingers along the counter as he listened to Maureen's phone conversation.
"Okay. Yeah. Great! Okay, I'll book the tickets right after I get off the phone with you. Yup. I love you too Mom. See you next weekend. Tell Daddy I said hi. Bye."
Maureen tossed her curly dirty blonde hair over her shoulder when she hung up the cordless phone. Smiling, she turned back to Mark.
"What are your plans for next weekend?"
"I don't even have plans for this weekend, let alone next weekend," he answered. "Why, what's up? Who was on the phone?"
"My mom. She called and wanted me to come to Chicago sometime soon to visit, because I haven't seen her, my dad, or my sisters and brother for over a year now. So I told her that I really had nothing planned next weekend, and then I brought up you. Long story short, she had bought me two round trip plane tickets for my birthday last year and I just never used them, so I was thinking about booking a flight this weekend."
"Oh really?" Mark thumbed through the phone book, trying to find a decent Chinese restaurant close enough to the East Village that delivered.
"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Maureen laughed. "Would you be up for meeting my family next weekend?"
"Uh yeah. Sure, I guess," Mark answered. "Are they crazy like you?"
"No…" she trailed off. Grabbing her coffee mug she rinsed it out in the sink and exited the kitchen of her apartment.
"I was joking," Mark laughed. "You know, joking? It's what two people in a relationship do from time to time?"
"Great. But maybe you shouldn't joke about other people's families when you don't exactly know anything about them."
"Yeah, but you crack on my mother all the time when she calls the loft and you don't know her," he pointed out.
"Your mother practically screams her head off about you on the answering machine. I think people have a small right to be a little pissed off at that and make a slight judgment of her," Maureen protested. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm still going, with or without you."
"Are we getting into a fight over this? We haven't fought since—" Mark stopped himself. He was about to say before you ended up in the hospital, but knew that wasn't the appropriate route to go right now.
"Since I tried to kill myself."
Silence filled the room as Mark stared at the floor and Maureen checked out her nails nervously. "I'll go with you."
"Okay."
"Okay then."
"All right then," Maureen laughed.
"Right."
"Great."
"We'll have an absolutely cheery time," Mark added with a snobbish accent.
"The best, dahling," Maureen snorted. "I'm glad you're going with me though." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He pulled her in for a kiss and lifted her a little bit off the ground. "You want an egg roll when we order Chinese?"
"Way to kill the moment," Maureen muttered.
"Do you want my egg roll?" Mark laughed, kissing her again. "You know, my egg roll?" He winked suggestively.
"Ew!" she shrieked. "Oh god, Roger loves egg rolls and now when I see him eating one—agh!" she laughed. "Mark!"
"What?" he laughed. "See, I got you to smile. Cheer up, beautiful." He walked away and dialed the number listed in the phone book.
"Mark!"
He covered the receiver and looked at her. "What?"
"Get me shrimp lo mein and almond cookies. Just no…egg rolls please," she laughed.
"Okay," he laughed.
* * * *
FIVE DAYS LATER
"Yeah Mark, we're here now. He checked his bags and everything. He's about to go through security. Okay. Do you want to talk to him?"
Roger looked up at Jen. "Yeah?" he mouthed to her.
"No," she mouthed back and shook her head. "I'll see you later today. Bye."
"I guess that was a no," Roger groaned. "But I know I deserve it."
Jen smiled sadly and linked her hand through his. "Where did Wes go?"
"To get our boarding passes. Also to give us some alone time I think."
"Yeah."
Kennedy Airport had never looked so foreign to Jen as it did now. Roger did live up to the end of his promise and called Wes the morning after their talk at her apartment. Wes pulled a few strings and had gotten Roger into a good rehab center…in Los Angeles, California. Nobody had really questioned why Roger would travel three thousand miles away for a three-week stint in this place when he could have close to the same treatment right here in Manhattan. Deep down, everyone knew that if Roger really was to have a good shot at getting better, he would have to leave the city temporarily, have some time to think through his thoughts and get clean, and then return in a better state of mind. Jen realized that the only person other person beside herself or Mark that knew Roger the best was Wes, and that Wes realized that sending Roger away would benefit him too. When the tickets were booked and his rehab stint paid for, Wes had told Roger that he'd go with him and be there for him every step of the way. Jen knew that they were both planning on staying at Wes' mother's apartment for those three weeks, since she was in Las Vegas for business. Now it was just a matter of getting Roger clean and having him come home again.
"Eighteen days until I see you," Roger laughed. "You starting a countdown?"
"Hmm…" Jen pretended to give this some thought and buried her head in his chest.
Roger laughed and picked her up, carrying her down the terminal in his arms. "God Jen, what the hell have you been eating?" he joked.
"Hey!" she protested. "Don't make fun of me."
"I wasn't. But soon enough I won't be able to pick you up at all," he kept teasing her. "You'll be four months along when I come back. I think I'm missing out."
"Missing out on heartburn, indigestion, and me being grumpy? No, you'll just have to deal with me when you get back," she giggled. "I'm missing you already."
"Yeah me too baby." Roger spotted Wes in the distance and waved. "I think I have to leave you at security. You sure you'll be okay getting back to your car?"
"Positive. I'm glad we drove in. I hate getting on the subway alone."
"Okay. And call me. I know it's an outpatient thing, but I'm calling you. All the time."
"Just remember it's three hours behind there," she reminded him. "Also that I'm moody, pregnant, and taking care of your four year old daughter too."
"I'll uh, try to keep that in mind," he grinned and pulled her in for a kiss.
"You know, I'm standing right fucking here," Wes pointed out, laughing. "You couldn't have planted a good one on her back there?"
"No, we were just so graced by your presence that we had to make out right here," Jen smiled. "Don't let Roger get out of hand in LA."
"Yes, Mommy," Roger said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
"I won't. I'll make him call you, do his laundry, and floss his teeth. He'll come back a new man. When are we hitting the first strip club again?"
"Oh, tomorrow night sound good?" Roger agreed.
"Hey!" Jen laughed. "None of that."
"Alright I'm going through security now before you two get all up close and personal. See ya on the other side, Rog."
"Okay."
"Bye Wes," Jen called after him. "Be good for me."
"I will. I'd say I love you right now but I don't know if you'd hit me for that."
"I've always loved you. I know that sounds corny, but I have. So I don't care because I forgave you and I'm saying it now. I love you."
"Good." He kissed her again and rubbed her back softly. "I love you." Roger then looked down at her stomach. "And anyone else that comes along."
"Have a good trip and I'll see you in eighteen days."
"Eighteen. I'm staring to count." He let go of her hand and placed his bag on the security conveyor belt.
"Me too." Jen watched Roger pass through security and waved to him from the other side. "Bye."
"Bye, I love you!" He dramatically blew her a kiss and she pretended to catch it.
Eighteen days. It wouldn't be so bad, would it?
* * * *
Review please! =]